Chapter Twenty-One #2
My son nods. “It’s going alright. I can tell Nana and Pop-Pop are biting their tongues, but I let them know I’d leave if they started in with any negative talk.
I’m here for something more important than their drama.
This is Papa.” He turns back to Aaron, and I can see him squeeze his father’s hand.
“Papa, I told you about Lauren, Marcus, and Brody earlier. This is Lauren; she’s standing right behind Dad.
Cam faces the screen again, addressing me, “The nurse that was here with him earlier says that he’s been stable.
I guess a few months ago he had to be taken to the hospital to treat a bad urinary tract infection from all the catheters or whatever, but he’s back now and has been as expected since.
Sometimes he talks, but it’s mostly jumbled up nonsense. ”
I nod. This is incredibly awkward for so many reasons.
First, I’m not sure how aware Aaron even is of his surroundings.
I don’t know how to talk to him as if everything is normal because—well—this isn’t normal for us.
Everyone wants to tell me that I was a chatterbox before the accident, but Aaron was so much more talkative.
Second, this is all being done over the phone. I hate that it has to be this way because I’m not allowed near him. Say his subconscious mind is alert, does he think that I’ve just abandoned him? Is he aware that I would sell my goddamn soul if I had to, if it meant I could be there with him now?
Lastly, Lauren is here with me, “meeting” Aaron.
It’s eating me up inside that I’m having a difficult time reconciling my old life with my new one.
With seeing who I once thought was my one and only, now being introduced to someone else who also takes up space in my heart—along with another who is currently with Brody at one of his audiology appointments.
It’s almost too much, and I want to break down and cry. Over what, I’m not sure? Maybe the oppressiveness of it all. This should be happy though. I should be elated that I’m seeing Aaron—getting to lay my own eyes on him—finally.
Lauren squeezes my shoulder and whispers in my ear, “There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now, babe. Every single way is valid. Just breathe.”
I release the pent-up breath that I didn’t realize, until now, I’d kept at bay.
“Cam, can you do me a favor?” I ask.
“Yeah…?”
“Could you give me a minute with him? Like, do you mind stepping out for a second?”
“Sure.” He stands, sliding the tripod over so that Aaron’s face fills the screen more, and then tells me to just call him back when I’ve had enough time.
I peer up at Lauren. “Can you also do me a favor?”
“Anything…”
“Can you just be my interpreter for a minute? Like, not my girlfriend. Just, I don’t know, if you can shut that part of your brain off so I can speak to him?”
She smirks, sliding another stool over and sitting next to me. “You and I have blurred a lot of lines in the professional field over the past few months, but I do still recall how to do my job, yes.”
I kiss her cheek. “Thank you.”
“Psst,” she teases. “If you want me to step out of girlfriend mode, you need to not kiss me.”
I nod, huffing out a dry chuckle. “Of course.”
Then I face the screen, studying Aaron’s blank gaze, directed at the ceiling, for a moment.
Whatever I sign, Lauren speaks aloud. “Aaron, darling, if you can hear me, I want you to know something very important. If I could be there right now, I would. I miss you so, so much, and I’m sorry as hell for what I did to you. ”
I pause to wipe away moisture trying to leak out of my eyelids.
He blinks. I continue, “Cam mentioned that he told you about Lauren, Marcus, and Brody, but I don’t know how much he told you.
Please, please don’t be mad at me for moving on.
I am going to do everything in my power to bring you home, here, with us.
I know I failed you twice already. The first time being the accident, and then once more, when I couldn’t fight for you properly in court. ”
Lauren continues to interpret for me, though it appears as if it’s physically paining her to say the things she has been insistent about me not being at fault for. Like a champ, though, she’s turning off her girlfriend brain.
“Aaron, after what happened I didn’t think I’d ever try to seek out love again, because I didn’t know if I had it in me to give a piece of my heart to someone else when you had already claimed the whole damn thing.
But what I’ve learned by being with Marcus and Lauren is that I don’t have to chip off pieces of my heart to hand out to anyone.
I’ve learned that it can make space and allow others in instead.
It can grow and expand, right until it feels so full sometimes that it could explode. ”
He blinks again, and this time, I swear I can see a tear forming in the very corner of one of his eyes. Could just be natural moisture, however, so I brush it off.