Chapter Twelve
July and half of August flew by in a total blur, and I mean that quite literally.
I feel like it was a non-stop whirlwind of getting acclimated to being in the working world again, socializing at the bar after work with Marcus, PT appointments for my back, adventuring with Cameron, and trying to cram in time with Lauren whenever she could spare a moment at the same time as me.
I’m so looking forward to the upcoming long weekend because this Labor Day camping trip we’ve got planned might just be the break from the hustle and grind that I am in desperate need of.
It also happens to be the weekend that Lauren and I decided it would finally be time to break the news to Brody that his mother and I have been seeing each other.
Despite all the dates we’ve been on now, she still hasn’t addressed the elephant in the room about whether or not she and I are truly in a relationship.
And sure, it seems odd to me to be thirty and wondering if I should pass her a note or something asking her to be my girlfriend, but I’m trying hard to take things at her pace, waiting for her to take that step.
It’s increasingly evident that she is slowly pushing at her comfort boundaries, testing out what feels right for her, and I won’t ever take from her more than she is willing to give.
She’s grown less timid about receiving intimate touch, and she’s even initiated quite a few cuddle sessions with me.
Quick pecks often turn into passionate make out sessions, and I can tell that internally she’s begging for more, but I think that the biggest hurdle for her now is simply that this all feels too discreet.
She wants to be open about this—us—with her family.
That’s why, I believe, she was eager to have Brody and Marcus join me, her, and Cameron on this camping trip.
She wants to see how well we all mesh together in a neutral environment.
There will be no my house versus her home and, best of all, no more sneaking around.
I think that, once this is all out in the open, she’ll feel freer to pursue a deeper connection between the two of us.
She also hasn’t ever brought back up the throuple idea either.
I have to wonder if she and Marcus have had the conversation though, and that’s why it hasn’t come up again.
I won’t lie and say that I haven’t given that notion a second—or hell, even a third—thought, however.
I just—well, since that day I teased him on the boat and saw how steadfast he was about keeping things between us purely platonic, I’ve been doing my best to stuff those thoughts down.
Whatever Marcus and I had is in the past, and I guess I just need to accept that, though it is literally paining me to do so.
I thought that night, back when Lauren prompted Marcus and me to have a come-to-Jesus moment in their kitchen on the Fourth of July, I was pretty honest and open with him about how I took more away from our relationship than he did, and that it hurt me.
I told him I had loved him, and I get that he was trying to protect his family by keeping me at arm’s length, but he had admitted that he felt strongly for me too.
We had something, and now—well, now it’s just turned into a sort of friendship, more than anything.
Sometimes it feels wrong—and, honestly, kind of shameful—that I continue wanting for any of this: a relationship with Lauren, for that spark between Marcus and me to be reignited, and for us to blend our families.
I was married; I promised myself to another in sickness and in health…
‘til death do us part. Aaron’s not dead, and I’m not doing my part to honor my vows, even though I technically can't. I’ve been legally barred from doing so.
Am I being selfish for putting myself out there and for involving our son in the process?
“What’s wrong?” Marcus asks me, startling me from my thoughts. “You look rather distraught, like someone yeeted your favorite steak into a shark tank.”
That gets a chuckle out of me, despite the self-deprecating place my mind was heading towards.
I guess that’s what I appreciate the most about spending more time with Marcus again—working together and hanging out afterwards.
He’s funny and charismatic. He brings light into those dark recesses I sometimes feel myself being magnetized to.
Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to want to keep things with him platonic, because in him I find fireworks.
Glittering bursts of color that light up the shadows.
Heck, I even find laughter and the ability to smile more, after being subdued in my lonely space for so long.
I sigh. “Just thinking about how much this weekend could make or break a future for Lauren and me. I mean, what if Brody doesn’t understand our situation? Kids aren’t exactly brought up in a world where polyamory is understood, you know?”
Marcus’ amusement falters and he leans in closer.
