Chapter 22
Chapter 22
There was another old saying about riding a bike—but as he was carefully lifted into the helicopter by the conscientious, well-trained paramedics who’d transported him to the airfield, he couldn’t quite remember how it went. If he was honest, he wasn’t sure he remembered much of anything. He was too preoccupied by the sense of impending doom causing ice to spread rapidly through his veins.
“Try to slow your breathing,” one of the paramedics advised. “You’ll pass out if you hyperventilate.”
Right. Slow his breathing. Easy-peasy, lemon fuckery. If Tanner knew how to slow anything, it was his mind—to a fucking standstill, as every nerve ending in his body caught fire, urging him to get the fuck off this metal death trap as soon as possible.
“You jump, I tackle,” Lance warned, proving once more just how easily he could read Tanner’s mind.
“I’m freaking out,” he said, like it wasn’t perfectly goddamned obvious.
“You’d be crazy not to be,” Lance pointed out with a shrug. “I’m freaking out, and I’ve never crashed before. You’ve crashed twice. ”
“You’re freaking out?” Tanner asked, turning to stare at his boyfriend as the paramedics finished securing the gurney they’d “borrowed” for their little outing. It had taken some finagling but the head of orthopedics himself, Dr. Pilsner, intervened on his behalf, verifying the urgent need for immediate transfer. They’d gotten an ambulance to drive him to the airfield and provide a transport stretcher so that Tanner’s leg would remain stable during the flight. He didn’t have to be lying down or strapped in, which reduced his anxiety. At least from his sitting position, he'd get to see the ground hurtling towards them before the helicopter crashed.
“I’m afraid of heights,” Lance declared calmly.
“What?” Tanner asked in patent disbelief.
“I’m afraid of heights,” he repeated, with a shrug.
“Then why the fuck did you agree to—” but Lance didn’t let him finish.
“Did you really think I’d let you get on this death bird by yourself?”
And no, Tanner supposed it was a moot point. Their relationship was still new, and there was still so much they didn’t know about each other, but he knew perfectly well just how loyal Lance was.
“Why don’t you distract the two of us?” Lance proposed, nodding towards the cockpit where Dave’s friend was preparing for take-off. “Tell me what the pilot’s doing.” Dave was sitting in the front passenger seat, wearing a sunny smile as he conversed excitedly with his friend. Obviously, the pilot and Dave were going to be the only ones enjoying this little adventure.
Tanner wasn’t sure he’d be very good at distracting either of them, but it was worth a try, if only to make Lance happy. Besides, anything was better than counting down the seconds until they crashed and burned.
“He has to adjust the collective pitch lever. Then he’ll switch on the battery, the avionic master switch, the fuel boost, all the lights—”
“Okay, lots of switches, got it, what else,” Lance said, interrupting Tanner midway through that list. He snorted at Lance’s impatience but skipped ahead.
“Right now, he’s checking all his gauges to make sure he has enough oil and fuel,” Tanner said, watching the pilot’s every move. It felt familiar—and not in the terrifying, panic-inducing way as when he’d first boarded. Muscle memory made his fingers twitch as he watched. They itched to do everything on the pre-flight checklist he knew so well.
“Now—do you hear that? That’s the engine turning on,” he explained as the helicopter began to hum louder, accompanying the increase in RPMs of the turboshaft engine. They put on their aviation headsets so they could keep talking while in flight and not be drowned out by the sound of the engine and the whirling of the rotor blades.
“You boys ready?” Dave asked, as he turned to look at them, smiling brightly. He looked like an excited little boy in a hurry to share his birthday present with his friends.
“As we’ll ever be,” Lance answered, filled with equal amounts of fear and anticipation. He grabbed Tanner’s hand. Dave smiled in approval as they interlaced their fingers. The pilot switched the main rotor blades on, and Dave let out a whoop of excitement. They were officially ready for take-off now. The main rotor blades spun rapidly, lifting them skywards.
All of it was so damned familiar, and Tanner’s feelings of loss and excitement vied for dominance. There was nothing quite like this feeling. At the mercy of an engine, a few fiberglass blades, and the wind, and feeling like a god as you mastered all three. Tanner had given up a lot of things in his life for this euphoric, irreplaceable thrill and it felt so goddamned bittersweet to have forsaken it. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed being a pilot until this moment. The helicopter reached cruising altitude, and he listened to the pilot communicate with the air control tower in a jargon that was like a second language. If Dr. Carson’s plan worked, maybe he’d face his fears and take a chance on climbing into the cockpit again someday. Maybe the risk would be worth the reward.
“Holy shit, we’re kinda high up,” Lance said nervously, looking out the window, beads of sweat popping out on his forehead.
“About 1500 feet, yeah,” Tanner confirmed with satisfaction as he waited for Lance’s response.
“Look who’s acting all tough, now!” Lance teased him as he turned to share a smile.
“Just thought you’d like to know how far we’d fall if the engine died or—”
“Let’s not have that negative attitude on board, thank you,” Dave interrupted, reminding Tanner that they all shared the same communications line, meaning he could hear everything Tanner and Lance were saying.
“I’m afraid that’s Tanner’s humour for you, Dave,” Lance said. “Always such a negative-Nelly.”
Tanner lightly smacked Lance in the middle of his chest in retaliation.
“No fighting, boys,” Dave warned, laughing when he heard the smack.
“Yeah, you heard Dave. Be nice to me!” Tanner said.
“He’s your father-in-law, not mine,” Lance replied with a shrug, eyes glinting with humor. Tanner smacked him again. Much harder this time, casting a dark look in Dave’s direction.
“Well—” the older man said. “I wouldn’t go quite that far—but now that we’re on the subject—”
“Let me stop you right there, Dave. I appreciate your flying me out to see Dr. Carson today, but whatever you and my mom are up to, I really don’t want to know,” Tanner said, his words nearly drowned out by Lance’s laughter.
“Right—yes. How about we just—enjoy the view for a while,” he suggested, and everyone groaned in agreement.
And so, Tanner managed to overcome his fears while holding the hand of his most beloved hope and dream . And really, wasn’t that the best summary for their love story? Nothing in Tanner’s life was the same as it once was. He’d been deployed, lost everything that had made him him, and been forced to start completely anew. But somehow, his new life might just turn out to be much, much better than his old one had ever been. He knew many obstacles remained to be dealt with. The wild unknowns of adulthood were spread out before him like an endless plain. And yet—if Lance was by his side, Tanner believed he could come out on top. Conquer every uncharted terrain they might come across. If only Lance kept holding his hand.
Hell, what a mushy, sentimental motherfucker he’d become. Yet another reality to get used to, courtesy of his very own beautiful, incomparable Lance Kingsley.
There were no flowers, no home-cooked meal, and no fancy wine, but as Lance turned to smile at him, Tanner felt like this magic moment was greater than either of them could have ever hoped for.
“I love you,” he announced over the open channel.
Lance blinked in surprise, then frowned, wondering if this was Tanner’s exit line before doing something crazy like jumping out of the helicopter. But Tanner reached for Lance, laughing joyfully, and said it again, since it felt so good.
“I love you too,” Lance responded happily, and it sounded exactly as Tanner had known it would—like the most obvious statement in the history of the world.