Twelve
Alara
I lean back in the tub, relishing the warm water.
“And she definitely had purple eyes?”
“Yes, Rohan,” I tell him for the fifth time. “She’s a black dragon, bigger than Drogonah, and she can breathe out Nighturn.”
He’s quiet, arms folded, leaning against the central pole.
It’s strange that he didn’t get in with me, but then, do I even want him to?
I meant it when I told him I want him to try and make it better, I don’t want this hurt to settle and fester within me, especially when there are much more important things happening.
We’re in the grasp of the king, my feelings don’t even matter…
and yet the numbness has completely left me, and I can’t turn it back on, so I hope Rohan can help me get past this hurt.
I understand why he didn’t tell me, but it doesn’t erase how him lying to me made me feel, and I know he knows that.
“It’s impossible,” he mutters to himself, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I watch him look off to the side, staring into nothing.
He keeps saying that, but won’t tell me what is impossible.
“What are we going to do?” I ask, sitting up in the tub.
“We have to…” Rohan trails off, and my eyes meet his now darkened ones.
My breath hitches as he walks toward me, eyes roaming my exposed flesh with a heat that feels like it would burn me alive.
My cheeks warm, my body reacting to that stare I know all too well, and just when I think he’ll act on it, even when I don’t know if I would accept his touch in that way, he seems to blink out of it.
“I’ll wash your hair,” he chokes out, voice low.
I don’t know whether I’m relieved or disappointed that he decided not to act on the desire in his eyes, and though it wasn’t a question, I nod all the same and shake myself out of it.
Now isn’t the time to think about that, but I can’t help it when he’s near, when he looks at me like that, remembering what he’s able to do to my body, the pleasure he always gives me.
I blow out a breath as Rohan gently wets my hair from a jug, then grabs the soap.
“No rose soap,” he mutters, frowning down at it like it offends him.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” he fumes, but runs it through my hair all the same. “You should have simple things such as the soap you love.”
“It’s just soap, Rohan.”
“It’s not.”
I shake my head, but my eyes close when he starts to massage my head, making sure it’s covered in suds.
“Bright as fire,” he murmurs, and I hum, my stomach spinning with butterflies. “And I can never get enough of your adorable ears.”
He touches the tip of my left one and I shiver.
He chuckles at my reaction and I turn, splashing him with water.
“My ears are not adorable.”
His eyes drop to my lips.
Fuck.
“Don’t pout. You know I can’t bear it.”
I laugh, and it seems so absurd considering where we are, but Rohan’s eyes light up at the sound, a softness in his gaze that has me turning back around.
He continues to wash my hair, taking care to untangle the many knots within.
“The book you had me look over,” I begin.
“The book of dragons?”
“Yes. The hanging dragon isn’t in there.” I think about it. “The only one closest to her is Drogonah.”
He’s quiet for a moment.
“You studied the pictures well,” he says, and my brows furrow, turning to him.
“You had that book in front of me every night.”
“I did,” he says, adding more soap. “I had to make sure you recognized each dragon, which is why I started to verbally teach you in The Glade.”
I look away, my heart hammering, but he grabs my chin gently.
“I know you can’t read, Alara, at least not well.”
My heart hammers. “I… how did you know that?”
He tilts his head. “You underestimate how much I look at you, Little Whisperer.”
My cheeks warm. “I wasn’t taught. Effy tried, but…” I shrug, and he nods, thumb stroking my cheek. “Y-you don’t mind?”
“When we’re out of here, I’ll teach you.”
“Really? You would do that?” I ask, chest warming.
He grunts. “Really.”
I smile gently, turning around quickly so he won’t see the tears that are forming.
It’s a nice thought, a hopeful one… I may not even be alive to see it come true.
Rohan rinses my hair after washing it, making sure no soap is left behind and then braids it effortlessly after, splitting it into two single braids running down the sides of my head.
“Come, there are people who want to see you.”
Such a strange thing to hear, but it warms me all the same. It also makes me think of Effy, and I grip his arm.
“What is it?”
“Effy. We need to get her.”
“Your friend?” I nod. “I’ve already had Dorkin go into the city to ask his spies for any news of her.”
“You’ve been looking for her?”
“It’s our deal.”
“But I haven’t found out how the eggs are being stolen yet.”
“You learned to speak to my dragons,” he counters.
And I… did. In my own way. When he first asked this of me, I thought it impossible, but I actually did it.
“Besides, I didn’t care if you managed to speak with them or not. I’d already asked Dorkin to try and find her the day we arrived back in the Wilds.
“You did?” I ask, eyes widening. “Why?”
He moves my wet hair behind my ears, trailing a finger down my cheek to my jaw.
“Because it’s what you wanted, Little Whisperer.”
“And it’s that simple?”
He smiles softly. “It is for a man like me.”
My heart flutters.
