Chapter 35 Cal
THIRTY-FIVE
CAL
Ifollowed Amy across the road to the farmhouse that had just been sold.
She was silent as we walked, so I was, too.
I desperately wanted to keep talking, to make my case why she should be with me, but it was her turn to talk and mine to listen.
She walked straight up onto the house’s porch and unlocked the front door with a key she took from her pocket.
“I’m in the process of buying this house so I can move off the ranch,” she said as we walked through the door into a formal parlor and she flipped on the lights. “My offer’s been accepted, so the agent let me have the key so I could measure for furniture.”
“You bought a house?” I asked. “Why?”
She spun around to face me when we reached the second room. “I bought it because I don’t want you to think that you’ll always be living in Luke’s shadow, and that’s what would happen if I’d stayed on the ranch. I bought this beautiful old place so we could have something new together.”
I was stunned. She’d bought the house and I’d bought the barn across the street. Was this some kind of fate? I felt a surge of happiness well up in me. It was the best feeling I’d ever known, and I stepped closer to kiss her, but she held up her hand.
“There’s more, though,” she said. “I need to talk to you about my marriage to Luke.”
My heart instantly sank. Here’s where she’d tell me that she could never love me as much as she had her first husband, the perfect Luke. Could I accept that and stay in a relationship with her? I’d have to because I couldn’t let her go.
She half turned and looked around the room. She drew in a breath, and I waited for the inevitable.
“I fell in love with Luke when we were college students. We were young and immature, but happy, really happy. He was at SC on a football scholarship and had plans for the NFL. But that didn’t happen.
Then I got pregnant. As soon as Luke found out, he’d asked me to marry him.
Actually, when I think about it now, it was more like he told me we were going to marry.
Since the NFL was out, we came home to the ranch. ”
I wanted to reach out and tell her it was okay, she didn’t need to tell me all this right now.
“This might sound strange, but coming to Poplar Springs and living on the ranch felt like coming home. I loved being there, but that didn’t mean my marriage was perfect or that Luke was a paragon.
He could be a very difficult man at times, always insisting on things being done his way.
I felt…I felt like I had no voice in our relationship. To the town, he was the golden boy.”
She turned to look at me. “He never told anyone that the NFL wasn’t interested in him.
As far as anyone knew, he’d turned down the NFL draft to return home to the family ranch.
He couldn’t stand the thought of losing face.
Luke wasn’t what he seemed. He got very defensive at any hint of criticism.
He could never admit he was wrong. He could never consider someone else’s point of view.
And he could never seem to realize that I had thoughts and feelings and wants outside of him. I began to dread the years ahead.”
The words seemed to pour out of her. “I fell out of love with him. There were times when I didn’t even like him.
I realized my marriage was failing months before his death.
I thought about leaving him, but I couldn’t do that to Henry, and the Thornes were so good to me, so I committed myself to dealing with a disappointing marriage and making the best of things. ”
I saw that she was trembling with emotion and took her into my arms. “You don’t have to say any more.” She shook her head against my chest and pulled back enough to meet my eyes.
“I do. I felt so guilty when he died because I was actually a tiny bit relieved. That’s why I went to see the grief counselor. She was the only one who knew about everything until now, although I think Jake and Brian had their suspicions.”
The twins’ demands from the night before suddenly made sense. They’d seen how their brother had dismissed Amy’s feelings and wishes. No wonder they were so protective of her. They knew what she’d endured.
“So you see, you have nothing to live up to,” Amy said with a glimmer of tears in her eyes.
“You’re not my second choice, Cal. You’re the love of my life.
I was scared to leave town with you because I was afraid of making the same mistake again, of losing myself in a man.
I realize now that wouldn’t happen with you.
You’ve been so good to me, so caring and considerate of my needs.
I want to offer the same to you, so if you need to spend a few months a year traveling with the rodeo in order to be happy, I get that.
I’ll be here waiting for you when you come home. ”
She was giving me a choice to keep the life that I’d loved for the past decade and have her, too.
For a second, I was tempted by her offer.
There was security in knowing the rodeo life was still open to me.
But, somehow, traveling from place to place had lost its appeal.
I was surer than ever that my priorities had changed, and I couldn’t see any reason to leave her.
I cupped her cheeks and brought her face closer to mine. “I love you even more for being willing to let me leave, but there’s no happy ending for me that involves being away from you for months at a time.” I kissed her softly. “You’re stuck with me for as long as you’ll have me.”
“I’m going with forever.” Tears tracked down her cheeks and I flicked them away with my thumbs.
“I’m hoping those are happy tears,” I said, dropping kisses on her forehead and closed eyelids.
“Very happy. Ecstatic, even.”
I kissed her lips then in the home that would be ours. I wished it were already furnished and we were moved in, but that would come in time.
“Can we go to the ranch?” I asked when the kiss ended. “I’d like to see Henry.”
“He’ll be thrilled to see you,” she said, and her face grew serious. “His one concern about moving off the ranch was that you wouldn’t be able to find him. I promised him that you always would.”
“I will.” My heart was so full of love I almost didn’t know what to do. “I want to make love to you tonight and sleep in your bed without having to lie about staying on the couch.”
“That sounds like a perfect ending to the day,” she said, taking my hand and walking out of the home where we’d spend the years ahead.