Chapter Nine
Igrab the picnic basket, along with my special flashlight, and guide Lauren down to the desolate parcel of shoreline I had in mind for tonight. It’s after dark now, quite a bit later than I had planned on bringing her out here, but at this point, I’m just glad she agreed to come at all.
I knew I should have told her about Marcus and me on our second or even third date, since he and I have been working together for the past two weeks now, but the right time to bring it up never seemed to present itself.
I’m really kicking myself in the ass for it because not only do I have a far better understanding of why Marcus broke things off between us the way he did—which I probably should apologize for—but also because it almost cost me this budding relationship I have with Lauren.
Now I understand her hesitancy when it comes to dating.
I can’t properly define what an honor it is that she trusts me enough to take her out to someplace so private and with food I prepared myself at home, especially with her knowing that I hid something from her.
It may be hard for me to give her parts of me that I’ve only recently managed to bury deep, but I know that I’ve got to face those fears in order to continue moving forward.
She deserves that much, at the very least. Complete honesty and unguarded communication going forward.
That’s the only way we’ll be able to navigate this, if her intention is to proceed with whatever this is.
I give her a hand climbing down off a larger rock and find a sandy enough section to lay out the blanket. “So, full-disclosure, I prepared this meal at home. If you’d like, I can totally sample everything first, so you know it’s safe. I did bring bottled water, thankfully.”
She shakes her head. “I trust you, Caleb,” she signs to me her response—a gesture I’m choosing to take as she’s speaking my adopted language to be fully transparent.
My heart nearly bursts at that. Most don’t take the time to respond on the same level at which I speak, likely for convenience. Lauren doesn’t strike me as the type to sacrifice convenience for earnestness though.
We sit and eat, comfortably taking in the night around us.
There are noises from across the cove, evidence of the Fourth of July celebration taking place in town, but it’s not loud enough to drown out the sound of the gentle waves crashing on the shore or the ding of bell buoys in the distance.
Anytime now, I anticipate the start of the fireworks display.
“You made this potato salad yourself?” Lauren finally asks, swiping at the corners of her mouth with her thumb.
“Cameron peeled them, because he’s an odd kid who has always loved skinning potatoes, to which I say, ‘have at it.’ But yeah, other than that, it was all me.”
She giggles. “He can come to my house and peel potatoes whenever he wants,” she jokes. “Seriously, open invite.”
“If you mean that, he saw how infatuated Brody was with Pepper. He mentioned something about wanting to meet up with him again. I know he’s sixteen and Brody’s what? Ten?”
She purses her lips. “Eleven.”
“Yeah, so there’s an age difference between them, but Cameron’s, I don’t know, eager, I guess, about meeting others who are deaf or hard of hearing, like him.”
“Was he born deaf?” she asks.
“No. He caught meningitis when he was two. Aaron almost lost him, actually. He made it, obviously, but he’s had profound hearing loss ever since. Without his hearing aids, he can barely hear, and even then it's only certain tones and pitches.”
“Where’s his mother?”
I shrug. “Who knows? She and Aaron split when he decided he was done living a lie and came out as gay. She signed everything over to him, even their child—her own flesh and blood—and left.”
“That’s terrible!” Lauren cries out.
“I know,” I agree. “That’s why I beat myself up so much, to think my actions took away his last remaining parent.”
“Um, I don’t know much about your home life with him, but it sure doesn’t sound like Aaron was Cameron’s only other parent.
For all intents and purposes, you are his father too.
I know better than anyone about that. I’d throat punch anyone who claims Marcus isn’t Brody’s dad.
And besides, it’s not like Aaron is gone gone.
He’s just present in a different capacity. ”
“Not like I’m allowed to see him,” I quarrel.
“You indicated that it was because of poor legal representation?”
“It was. The language barrier presented huge hurdles. Ones that I didn’t have the fight in me to jump over because I was hurting so damn bad.”
“Well, I happen to know someone who would be adequately invested in making sure your voice was heard, if you ever wanted to try again…”
“You?”
She nods. “Me.”
I run my tongue over my teeth. “You’d do that for me?”
“Absolutely! Caleb, I think if you were allowed to participate in making decisions for Aaron’s care now, you’d feel less guilty about the accident.