“Any news of her yet?”
“No, but we can ask Dorkin. We need to see my council to tell them what’s happened. Come.”
Rohan helps me out of the tub, his eyes wandering my body, but it’s like he won’t let himself linger too long, grunting as he wraps the towel around me, drying me off.
“We need to get you some food.”
I’m not sure I can even stomach food.
“Did we lose anyone in The Games?”
I haven’t dared to ask him until now.
“Emmy and Leon,” he says quietly. “The cliff was hard to climb, long hours. Emmy hurt her leg, Leon got knocked off and Emmy fell.”
I still, squeezing his hand gently and he takes a breath.
I try to picture them, and two figures climbing the dragon’s den come to mind. They seemed young. Far too young to die.
“Will you have a funeral for them?”
“If he lets us have them, we wait until we’re home.”
“And if not?” I ask as Rohan pulls a long-sleeved tunic over my head.
“Then we pray that Morana guides them home anyway.”
I nod, and Rohan helps me into some pants.
“We don’t know the fate of others yet until we’re called back. We placed third.”
Third place… “How…how many is that?
He holds onto the edge of my tunic, squeezing. “Three.”
Gods.
“Okay.” I blow out a breath and look up at him.
“Okay.” He nods, placing a gentle kiss to my forehead.
It’s hard to remember how he hurt me when he takes such good care of me.
If only he took care of my heart.
In moments like this, I feel silly for being so hurt over his actions. I know now that he thought he was doing it to prevent me from hurting more.
I just wish he’d trusted me with it.
You wanted to die, Alara. What was he supposed to do?
Do I still feel like that?
“Hey, where’d you go?” Rohan asks, fingers clasping my chin.
I shake my head. “We’re in so much trouble, Rohan.”
His eyes bounce between mine. “We are, but it will end. It can’t go on forever.”
“How are we supposed to do anything? He has young dragons below that must have come from the eggs that were stolen by another Dragonbond.”
He nods. “I know.”
“And… he has us all in The Games while he wants me to force that dragon to produce more Nighturn for him.”
“And you have to try, Little Whisperer.”
I’m already shaking my head, but he clasps my face in his hands. “He will not stop until you do and he will hurt you, Alara.”
I know he will but…
“I cannot do it knowing it will hurt everyone in the clan.” Hurt him.
His face softens a touch.
“You’re so brave, Alara. You would risk his wrath for our clan. Our dragons. But we can handle it.”
“But I won’t.”
And I couldn’t. Knowing I helped hurt them… after already being the cause of everyone being here because I didn’t go to the king… I just can’t.
He grits his teeth and nods.
“That’s what you want?”
“That’s what I want.”
“Then we’ll have to find another way. Come.”
I follow Rohan and we emerge from the tent to a smiling Tofa.
“Alara!” She rushes over and I’m swallowed up into a hug. “Thank Morana you’re okay. We’ve been so worried.”
“So worried,” comes from Beau who puts his arms around both of us, squeezing.
“That’s enough, stable boy,” Rohan rumbles and Beau immediately backs off, swallowing hard.
“Sorry, Dragonbond.”
I give Rohan a sharp look, but he just stares back at me. Unbothered.
“I’m okay,” I say, tearing my eyes away from the scowling man to look them over.
“Are you sure?” Tofa asks. I nod. “Good. That’s good. Now we can face whatever is to come, together.”
I nod, trying to smile but it falls flat.
“It’ll be okay,” she says, rubbing my arm as I blow out a breath.
I feel so guilty they’re here. That everyone is here. If Rohan had just handed me over, this wouldn’t be happening.
“No,” Tofa says, pointing right at me. “Stop with that guilty look. We know, okay? About the deal.” She eyes Rohan as he comes closer. “I overheard Calian talking about it.” She looks over at Beau.
“We didn’t mean to but…” He shrugs.
“I’m sorry—”
“Enough,” Rohan says at the same time as Beau and Tofa.
“But—”
“It isn’t your fault. I can see it written all over your face, Alara, and I’m glad our Dragonbond didn’t complete that stupid deal.”
“But people will die,” I choke out, and feel Rohan at my back, his hands on my waist.
“They will die anyway,” Beau says, eyes sad.
“Don’t blame yourself. Okay?” Tofa grabs my hand and squeezes. “We need to focus and get out of here.”
Beau nods. “She’s right.”
“Of course I am,” she says, and I smile at that.
“Go on now,” Rohan says. “We have people to see.”
Tofa hugs me and Beau nods.
“See you soon,” he calls as they walk off.
I watch them go, breathing deeply as Rohan leads me through the camp.
It isn’t anything like home, but the people of clan Blackscale are quick to make it work for them.
“Elf,” Bellamy nods at me as I walk past.
“Hi.”
“It’s good to see you.”
“T-thanks,” I stutter, surprised at his words.