Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kate
This has been one of the longest days of my life, and I’m exhausted. I’d rather be at home curled up on the couch, snarfing a meal Vaughn made and listening to him and Gus argue as they play chess.
But instead, I’ve got on real pants and a bra, and I’m out in public. I put on a brave face as we push through the doors of Daily Brew. Immediately, a cheer goes up.
The mix of elation at completing the training, the high of feeling good about my performance, and the combined mental and physical exhaustion overwhelm me. Tears that I try, and fail, to hold back leak from my eyes.
I’m passed from person to person, given cheek kisses from my friends and bear hugs from my former shift mates. By the time Leo pulls me in for a hug, even as his wife gives me the side-eye, I’m a blubbering mess. Stripped down to sheer joy.
This moment of being surrounded by people who care about me is all I’ve ever wanted.
“Aw, you guys love me,” I say, laughing through the tears, patting his chest as I pull away.
A strong arm wraps around my shoulders and pulls me into a hard body. Vaughn’s lips drop to my ear. “You okay?”
I’m nodding and wiping my cheek as I see Leo’s wife mouth, “I thought you said she was gay?”
I crack up, laughing as Leo’s cheeks turn a brilliant red.
I cuddle into Vaughn, accepting his strength as the prop I need to keep me upright. “I’m so tired. My emotions are all over the place.”
“Here, this will solve all your problems,” Jackson says, shoving a drink into my hand. “You kicked ass today, needle-pusher. Did us proud.”
“Must’ve had good training.” I shoot him a playful wink.
There’s a chuckle beside me, and I realize I’m still wrapped around Vaughn and leaning into him for support. Jackson’s gaze darts between us. I’ve probably got my feelings for this man written all over my face, but I’m too tired to care.
At the front of the shop, I spot Cassidy coming through the front door, and now that I’m a little less self-absorbed, I realize the rest of the recruits are here too. Cal rings the front bell to get everyone’s attention.
“Got the word from Chief. Results are posted. You can check your app now to see them.” There’s a rumble of apprehensive anxiety as recruits decide whether to log in and check the status now or wait for a more private moment.
Cassidy skirts the group to come stand with me. She’s pale, which makes her watery eyes seem more luminous. I haven’t seen her since Chief Collins pulled her from the course. On instinct, I draw her in for a hug. “Hey, girl.”
She stiffens, emitting a grunt, and I realize I’ve squeezed her a little too hard. I release her immediately. “What did the chief say?”
Vaughn greets someone behind me, and Cassidy’s pale cheeks turn pink as she clocks whoever it is over my shoulder. At a quick glance, I note that it’s Officer Hottie. The two men do the whole bro handshake and dive into conversation.
It’s fascinating watching Vaughn talk to someone other than me and Gus. He’s intriguing and expressive as he chats.
I feel Cassidy’s attention shift back to me and drag mine off the man I’m coming to adore. “Chief pulled me from the skills portion until I could get medical clearance. So I spent the day having X-rays done.”
“What the fuck for?” Officer Hottie growls from behind me. It makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. For such a nice guy, he sure does the bad-guy vibe well.
She pulls away, and some of the spark comes back into her as she squares off with him. “None of your damned business, Captain America. Go be a hero somewhere else.”
“I’m fine where I am. Explain what you meant.”
With a long-suffering sigh and an eye roll like we are all overreacting, she recounts her fall story, making it even vaguer than what she told me, and then goes through how she got pulled from testing.
“So I got X-rays on the department’s dime and was told to wait twelve weeks for my busted ribs to heal.
Chief says I could test again at the end of the next recruit class without having to repeat the entire class if I passed the written portion. ”
Officer Hottie looks like he could breathe fire, and I take a step closer to Cassidy as if I could protect her from him. “Later, we’re gonna have a chat, Cass. Count on it.”
“No, Dex. We’re not.” She turns her back on the dragon, shutting him out.
Around us, the anxious murmur continues as recruits recount their version of the physical course, voicing their fears about whether they think they passed. What it means if they fail.
Cassidy cants her head toward me. “I’m terrified to check my scores.”
“Me too,” I admit.
“I don’t know that waiting another twelve weeks is in the cards for me. I needed this to happen now.”
We’ve both got our phones in hand and the app pulled up, but I can’t make myself click the results tab. If I fail, I guess I’ll go back to being a medic.
I glance up and find Vaughn’s eyes locked on me, like he knows I can’t make myself do this. It’s got to be hard for him in this moment too.
