Chapter 10
10
PAIGE
Curling my legs under me, I made myself comfortable on Lanie’s couch while I waited for her to come back from the kitchen. I smiled when her St. Bernard jumped on the couch, or stepped onto the couch would be the better description considering his size, and lay down with his head on my thigh.
Lanie came into the room and handed me a glass of iced tea, smiling when she saw the dog. “Guess Beasley made himself comfortable, huh?”
“To be fair, I am in his seat.”
We both laughed, and Lanie settled on the chair almost across from me. Her other dog, who is much smaller, jumped on her lap. “He doesn’t give up the couch for just anyone.”
Oddly, I was flattered because that was true. “Where are Jake and Braydon?”
“Over at Ben’s working on his kitchen renovation,” she explained. “Jake said Ben is determined to finish it before their baby comes, and Charlie is due soon.”
“I get that.” I shrugged. “Would be hard to have a new baby and be living in a construction zone.”
“Yeah.” She gestured toward me. “How’s work?”
“It’s okay,” I answered. “I didn’t really think I’d still be there honestly.”
“Do you like it?”
“Hmm...” I hummed. “That’s a good question. I don’t hate it, but I also think I’m just settled right now, and the idea of starting over doesn't sound appealing.”
“I get that.” Lanie exhaled heavily, and after years of being friends, I could tell something was bothering her. She’d called me and said she wanted to toss around some party ideas before we met with Bree later, but I had a feeling that was just a ruse.
“What’s goin’ on?” She bit the corner of her lip, and that was when I knew it was something she was afraid to talk about. “Tell me, Lanie.”
“I heard something but don’t know how to bring it up to you.”
“You heard something?” I pointed at my chest. “About me?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Now you have to tell me.”
She let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “Jake’s gonna kill me. He asked me not to say anything and to stay out of it. But I can’t.” Her eyes met mine again. “We’ve been through so much together.”
“Jake,” I murmured, but dread filled me. “Does it have something to do with Cole?” She nodded, and I swore. “Son of a bitch. I can’t believe Cole told him.”
“They went out for a beer and were just talking. Jake said they pressed him.” Lanie jumped to his defense. “I don’t think Cole planned to say anything.”
I shifted my gaze and stared out the window before looking back at Lanie. “What did he tell them?”
Her expression was filled with sympathy. “He told them you called him to pick up Harper but told him you already had a ride home. Then he said you guys ended up making out.”
“And…” I encouraged her to continue.
“And that Landon came out after you were done, and that’s how Cole found out you were dating him.”
I clenched my teeth, pissed but more embarrassed than anything. “I explained to Cole that we were casual.” Pushing off the couch, I stood and began pacing in her living room. “Ugh, why did he tell them?”
“They’re close.” Lanie shrugged. “As close as brothers. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I spun to face her. “Because you’re married to Cole’s cousin, and your loyalties lie with Jake. I couldn’t tell you and expect you not to tell Jake.”
“I’m loyal to you, Paige.” She lifted the dog from her lap and put him on the floor before she pushed out of the chair and came to stand in front of me. “You’re my sister in every way that counts. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” My shoulders deflated. “I was embarrassed.”
“Why?”
My eyes widened. “Because I made out with Cole while dating someone else. It’s humiliating to admit that’s who I am.”
“That’s not who you are.”
“I think it is.” I dropped my head. “You know the worst part?” I met her stare, and she shook her head. “I didn’t even feel bad. I wanted Cole to kiss me. I wanted him to push me against the wall. I never even thought about Landon.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Landon?” I clarified.
“Yeah.”
I nodded. “I told him when he drove me home. He didn’t care. I knew he wouldn’t.” And I had known that because that wasn’t what we were to each other, but I hadn’t expected it to hurt as much as it had when he said he was fine with it. He actually shrugged his shoulder like it didn’t mean a damn thing. Maybe it didn’t.
“Now what?”
“Nothing. I told Landon I couldn’t see him anymore, even casually, because I wanted to take some time for myself.”
