21. Misely
twenty-one
Misely
“W ell, he didn’t lie about one thing,” I said an hour later, kicking my feet up on the dash of the passenger side. The seats had cigarette burns, and the interior was laced with the acrid odor of many years of neglect and smoke and things probably better left to the imagination. “It is ‘vintage’. 1985 Chevrolet G20. High demand, though? I doubt it.”
I’d pulled the van’s owner’s manual out of the glove compartment and thumbed through it. The pages were the cleanest thing in the entire vehicle, making me wonder if it’d ever been touched. I felt Talon’s sidelong glance my way. If he was surprised by my breaking the silent treatment I’d been giving him for two days, he didn’t express it. I’d been angry. Angrier than even I had expected. And the reality was, I couldn’t really nail down what exactly I was angry about.
I’d gone back to our room that night and done my best to wait up for him. I wanted to grill him more about the strange phone call I’d overheard. But I’d fallen asleep before he’d ever come back to the room and when I woke up to him tucking me in, I’d kept my eyes squeezed shut tightly, pretending I didn’t feel him pull me in to his chest and breathing me in. When I felt the handcuff latch around my wrist though, my heart had sunk. And I felt…hurt.
That’s probably why I was so pissed. Not only at Talon, but at myself. Because why the hell did I feel anything? Lust was one thing. Fury. Hatred. All things I could understand. All things that at least made some sense. But hurt? Over what? Him being exactly who he claimed to be? Ridiculous. That’s the kind of crap romanticizing, heart-eye Misely from one year ago would get caught up in.
Not badass, independent, make her own way Misely of the here and now.
Talon’s only response to my random factoid was a halfhearted grunt. For whatever reason, that made me itchy for him to say something. An uncomfortable tingling starting in my ankles and crawling over my bones until it hit my teeth, trying to force me to open my mouth and carry on the one-sided conversation. I didn’t. I bit my lips and leaned forward, poking the power button to the radio. Talon sighed heavily but did not protest.
Static overwhelmed the cab, so I began to turn the dial through stations. Country, country, yodeling? Country, hip hop, country, pop, pop, country, gospel, hip hop, until finally —yes! I settled on a station that was playing Y2K punk music. I hummed along, barely containing my grin. A nostalgic sense of comfort filled me up and I just barely missed the look of confusion that Talon gave me.
“What?” I snapped, feeling a little defensive.
“Just wouldn’t have pegged you as a punk chick, that’s all. Seems more like your friend’s thing.”
I rolled my eyes so hard I was sure I could see the back of my own brain.
“I guess this is just your friendly reminder that you don’t know a thing about either of us.” I looked away from him, trying not to let myself get bitter. I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have ignored him altogether. I shouldn’t have broken the silent treatment.
Talon shrugged his shoulder. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have pegged you two as friends at all if I hadn’t seen you together with my own eyes. You seem so different.”
I resisted rolling my eyes again. Not because of him per say, but more because I’d heard it so often. Aesthetically, Birdie and I were different, sure. We liked different clothes and makeup. But on the inside? Birdie was my other half, through and through. She had this way of softening all my sharp edges, holding me accountable and always, always being a constant source of support. Constantly getting tossed looks or hearing people remark on how ‘different’ they thought we were was tiring and irksome.
“I suppose if all you see is what’s on the outside, then yes, we’re different.” I crossed my arms over my chest glaring out the passenger window. The music had lost its appeal.
Talon went quiet again for a moment before saying, “Okay.” His tone was contemplative. “Then tell me. How did you become friends?”
“Why do you even care?” I bit out before thinking better of it.
When I looked at him through narrowed eyes, he seemed unbothered by my snappish response.
“Fine, don’t tell me. We’ll be in the car for another…” He pretended to think about it for a second. “Three to four hours at least. If you’d like it to be silent, that’s no issue for me.”
