24. Misely
twenty-four
Misely
E very thought that had plagued me was lost to the feel of him inside me. Really there was no other option; Talon was all consuming. Every time our hips met as he bottomed out, I was forced to bite back a scream, overwhelmed with the size of him, the feel of him. He was everywhere, all at once, and though the idea of that might bring me pause when I was back in my right mind, in this moment all I could think was his , I’m his .
I wanted him to take from me, wanted to take from him until our breath ran out. And god , he took. Punching into me hard enough to rock the van, my legs wrapped tightly around his back as I met his pace.
“Is this what you needed, baby?” He whispered hoarsely into my ear. I moaned, trying to form the words impossible.
“Say it, Blondie. Tell me what you need.” Deft fingers reached between us to pinch my clit, his cock stretching me to capacity. I gasped, a whimper pulled from my lips as lightening shot through my body at the sensation.
“You, I need you. Talon, please .” My legs were quaking around him, my body spent as I sit on the precipice of my orgasm. His golden eyes turned feral, hands moving to grip my thighs and pull them over his shoulders. Then he began working my clit with his thumb, in short, tight circles while he continued to pump into me at a languid pace. When I came, I screamed out his name, reaching up to grip his face and pull it down to me in a demanding kiss.
Talon fucked me until we were both boneless and out of breath, our sweat slickened bodies sticking together in the post coital pile we’d created in the center of the small bed. We’d created our own little world in the van; blankets tangled around our ankles, and the windows so fogged we couldn’t see the blizzard still raging outside. Our breathing was ragged, hearts beating erratically. I could hear his clearly, with my ear pressed to his bare chest.
We hadn’t done this the times before; cuddled. It wasn’t something I liked to do with anyone after James. The other times I’d been with Talon, it had been hasty and rushed. And even though this could just as easily be classified as ‘in the heat of the moment,’ my stomach tightened knowing that it felt like something else entirely.
I wasn’t imagining things when I saw how angry Talon had gotten on my behalf. How earnestly he’d looked at me, like I might actually be important to him. But I had to be crazy, right? Had to be imagining things, because how in the hell could my blackmailer, of all people, be looking at me like he might actually care if someone hurt my feelings?
What he’d said right before he’d slid inside of me bounced around in my head, and I tried—I really tried—to remind myself not to romanticize something that wasn’t there. Nothing has ever felt as good as you. Of course, he was talking about sex. He had to have been talking about sex. What else could there have been?
I wished for the thousandth time that I could call Birdie to tell her everything and ask for the advice I desperately needed—but that was impossible. Birdie would tell me I was insane and I would believe her. Right before calling me a traitorous whore because that’s how I felt. At least that’s how I felt when I wasn’t distracted by how good I felt. Talon had this way of melting the bones beneath my skin from head to toe, leaving me a languid, satisfied puddle beside him. Sex had never felt so good. It had never felt so right. And that was rather alarming.
“Kenna isn’t my girlfriend.” Talon’s voice was still rough when it jerked me out of my thoughts. “She’s Leo’s mother.”
I was so surprised, my mouth gaped open for a moment before I remembered how to speak. “And Leo is…?”
I hadn’t been prepared for him to bring it up on his own and hadn’t planned on pressing him again until later. As in, not until we’d reached our next stop and he’d had the chance to take a hot shower and decompress, later.
Talon paused and I could hear his jaw tighten and his heart rate pick up again. This was a big moment for him, even if I didn’t understand why. “Leo is my son.”
I jerked up, the breath stolen from my lungs all over again. Of all the things he could say, that had been the last thing I’d expected. “Your…son.”
I wasn’t facing him, didn’t know if I could. I wasn’t sure why I was suddenly so upset all over again, but I was and didn’t want him to see it. His muscles tightened where his body was still pressed to mine, as if he could sense the shift in my demeanor.
“Yes.”
Why couldn’t I think of anything to say? Why was I so bothered? I forced myself to calm down, to slow my breathing, and to lay back down. He was vulnerable now, sharing something that was clearly difficult for him to share. Tentatively, Talon’s arm came back around me, his palm resting on my bare hip. The feel of it was comforting and warm and I let the sensation blanket me.