“Together,” Cassidy says. “In three, two…”
I click the results.
A green Passed box sits beneath both the written and practical portions.
Holy shit, I passed. Elation floods me. All that hard work, all the late nights of studying and extra early-morning workouts paid off. Cassidy flashes her phone at me, the huge grin on her face mirroring the one spreading across mine. We did it.
I did it.
“Hell yeah, you did!” Jackson holds his hand up for a high five.
I let out a whoop as I smack his palm. Over his shoulder, I spot Vaughn with closed eyes and a pained expression on his face. In a flash, he schools his features and pastes on a forced smile.
That fissure of doubt about how he feels about this cracks a little more.
My concern over his reaction is interrupted as I’m folded into the celebration happening around me.
Cal and Jackson hoist me onto their shoulders like I’ve won some kind of major sporting event, carrying me around until I beg to be released.
Once my feet hit the floor again, I’m passed around for hugs once more, eventually huddling up with the other recruits who all passed and ride the high of accomplishment with me, though mine is now overshadowed by the pain Vaughn tried to hide.
In the chaos, I lose sight of him and Dex and Cassidy as my classmates continue to celebrate around me. Even though I know Cassidy isn’t finished and will have to pass her physical test, it feels good that we made it through together.
I make my rounds, floating on dopamine, and am headed back to Vaughn when I hear my name called. Gus holds out both arms, beckoning me in for a hug. “Good job. Proud of you. But can we go home now?”
“Yeah, we can go,” I respond, barely able to hold back my amusement. I guess I should just be grateful that he donned a happy face and socially acceptable demeanor. “Where’s Vaughn?”
“Over there with Dex.” Gus gestures to the back of the shop as he plops himself into a small café chair. Guess I’m going to get Vaughn.
With his height, he stands out easily in the crowd. His back is to me, and I allow myself an extra moment to drink in the broad shoulders, the strong stance.
He’s been a rock for me and Gus during this time. Encouraging and steady. Reliable. Competent in so many ways that he just makes life easier for everyone around him.
So much has changed since that day he showed up at the farm and Gus pulled that shotgun on him. But what hasn’t changed is my body’s physical reaction to him.
I’m even more attracted to him now than I was that first day I plowed into him in this very shop.
But it’s so much more than physical attraction. And he’s so much more than a pretty boy.
Thoughtful. Caring. Compassionate.
I don’t think many people see past the sheer physicality of him to realize the depth of emotion he carries.
But I see it.
And I’ve loved having all that attention focused on me. Loved spending time with him, learning him. Watching him and Gus forgive and repair their relationship. It’s heady to know this is a future I could envision. Me and Vaughn taking care of Gus for as long as we have him.
The hole in my heart from losing the pregnancy, from losing a relationship I thought would last, is mending.
The thought feels dramatic, but it’s true. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I tried to shoehorn myself into their lives and maybe make myself feel more important than I was. Yet Vaughn has shown me every day, in every way, how it feels to be truly cared for.
Today was a good day filled with all the emotions, highs and lows, and everything in between. Tonight I need to share how much Vaughn means to me. He deserves to know how special he is, how much he’s cared for.
“… Keep an eye on Gus and Kate for me.” His voice is low, but with the acoustics in this back corner, I can hear him clearly.
“Yeah, sure, I’m happy to,” Dex responds. Vaughn blocks my view of him, but I hear concern in his voice. “When are you headed out?”
I freeze. Vaughn’s leaving?
“In a day or so…”
Time stands still.
He says more, but the roar in my head is louder than his deep rumble. My heart tumbles right out of my chest. He’s… what? In the space of a heartbeat, I remember telling Pollock about being pregnant and his immediate response of “I’m out.”
Why is it that just when I think things are looking up, the rug is swept out from under me again? Going through the heartbreak of losing my parents, the pregnancy. Being alone in my grief.
I must make some noise that has him turning, saying my name.
“There you are. Congratulations, Vixen,” he says quietly. The words score my tender heart. Somehow, I don’t think he means them.
Studying his handsome face, I see the sadness he’s trying to hide… and I know the truth. “You’re leaving.”
He winces at the statement and reaches for me. I take a step back, putting some distance between me and this man I’ve come to love. I’m such a fool.
“Gus is tired. It’s time to go home,” I say woodenly, and spin on a heel.
In the blink of an eye, I’ve gone from the highest high to the lowest low. And I have to get out before the weight of it crashes down on me.