Chapter Eighteen #2
Caleb’s brows pinch. “For what?”
“I should have let you into my life more, you know, before… Honestly, I was terrified as hell about letting you know I had a family back here. There was this whole life that I was holding you back from. That was so dumb of me too, honestly, because all night I’ve just been sitting here thinking about how fuckin’ perfect this is.
Like, all we’ve done is just be all domestic and shit, and I’m—I don’t know—I’m loving it.
Really. To think, if I had just let you in sooner—”
“Whoa, whoa. Hold up a minute,” I interrupt him.
“I know that for myself, personally, eleven years ago I definitely would not have been ready for something like this. Not at all, Marco. I know I gave you some shit back when we were camping about keeping Caleb from me, but that’s exactly what it was—just some playfulness.
I wouldn’t have been in the right emotional space to even entertain polyamory back then, so I apologize if it hurts to hear this, Caleb, but I have to say it…
Marcus, you did the right thing back then by keeping Brody and me a secret. ”
“It’s fine,” Caleb admits. “Honestly, it did hurt at the time, yes. But if, hypothetically speaking, Marcus and I had stayed together—tried something long-distance—I truly don’t think it would have worked.
I’m a clingy fellow, I guess. Plus, it would have killed me if I found out that time spent travelling to meet up would have taken you away from a family who needed you.
Besides, if for some reason we had worked out, and if none of those other factors were in play at the time, I wouldn’t have had the time I did with Aaron.
I wouldn’t have Cam. Those two helped shape me into the man sitting here today. ”
Marcus rubs his eyes, swiping at his cheeks.
Caleb continues, “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Marcus, so stop letting that weigh on your conscience. I am just glad to be here now. Do I still feel a bit like I’m intruding on your life?
Yeah, absolutely. I think those are just newcomer jitters though.
Like you and your dress, I’ll need to keep at it until this feels more natural, you know? ”
Marcus nods.
“We’ll get there, Sugar. I promise. Maybe we’ll get to a point where you get so sick of me sharing a bathroom with you that you’ll change your mind and want to throw me out…”
Marcus chuckles at that. “Doubtful. I can’t fathom there being a time where I ever get sick of having you around. You just, I don’t know, fit with us.”
Caleb grins a little, but it appears to be tinged with a touch of melancholy. “And that’s something that worries me a little, in the spirit of full disclosure. My new therapist has been pretty adamant that I be more open with you two about the things I'm struggling with…”
That's one big thing that's happened since we got back from our camping trip.
I talked with Brooks, and he was able to recommend a licensed clinical social worker, like him, but one who is deaf and who happens to work locally.
Caleb has met with her a couple of times now already, and I feel so good knowing that he can communicate fluidly with her without needing either Marcus or me there to interpret for him.
It gives me hope that Caleb can open up more, especially when it comes to navigating our relationship, if we're not there with him.
Now, however, Marcus and I are both donning matching looks of concern as we watch Caleb talk with his hands.
He continues, “It’s me. I’m worried I’m coming on too strong, too quickly, inserting myself too deeply.
It’s the fitting in too well that has me petrified that I’ll be too much for you both eventually, and you’ll both want your simpler days back. ”
I sit up and cup Caleb’s jaw, my eyes flitting back and forth between his raw-honest and worried ones.
“Caleb, Marcus and I both know—better than anyone, I’m afraid—what it's like for someone to feel like an outcast to society over something like a language barrier. We both understand the loneliness you have felt, and I’m sure that the reason you’re so exuberant is because you finally have someone to talk to, people whom you can communicate with without barriers. We get that.”
“Yeah, we were actually just talking about that the other night,” Marcus pipes up.
“About how we were worried that you’d eventually get bored with just us being in your little bubble and move on.
We’d like to think that we can help your bubble grow though.
For us, interpreting isn’t a bother. Hell, one of us even gets paid for it.
” He pauses to chuckle at his own joke. “But in all seriousness, just like with our job, we both agreed the other night that neither of us wants you to feel like you’re burdening us by helping you get out more—to do the things you love again. ”
I add, “Yeah, I felt bad when you told me there were all these things you used to enjoy, but then you stopped. I don’t know if it’s because of fear of another accident or if communication is the issue, but if there’s anything weighing you down that we can help with—please, please don’t hesitate to ask.
