Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
Blakely
There was something off about the man sitting across from me. It wasn’t anything obvious, but I could still sense it.
Or at least I thought I did until he gave me a soft, reassuring smile that made me question myself.
Dr. Mann sat back in his dark leather chair, one leg crossed over the other knee and his elbows braced on the arms. His light-brown hair was swept out of his face as usual, and his white shirt was impeccable.
“I am genuinely glad that you feel like you’re doing better, but I can’t say that I’m not at least a little concerned, Blakely.”
I inclined my head and took a deep breath. Somehow, my mother had managed to find Dr. Mann and contact him to relay her concerns about the state of my mental health. Because I intentionally didn’t return her numerous phone calls.
I should have been more surprised that she’d found him. She called his office with faux concern and urged him to schedule an emergency appointment. His assistant, Megan, had called me a few minutes after I’d woken up in Devon’s arms. Thankfully, they hadn’t confirmed or denied that I was a patient, but Megan thought it wise to fill me in on the earlier phone call.
Tato had found his way into the bed and snuggled directly between us all night. But even with the dog between us, Devon managed to touch me.
I’d woken up feeling lighter. My emotions were still sharp and raw, but not as potent.
And I wanted to linger in those moments. With the sun dancing from between the curtains and the cool early morning breeze pushing through my broken patio door.
My eyes fluttered open, and the first image I was greeted with was Devon’s smiling face. My sleepy smile was automatic.
Warmth flooded through me, and it felt like Devon might be helping heal parts of myself that I didn’t even realize needed to be healed. His care, his comfort, and his protectiveness were exactly what I needed.
I would have stayed there as long as I could have if not for the obnoxious interruption of my vibrating phone.
I had already planned to call his office later that day, but they beat me to it. And I was immediately annoyed. Thankfully Megan had no problem telling me what—or better yet, who —had prompted her early morning phone call.
And my annoyance hadn’t ebbed in the forty-five minutes I’d been sitting across from him. We’d discussed my call with Detective Wilcrest and then my call with my mom. I’d told him about my less-than-stellar reaction, and we’d talked about why I reacted that way, too, although I already had a good idea of why.
I’d finally felt some semblance of normalcy. It started when they arrested Nick and had been one of the driving factors for why I’d moved back. And when they’d told me he too was little more than a pawn in this sick game, my idea of safety came crumbling down.
It was all an illusion. A very real, very poignant figment of my imagination.
And although I had a difficult time admitting it out loud, I was scared that I’d never even have an illusion of safety again. I should have known when Nick Hammond confessed that it was too good to be true.
“Blakely?” Dr. Mann asked, drawing me from my thoughts, and it took me a second to realize he was expecting me to speak.
“I don’t know what to say. It was horrible. I thought my world was ending, but it didn’t. I could feel myself slipping back into that dark place, and I guess I did, but only for a little while. It was easier to pull myself out of it, especially with—” My words faltered. I hadn’t told Dr. Mann the extent of our relationship. It felt too precious and sacred to share, but I knew that wasn’t helpful.
“With?” he prompted with his eyebrows raised.
“With Devon there,” I said slowly, then added, “Then all of my friends came over, and just having them there was great. It was exactly what I needed.”
I didn’t look up from where I held the pillow in my lap until Dr. Mann cleared his throat.
“You’ve made huge strides with your friends. How do you think they’ve impacted your transition back here?”
A little surprised he didn’t question me singling out Devon, I chuckled wryly and shook my head. “They’ve been essential. I’m not sure I would be okay without them.”
He inclined his head and recrossed his legs. “So, I’d like to talk about what you’re most scared of,” Dr. Mann prompted somewhat suddenly. “I think naming those fears could help you move forward and handle this ongoing investigation. Depending only on your friends to pull you out of any future unstable periods isn’t the best plan.”
My entire body stilled, and it felt like my heartbeat faltered. That was the last thing I wanted to consider. It felt like my fears were too immense to number and voice.
I reached for the lip balm in my pocket and nearly smiled when I pressed it to my lips.
It was the same one Devon had kept in case of emergencies, and just the thought of him was enough to make me consider smiling even when it felt like my entire world was on the precipice of falling apart.
With a deep breath, I repocketed the ChapStick and tugged the pillow back into my lap.
“I’m scared that—” I cleared my throat, gave myself another second, and tried again. “I’m scared that he’ll come back.”
“That’s a valid fear.”
“But,” I said, unable to leave it just at that. “I don’t want to be scared. Every day I was in that basement, I was terrified, and every day after, I couldn’t get rid of the fear. Even when they arrested Nick Hammond, it still lingered in the back of my mind. But fuck, I don’t want to live like that anymore. He doesn’t get to have that type of control over me anymore.”
I looked up from where I had been fidgeting with the edge of the pillow in my lap to find Dr. Mann smiling back at me.
“Your progress is outstanding, Blakely. I’m so proud of you.”