Chapter 10
Sloan
“What city are we going to again?” I ask Ryan who’s next to me on the couch in the tour bus.
“Denver.”
“Oh, okay.”
We’ve only been on the road a week and already I’ve forgotten where we’ve been and where we’re headed.
We play tonight but aren’t set to arrive for another couple of hours so we’re all doing our own thing.
Noah’s currently holed-up in the back of the bus doing a podcast interview and Brett’s watching a movie on his iPad.
Ryan’s looking at office space to buy so Emma has an actual studio for her art, and I’m exploring every rabbit hole of the internet in an effort to prevent myself from pulling up Luke’s social media pages.
Mine are under a fake name, obviously, but it’s close enough to my real name that I know Luke would have no trouble guessing who was creeping on him.
A sick part of me wants to know what his life is like.
Who does he hang out with? What does his house look like?
Does he still have any pictures of us? Does he display his purple heart or is it shoved in a drawer somewhere?
I’m not strong enough to beat the temptation and eventually I lose the battle. It feels kind of good to just say fuck it and type his name into the search bar.
His avatar is him in uniform so he’s pretty easy to find.
My hands are shaking as I click photos, but his profile is private so I’m only able to see the pictures he’s used as profile pictures.
As I’m debating on asking Ryan to send him a friend request — I mean, they did meet at the bonfire and got along swimmingly — my phone vibrates in my hand.
I open up the text app and the air leaves my lungs.
Luke 10:12am
I just wanted to let you know I told Jen about an opportunity in my ER. She deserves better than that shitty facility she’s in.
Also, that guy Adam was giving her hell while I was on the phone with her and I might’ve told him I was her boyfriend to make him back off.
I should probably leave him on read or make him work for it a little, but his attention feeds me in a way nothing else does.
Part of it’s because I hate him and I love pissing him off.
The other part is still under examination.
I’ve survived ten years without him in my life and after one week of multiple encounters, I’m jonesing for my next hit of the exact thing I know will kill me.
Sloan 10:14am
So you’re telling me it only took a week for you to move in on my woman?
Luke 10:15am
It’s not like that and you know it. I’m telling you so you aren’t mad at her. I was the one that reached out.
Sloan 10:15am
How chivalrous of you.
Luke 10:16am
It was stupid of me to think you and I could ever be friends again.
My heart is thundering in my chest as I type my response.
Sloan 10:19am
Is that what you want?
Luke 10:20am
It’s what I’ve wanted since the day I lost you.
Before that concert, I hadn’t seen Luke since Grant’s funeral and at the time, the bastard showed no remorse for outing us, no sadness over the loss and that was unforgivable.
Since showing back up in my life, and learning that Grant had committed suicide, he’s apologized twice and with the way he keeps putting himself in my path, I’m beginning to think he feels the absence of our friendship in a new way.
But old habits die hard.
Sloan 10:21am
Is that ALL you’ve wanted? ;)
Luke 10:22am
Are you even capable of having a conversation without deflecting anymore?
Sloan 10:22am
Who said I’m deflecting? It’s a valid question.
I’m not blind. I saw the way he scanned every inch of my face and chest when we were in that holding cell. I had half a mind to rip my shirt off and see if he’d do anything about the lust floating across his face, but there are enough regrets where he and I are concerned.
He changes the subject.
Luke 10:24am
I’m meeting Jen for dinner next week to talk about the hospital before she meets the supervisor. I’ll give her the stuff from Hailey then.
He’s beating me at my own game and now I’m scrambling. I’m not ready for the conversation to end. I stand up and start pacing, droplets of sweat beginning to sprout at my temples.
Finally, I hit call.
“Sloan,” he says on a sigh. “I’m not moving in on Jen. I just want to help her out. Relax, okay?”
“Can you just wait and bring the box to me when I get home?” I wince as the words leave my mouth. If he were to taunt me this time and call me on my transparent attempt to see him again, I’d more than deserve it.
But he doesn’t.
“If that’s what you prefer, I can do that.”
“It’s just…it’s Hailey’s you know?” I don’t even know what I’m saying right now. All I know is I’m being tossed about in a sea of violent emotions and it’s getting harder to keep my head above the surface.
“Have you talked to Jen about them?”
“I haven’t talked to anyone about them,” I admit.
“Maybe you should, Sloan. Jen seems like a nice woman. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and she probably deserves to know.”
I hate that he’s right. Even more, I hate that I don’t have a sarcastic reply and I feel myself letting him in again.
“Yeah, I know. Hey, thanks for looking out for her. She doesn’t want anyone to know about us, which I understand, kind of, but it also means I can’t do shit like go put that asshole in his place myself.”
In the background on Luke’s end, I hear an intercom start blaring jumbled words.
“Hey, I gotta run, but I, uh, have a good show tonight.”
He hangs up before I can get any words out.
Ryan looks up at me. “You want to talk about it?”
“Eventually. Probably. But I just need to let it simmer for a while until any of it makes sense.”