Chapter 20
Mazzie
Our joined hands rested on the console as Lucas navigated traffic through a shopping area of Lakemont with drivers turning into restaurant parking lots and fast food joints.
After leaving the Armstrong mansion, we made small talk, discussing Kaylee, my mother, her lawyer, and how Mrs. Armstrong had agreed to foster Kaylee.
He’d known that I’d been worried about CPS.
At his celebratory party last Saturday, we’d spent most of the night in his bedroom.
Between the awesome rounds of sex, we’d talked about his life, mine, things we wanted, and things we didn’t want.
I understood how his father had shaped his cloudy view of life.
My mother had done the same to me. Lucas had shared his dream of playing in the NFL.
How this season was critical with scouts watching.
How he needed to play well if he wanted to get noticed.
How his scholarship was important for him to graduate.
I’d spilled my life story right down to my plans for medical school and emergency medicine. It was uncanny how much we had in common.
“Based on our discussion yesterday about your assignment in Historiography, have you thought more about the topic you want to research?” I asked, watching people dart into stores to get out of the rain that began falling.
He stopped at a red light. “I think so. Though it’s hard to think when you’re next to me,” he said as a matter of fact.
I unlocked my fingers from his, thinking back to our meeting in the library. Me stealing kisses. Him playing footsies with me. Maybe I wasn’t the right person for the tutoring job now that we were spending personal time together.
“Maybe you should find another tutor. Business doesn’t mix with pleasure.”
Panic stole the color from his face. “No way. Mr. Gantt says you’re the perfect person to help me.”
“Then we need to keep our lips off each other when we’re in a tutoring session.”
He smirked. “The library was fun.”
I playfully swatted at him. “Be serious. Or I’ll have to handcuff you.” As soon as I said that, I wanted to take it back.
“Kinky, Midnight. I can get behind that.”
I snarled, all in fun. “I don’t want to be responsible if you fail.”
I would feel awful if that happened. As a tutor, I could only steer students in the right direction, and their failures were on them. Lucas wasn’t just any student now. I had a stake in this—my heart.
“I would never blame you. I will be the perfect student.”
Tension knocked us down a notch as the atmosphere felt prickly.
“Fine, and since your hands need to be on the wheel, we’ll use the rest of the time it takes to get to my house as a tutoring session rather than feeling each other up.”
He pressed on the gas pedal, and we moved slowly through the green light. “Hit me.”
“We talked about several medical paradigm shifts over the course of history. Have you thought about one or two you’re interested in analyzing?”
He dragged a hand along his stubbly jaw. “I think I’m going with epidemic diseases in the eighteenth century.”
“That’s perfect. Incidences of smallpox and the plague can be traced through history, and there’s a ton of data on the diseases and how they shaped and even changed the medical field.
But in the eighteenth century, there was tension between the divine will and human intervention.
You could trace the shifts between the supernatural and naturalistic. ”
Driving through a neighborhood of modest homes, he chuckled. “Ajax said you were wicked smart. Have you studied any of this?”
“Here and there. In biochemistry, we’ve discussed medical shifts in history. But I did some of my own research after Mr. Gantt told me the overall topic of your paper.” I’d done the research while lying in bed at night when I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about him.
“I like the idea of the supernatural versus the naturalistic,” he said. “I’ll start doing the research. I need to hand in an outline to Mr. Gantt by the end of the month. And I’ll have plenty of time next week since it’s our bye week. But I’ll need you to look over my outline before I hand it in.”
“Then let’s plan on another session early in the week your outline is due. Of course, you can run things by me as you go since we’re together now.”
“Thank you,” he said. “My mom is happy you’re helping me. By the way, I told her about you. Or rather, she asked. She saw us on the news.”
Heat pinched my cheeks. “You mean she saw you sticking your tongue down my throat along with the entire city of Lakemont? I don’t like the spotlight.”
“I gathered that. But all the hype is dying down now.”
He turned a corner onto my street, and a depressing feeling consumed me.
Duplex buildings with chipped paint and weathered doors lined both sides of the street.
