19. Rowan
I knew something was wrong the moment we started heading down there.
Not because of where we were going.
But because of him.
Caelum didn't question it.
Didn't hesitate.
Didn't even pause.
And that...
That was what set me on edge.
He's the king now.
That thought kept repeating in my head as I followed them.
King.
Crowned.
Untouchable.
That's what everyone saw.
That's what he was.
So why did he look like this?
Too controlled.
Too quiet.
Too...
Used to this.
The further down we went, the colder it got.
Less gold.
Less white.
Less illusion.
And then we stopped.
The door looked like nothing.
Plain.
Heavy.
Closed.
But Caelum.
He knew it.
I saw it in the way his shoulders tightened just slightly.
The way his breathing shifted.
Barely noticeable.
But I saw it.
"Open it."
Not King.
Not Your Majesty.
Just...
Command.
And Caelum obeyed.
That's when something inside me twisted.
Hard.
Because no one should be able to talk to him like that anymore.
No one should have that kind of control over him.
But they did.
The door opened.
And the room...
I didn't need an explanation.
Didn't need history.
Didn't need context.
I knew exactly what kind of place this was.
I've seen rooms like this.
Felt rooms like this.
Survived rooms like this.
And I hated it instantly.
"Do you remember?"
"Yes."
Caelum's voice didn't shake.
Didn't break.
Didn't give anything away.
But I heard it.
That tightness.
That restraint.
"You struggled."
I frowned.
He's the king.
"You lacked discipline."
My hands curled into fists.
No.
This isn't how this works anymore.
"Remove your composure."
My head snapped toward them.
What?
Caelum didn't move at first.
Then.
Slowly.
He did.
And then...
The King struck him.
Everything in me went still.
Not because I didn't want to move.
Because I didn't understand what I was seeing.
Because this shouldn't be happening.
Not now.
Not anymore.
He's the king.
Caelum got hit again.
Louder.
Sharper.
And yet...
Caelum didn't stop him.
Didn't say a word.
Didn't raise a hand.
Didn't...
Fight.
He just stood there.
And took it.
"Focus."
Another strike.
My jaw clenched so hard it hurt.
No.
"Control is not an option."
Again.
And something inside me snapped.
I took a step forward.
"Stop,"
It almost came out.
Almost.
But I bit it back.
Hard.
Because reality hit just as fast.
If I interfere...
I'm done.
Not just fired.
Not just removed.
Gone.
And if I'm gone...
I can't stay near him.
Can't protect him.
Can't...
The thought locked me in place.
And I hated it.
Hated myself for it.
Because he needed someone to step in.
Needed someone to say something.
Needed someone to...
Another hit.
I looked at him.
Really looked.
And for a second.
Just a second.
That perfect control slipped.
Not in his body.
Not in his stance.
In his eyes.
And that?
That broke something in me.
Because I knew that look.
I've worn that look.
The "don't react or it gets worse" look.
The "just survive this" look.
And suddenly...
He wasn't just the king.
He was...
Him.
Just him.
And I couldn't do anything.
That was the worst part.
Not the hitting.
Not the room.
The fact that I stood there...
And did nothing.
"Recompose yourself."
And just like that,
It stopped.
Like it was nothing.
Like it was normal.
Like it was necessary.
I didn't move.
Didn't speak.
Didn't even breathe right.
Because everything in me was screaming.
And I had to stay silent.
We walked out like nothing happened.
Like he hadn't just been...
I couldn't even finish the thought.
The hallway felt too clean.
Too bright.
Too fake.
And him?
He walked like nothing happened.
Like it didn't matter.
Like it didn't touch him.
But I knew better.
Because I saw it.
And now I couldn't unsee it.
I wanted to say something.
Anything.
"Are you okay?"
"Say something."
"Fight back."
But the words stayed stuck in my throat.
Because I didn't know how to talk to him anymore.
Not after last night.
Not after this.
Not when he wouldn't even look at me.
So I stayed quiet.
