Chapter 21 ROSE
ROSE
“Ciao, Mamma.” I smile as I walk over to Mamma’s chair next to the hospital bed. “You’re looking so much better.” I lean down and kiss her cheek.
She raises a hand and pats my face, her body much stronger than before. “I feel a lot better. Especially now I’m seeing you.” Her familiar scent of lavender seems to relieve all the tension from my shoulders.
“Would you like a stroll around the garden today? It’s nice weather out.”
“Sì, let me get into the wheelchair.” She pushes herself up with shaky limbs, still not fully mobile, and I’m not sure she ever will be.
I hook the portable oxygen concentrator onto her wheelchair and cover Mamma’s legs in a blanket.
As I wheel her down the corridor, I tug at my necktie, the air stifling in here, full of disinfectant.
The walls close in on me, but I’m acutely aware of every person I pass and lingering eyes after Dan said it wasn’t safe in Rome.
I’m sure he’d be here with me if he didn’t have a meeting.
I don’t miss the irony that he claimed to be keeping me safe back home and never left my side, but here in Rome, where danger is more prevalent, he’s gone off to a meeting. It doesn’t make sense.
“How’s my grandson?” Mamma asks as the doors to the garden open automatically.
I push her over the threshold into the warm breeze and welcome the sun on my face, and the scent of the stone pine trees that always remind me of my childhood and the Villa Borghese, and him.
“Angelos is fine, Mamma. It’s his birthday Monday.” I wheel her to a bench partly shaded by a tree.
“I know. I haven’t got him a gift, but I’ll get Elio to wire some money over.”
I sit on the bench next to her, taking hold of her hand as it rests on her blanket. “It’s fine, Mamma, he knows you’ve been in hospital. He isn’t expecting anything.” I look around, checking our surroundings, and lower my voice. “Dan’s taking us out somewhere for his birthday.”
Mamma has a whimsical smile. “I’m so glad you’ve found each other again.”
“It’s not like that.” I shake my head, my neck itching and tender under my silk scarf where his lips lingered. “We’re not together. But he knows about Angelos.”
Mamma nods. “About time that boy knew his real father.”
“I haven’t told Angelos yet. Mamma, I’ve been such an idiot.
” I bury my face in my palms. “I honestly never thought I’d see Dan again.
And if I ever did, I always told myself I wouldn’t fall for his tricks again, but I feel history is repeating itself.
” Tears pool in the corners of my eyes, but it’s more frustration at my own weakness.
For the last eight years, I’ve been this strong, independent woman, but one look from Dan and I’m a na?ve girl again, desperate for his affection.
“There, there.” She pats my head as I rest it in her lap, just like I would after my father had lost his temper with Mamma. Ignoring her own bruises, she would soothe my cries with lullabies. “He’s not your husband.”
I lift my head. “But he betrayed me. He used me. He even admitted it.”
She nods her head. “I know that’s how it seems. All I know is from the brief encounters I’ve had with him, he seems to care deeply for you.”
I shake my head, blinking back tears. “Caring doesn’t erase the lies. Or the fact he left. He vanished, Mamma. He didn’t even try to find me.”
She squeezes my hand gently. “Maybe he was trying to protect you. Men do stupid things in the name of love. Especially when they’re raised in a world where love is used like currency or punishment.”
I stare out at the garden, at the sunlight dappling through the trees, dancing across the gravel path. My scarf itches against my neck and I tug at it instinctively, revealing the faint bloom of the bruise I saw when I checked in the taxi ride here.
Her gaze falls there. “He gave you that?”
I nod once.
“And you let him close enough to do it.” There’s no judgment in her voice. Just a quiet observation.
I look down, my voice barely above a whisper. “I wanted to hate him. I still do. But every time I look at him, I remember who he was… who I was when I was with him.”
“Young. In love. Hopeful.” She gives me a whimsical smile.
I smile back bitterly. “Stupid.”
“No, innocente. You were just a girl who believed in the wrong version of forever.”
I turn my face towards her. “What if I still believe in it? What if some small, stupid part of me still wants that forever—with him?”
She brushes my hair behind my ear like she did when I was a child. “Then you have to ask yourself one thing.”
I sniffle, wiping under my eyes. “What?”
“Do you want to keep punishing yourself for the man he used to be… or give the man he’s become a chance to show you he’s changed?
” Her brow furrows. “I don’t know what was going through his head back then or why he never came back.
Maybe he knew if he came back, your uncle would kill him.
Maybe he thought you’d hate him for killing your father.
There are so many reasons why he may have stayed away. ”
“But there’s one reason he should have come back.” A lump forms in my throat. “Love.” I think about the way he held me on the flight. The way his hands shook. The way he looked when he found out about Angelos. “He obviously didn’t love me enough.”
“Not everything is a Romeo and Juliet story, Rosetta. Whatever his reasons, it’s been years. Give the man a chance. You deserve a shot at happiness.”
“And what if he hasn’t changed?”
“Then you’ll know. But at least you’ll have chosen with your eyes open this time.”
I lean back, letting her words settle. The garden buzzes with distant chatter and the occasional chirp of birds. Somewhere in the hospital, a bell rings, calling staff to the ward.
Mamma pats her chest gently, her breathing shallow but steady. “Don’t waste your life trying to undo the past. You can’t change where you’ve been. But you can choose who stands beside you from here on in.”
I nod, swallowing down the ache in my throat. The tears finally fall, soft and silent.
And for the first time in years, I let them.