Lawn chairs, toys, and burnt grass peppered yards here and there.
The neighborhood screamed of lost dreams and failed hope.
But for low-income households, it was home.
“My place is up ahead on the right,” I said, even though the navigation in his truck announced we were close.
I’d finally had a chance this week to go to the impound lot and examine the damage on my Toyota.
The cost to get it out was two hundred dollars.
The damage was another story. The front end of my Toyota had to be fixed before I could drive it.
Until then, I was stuck bumming rides or using Bailey’s Volvo.
Mrs. Lawrence, a sixty-year-old grandmother of five, was sitting on her small patio as Lucas pulled into the driveway of my house, watching one of her grandkids chalk up her driveway with hearts and arrows.
Lucas cut the engine, then we both got out.
Mrs. Lawrence got to her feet. “Mazzie, is that you?” She came over. “Oh, my. Where have you been? Where is your mother and Kaylee?”
I didn’t have to tell her, but she had been super nice to Kaylee and me, even going as far as babysitting Kaylee when necessary.
“My mom is in jail,” I said. “Kaylee and I are staying with a friend.”
She placed a hand on heart. “Oh, child. Your mother.” She knew my mother drank too much. “I’m sorry.”
I introduced Lucas to Mrs. Lawrence.
“Is he your boyfriend?” she asked.
“A friend,” I rushed out, unsure if Lucas and I were labeling our relationship yet.
“So is the other guy who stopped by your house a boyfriend?” she asked. “I think his name was J… Josh.”
Lucas and I exchanged a shocked look.
I’d been hoping Josh had forgotten all about Lucas and me until I remembered we’d been in the news. I was certain Josh wasn’t too happy.
“Josh is my ex. I probably have something of his,” I lied. Mrs. Lawrence didn’t need to know anything more.
“Speaking of that, the mail carrier mistakenly put two pieces of your mail in my box. Hold on.” She hurried into her house.
Her granddaughter ran in behind her.
Lucas draped his arm around me. “Why do you think Josh was here?”
“If I had to guess, he probably saw us locking lips on TV and got pissed.”
Lucas’s jaw snapped shut. He was clearly upset. I knew he worried about Josh hurting me, but Josh had never done more than grab me like he had at the casino.
Mrs. Lawrence returned and handed me the mail. One letter was addressed to me by a doctor’s office. The other was junk mail from a furniture store.
She smoothed her hands down her cotton shorts. “I hope you don’t mind, but I used the key you gave me and checked on your house. I’ve been worried. Anyway, I took out the trash because it was rancid.”
“Thank you for doing that.” I stabbed a thumb behind me.
“Lucas and I have somewhere to be. So…” Another lie because Mrs. Lawrence could talk a person’s ear off.
“I’m not sure how long before we can move back.
So can you keep an eye on things?” Not that we had anything of value, except my mom’s money and a few important papers, which I would take with me.
“You let me know if I can do anything else,” she said then gave me a hug.
With the pleasantries out of the way, Lucas and I walked into a clean place, a far cry from how I remembered it before I’d gone to his birthday party.
I set the mail and my bag on the island. “I need to get a few things. Then maybe we can grab a bite to eat.”
“Wait.” Standing in the living room looking like a giant in the small space, he crossed his bulky arms over his chest. “I think it’s time we discussed Josh in detail.”
I guessed I knew the topic of Josh would resurface.
In all our talks with Lucas since the pep rally, he had yet to broach the subject of my ex.
“We had a bad breakup. He was too possessive. I couldn’t talk to another guy, and if I did, he gave me the third degree.
He was suffocating me. Not at first, but as we saw each other more and more, he became a different person, or rather, I saw the real Josh Turley.
Because of all that, I changed my cell number.
That night at the casino, he gave me vibes that he wanted to try again with me.
Then you showed up. You know the rest. And no, he’s never hurt me more than a grab of the arm. ”
Lucas’s features softened as he lost that bouncer look that made it seem like he was ready to bash heads in. “You should stay with me.”
