Chapter 19 Maddy #2
That wasn’t true, of course. I was anything but fine.
Felipe got me home, and I collapsed on the couch. It wasn’t even nine yet, and since I was working at the bar, Nico had gone in to do some paperwork and parts ordering. I was still on the couch when he got home. It only took one look at me for him to come running over.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked as he sat down beside me.
I explained everything that happened, making sure he understood that it wasn’t the guy but my reaction to him that had me so freaked out.
My body was actually shaking in fear as I told him.
I kept seeing that mental fantasy of me slamming that piece of glass into the guy’s neck. I told him about that.
“Do…do you think I really would have done that? Could the wolf make me kill someone?”
Nico rubbed my back and sighed. “It’s okay, Maddy. Don’t think like that.”
“No, Nico!” I shouted, sitting up. “What if I am a monster? What if Javi is right? Maybe I do need to be put down like a rabid dog.”
“No. You are not a rabid dog. Stop talking like that. You have to understand something. Being a shifter is like being two separate beings at once. The wolf is a reflection of you. They feed on your emotions. If you’re happy, they’re happy.
If you’re angry, they’re angry. If they’re host is an asshole like Javi? Then the wolf is an asshole.
“Your wolf is different. It’s been dormant your entire life.
It has no idea how to connect with you. You can’t shift, so it’s probably confused and frustrated that it can’t do what it wants.
Plus, it is a wolf. Wolves hunt and kill.
Nothing about that is unnatural, it’s just that it doesn’t know how to control that yet.
It hasn’t had your influence on it long enough.
You. Are. Not. A. Monster. I don’t ever want you to say that again. ”
Everything he said made sense. It also calmed me down and made me feel better. It was good to know I wasn’t some uncontrollable beast. The thought that I could lash out and murder someone was a horrifying thought. I was glad Nico was here to explain it all to me.
I slid closer to him and curled into his lap. Even the wolf inside me seemed calmer. It was like we both understood each other better after hearing the explanation.
“I know I can’t shift yet, or maybe ever, but I’ll try to do better connecting to my wolf. Do you have any tips about how to do that? Walking around talking to myself is a one-way ticket to the nut house.”
“Come on.” He shifted me and stood up, grabbing my hand. “Maybe this will help.
We walked out the back door and toward the woods behind his house.
Nico held my hand as we walked, stopping once we got to the edge of the forest. “Okay,” he said.
“Shifters usually connect with their wolves for the first time at ten or eleven. In rare cases, it might take until twelve or thirteen. More or less when you hit puberty.”
“Oh shit. Human puberty is bad enough,” I murmured, remembering how awkward and weird that time of my life was. I could only imagine how much worse it would be to suddenly have another being inside you to go along with the hormones, acne, and extra hair.
“It’s not that bad, really. It kinda makes it easier, to be honest. Anyway, once you make a strong connection to your wolf, subsequent shifts get easier. You trust it, and it trusts you. You have to call on it, knowing that it will answer the call and come forward.”
Without another word, Nico took a step back and shifted.
My jaw dropped as I watched. It wasn’t like seeing shifters on TV or hearing about it.
This was…different. Everything transformed and morphed so seamlessly that it was like someone had hit a switch.
I stood, frozen in surprise and delight, watching him transform.
Nico padded forward and rubbed at my legs.
His fur was so soft and thick. I knelt and ran my hands through it, then laughed and buried my face in the coat.
The wolf in my head was sad, almost nearing despair at not being able to come out and interact with her mate.
I could imagine if the tables were turned, and I wasn’t able to be with Nico in his human form, how depressed I’d be.
I closed my eyes and concentrated on the wolf within me, doing my best to send my thoughts to her.
I promised her that if Nico and I had enough time, she’d be able to be with her mate.
I had to learn to shift and make our connection stronger, but I let her know that it would be soon. Finally, I asked her to trust us.
Almost immediately, the pressure in my head vanished. I sighed with relief. I hadn’t realized how exhausting the insistent presence had been until it was gone. I almost shouted in victory.
After letting me pet him for a few minutes, Nico shifted back.
He took my hand and helped me back to my feet.
“Maddy, I really can’t wait for the day when we’ll get to experience this together.
There really is nothing like it. Running through the woods as a wolf is one of the most freeing and exciting things you can do.
Doing it with your mate…I can’t even imagine how amazing it will be. ”
I felt the exact same way. I wanted that freedom, that wide-open release, to have that connection with Nico as we ran through the woods. I truly couldn’t wait for it. I grinned to myself and let him pull me into a hug, resting my head on his chest.