Chapter 9 #2
His lips twitch with the start of a smile. “No. Just this one and mine. Both are comfortable, though, so I’ve gotta imagine the rest are too.”
I climb in next to him, pulling the blankets up and covering myself.
When I’m settled, he rolls onto his side. He looks tired, sure, but not sad. Not like before, anyway. “Tell me about your day,” he says, though it comes out more like a question. “What did I miss?”
Rolling over so I’m facing him, I sigh. “Not much, really.”
“Did you go riding?”
I nod. “I did. Took Lucky out. I think he misses Dad too.”
Silence falls, and for some reason I can’t bring myself to look away from Theo’s eyes. He seems to feel the same. Normally, he doesn’t hold eye contact long, but as the quiet stretches between us, he doesn’t look away either.
Finally, he breaks the silence. “Can I ask what happened?”
“With Dad?”
“Mhmm. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”
“No, I don’t mind. He, uh… he was out shoveling snow and collapsed. Widowmaker heart attack.” Theo frowns, his eyes filled with sympathy. “They tried to get him back, but he was gone before they even got him to the hospital.”
“I’m sorry,” Theo whispers. “I wish I had better words.”
I shake my head. “You don’t need better words. Your company is enough.”
Silence falls between us again as Theo studies my face. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Think so. Comes and goes in waves, y’know?”
He laughs, but it doesn’t sound like he thinks it’s funny. “I do know.”
“Are your parents…” I let my words trail off.
He shrugs. “I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to them since I was eighteen.”
There’s clearly a story there, but I’m not sure if I should ask.
“It was because of Damien,” he says softly, answering my unspoken question.
He rolls onto his back, finally dragging his gaze from mine.
“He was isolating me. I just didn’t see it.
My parents tried to warn me, but I knew best. We got into a huge fight.
I moved in with Damien and just… never talked to them again. ”
My heart clenches. “I’m sure they’d love to hear from you.”
Theo shakes his head. “I doubt it. I was awful to them.”
“I bet they’d just be happy to know you’re safe now.”
“Or they’d be ashamed of me.”
My breath catches. “I can’t imagine that.”
Rolling back onto his side to face me, he props himself up on his hand. “Luca seems like he’s doing okay,” he says, changing the subject entirely.
“Yeah, he does.”
Theo’s fingers flex against the blankets, but he’s staring dead into my eyes when he sighs and says, “He makes me feel broken, and that’s awful to say, since it’s my fault that he even got hurt by Damien.”
“No. It’s not your fault. Abusers are abusers, and that’s not on you.”
“I just don’t get it,” he admits quietly. “I’m happy for him, I am. Only…” He trails off, blowing out a breath. “Only I’m not sure I’m fully happy for him, you know? Fuck, that makes me sound like an awful person.”
“It doesn’t make you awful. It makes you human.”
He frowns. “It makes me ugly.”
Not a fucking chance. “No. Maybe most folks wouldn’t say that part out loud, but…” I pause, considering if I should even say this. “You’re safe here,” I say carefully. “With me. You don’t have to pretend you feel something you don’t. Or, in this case, pretend you don’t feel something you do.”
He goes still. “Safe. With you.”
My heart thumps. “Course.”
“I’m only here for two more days,” he says, his voice low.
“I’m not pretending you’re not.” This seems like as good a time as any. “How about before you leave, we exchange numbers, and if you need a friend, you can reach out? Day or night.”
He seems to consider that for a second. “Will you send me pictures of the animals? I’m gonna miss them.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “Sure.”
I pull out my phone, and after he rattles his number off to me, I send him a text with my name so he has mine.
“Perfect.” He sighs. “I don’t want to resent him, you know? I want him to be healed and happy.”
“You just want that for yourself too,” I murmur.
He locks eyes with me. “So much.”
“You’ll get there.”
Humming, he relaxes, sinking deeper into the bed. “I hope so.”
I take a chance, lifting my hand between us. Theo’s eyes fall to it, and after what feels like a lifetime, he presses his fingertips to mine. We’re not holding hands, not really, but after a second, he presses it closer until his palm is resting against mine and our fingers are lined up.
“When I was young,” I say, inhaling a deep breath at his proximity and the feel of his skin against mine. “My dad used to talk about holding two truths. You want Luca to be healed, and you’re upset he seems further along than you.”
“You can hold both,” I say softly. “One doesn’t take away from the other.”
His brows draw together. “It just feels like admitting the second part cheapens the first.”
“It doesn’t.”
He snorts a humorless laugh. “Grief really just infects everything, huh?”
My heart stutters. “I’m finding that it can.”
Everything goes still and quiet, and Theo shifts his pointer finger. For a minute, I think he’s gonna move his hand, but he doesn’t. He just brushes it against mine absently. I’m not even sure if he realizes he’s doing it.
“I’m really glad I came here,” he says.
“Me too.”
He gets comfortable, lying down fully on the bed, and his eyes fall shut.
I stare at his face. It’s probably not polite, but I can’t help it.
I watch his long lashes flutter against his cheeks, watch his lips twitch, and watch as his brow relaxes and his mouth goes slack.
I watch him until his finger stops moving and his breathing evens out.
I watch him far longer than I should, and when I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, I fall asleep right alongside him.