Chapter 53
“Can I ask you something?”
Jon held his breath and glanced at the shell of his best friend in the passenger seat. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but the question made him nervous. “Robbie, you know you can ask me anything.”
“Why didn’t you ever reach out after we graduated? I mean, you never even sent a fucking text.”
Jon had hoped this conversation would never come back up, but Robbie deserved to know the truth. “Robbie, I’ve thought a lot about that, especially after the other night.”
“Well, I think I deserve to know. Everything. Especially when you consider that guy back there thought we were a couple, and then when you pulled out that bar of soap with an impression of a ring to get the size right, he was really confused. I’d say there’s a fifty-fifty chance he thought the ring is for us to propose to the third person in our throuple.”
“What?”
Robbie’s eyes narrowed. “You know what I mean.”
“Sorry. You just told a joke about being in a polyamorous relationship with me and Levi. You just caught me off guard.” He sighed. “Honestly? I’ve been trying to come up with a reason since we talked. I’ve come up with lots of reasons, but none of them are good. You’re right though, you deserve to know.” His words caught in his throat and he stared at the road ahead.
A few moments later, Robbi spoke. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
Jon smiled. Robbie was never patient enough to let a silence grow too awkward. “Well, I was trying to figure myself out. I knew I was gay, but it took me a long time to be honest with myself. Combine that with the feelings I had for you, and it was a perfect storm. I knew you wouldn’t be able to reciprocate, and I was fine with that.” He cleared his throat. “But the biggest part was that I was afraid. Afraid that if I told you the truth that it would change our relationship, and you would see me as someone different, even though I hadn’t changed. I mean, you know how my family reacted. I know it’s stupid.”
Robbie sat in silence. Jon grew more nervous with each passing moment, and quietly breathed a sigh of relief when he finally spoke. “Jon. That’s a lot to unpack. I get it. I really do. But I wouldn’t be your friend if I didn’t say that it’s also fucked up. You basically played the entire scenario in your head, and believed the version where everything went wrong, and hurt me so I wouldn’t hurt you. You didn’t even give me a fucking chance.”
Jon parked the car in the same space he had waited for Robbie earlier that day. He could feel the sting of tears forming in his eyes. “Robbie. I’m sorry. I know I messed up, and if I could go back and change it, I would. Can you forgive me?”
Robbie put an arm around his shoulder. “Jon. We’ve been together as long as I can remember. That actually makes sense. It hurts, but it makes sense. I had the same thoughts before I came through Derecho. I know how easy it would have been to have given in to that. But I’ve been through hell already. You might have told me to get lost because I’m a junkie. I may be in recovery, but it’s one step at a time, ya know? I forgive you, though. Not because I understand, though. I forgive you because you’re my brother. Always have been and always will be.”
Jon smiled. Tears ran down his face. “Thanks man.”
“Don’t mention it. I’m damn proud to be your best man. If your family can’t be happy for you, I can.” His head cocked to the side.
“What are you thinking? I remember that look. You’re up to something.”
Robbie flashed a sly smile. “Just wondering about throwing the bachelor party. I’m sober, and I don’t think I’d enjoy a male stripper any more than you’d enjoy a female one. By the way, do you know when you’re going to ask him?”
Jon raised an eyebrow. He knew Robbie was lying, but was afraid to press further. Whatever was going on in his brain, Jon wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. “Robbie, no strippers, male or female. I only have eyes for Levi, and you’re right that I don’t want to see a naked woman.” Jon’s phone buzzed in his lap. He glanced at the message and smiled. “And to answer your other question, I’m going to ask when the time is right.”
Robbie reached across the car and pulled Jon into an embrace. “Ok. Well, I need to head in. I’m still looking for a job, and figure I’ll put in some applications. You need to get back to Derecho and see your man.”
“I’ll text you later, and before you even ask, you’ll know before I ask him.”
Jon watched Robbie cross the street and go into his building. He picked up his phone and read the entire message. He was sure now. They were going to be in Galveston next weekend. Just the two of them. The place where they had first said ‘I love you’. He knew that would be the perfect place. The perfect time. He smiled.