Chapter 38
Sloan
April - Five Months Later
My pieces are all in place, finally. I no longer have the dream about the day Luke was shot. My voice has healed and grown stronger, allowing me to contribute more to the new songs we’re recording and fuck if it doesn’t feel good.
We’re starting to see hints of warmth as spring rolls around and we’ve all just found out Sienna is pregnant.
I wonder how having two little ones in the band family will affect our touring schedule.
At one time, I would have been disappointed if it kept us home, but now, home is where I want to be.
In fact, I plan to have a conversation about what I want that home to look like with Jen and Luke tonight, so while they’ve been at work, I came home from practice early and have been working on dinner.
Thankfully, we’re in Luke’s fancy condo tonight because my old ass kitchen doesn’t have a dimmer switch which I am currently employing for ambiance.
I pull the roasted chicken out of the oven, praying I did this right. Luke and Jen are the chefs, not me. It smells pretty good, so I go with it and spoon some of the sauce back over the meat. I quickly sauté the green beans and cook the honeyed carrots.
Jen texts me when they’re leaving work. She’s on dayshift for a while and they sometimes ride together when Luke knows he’s going to have a long day.
I’m pouring the wine as I hear their laughter in the hallway outside the condo.
“Oh my god! No, he did not!” Jen laughs, holding the door open for Luke.
“He did. Wanted to be written out of PT so badly, he dislocated two of his fingers right in my ER.”
As soon as they see me at the table, their eyes light up.
“Sloan, what’s all this?” Jen asks, quickly moving to my side to give me a kiss. I hand her a glass of wine, grinning like a fucking idiot and repeat the process with Luke.
“I made dinner.”
They give each other an impressed look and I love the comfort, love, and familiarity that has grown between them.
“Something on your mind, baby?” Luke asks, pulling Jen’s chair out before he reaches to pour me a glass of the wine they’re both now drinking.
“There is.” I can’t stop smiling. I hope they think it’s as good of an idea as I do. “Let me dish us up and we’ll talk.”
I cut into the chicken, artfully place the vegetables on the plates and serve the loves of my life their dinner. When I take my seat at the head of the table, with them on either side of me, I jump right in, too excited to make them wait.
“I think we should buy a house together. I think it’s time I sell the one I shared with the guys and upgraded to something with more security and more space.”
Luke is immediately on board. Jen is hesitant but she’s honest and shares her thoughts. “I love that idea, but I won’t be able to contribute as much as you guys can.”
“Jen, this isn’t about everyone contributing the same amount of money. My ten percent isn’t going to be the same as yours or even Luke’s. You’ve got to know by now that you’re welcome to everything I have anyway.”
She blushes and leans over to kiss my cheek. “I know. It’s just hard not to feel the financial discrepancy, especially when you’re talking about buying a whole house and I can only buy a week’s worth of groceries.”
“Well, this kind of brings me to my next point. I hesitate to even say it out loud, but there’s a good chance Luke’s going to be deployed at some point in the future, and that will actually be the near-death of me, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it…
but I wanted to know your thoughts on you two getting married. ”
“What?” Jennifer shrieks, her eyes going wide.
When I look at Luke, he’s grinning ear-to-ear. “Sloan, you’re brilliant.”
Jen moves her head so fast she might’ve just given herself whiplash. “What do you mean brilliant? How does that work? Luke and I are married and you’re just hanging out?”
“Baby, breathe for a second and I’ll explain.
” I nudge her wine glass toward her and wait while she guzzles a healthy sip.
“Financially, I’m set. Between the success of the last two albums and Ryan’s financial advisor, I could never strum another guitar again and live comfortably until I’m a hundred.
Luke is also set. His military benefits are unparalleled and he’s fucking smart.
He has enough saved that if he wanted to retire at forty — which I’d like to point out is only eight years away considering your birthday is in three days.
” Luke smiles and flips me the bird. “He also wouldn’t have to work another day in his life.
We could travel, we could farm, we could start a whole new business.
Hell, we can do whatever we want. But we want that security for you too, Jen. ”
I see her try to wrap her mind around this. My beautiful, sweet, firecracker who has made her own way. Who came out of the womb as Miss Independent. She’s struggling with the reality I’m placing before her and the plan I have to improve it.
She shocks me when the question she asks is, “But won’t that create some kind of rift in our dynamic if he’s my legal husband?”
“Actually, I think it will only make it better. I haven’t felt like the glue holding you guys together for several months now.
I’m secure in the love you have for each other.
Besides, if you’re legally tied to Luke, then God forbid, if something were to happen to him, we would have spousal rights to his funeral, his will, end of life care, etc…
It doesn’t make sense for he and I to marry because I can afford whatever life throws at me. We want to protect you.”
“Fuck, this is depressing,” Jen says, drinking more wine. “What do I bring to the table? If Luke marries me, what’s in it for him?”
At this, Luke pipes up, “I get to marry one of my two best friends. A woman I admire, respect, and love the hell out of. Jen, I’ll never be able to repay you for your kindness, your love, or your warmth.
For so long, I carried the guilt of what I did to Sloan and Grant and Hailey.
Add to that the guilt I felt for my own desires and I was in a dark place.
You played a big role in pulling me out of that.
You opened up your heart and your relationship to give me…
give us the second chance we needed, and I fell in love with you along the way. ”
Jen reaches across the table to take his hand in her right and I take a hold of her left, calling her attention back to me. “Please say yes. Let’s buy a house. Marry Luke. Let us build a life together.”
She sits with it for a full minute, looking back and forth between Luke and I. When she finally whispers yes, I am immediately unburdened by the last decade of sadness, bitterness, loneliness, grief, anger, and pain and am ready to embrace my life with the man and woman who make me whole.