Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Devon
The six of us shared a look as Blakely disappeared around the corner on the other side of the elevator bank.
She’d rushed out of Hazel’s room like she was being chased, and she’d given a concise update in a shaky, distant voice that matched the faraway look in her eyes. Like she was looking beyond us to a different time or place.
Rather than fight my instinctive response, I turned without a word and retraced her steps. Past the elevators, I took a left and heard the muffled crying at the end of the hallway before I noticed her curled up on the floor against the wall.
Her knees were pressed to her chest, and her face was buried against her arms that were folded on top of them. A few quick strides, and I was stooping in front of her before the next sob broke free.
My steps weren’t quiet, but I wasn’t positive she’d heard me, and I didn’t want to startle her. I slowly reached out and brushed her knee. She didn’t jump, she didn’t move, and I couldn’t stand to hear her crying like that .
Muffled sobs and choked inhalations that sounded like a part of her soul was shattering.
I shifted until I was sitting on the hard, tiled ground next to her and could wrap my arm around her shoulders. I pulled her closer until she was crying into my chest instead. I held her in my arms and let her sob. If she was going to cry, she wasn’t going to do it alone. But every tear shredded the flimsy remains of my heart.
Without knowing the cause of her distress, I was helpless. I rubbed soothingly against her arm and held her tighter each time the tears began anew.
I don’t know how long we sat there, but by the time she sniffled and began to raise her head, my shirt was soaked and my ass was numb.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice still shaking.
I shook my head and lifted my hand, using my thumb to brush away the black streaks streaming down her face.
“Talk to me,” I said, and those three words unintentionally triggered more tears.
“That baby…” she said between sniffles and labored breaths. “That baby Hazel is about to have, it wouldn’t be alive if Valerie had gotten her way. And I could have done more to stop it. I should have done more to stop it. I could have done…more, and after everything, that’s what keeps me up. All the things I didn’t do. The stupid choices I made.”
The last few sentences I couldn’t totally make out between tearful sobs, but I got the gist of it. She dropped her head back to my chest, and I held her closer.
When her crying slowed and I knew she was more likely to hear me, I said, “You’re right, their baby wouldn’t be about to come into the world if Valerie had gotten her way, but Valerie’s actions are not your responsibility. No matter the decisions you made, you were trying to protect us while also keeping yourself alive.”
“Yes, but I could have?— ”
“No,” I said firmly. I would never understand the enormity of what Blakely had been through, but I could be there for her. That’s all I had to give. And I wouldn’t for a second let her carry that burden. “We’ve all forgiven you, B. Now, you’ve got to forgive yourself.”
With a deep breath, she lifted her head and said, “I’m trying, but sometimes that guilt feels like it’s eating me from the inside. And when I was watching Luke comfort Hazel as they’re about to have their first kid…”
She settled her head back on my chest, and I decided that nothing more needed to be said. We sat there for a little longer, and I enjoyed the feeling of holding her in my arms. Over our years of friendship, we’d touched platonically on many occasions. A hug hello or goodbye, holding hands while I was leading her through a crowded room, and I’d even sat with my arm around her a time or several. But the way she clung to me like she needed me was different.
And all I could do was hold her like I wouldn’t ever let go. Because if it were up to me, I wouldn’t.
But we were sitting on a hospital floor, the bright, fluorescent lights beating down on us and the murmur of emotional voices floating down the hallway.
“We should probably get up,” Blakely said, but she didn’t move. And I sure as hell wasn’t letting go first.
Eventually, she wiggled herself out from under my arm and swiped beneath her eyes, trying to brush away the remnants of mascara gathered there. She did a fairly good job, but there was no hiding the fact that she’d been crying.
I brushed a stray tear from her cheek as she looked up at me. My thumb lingered over her skin, and I drew in a deep, difficult breath.
“How do I look?” she asked with a hitch in her voice and a smile that was struggling to form.
Like everything I’ve ever dreamed of. The thought hit me out of nowhere, right in my chest, and if I weren’t already sitting down, it would’ve knocked me over.
Rather than say that and pile on more shit that she didn’t need, I settled on a simple, “Beautiful.” But even that word held more emotion than I intended.
Blakely’s eyes widened, and I watched her throat bob as she swallowed. She said a quick “thank you” and began to stand on shaky legs. I followed her lead and stood.
“I’m going to run to the restroom and try to fix—” She motioned to her face, and I nodded. “Wait for me?”
