32. Caelum
I woke up because of the smell.
At first, I didn’t understand what it was.
It didn’t belong in the palace.
Not here.
Not in corridors made of polished stone and silence and rules that never admitted hunger unless it was political.
Then my mind caught up.
Cheeseburgers.
Warm.
Greasy.
Real.
Unmistakably out of place.
I sat up slowly.
Blinking.
Still half caught between sleep and something sharper underneath it.
The night before came back in fragments.
Rowan’s voice. The documents. The way my uncle looked at me like I wasn’t just his nephew but something heavier. Something inherited.
And then...
Rowan leaving.
Again.
Like he always did when things got too close to real.
I swung my legs off the bed.
The room was dim, early morning light pressing against the edges of the curtains.
Everything felt still.
Except that smell.
It was stronger now.
Intentional.
I stood.
And walked to the door.
It was there.
A bag.
Two, actually.
Sitting just outside my room like it had been placed carefully.
Not discarded.
Not forgotten.
Left.
My chest tightened slightly.
Because I already knew.
Even before I touched it.
Rowan.
I opened the door further.
Looked down the corridor.
Empty at first glance.
Too empty.
But then...
I saw him.
A few steps away.
Already walking.
Already leaving.
Like this was something he didn’t intend to be caught doing.
Like he had delivered something and was trying to erase the fact that it mattered.
“Rowan.”
My voice cut through the corridor before I thought about it.
He stopped immediately.
Of course he did.
He always reacted like that.
Like I had some kind of control over his attention even when I shouldn’t.
He turned slightly.
Not fully.
Like he was still halfway out the door.
“Your Majesty,” he said.
That title again.
Careful.
Distant.
Like armour he put on when he wasn’t sure what else to wear.
I looked down at the bags.
Then back at him.
“…You brought this.”
A pause.
“Yes.”
I frowned slightly.
“You left it outside my room.”
“Yes.”
Silence.
That should have been the end of it.
It wasn’t.
Because nothing between us ever ended properly anymore.
It just… lingered.
“Come in,” I said.
He didn’t move immediately.
That was new.
He usually followed instructions.
Even unspoken ones.
Especially mine.
“I don’t need...” he started.
“I didn’t ask,” I cut in quietly. “I’m telling you.”
Another pause.
Longer this time.
Then he exhaled once.
And walked toward me.
I stepped aside without thinking about it.
Letting him pass.
Letting him into my space.
That should have felt wrong.
It didn’t.
He closed the door behind him carefully.
Not loudly.
Not casually.
Carefully.
Like he wasn’t sure how permanent this moment was supposed to be.
I walked to the bed and picked up one of the bags.
Still warm.
Still real.
“You bought the same thing,” I said.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He hesitated.
Just briefly.
Then...
“Because you didn’t get to finish it properly last time.”
That made me pause.
Look up at him.
“That’s not a reason,” I said.
“It is for me.”
Silence.
I opened the bag slowly.
The smell hit stronger now.
Familiar in a way that didn’t belong in this room.
I sat down on the edge of the bed.
Looked at him again.
“Sit.”
He didn’t argue this time.
Just moved to the chair near the bed at first.
Like distance was still a habit.
I frowned slightly.
“No.”
He paused.
I patted the space beside me once.
“Here.”
That hesitation again.
Short.
Subtle.
Then he moved.
Carefully.
Like he was entering something he didn’t fully trust.
He sat beside me.
Not too close.
Not far.
Just enough.
I handed him one of the burgers.
He took it without comment.
We ate in silence for a moment.
Not uncomfortable.
Just… unfamiliar.
I turned on the screen across the room.
Didn’t think too much about what I chose.
Something simple.
Something that didn’t require thought.
The movie started.
Low sound.
Soft light.
Filling the room with something other than tension for once.
At some point, I leaned slightly closer without realising.
My shoulder brushed his.
He didn’t move away.
That alone should have meant something.
I wasn’t sure what.
We ate slower after that.
Like the food wasn’t the point anymore.
Eventually, I shifted.
Without thinking.
And rested my head against him.
It wasn’t planned.
It wasn’t intentional.
It just… happened.
Like my body decided before I did.
Rowan stiffened slightly.
Just for a second.
Then relaxed.
His arm didn’t move.
But I felt it settle differently.
Like he was deciding not to reject the contact.
I didn’t say anything.
Because I didn’t want to risk breaking it.
The movie continued.
Background noise now.
Less important than the fact that I could feel him breathe.
Steady.
Present.
Real.
And then...
I started talking.
I didn’t mean to.
It just came out.
About everything.
The council. The marriage discussions. The way my uncle had spoken like history was something that could be edited after the fact. The documents. The gaps. The feeling that I had been standing in the centre of something too large for a single person to understand alone.
Rowan didn’t interrupt.
Not once.
Just listened.
And for some reason...
that made it easier.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with any of it,” I admitted quietly.
Silence.
Then Rowan spoke.
Softly.
“You don’t have to figure it out all at once.”
I exhaled slowly.
“That is not helpful.”
A faint pause.
Then...
“I didn’t say it would be.”
That almost made me smile.
Almost.
We fell into silence again.
My head stayed against his chest.
I could feel his heartbeat now.
Not loud.
Not fast.
Just steady.
And something about that steadiness made everything else in my mind quieter.
Not gone.
Just… less sharp.
I didn’t realise he had shifted until I felt it.
His breathing changed slightly.
Heavier.
Uneven.
I frowned slightly.
“…Rowan?”
No response immediately.
That was wrong.
He always responded.
I lifted my head slightly.
Looked up at him.
And saw it.
His eyes were wet.
Not fully crying yet.
But close.
Too close.
That stopped everything in me.
Immediately.
“…Hey,” I said, sitting up a little. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head once.
Fast.
Like that would fix it.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.”
That made him exhale sharply.
But it wasn’t steady.
And then it happened.
He broke.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just...
quietly.
Like something inside him had finally given up holding itself in place.
I froze.
I didn’t know what to do.
That was the problem.
I didn’t know what this was supposed to look like.
I didn’t know what rule applied.
I didn’t know what version of me was correct here.
“Rowan,” I said again, softer now.
He looked away.
But it didn’t stop it.
His shoulders tightened slightly.
And then he just… went still.
Like he was trying to disappear into himself.
My chest tightened immediately.
Panic rising before thought could stop it.
“I... ” I started.
Then stopped.
Because I didn’t know what to say.
I moved without thinking.
Closing the space between us.
And pulled him into me.
It wasn’t graceful.
It wasn’t controlled.
It was instinct.
He froze again at first.
Then something in him gave.
And he leaned into it.
I held him.
Tighter than I expected.
Because I didn’t know what else to do.
“It’s okay,” I said quietly.
Even though I wasn’t sure what I meant.
Even though I wasn’t sure if anything was okay.
His breath shook slightly against my shoulder.
And I realised...
I had no idea how long he had been carrying whatever this was.
And for the first time...
I didn’t feel like the one breaking.
I felt like the one holding someone else together.
Even if I didn’t know how.