“Maybe that’s for the best.” She studied me closely. “What about Cole?”
“Cole and I don’t like each other, Lanie. There’s really nothing else to say.”
“But you made out.”
“People make out all the time, and nothing comes of it. That’s what that night was.”
She frowned. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”
“He didn’t.” I forced a smile to my lips. “I can tell you’re trying to go into big sister mode, but I’m fine.” Lanie’s lips tipped in a small smile. “What happened between us was a mistake. All I’m actually suffering from is embarrassment.” I smiled wider, hoping it reached my eyes. “I’ll probably do something more embarrassing soon, and we’ll all forget about this.”
She pointed at my lips. “I know that’s your fake smile. And I do know that whatever he said hurt you, or you wouldn’t have told him you hated him.”
My smile dropped. “He told them that too? Ugh, it was so childish, but I just couldn’t get past what he said to me that night.”
“I get that you’re embarrassed even though you shouldn’t be,” she stressed, “but what else is really going on? You're not yourself, especially when it comes to Cole.”
I flopped back onto the couch, this time scrunching into the corner to give Beasley his space. “I don’t know. I feel kind of lost, to be honest.”
Lanie slid back into her chair. “In what way?”
“Everyone’s moving on, finding someone, starting families, but I’m not.” I gestured toward her. “You’re married and having a baby. I’m exactly who I’ve been my entire adult life. I have a job I don’t care about, and I start relationships knowing they’re doomed to fail.”
“Did you want your relationship with Landon to fail? Is that why you made out with Cole?”
I picked a piece of lint from my yoga pants and considered her question. Did I want it to fail? I immediately disregarded that. We didn’t have a real relationship. We had an understanding. I had no doubt he hadn’t thought about me since that night I told him I wanted to stop casually dating, and truthfully, I hadn’t thought about him until right now.
“No.”
“Then why did you make out with Cole?”
“I don’t know.” I threw my hands in the air. “There’s just something about Cole that gets to me. I’m attracted to him, but I’m not sure I even like him, and I know for a fact that he doesn’t like me.”
“Why don’t you like him?” Lanie shrugged. “He’s a great guy from what I know about him.”
I tilted my head to the side. “You only know what Jake has told you, and I’m sure he is a great guy with the guys.”
“What does that mean?”
“I just get the impression he doesn’t think much of women, or maybe it’s just he doesn’t think much of me.”
“That can’t be true.” Lanie shook her head. “I’ve seen him with his sisters. He respects them and brags about them all the time.”
“So it’s just me, then,” I concluded.
Her eyebrows drew together. “Did he tell you that?”
“Not in so many words, but when we met, he assumed I got my job by sleeping with the boss.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not.”
“What did he say when you told him you weren’t sleeping with the boss?”
“He sort of apologized and said Dave sleeps with everyone, so he just assumed, but his apology wasn’t sincere. Then he second-guessed everything I did. I felt like an idiot.” Lanie rolled her lips together, and I studied her suspiciously. “What?”
She sighed and held up her hand. “Don’t get mad, but you are really sensitive about that. You always have been. It’s like the smarter the guy is, the more you don’t like him.”
“I don’t like to feel stupid.”
“You aren’t stupid.”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Lanie. I dropped out of college because I couldn’t handle the work. I go from job to job. I date men who are...”
She shrugged. “Single-minded.”
“Single-minded?”
“You date men who are only interested in having a beautiful girl on their arm. They don’t care about anything else. They sure as hell don’t know how smart you really are.” She leaned forward. “And you are smart. Not everyone is good at the same things.”
“If I’m so smart, why am I sitting in your living room trying to defend throwing myself at your husband's cousin, who doesn’t even like me?”
She grimaced. “Momentary lapse?”
I snorted, and she smiled, causing me to grin. “I seem to have a lot of those.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Honestly?” She nodded, so I continued. “Probably make it worse.”
We both laughed it off as if it were a joke, but truthfully, I was good at making things worse, and I did it a lot. I was the queen of self-sabotage, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t seem to figure out how to be anything else.