And that silence?
It ate at me the entire day.
By the time I finally got a moment alone...
I couldn't take it anymore.
I called Zayn.
He answered like always.
Casual.
Easy.
Normal.
And I wasn't any of those things.
"I think I'm losing it," I said.
And this time...
I meant it.
Because how do you stand there and watch your mate.
Your king.
Get hurt like that...
And do nothing?
How do you want to protect someone,
But feel like you're the one thing stopping yourself?
How do you look at him.
After everything.
And still feel that pull?
That want?
That need to be closer?
"I don't know what to do," I admitted.
And that?
That was the truth.
Because for the first time...
I wasn't just fighting the world.
I was fighting myself.
And I didn't know which one was going to win."I messed up," I said.
"That's not new."
"Shut up."
He laughed.
Light.
Easy.
Normal.
God, I missed that.
"What happened?" he asked.
I hesitated.
Because where do you even start?
"I think I'm losing it," I said finally.
"Yeah, you've been losing it since you took that job."
"No, I mean it."
Something in my voice must've shifted.
Because his tone changed.
"Rowan," he said. "What's going on?"
I exhaled slowly.
Then...
"I think he's my mate."
Silence.
Then...
"...What?"
"Yeah."
"The King?"
"Yeah."
Another pause.
Longer this time.
"Okay," he said slowly. "That's... a lot."
"Tell me about it."
"And you're sure?"
"Our wrists literally glow when we touch."
"...Right."
"Yeah."
"Okay," he repeated. "So you're bonded to royalty. That's...insane."
"Not the worst part."
"There's worse?"
I laughed.
But there was no humor in it.
"I pinned him against a wall last night."
"...You what?"
"Yeah."
"And you're still alive?"
"Barely."
"What happened?"
I swallowed.
"I almost kissed him."
Silence again.
"But I didn't," I added quickly.
"Why not?"
"I don't know!" I snapped.
"Rowan,"
"I don't know, okay? I just...stopped."
"Did he stop you?"
"No."
That word came out quieter.
Heavier.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Another pause.
"And now?" Zayn asked.
"Now he's acting like it never happened."
"And that bothers you?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
I opened my mouth.
Closed it.
Then...
"I don't know."
But that was a lie.
I did know.
Because it felt like rejection.
And I didn't like that.
"And today..." I trailed off.
"What?"
I swallowed again.
Harder this time.
"His father," I said. "The Former King."
"Yeah?"
"He took him somewhere."
"Okay...?"
"And he, "
I stopped.
Because saying it out loud made it real.
"He what?"
"He hurt him."
Silence.
Immediate.
Heavy.
"...What do you mean hurt him?"
"I mean he hurt him," I said, voice tight. "Like it was normal. Like it was a lesson."
"What the hell?"
"Yeah."
"And you just watched?"
The question hit.
Hard.
"I couldn't do anything," I said.
"Rowan,"
"He's the King," I snapped. "What was I supposed to do? Attack him? Get myself killed? Get thrown out?"
"So you did nothing?"
"I... " I stopped.
Because yeah.
That's exactly what I did.
Nothing.
"I stayed," I said quietly.
"And watched him take it."
Silence stretched between us.
"That's messed up," Zayn said finally.
"I know."
"And you're okay with that?"
"No," I said immediately.
Too fast.
Too sharp.
"No, I'm not."
"Then what are you gonna do?"
I didn't have an answer.
Because the truth was...
I didn't know.
All I knew was this...
I wanted to help him.
Wanted to stop it.
Wanted to...
Be there.
But something kept holding me back.
And I hated that.
"I don't know," I admitted.
"Well, figure it out," Zayn said. "Because if you care about him like you sound like you do,"
"I don't," I cut in.
"...Rowan."
"I don't," I repeated.
Silence.
Then...
"Yeah," he said. "You do."
I didn't argue.
Because I couldn't.
Because after everything...
After last night...
After today...
I did.
And that?
That scared me more than anything else.