“While that sounds like fun, I can’t leave Kaylee. I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m hardly alone now since I have to rely on others for transportation.” I wasn’t concerned about Josh, but I understood why Lucas was.
“I still want to protect you.” His long legs ate up the space between us until he had me caged against the island.
“I don’t want to see Josh break any of your bones. Don’t ruin your career in football because of that asshole. I would never forgive myself if that happened.”
He guided my chin upward. “Look at me.”
When I met his eyes, they were intense.
He moved hair off my face. “God, Mazzie. I can’t hold back any longer. I know you might not be ready to hear this—”
I touched his lips. “Then don’t say it.” My stomach knotted. “Because you can’t take the words back.”
I wasn’t so blind that I couldn’t see that Lucas was falling for me. But I wasn’t prepared to hear those words.
“I don’t want to take them back.” He brushed his lips over mine.
“I’m in love with you, Midnight. Hook, line, and sinker.
” He flattened his hands on the counter on either side of me.
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way.
I can sense your steel armor protecting your emotions.
” He swallowed. “You’re in my thoughts every minute.
You give me purpose. Sure, I care about football.
I care that I get an NFL contract. But I also care deeply for you.
I care that you’re safe, you're happy, and I want to be your king.” His mouth spread into a lopsided grin on that last line.
I’d lost my breath before he even said he was in love with me. I didn’t believe in fairy tales or men who said all the right things. But Lucas… He’d shown me he was a gentleman. He’d shown me his kindness. But was that enough? Was I ready to take a steep step and confess my feelings?
I shuddered, itching to run, afraid to put my heart on the line even though it was telling me I felt the same way about him.
He nuzzled his nose in my neck. “Breathe, Maze. I got you.”
As if “I got you” was the trigger, the tears finally cascaded out like a rushing waterfall after a hard rain.
No one had ever assured me they had my back—not my mom and not even my dad.
I was the protector—helping my mom, taking care of Kaylee.
I was grateful my dad paid my college tuition, but that was as far as it went.
I rested my forehead on his chest and inhaled deeply before lifting my gaze to meet his.
He wiped a tear off my cheek, his copper eyes glossy.
“Lucas…” I released a silent breath. “I have never been in love with anyone. But when I’m with you, you make me feel like a queen. I’m afraid that I’m going to wake up one day and find that you and I were just a dream. I can’t…”
I ducked under his arm. I needed air. I needed distance. Love was terrifying, and needing someone meant that it would hurt if they left. And I wasn’t prepared for that.
My chest rose and fell as I headed toward my bedroom, afraid to look over my shoulder. Because if I did, I knew I would see the pain on his face.
What are you doing, idiot? You’re falling for him. Buck up and tell him. So what if things don’t work out? But what if things do work out? What if he’s your future?
I swiped a finger under my nose as I continued to cry, walked into my messy bedroom, and froze. I felt as though I’d walked into the darkness as bad memories accosted me. The struggles, the fights with my mom, the men she’d brought home, the men who’d thought they could touch me.
Then turn around and walk into the light.
“I thought you were done lying to yourself,” Lucas said from somewhere behind me.
Kaylee’s words blared in my head. He really is good for you, Mazzie. I love seeing you happy.
Being with Lucas, I felt less alone in the world. What scared me the most—he was a senior, and I was a junior. At the end of the school year, he would be in the NFL draft, and I was afraid I would be a distant memory.
A gut-wrenching pain gripped my stomach, and I knew it would never go away unless…
I spun around and ran back to him.
He stood at the other end of the hall, his eyes filled with tears.
I slowed to a walk. “I can’t breathe without you.”
He wrapped those big muscular arms around me, and the world righted itself. Then he kissed me everywhere. “Please don’t do that again.”
“I’m scared,” I admitted.
“Me too. But we can be scared together.”
Then we were nothing but hands, mouths, and heat.
“I love you, Lucas Allen.”
“Say it again,” he said between kisses.
“I love you.”
He chuckled. “You are it for me, Midnight.”
The pain in my stomach vanished, and I prayed it would never return.