“Tell me about him.”
Talon’s grip tightened slightly, giving away his nerves. After a long and tense silence, he let out a soft sigh. “He doesn’t—we don’t know each other. Eight years ago, I was young and dumb and wasn’t really thinking past a one time hook up. Couple months later his mom comes into my shop and tells me she’s knocked up.”
“You didn’t want to be involved?”
“I…No. I didn’t. I told her I’d make sure they got some money from me every month but that was it.”
He said it so quickly and coldly that it was hard to believe him. I opened my mouth to say as much but he sighed, running a palm over his face. I couldn’t see his expression, but it was easy to tell by the tone in his voice that it was strained.
“I don’t want kids. I can’t. Not with this life. It’s not fair to put anyone else in this shit.”
Something told me that this was the most honest Talon had been with me in the entirety of our acquaintance. He didn’t sound like the mean, intrusive asshole who’d barged into my apartment. He sounded like a man who’d been through enough battles, seen enough shit, that he was just trying to get through to the next day.
“Doesn’t sound like it’s fair to you either,” I said softly, running my fingers over the plane of his stomach.
He grunted as if it didn’t matter but I didn’t buy it.
“You’re not a kid anymore, Talon. You shouldn’t be stuck under the thumb of someone who isn’t any good for you. Who has made your life so chaotic that you have to sacrifice a relationship with your child—”
He cut me off, his body turned to stone beneath me. “I made my choices. I don’t need you to psychoanalyze me with your social worker mumbo jumbo bullshit.”
The change in his demeanor was so abrupt it knocked the breath out of me. I’d known when I started pressing him about Leo before that this was a sore subject, but it was obviously worse when his uncle was brought up.
“I’m not psychoanalyzing anything,” I said carefully, not raising my voice to match his. “I’m just wondering why you give Kyle so much control. You’re what? In your thirties?”
“It doesn’t matter. Drop it.” He was shutting down. I’d seen it so many times with the kids I worked with—okay maybe I was leaning into my social worker profession a little —and I desperately wanted to keep him talking. For what reason? I had no idea.
“No,” I said firmly. “I’m not going to drop it. This man, if you can even call him that, has caused so many problems for so many people and you still fall under his thumb. Don’t you deserve better? Doesn’t your brother? Or your sister? Why haven’t you ever tried to get out?”
Talon’s laugh was cold, a complete contrast from the heat we’d created with our bodies. “What makes you think I haven’t? Answer me this, since you’re so great at your job. What good is a social worker if they would let kids go to a man they don’t even know, rather than let their older sister raise them?
“And if social workers are so great, why wouldn’t they do something when a seventeen-year-old tells them that he and his brother are being forced to sell drugs? That his uncle has him beating the shit out of people who don’t pay their dues? And that something is going on with your sister, too, but she won’t tell you what and you’re a little too scared to find out?”
I was gaping, sitting up on my elbow now to face him. His eyes were alight with something I couldn’t recognize, daring me to make an excuse.
“I did try to get out. I tried to get us all out and was reminded over and over again that Kyle was right. We MacArthurs are all we’ve got in this world. No use pretending otherwise. Your job? This grand mission you think you’re on to save all the broken kids? Is a joke.”
Without another word, he twisted on his side with his back to me, taking his blanket of warmth with him. But I was wired now, my body quivering with a combination of adrenaline and devastation. He’d reported it. He’d gone to someone about Kyle and nothing had been done. I knew how this story played out, I’d seen it a million times over and I was doing my damnedest to keep it from happening to any other children.
“The system failed you when you needed them, Talon.” I struggled to keep my words even. “They failed you and I refuse to make excuses for it. But you’re grown now, and you’ve done your part to add to the population. Whether you like it or not, you do have a kid involved in whatever the fuck this is with your uncle. You think that your shitty family is all you have? You’re wrong.
“You have the opportunity to make something for yourself. To make the choices that change things for you and break the chains. You want Kyle to pay for what he put you through? Then do something now . Otherwise you’re no better than he is.”
He didn’t answer me and I didn’t expect him to. Almost instinctively I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, lingering for only a small moment when his muscles tensed, then curled up in the other direction. It was a long while before sleep came.