No, it’s not a perfect solution—I’m sure you’d give anything to have him back like he was before—but it would be better than sitting in the unknown, right? ”
I nod. “I’m sure it would help Cameron too.”
“I’ll advocate for you however I can.”
“I know you will. You already do at many of my doctor’s appointments. If money weren't an issue now, I'd be all in. Maybe, now that I have steady employment, my savings will start to climb again.”
"Well, you just let me know when you need my help. I don't know a thing about law, but I sure do know how to be a voice." She places her leftovers back inside the basket, and to my utter surprise, she shimmies herself so she’s reclining back on my chest, situated between my legs.
“Is this okay?” she asks, peering up at me.
I bring my arms around her torso so she can see me signing in front of her. “Fine by me, as long as you’re comfortable.”
“I don’t stink, now that I’m this close?” she teases.
I lean forward and give her a sniff, thankful that I’m wearing thick jeans tonight to cover up the stiffening happening between my legs. “You smell very nice. Is that cucumber melon?”
“It is. You have very astute nostrils.” She giggles.
“They say when you lose one sense your others are heightened.”
She glances back over her shoulder at me, giving me an are you serious right now? expression. “You know verbal speech isn’t one of the five senses, right?”
I snort. “Are you sure about that? Because not only do you smell amazing, but you look gorgeous, your giggle is music to my ears, and you feel just right here in my arms. Bet if I tasted those lips again, I’d be just as enamored…”
She blinks in astonishment at me for a moment before replying, “So, you’re a gambling man, huh?”
I nod.
“Let’s see if you’re right then,” she whispers before twisting her body, sitting up on her knees, and letting her lips fall on mine.
Her delicate hands come up to cup my cheeks as she pulls me in closer.
A slight whimper catches on her lips when my tongue darts out to part the seam of them.
I’m using as much restraint as I possibly can to not be forceful with this kiss, as much as I want to pour myself into it, because I don’t want to frighten her off.
However, with each lick of whatever gloss she’s painted onto her lips—cherry, if I’m not mistaken—I’m finding it hard to maintain the same composure I’ve had with the other times I’ve kissed her goodnight.
My hands grip her hips, holding her steady, as she grants my tongue access, tangling with hers. Lauren tilts her head, allowing us to melt together even further. She’s pressing in harder, showing me she wants more, and I’m eager to give her whatever it is she wants.
My cock is straining hard against the confines of my pants, at this point.
She’s rocking her body against it too, there’s no way she doesn’t feel how hard she’s gotten me—tempting me to seek friction by grinding back.
Suddenly, a loud boom echoes across the cove, followed closely by the twinkling of red, white, and blue falling sparks of color.
She gasps, rearing back quickly. So quickly, in fact, that she accidently knees me in the balls. Not just a love-tap either. No, she got me real good. My hands instinctually fly to my lap to cup them as I double over in pain.
“Oh my gosh! Caleb, I am so sorry!” she cries out.
I raise one hand up, wincing as I sign, “It’s okay.”
There’s a groan that wants to break free from my gut following that statement, but thankfully, none makes it past my shredded vocal cords.
Neither does the bile that’s risen in my throat, thank fuck.
As bursts of color and pops of noise continue to fill the night sky, she fumbles around on the blanket, trying to put more distance between us.
I shake my head, reaching for her. Before I can tell her that I’m fine, that I just need a minute, she starts to dart off without seeing my words.
Not for the first time tonight, I find myself wishing I could call out to her, cursing the situation I’m in.
Goddamn my inability to do something simple like shout to get her attention.
Regularly mourning the loss of my voice is nothing new to me, but right now? I'm beyond frustrated.
I just want to be heard. Why is that such a tall ask? I. Just. Want. To be. Fucking. Heard.
Overriding the pain I’m in, I shoot up off the blanket and jog over the pebbles and gravel on the shore to catch up to her.
My arm curls around her waist before she can hop back up on the rock and leave the same way we came.
With a bit of a tug, I manage to pull her into my arms as she pants to catch her breath.
She spins to face me and I hold her here, in this embrace, for a moment until I can feel her breathing settle down a bit.
She finally relaxes enough to melt into my arms, nuzzling her face in the crook of my neck.
“I’m so sorry, Caleb. I’m—I’m just so bad at this dating thing,” she murmurs, her voice cracking a bit, as if she’s holding back a sob.