Chapter 35 Snow #2
She was less than kind when I told her I was pregnant, but maybe her harsh view on things is what I need to get my head on straight.
I call her.
She answers immediately and agrees to come by.
Twenty minutes later, Phoebe’s in my kitchen with a fresh pizza and six cans of mocktails.
“I’m surprised you called,” she says, perching on the counter next to the pizza and munching on a slice bigger than her hand.
“You were my last resort.”
“Figures.” She swings her legs a little and stares at me. “Just checking that the crash didn’t rewire something in your brain.”
“Did you agree to come so you could be an asshole to my face?” I gaze up at her from my seat, nibbling on the toppings off my slice.
“Maybe,” she says flatly, then she laughs. “No. I was bored and you sounded terrible so I figured whatever was going on with you was worse than what’s going on with me.”
“Why, what’s going on with you?”
Phoebe shrugs. “Nothing. Like literally nothing. I work, I eat, I sleep. You know, at Thanksgiving this year, my Mom didn’t even ask about my love life. It’s like they’ve finally accepted that I won’t be settling down and churning out six kids like my sister.”
“Isn’t that what you want, though? The single life?”
“Sure, but when they ask it’s like they care. Sure, it’s annoying but like… I kind of enjoy the arguments.”
“Because you’re an asshole.”
“Exactly! I thrive when people do stupid shit. And I like pissing them off. I’m pretty sure my aunt’s convinced I’m gay because she keeps muttering about my years at that all-girls school.
She wasn’t at Thanksgiving but she will be at Christmas, and I’m going to make her backwards ass squirm in her seat all holiday.
” Phoebe smirks, delighted. “It’s going to be amazing. ”
“Well, by comparison, my life is definitely more fucked.”
“Tell me.” Phoebe pops her lips and continues eating.
I tell her everything.
Everything about Xander, all the things we did together, how he made me feel when we were with one another, including everything with Caleb and the loan shark.
And then the crash and the pregnancy discovery.
Phoebe watches me with wide eyes, eating up every detail until I fall silent.
“Shit.” She snickers once I’m finished. “Your life is fucked.”
“I know.”
“So, he left you?”
“I mean… not in so many words, but basically, yeah. And I can’t blame him. I really hurt him, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I really wanted to be with him.”
“Sometimes when you hold too tightly onto something, you set yourself up for failure,” Phoebe replies, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“Think about it, you were telling yourself you just needed to get past Christmas, right? So you could have an idyllic Christmas together because you were so under his romantic spell. I mean, a picnic in the snow?” She presses one hand to her chest. “My men could never.”
“Yeah… I kept telling myself that.”
“But did you ever really accept that telling him could end things?”
I shake my head.
“Exactly. Because you never wanted to end things. You were never honest with yourself. I can’t speak for him because I don’t know the guy, but I do know that things said in the heat of the moment from hurt or anger aren’t always the truth.”
“What are you saying?”
Phoebe tucks her hair behind her ear. “I’m saying you should talk to him again once you’ve both calmed down. He literally just found out you were pregnant after you were in front of him on an operating table. I don’t care how stable you are, no one can be okay with all of that at once.”
I chew briefly on the inside of my cheek while listening. “You’re just setting me up for failure so you can get more amusement out of my pain.”
“No, I’m not. I do actually give good advice sometimes.
You both knew what you were doing was wrong.
And you knew keeping this from him was wrong.
I’m not saying your justifications weren’t valid because none of us are perfect people but like, fucked up shit happens.
” She sighs. “Or maybe I do just wanna see you fail so you’ll be heartbroken enough to be my fake girlfriend at Christmas so we can finally give my aunt a heart attack. ”
Laughter bubbles up unexpectedly and I shake my head.
Out of everyone in our group, I never expected to be sitting eating pizza so late at night, discussing my entire life with Phoebe.
I was always convinced she never liked me too much.
Even if she doesn’t, at least she’s here.
“Text him,” Phoebe says, her eyes glinting. “Ask him to talk.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Yes, you can.” She snorts. “Here, I’ll do it.”
Before I can stop her, she snatches my phone off the counter and slides down to the ground, darting away from me when I lunge at her.
“Dear Xander,” she says mockingly as she types. “I know you hate me and I’m the worst person ever for lying to you.”
“Phoebe!”
“And I know you’re really hurt by my actions, but I think we should talk.”
“Phoebe, give it back!”
“We should talk like grown-ups and—oh, shit.” Phoebe suddenly freezes on the other side of the counter.
My heart punches painfully up into my throat. “Stop being a bitch and give me my phone! What have you done?”
“Nothing,” Phoebe says, turning my phone to face me. “I haven’t even hit send yet.”
On the screen flashes a single text from Xander.
[Xander] We should talk.
“Is he replying to you?” I ask, my eyes wide.
“Nope, see? I hadn’t hit send on anything. He sent you this unprompted. See? I told you no one means it initially.” She turns my phone back to herself and types quickly.
“Yes, we should. When?” she reads out, then she walks around the counter and hands my phone back to me.
As I grasp it, my phone buzzes with Xander’s immediate reply.
[Xander] Whenever is good for you.
“What do I say?” I gaze up at Phoebe who already seems bored and has gone back to her pizza.
“Tell him now.”
“What? But it’s so late!”
“So? You’re awake, he’s awake. He’s clearly thinking about you. Tell him now and I’ll drive you.”
“I… I can’t.” This is too much, too fast, and my heart starts to race.
“Can’t or won’t?” Phoebe side eyes me. “Don’t chicken out now, and my offer to drive you is a one-time offer. You won’t feel this confident in the morning.”
She starts prodding my shoulder.
“I… okay. Okay! I’ll… let’s go.”
Phoebe drives like a maniac, which would be terrifying, but everything falls to the background compared to the twisting of nervousness that wraps up my insides when she pulls up outside Xander’s building.
“He lives here?” Phoebe lets out a low whistle. “Girl, you gotta apologize to him.”
“Phoebe!”
“What? I’m just saying. Now get out of my car.”
I want to tell her I’m too scared, but the look on her face forces me to drag myself out into the street.
I’ve barely closed the door before she drives off, abandoning me while grinning.
I still can’t tell whether this makes us better friends or not.
Turning, I face Xander’s building as my heart pounds up into my throat.
Showtime.