“Always,” I said, and a more genuine, less forced smile slipped into place. She continued further down the hallway and pushed open the bathroom door. When she disappeared inside, my shoulders sagged, and I leaned against the wall behind me.
Two years was nothing, barely any time at all, to try to recover and heal from the things Blakely had been through. I knew Hazel and Luke, hell, even Josh, still struggled sometimes, and they hadn’t been held hostage in a basement for several months.
But watching her break down was heart-shattering. Especially when every time I saw her, I had to remind myself that she was real. She was there, but she was also working through invisible demons and unseen scars.
The bathroom door opened, and I pushed off the wall. Blakely walked toward me, and most of the black under her eyes was gone, although they were slightly red and swollen. But my comment from before still rang true: she was beautiful. Except even that word didn’t feel like it was enough.
“Ready?”
She nodded. “Yes,” she said with a shaky breath.
It felt natural to take her hand and slip my fingers between hers. Her arm stiffened, surprised by the gesture, but she didn’t pull back. She stared down at our joined hands, her soft palm pressed against my calloused one. And when she glanced back up at me, there was something lighter in her expression .
Without another word and ignoring the tightness in my chest, I turned and strode down the hallway with Blakely at my side. We passed the elevators and walked back into the small waiting room. We turned the corner, and five heads swiveled toward us.
Suddenly her hand felt heavy in mine, but I wasn’t going to drop it or step away. Instead, I led her to two empty seats, and we prepared to wait. Everyone quietly talked around us, and I chimed in occasionally, but Blakely sat silently. And I never let go of her hand.
Two hours later, we were making a plan to bring food to the hospital when Luke appeared at the end of the hallway. “Who’s ready?”
They all stood immediately, but Blake didn’t move, so neither did I.
Luke led them down the hallway, and I peered over at Blake, who was staring after them, unblinking and straight-faced.
“We don’t have to go?—”
“No,” she said, standing and looking back at me. “Let’s go.”
I scanned her face, searching for any hint of doubt, but I saw none. Then it was her leading me down the hallway and into the room halfway down. We squeezed in behind the rest of our friends and walked in just in time to see Josh scoop the new baby from Hazel’s arms. She looked tired, but she was glowing. And it was more than the sweat glistening on her forehead and upper lip.
Luke squeezed next to Hazel on the other side of the bed, and both of their smiles lit up the room. Love radiated off them as they watched Josh cradle their baby.
Josh turned so the rest of us could see her. She looked so tiny in his arms.
Luke wrapped an arm around his wife, and Hazel leaned her head on his shoulder. “This is our new baby girl,” Hazel said. “Josephine, or Josie, for short.”
We all collectively stopped. Josh turned to look at his brother and sister-in-law, and everyone else ceased cooing over the new baby—Josie.
Blakely squeezed my hand tighter, and I glanced down to see new tears collecting in her eyes. I squeezed her hand back.
“You—” Josh began, but his voice broke over the word. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You named her after Mom?”
Luke nodded, and Hazel was crying. “Hope that’s okay,” Luke said.
Josh looked back down at Josie, and a tear fell on her little forehead just beneath the tiny yellow hat. He brushed it away as Reed massaged the back of Josh’s neck and Amanda rubbed his arm.
“It’s more than okay, Luke. It’s…it’s perfect.”
“She looks like a Josie,” Ivy murmured, and everyone jockeyed for a better position to meet new baby Josie.
Hazel laughed at all of us vying for a better position. “She’s not going anywhere,” she said, wiping away her tears. “She’s going to get to meet all her aunts and uncles. Hell, you should let Aunt Blakely have a turn. She’s the one that got me here when I was panicking.”
Everyone turned to look at us. She reached up with her free hand and wiped away the tears that were freely falling. A shaky smile graced her pink lips as she said, “Considering the circumstances”—she motioned to the baby, the hospital bed Hazel was lying in, and the room in general—“I think you did pretty well.”
“Fine, Aunt Blakely gets next, but then it’s my turn,” Amanda decided, which started a chorus of arguments that I didn’t participate in.
I was eager to meet Josie, but I was more preoccupied with the woman next to me and the little smile she couldn’t contain.
Suddenly, holding her hand didn’t feel like enough anymore. I let go of it abruptly enough that she looked at me in surprise but willingly curled into my side when I wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“Aunt Blakely,” she mused with a sigh. “I think I like the sound of that.”