Chapter 8 #2
He reminded me of Dante in that sense – like he wanted to appear one way on the surface, but beneath was someone else entirely. And if you didn’t look hard enough to get past that hard shell, you’d miss what was inside.
“Should’ve stopped it,” Vaughn suddenly whispered, and his expression drew into a frown. “I’m sorry, Aleks. So sorry.”
He actually began whimpering deep in his throat and the fingers he had resting on his stomach began twitching.
He was having a nightmare.
And I was part of it.
When he said my name again, it sounded like he was suffering the worst kind of torment.
I knew that torment.
I’d lived it.
I reached my hand out to settle it on his cheek. “Vaughn,” I said softly as I leaned into him, so I could talk to him without waking him up. “I’m safe. It’s okay.”
“Aleks,” he breathed again. The creases in his forehead relaxed just a bit, indicating he’d heard me. I began rubbing my thumb across his cheekbone to try and soothe him. The wiry but still soft hairs of his beard brushed against my palm in the most intriguing of ways.
“Sleep, Vaughn,” I said softly.
“Gotta get you out,” he responded.
Something inside my chest twisted, then exploded. I didn’t understand this man and his words and I needed to stay angry so I wouldn’t do something foolish and start trusting him again.
But who was I kidding?
Just like the first time he’d handed me a piece of butterscotch and told me everything would be okay, I knew he wasn’t doing any of this to hurt me or manipulate me or trick me.
I didn’t understand how I could so easily give so much of myself to this virtual stranger, but it was in line with the same feelings I’d had as a child when Brian had tried to convince me that Dante didn’t love me and he wasn’t coming for me.
I’d eventually allowed myself to stop waiting for Dante, but deep down, I’d always known he would come for me.
I just hadn’t believed he’d be able to actually find me.
That same strange faith kept me tied to Vaughn. All the facts said I shouldn’t trust him and that I should call Dante and just go home, but it wasn’t just the inevitable danger I’d be putting my brother and my family in that had kept me with Vaughn.
It was something… more.
The warmth in my chest began to spread throughout my limbs and for the first time in forever, I felt like I was really okay. The past fell away, so did the future – it was just me and Vaughn and this one moment and I wanted to enjoy it.
“Vaughn,” I repeated softly until his body stopped moving.
He sighed and completely relaxed. I lifted my hand to smooth out the last of the creases on his forehead.
My finger moved of its own accord over one perfectly shaped eyebrow, then down the bridge of his nose.
The hair beneath his nose tickled my finger and I found myself smiling for no reason at all.
Then I was touching his lips and the humor died off as my insides got all tight and hot. My groin ached as my penis grew harder.
Cock.
That was what the men had always called that part of themselves.
They’d made the word vile and ugly. I wondered if it would be the same with Vaughn if he told me he was going to stick his cock inside of me.
Did I want that?
No, definitely not.
Did he want that?
I wasn’t sure.
Would it change things if he did? I’d suffered through it before with other men because I’d had to.
I’d had no choice. But if Vaughn gave me a choice?
If it meant I could have moments like these where I felt normal and safe, and something as simple as touching the little hairs under his nose made me smile, would it be worth it?
And what did it mean that my body was reacting? Did that change anything?
The confusing thoughts swirled around in my head as I let my eyes follow the line my finger drew along the seam of Vaughn’s mouth.
What would it feel like against mine?
I knew what a kiss was. I’d seen Mama and Papa do it… Dante and Magnus too. But it wasn’t something I’d ever done or even wanted to.
Had that somehow changed too?
Vaughn’s mouth moved almost imperceptibly beneath my finger and I immediately looked up. The second that I saw his eyes were open, I went to snatch my hand back.
“I’m sorry!” I cried.
Vaughn grabbed my wrist before I could draw my hand away from his face.
“It’s okay,” he quickly said. He didn’t move even a little, but his hold on me was firm. I could have gotten away if I’d wanted to, but I would have had to put some effort into it.
And something about the way he was looking at me had me forgetting I was supposed to be doing just that.
He held my wrist but didn’t try to force me to touch him.
I did that all on my own after about fifteen seconds of the two of us just staring at one another. I didn’t go for his lip right away, but my finger eventually found its way there anyway. And it was so much more intense with Vaughn staring at me like he was.
I couldn’t look away from him.
Between touching him and his eyes refusing to let me go, I was completely ensnared and I didn’t care.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly.
“For what?” he asked just as quietly, his mouth moving against my finger. I slid the pad down his chin.
“It was wrong to touch you while you were sleeping,” I said. Despite my apology, I couldn’t force myself to pull my hand away. He was still holding my wrist but wasn’t guiding my hand at all.
More like following it.
And his thumb was doing delicious things to the inside of my wrist.
My hand made its way to his throat and he let out a rush of air. “For future reference,” he said with a slight smile. “You can touch me anytime you want.”
His words surprised me.
“Why?” I blurted.
Vaughn’s eyes held mine for the longest time. “Don’t you know, Aleks?” he asked.
The intensity with the way he said my name made me shudder. “Because it feels good?” I asked dumbly, because I honestly didn’t have any other answer.
Something flashed in his gaze and then he smiled again. “It does,” he said. “But that’s not why.”
I managed not to pull back when his left hand came up to settle on the back of my neck. He used his thumb to tip my chin up just a bit so I was forced to look at him. I didn’t realize I’d dropped my eyes at some point.
The smile faded and he just stared at me for the longest time. I forgot what we were even talking about until he said, “Because I would give you anything, Aleks.” His fingers tightened on the back of my neck just the tiniest bit. “Anything,” he repeated, his voice growing thick.
Something inside of me went off like a bomb and my already tingling body grew hot and heavy. And then his mouth was moving toward mine. Fear and anticipation warred as I waited for him to kiss me.
But when his mouth bypassed mine and settled next to my ear, I felt a keen and completely unexpected pang of disappointment.
“Go to sleep, Aleks. I’m going to fix everything tomorrow, I promise.”
He turned my head just a tiny bit and then his lips settled on my pulse point, which had to be hammering since my heart was racing like nobody’s business. I gasped when his warm mouth pressed the gentlest of kisses against my skin.
“Aleks,” he breathed as he lifted his mouth to my ear. “Please… would you... would you call me James… just this one time?”
James.
His first name.
I’d never heard anyone call him that. What did it mean that he wanted me to? And why just this once?
I wanted to ask him those things but found myself pressing my forehead against his instead. “James,” I said in the barest of whispers.
He sighed – actually sighed – and then kissed the shell of my ear. But somehow just saying his name the one time wasn’t enough for me.
“I trust you, James.”
He let out a little gasp of air, then he was drawing me into his arms. His hand came up to cradle the back of my head. I loved how his arms were so big that they just completely enveloped me.
“I won’t let you down, Aleks. I swear it.”
And with that, he shifted us until we were both lying flat on the bed.
He pulled me against his side and even though I’d never once slept with another soul in a bed besides my parents and Dante, I’d never felt more comfortable.
Vaughn’s fingers played with my hair, putting me to sleep within minutes.
When I woke up, the clock showed that it was just after eight in the morning and both Vaughn, his gun and his computer were gone and just the utility knife was on the nightstand.
But I knew in my gut he hadn’t left me. I quickly got out of bed and made use of the bathroom.
It took me a moment to figure out that I was actually on the second floor of a two-story house, but I had no trouble confirming Vaughn was still indeed there.
Because I could hear his raised voice and the anger in it was clear as day.
As was that of the anger in the voice of whoever he was arguing with.