SALT
Yeah, my emotions are all over the place. I don’t even know what I want anymore, and it has only been four days since I met Eliano.
There is something about him that I really dig, more than I probably should, something hard to pin down. Maybe it’s that stubborn streak of his, the way he stands his ground. At the same time, he just seems like a genuinely cool person, and that’s the real problem: I am not the right guy for him.
I wish I were, though. But he has no idea what kind of mess I could pull him into, how much chaotic shit I can bring about.
It all started after the brain injury I got when my stepfather beat me.
After that, my emotions never really swung back to normal.
The doctor said my prefrontal cortex had taken damage, the part responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation.
I could still think and plan, but I just lost some of my brakes.
Along with that came the usual peachy antisocial package: bursts of aggression, a taste for risk, and often no real sense of danger. My brain still knew right from wrong. But it was a rollercoaster.
Over the years, things eased up a little. The therapy Senu signed me up for helped, and his habits started rubbing off on me too, his caution, his distrust of alphas. I picked up tricks to hold myself in check, to dodge the worst risks, especially with the wrong crowd.
Now I’m stalled in this weird tug-of-war, totally focused on Eliano, dealing with a desire that snuck up on me these past few days and just won’t quit.
When I see him in front of his laptop, a faint frown on his forehead, I sneak glances at the veins standing out on his forearms, his flat, toned stomach, and that packed, tempting bulge. I want to touch him, suck him off, but that’s a shortcut to dumb mistakes. It would throw me off the plan again.
In the afternoon there are cooking classes.
Each pair has their own station with a gas stove, and this time the class isn’t led by Pip but by another beta, Hugh, the guy I’ve seen around the kitchen before.
Watching him move back and forth between the kitchen and the room full of cooking couples, an idea pops into my head. Faking a need for extra veggies, I head to the back, where he steps in briefly himself to grab a set of knives.
I start to wash a few sweet potatoes as Hugh leaves the storage room.
When he’s out, my eyes land on his toiletry bag.
I have no idea why, but it draws me in. I check it quickly, hoping to find something.
Maybe a ferry schedule, a universal access card, or a personal taser, but my eye lands on sleeping pills.
Hmm… who knows what they might come in handy for.
I quickly pop a few tablets out and slip them into my pocket.
Hugh comes back, but I pretend to still wash the veggies.
Trying to sound chill, I ask about their suppliers. Are they a supermarket chain or some farmers’ markets? I ramble on about how blueberries are supposed to be good for my eyesight and ask if they ever get them in deliveries.
And then a miracle happens.
Hugh just offers it up on his own.
"You are in luck, I ordered a few crates recently for our vanilla blueberry tarts. The supply transport arrives in a week, and if you want, I can set one crate aside for you, assuming you like making things with them yourself."
"Oh, on Wednesday?"
"Yeah, the ferry comes every Wednesday at the crack of dawn."
Wow, that was easy. So I have one of the ferry arrival dates already. Unfortunately, my luck still sucks, because today is Thursday, and on top of that we have another doctor’s appointment lined up.
Time to gear up with a little patience and double down on keeping my distance from Eliano. It will be better that way—I repeat it like a fucking autohypnosis.
And yet, I quickly fail.
The few hours before sleep pass with me battling these weird spasms in my hole, and I can’t focus on a damn thing; my brain’s stuck on Eliano’s… dick. I see it in my drooling mouth, or pushed into my pucker. Crazy! And fucking annoying.
On top of that, I have a feeling my ring is swollen, slightly protruding, puffy.
When I go take a shower, I inspect it, and it really seems to be sticking out a bit and is super sensitive to the touch.
It’s infuriating, since I keep feeling the need to rub it somehow, and it’s just not a smart idea with Eliano around.
Watching my body under the streams of water, I absently slide my fingers over my nipples, but I have to stop fast because something inside me starts to grow. Like I’m about to let out some kind of… sound?
What the hell? I’ve never made a single AO call before. So I clear my throat and mentally smack myself for even thinking something that stupid.
After I shower and crawl into bed, Eliano is still working on his article.
Lying on my side, I stare at him, and that annoying hunger starts building inside me even more relentlessly.
The troubling thought that this might indeed be a pre-heat, or even the early phase of the damn thing itself, keeps bouncing around in my head despite my firm resistance.