“Caleb, I know my son, and I think he’ll understand once we explain it all to him in very simple terms. As harsh as the reality is, he has gone his entire life just wanting to be understood and accepted himself, so I don’t think he’ll react how you’d expect most kids his age to.
He’s wise beyond his years. So much so, that it often stuns Lo and me with some of the things he says.
He’s already enamored with you and Cam anyway, and right now all he thinks is that you’re good friends of ours. ”
That brings a slight grin to my lips. The boys have met up a few times under the guise of getting to see Pepper.
Really, it was Lauren and I testing the waters to see how well they’d get along together long-term.
We didn’t want to just assume that the commonality of their deafness would automatically render them best friends because that’s neither boy’s only attribute.
Cameron obviously knows that I’ve been dating Lauren, and he’s been completely fine with it, but with Lauren comes her family too.
This weekend will be the first time all of us have really been together in the same shared space.
The dynamic could suddenly be too overwhelming for him, and I do worry what the end result of that will be.
Will he change his mind about being so comfortable with this?
That’s why we’ll be bringing Pepper along for this weekend as well.
I want him to have his comfort critter nearby, in case things go haywire.
Speaking of bringing Pepper, we’ll need his harness that labels him a service animal, since there’s no way he’ll be able to freely roam around a campground without scaring other campers otherwise.
Cam likes to joke around and tell everyone Pepper is his hearing ear skunk, and the hilarious part is no one questions it either, like the skunk can interpret for him.
Just goes to show you how ignorant people can sometimes be, like that day back at Portside when those tourists spoke openly about Marcus and me because they thought we couldn’t hear them.
And if you think that it only happens with tourists—because Ternbay is such a small town, the locals must know that I can hear them, I just can’t use my voice—you’d be wrong.
Were it not for Lauren and Marcus, I’d still be a complete outsider.
I hunt around for my step stool, since Pepper’s rarely used gear is stuffed into a basket on the highest shelf of our coat closet.
Cameron’s much taller than I am, so he can get to it with ease, but he’s currently at work while I’m left here packing for our trip.
All our gear is going into the back of Marcus’ truck, which is why he’s here “helping.” Mostly, he’s just been playfully chasing Pepper around the house and pumping him full of treats whenever he catches the skunk.
“What’re you looking for?” Marcus asks me, cradling Pepper like a baby.
“My stool. I can’t reach the basket with Pepper’s gear in it.”
“That one?” He nods at the fabric bin in the closet, gently setting Pepper down on his converted cat bed.
I nod, and instead of using his height to easily reach up and grab the thing himself, he spins me around, bends at his waist, and lifts me up under my armpits.
Boosting me up like a fucking child. At first, I’m taken aback by the action, if not mildly annoyed by it.
I think he’s ridiculing me for being so much shorter than he is, since he likes to point it out so much. Then, I think better of it.
Marcus always used to get off on the fact that I was a much-smaller-than-him but still the captain-of-this-ship figure.
He never once poked fun at the fact that I’m shorter than average for guys my age because, next to his six-foot-four, pretty much everyone is shorter.
No, what he’s doing now by giving me a boost is not taking charge of me, which is something he has done continuously while interpreting for me—he never speaks over me or silences me.
Perhaps Lauren really was being serious when she said that Marcus and I both were the greenest green-flag men she’s ever known.
“Got it?” Marcus asks, peering up at me.
I nod, and note how flush his cheeks have gotten, being eye-level with my ass. Teasingly, I give him a little shimmy, my athletic shorts-clad ass brushing lightly against his nose. I swear I hear the slightest of groans get caught in his throat.
“Why are you like this?” he whines, setting me back down.
“Like what?” I ask, innocently batting my eyelashes at him.
“You know what, Caleb,” he huffs. “Is this how it’s going to be all weekend? You doing to me what you do at work all the time? You’re always fucking teasing me, trying to turn me on. God, do you know how much rotten herring I’ve had to snort because of you and your infuriatingly hot ass?”
“I thought you like being edged and teased.” I wink at him.