I may not be completely on board with trying bungee jumping or some shit right away, but it’s not something I’d totally rule out either.
Maybe if we, like, buddy-jumped or something… ”
He grins at me and chuckles, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “You’re too good for me,” he notes, then looks up at Marcus. “You both are. Thank you.”
Marcus scoffs. “Don’t thank me. I didn’t offer to jump off a perfectly sturdy bridge with you. Best I can offer is finally letting you talk me into getting the ol’ nips pierced.”
“Okay, what the heck kind of conversation did I just walk into?” Cam chuckles, padding into the living room.
Caleb laughs. “Nothing that concerns you, that’s for sure.”
“Oh, come on. I’ve only been asking you for permission to get my septum pierced for a couple years now. You know I’m mature enough to take care of it and keep it clean.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that, but what makes you think I want you getting the type of piercing that a bull has?” Caleb asks, eyebrow arched.
Cameron shrugs. “You seemed on board with Marcus piercing his nips. What have you got against body modifications as a form of self-expression?”
“Nothing…”
“Need I remind you, I’m not asking for something like a tattoo or anything, just one simple piercing.
If I eventually decide I don’t want it, I can always take it out and it’ll heal right back up, since it’s not something I’m interested in gauging,” Cameron maturely pleads his case.
“And I looked into it, all I’d need from you is a note of consent and for you to be present. ”
Marcus snickers, looking pointedly at Caleb. “If you’re not busy after school tomorrow, I could always go with you and play your guardian for the day, since your dad is going to be busy with Brody at the pet store.”
Caleb fixes Marcus with a narrow-eyed glare. Marcus just snorts, holding his hands up in mock defense. “Hey, I was just trying to return the favor. Bonding with your kiddo or whatever.”
Cameron shoots him a look over his shoulder. “I’m almost seventeen. Hardly a kiddo.”
“I’m razzing your dad,” Marcus tells him. “Save your guff for someone who isn’t helping you win your case,” he adds, poking his tongue out at Cameron.
Cam smirks.
Caleb sighs. “Fine, go get your damn piercings together,” he relents.
“Oh, I think you mean his piercing. I’m not whipping these tiddies out without you there,” Marcus tells him.
I tut. “Marco, seriously… watch your mouth, would ya?”
“What?” he replies while huffing out a slight laugh. “He’s not a kid!”
Cameron chuckles now. “Thanks, Mr. Ant—uh, Marcus.”
“Ah-ha ha!” Marcus waggles his finger at Cam. “Almost got ya that time! Alright, you dudes. I’ve got to be up at the ba-donk crack o’ dawn. I’m probably gonna go crawl my Jolly Green butt into bed, so don’t stay up all night with Brody, cackling over that fart squirrel of yours, yeah?”
Cam’s brows knit in confusion. “O-kay…?” he drawls. Shaking his head, he pads back down the hallway. “Night! And thanks, Dad! Love you!”
“You’re welcome, and love you too, son!” I call back to him. He pokes his head back around the corner, looking confused. “I was interpreting for Caleb,” I tell him.
“Oh. Uh, thanks…”
“No problemo. It’s kinda my job,” I snark at him with a wink.
“Night, Lauren,” he shoots back. “And, um, Brody’s already asleep. You want me to grab his processor for you?”
“No thanks, hun. I’ll go grab it.”
“Okay, cool. Uh, yeah. Night again.” Then his gaze flicks between the three of us. “This is, um, it’s weird, but I don’t hate it—seeing the three of you all cuddling on the couch together.” Before any of us can respond, he slinks back down to the guest room.
When I finish up getting ready for bed, I find Caleb patiently waiting his turn for the bathroom. Lord, I thought it was bad enough having to split our one facility between just Brody, Marcus, and myself. Imagine adding two more to the mix—every damn one of them male, besides me.
Years ago, the notion of me being in my own home, surrounded by so much testosterone, would have left me panicking—my fear of men having been outwardly projected as outright detest. I’m staunchly feminist, don’t get me wrong—I believe in fair treatment and equality in a world that seems mostly male dominant—but still, my past caused me to literally be petrified of men… like boogeymen hiding in the shadows.