And I fight it hard!
At one point Eliano turns and checks me out, but says nothing. A few minutes later he looks over again and catches me staring. I hold his gaze.
Something shifts in his face, like he feels it too, that weird pull in the air. He goes a little tense, cheeks faintly flushed. My stomach tightens. So I’m not imagining this sexual energy, right?
Once more it stirs in my throat, this weird pressure coming out of nowhere. That same urge again, like I’m about to make some kind of AO sound. But what sound? Seriously, what is this? It feels like something is trying to force its way out of my lungs.
And then it just happens.
Oh shit.
It comes out high-pitched and piercing, but also somewhat melodic, calling. I can barely even hear the note myself. What the hell did it mean?
Eliano snaps his head up and spins toward me. His pupils are blown wide, and he lets out a sharp huff.
"What the hell did you just do?! That wasn’t funny, Salt!"
"What?!"
"The sound. You can’t just make that and think it won’t affect me. I’m a young alpha! Don’t fuck around with it!"
Somewhat shocked by his reaction, I want to ask what the hell that’s even supposed to mean, because I simply don’t know what I just did. But the way he reacts tells me enough. This is dangerous territory, and I really don’t want to step into it.
So I downplay it. "It’s nothing. I was just… messing around," I mumble.
Silence stretches between us. He seems irritated, on edge. So the mystery stays uncovered. I made an AO sound and don’t even know what kind!
Still, one thing won’t stop. I keep staring at Eliano. I can’t make myself look away. It feels like magic. Or maybe a curse.
Eliano appears uncomfortable under my piercing stare, suddenly jerks to his feet, and heads for the bathroom.
A second later, I hear the shower turn on.
My brain kind of short-circuits. Before I can talk myself out of it, I’m already pulling my clothes off and slipping under the blanket, naked, heart racing.
I tug it up around my waist and dim the lights, trying to look casual, like this wasn’t a completely unhinged decision.
A moment later, Eliano comes out of the bathroom.
He is wearing only boxers. Fuck, his bare, sculpted chest looks insanely good in the low light, shadows carving out his definition, droplets of water catching the light in a way that feels almost deceitful.
Eliano lies down beside me, settling on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Silence stretches between us. I fight myself, and then I give in.
In a sudden surge of desperation, I fling the blanket aside. Eliano turns his head and sees that I am naked underneath, my back and ass fully exposed for him to see.
Bam, I let it out!
"You said yesterday that you like my hole," I blurt out in a voice I barely recognize as my own.
Eliano flinches slightly; I hear a quiet release of breath. "Well, I told the truth. I have seen some in porn, and yours is… well. Beautiful. Perfect."
"Would you like to kiss it?"
WTF?
Yup, I am being impossible. My damn instability is working against me again. One decision and then, bam, another. I cannot hold the line for even a moment. Walking, talking fucking chaos.
"Salt, is this some kind of game? You know I would want that, but we talked about this today…"
"I just want to get close to that line, without crossing it. Do you understand?" I whisper.
There’s a pause, and those words just hang in the air.
"So it is a game."
"Something like that, but… with both of us knowing and agreeing."
"You know how that game works. We think we are playing it, but really it plays us. And before we realize it, there is attachment and… pain."
"We just have to be good at it…" I squeeze my eyes shut. "Your tongue there… you have no idea how incredible it feels, the tissue around is insanely sensitive." The words tumble out of me, lewd and ridiculous. "Do not make me beg…"
I can see his profile, his chest rising and falling fast, his breathing uneven.
"Salt… believe me, I want nothing more, but—"
"Please… half the day my hole clenches just thinking about it!"
Eliano squeezes his eyes shut.
"There could be other reasons for that, your scent is getting stronger…"
I reach for his hand, my fingers threading through his. "Touch my little star, please, it wants to open for you…" I am reaching peak cringe dirty talk territory, pretty desperate.
Apparently, Eliano’s resistance has limits; his alpha nature wins.
In one swift movement he rolls onto his side and over me, his head lowering between my cheeks. His fingers spread them open.
"Wow it looks… different now."
"Ugly?"
"No! Never… just, more ripe."
I feel his warm breath there and instinctively my ring pulses and ripples, clearly inviting him in. A moment later a moan tears from my throat as his warm, soft tongue dives into me.
"Oh fuck. Yes, this!"