I groaned, slapping my palms to the top of my thighs. Leaning my head against the back of my seat, I stared up at the nicotine stained roof. Just thinking about the day that I met Birdie brought better feelings to the surface, a small smile curving against my mouth.
“It was almost immediate,” I said, letting my eyes fall closed. “It was the day of freshman orientation and we’d both just arrived on campus and were dropping our bags off in our dorm. Neither of us had any family accompany us, so we were just standing there awkwardly.
“She was wearing this grungy looking jean skirt that had safety pins all over it and a black t-shirt. I was so intimidated by her at first, it was kind of hard to make eye contact. She looked at me like I was a total freak. I was wearing my favorite shoes at the time—six-inch Barbie pink pumps that gave me all of the confidence, and a sequin crop top. Looking back now I guess I can see how that wasn’t the typical attire for day one on campus, but oh well. I looked hot.
“Before we could even say hi or introduce ourselves, we took a look around our dorm and it was a disaster . It was probably the tiniest room on campus, the mattresses were stained, and there was a leak in the ceiling that was dripping on very old, yellowing cracked tile.
“Well anyway, I do this thing where I will sometimes quote music that could apply to a situation when I’m feeling uncomfortable. So I did that, and right when I caught myself, Birdie finished the verse. The rest is history; we’ve been inseparable ever since.”
I was floating where I sat, letting myself ruminate in the memory of making the strongest connection I’ve ever had, with the best person I’d ever met. Talon popped my bubble in the next moment.
“What was the song?”
“What?” My eyes opened and I turned my head to look at him. He was serious.
“The song. That you bonded over. It has to be pretty obscure if you ended up becoming best friends over it.”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it,” I said, feeling heat creep into the tops of my cheeks. Ugh .
This only intrigued him further. “Come on, Blondie. Don’t tell me you’re ashamed. This was a core moment for you, it shouldn’t be embarrassing.”
“Exactly. Why would I want to share my core memories with you?”
“What if I said please?” His eyes met mine. It was brief, so so brief before he was watching the road again, but I felt the eye contact to the tips of my toes. I shuddered and hoped he didn’t notice.
I didn’t answer him right away, choosing instead to think of a way I could spin this to my advantage. He was hiding something, and despite my better instincts, I wanted to know what the hell it was. I could—and would—use this little bit of sharing time with him, to get the answers I wanted. Who was Leo? Who was Kenna ? Talon had been worried to panic when she called back at The Lodge. How were they all interconnected? I was brimming to the top with questions and this might have been the only chance I had at getting answers.
“It was Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too by Say Anything.” When he gave me a questioning look that told me he had no idea what I was talking about, I huffed. “I forgot you’re like a million years older than us. Dinosaurs probably didn’t have access to YouTube . The first line is ‘ If I die and go to hell real soon, it will appear to me as this room.’ That’s the line we quoted.” Again, a dull look. “You had to be there.”
“Apparently. And eight years is no prehistoric age difference, Blondie. ”
Shooting him another eye roll, I chewed on my lower lip, trying to think of a subtle way to ask the questions that were bouncing around in my head. When nothing came to mind, I blurted. “Is Kenna your girlfriend?” There was a brief moment of panic, and I told myself that was only because I was really hoping I hadn’t fucked a guy who had someone waiting on him. I was a lot of things, but I wasn’t a homewrecker. And then I took an extra second to scold myself for consistently blurting things that probably should be handled with more care.
Talon choked on his gum, failing to compose himself faster than I could see the shocked expression. He went from prying to closed off in half a second.
“Do you think I’d fuck you if I had a girlfriend?”
“All things considered, I don’t think infidelity would be your biggest sin.” I knew as soon as the last syllable left my tongue that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.
“Didn’t I tell you to mind your goddamn business?”
I crossed my arms over my chest again, infuriated by the arrogance of the man beside me. “What? So, you can dig into my life but I can’t ask questions about yours?”
“Talking time is over.” He turned the radio back up, ignoring me entirely.