EIGHT
I flick through the files on my computer aimlessly, my stomach sending flashes of anxiety-induced pain that I can’t seem to get rid of. Not even with the chamomile tea I’m sipping on, which usually helps. I try to focus on work, but my mind keeps going elsewhere. To Rowan.
It’s pretty late, and he hasn’t called yet.
I don’t even know why I’m expecting him to do it. I left on my own volition, and maybe the message I left was convincing enough. Though I can’t help but secretly wish he’d reach out. Because if he does that, then maybe… maybe what Odette said isn’t true. Maybe he isn’t fucking another woman at the same time while leading me to believe I’m the only one.
Fuck .
I should’ve stayed—should’ve asked him about it instead of fleeing like a scaredy-cat. But then again, if I had stayed, I would’ve made it too easy for him to just deny everything so he could fuck me again. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.
I wish I could call Sterling and talk to her about it. But she’s on her honeymoon… and Rowan is Commander of the Army, for God’s sake! Am I even supposed to reveal this relationship or whatever the hell it is?
I. Don’t. Know.
I close the lid of my laptop with a groan and pull out my phone to go on social media and numb my pain with distractions. But just as Sterling’s face pops up on my feed, a knock at my door makes me jolt upright.
Nerves bundle up in my stomach, making me jittery as if I’ve just chugged three black coffees one after another. I bite my lip to hide my involuntary smile. But when I open the door, it is not the person I was expecting to see tonight. Not even fucking close.
“Hey, pup.” Jared smiles with that lazy, effortless smile of his that every girl on campus used to fall for. All but me. Which is why, I’m assuming, he’s still chasing me down.
“Jared…” I say with a sigh. “What are you doing here?”
We haven’t been in contact much since we graduated, but he’s still friends with Sterling and Lucian. Which means that when I hang out with them… he tags along too sometimes.
He shrugs. “I was in the area. Thought I’d take you out for a drink.”
Sure he was.
“Well, I hate to disappoint but I’m working,” I say, crossing my arms.
He rolls his eyes and smirks.
“You’re always working. Are you at least going to invite me in?”
I pause, considering the alternative—which is to stare at my phone for God knows how long, expecting Rowan to call.
“Fine. One drink. But then I’m going to kick you out. I’ve got things to do for—”
“Yeah, yeah.” He walks past me inside my apartment. “Angelica Pratt. Employer of the year,” he says sarcastically as I shut the door closed behind me.
I sigh and go into the kitchen, where he’s leaning against the counter already waiting for me.
“What do you want? I’ve got Coke and…” I pick up a half-empty bottle. “Gin and tonic.”
He keeps silent, and when I turn toward him, I catch him staring at me with a spark in his eyes.
“Jared…”
Not this again. Ever since that night we had sex years ago, he kept making subtle and not-so-subtle moves to get me back. Either through Sterling or just by sending me a text and ghosting me again the next hour. Why, I have no idea. But he just won’t let it go.
“ Dove ,” he shoots back. “I’m not the same guy I was in college. I figured my shit out. I’ve got a great job. I’m saving up for a house. I’m doing it—adulting like we’re supposed to,” he laughs. “But I still don’t have you . Let me take you out. Let me show you how much I’ve changed. That night with you… Christ, I can still feel you on my skin. You were…”
“Lying there like a log?” I lift an eyebrow. “You didn’t even like me that much. What the hell are you talking about?”
He rolls his eyes and closes the space between us, placing his hands on my shoulders.
“I was an idiot back then. That’s what I’m saying—I’ve changed. If you would just… let me show you.”
I don’t want him. I know I don’t. But I’m hurting. And Rowan hasn’t called, and maybe going out for a walk doesn’t sound that bad.
“You’re considering it,” he smiles, touching his forehead to mine.
I don’t like the gesture—it feels wrong, and I want to push him away.
“I…”
My ringing phone gives me an opportunity to step away without making this even more awkward than it already is. I clear my throat and turn on my heels as I rush to pick it up. I can hear Jared slowly following behind. An unknown number pops up, and my pulse starts racing against my skin.
I’m itching to answer. But not now. Not when Jared is here.
“Listen, Jared. I really need you to leave. I can’t do this right now.”
“Dove…”
I head back into the hallway, this time to open the front door for him.
“You were considering it,” he says as he follows me. “Why not give this a chance? Give us a chance?”
“I’m not exactly… available right now,” I say, wrapping my hand around the doorknob.
“That’s bullshit. I asked Sterling and she told me—”
“You asked Sterling?!” I look back at him, annoyance surging in my tone.
I open the door at the same time. And both Jared and I stop talking.
Shock spreads on my face when I see the silhouette of Commander Rowan King staring back at us, completely dominating the space. He looks taller. He looks upset. And he looks unforgiving.
I gulp, making a mess of my breathing pattern but trying to keep it under control.
Why the hell is Rowan here? How can he be here?
“Hello, angel.” His low voice tingles my senses. It’s an effort of stubborn will not to lean into it.
“What the hell?” Jared frowns, stepping in front of me and doing his best to take control of the situation. “I’m Jared Carter. What is—”
“A pleasure to meet you, Jared. Am I interrupting?” Rowan asks, looking at me. Only looking at me.
I hold my breath, not knowing what to say or do. I’m shaking. And for once, I’m glad Jared can actually talk for both of us. Because I’m equally as stunned as he is right now.
It’s one thing to meet Rowan in his environment, where everything is new and operating by his rules. And it’s another to see him here, in my small apartment, where he’s like a bull in a china shop.
“Well, I’m sure your visit is way more important than whatever we were doing, sir. How can we—”
“Dove?” Rowan asks again, and I don’t fail to notice his subtle frown at the idea that Jared and I were doing something.
“I… um… Jared.” I touch his shoulder, getting his attention. “Please… I’ll call you tomorrow.”
But he isn’t moving.
“The hell you will. I’m not leaving you alone. I’m here for you,” he says, as if this is something he can protect me from. He can’t. No one can—except maybe my stupid little safe word. But right now I’m not even sure that would work anymore.
I look at Rowan, catching his gaze. The way he stares into my soul sends literal shivers down my spine. His eyes are burning with a mix of feelings I can’t decipher right now on my own. So I avert them like a coward, and focus back on Jared. I open my mouth once more to convince him to leave, but Rowan beats me to it.
“Dove and I have something important to discuss. Her brother worked under my command, as you probably know.”
“Oh, shit,” he says, looking back at me. “Well, yeah. That makes sense, I guess. Will you—”
“Yes. I’ll call,” I insist. “Have a good night.”
Rowan steps to the side, and Jared walks past him, making the contrast between them even more stark. At 27, Jared still looks like a boy compared to Rowan, whose training and strict routines have chiseled him into a masculine, imposing, and dominant man despite only being a few years older. I gulp at the sight and watch as Jared walks down the hall, stealing one more glance our way.
Rowan steps into my tiny apartment, slowly and controlled like a panther scouting new hunting grounds.
“Can I get you anything—” I blurt out, but he cuts me off.
“ Something’s come up. Saint had no choice but to drive me back. Sorry! ” Rowan recites the message I left on his dining table before I left his house. “And then I walk in here and find you all flustered with another man’s scent all over you. Things aren’t looking too good for you right now, angel. Explain,” he orders.
I take in a huge lungful of air, dragging a hand through my hair.
“Jared is an old friend. It wasn’t… it wasn’t like that.”
“It wasn’t like that?” he muses, dipping his chin, his eyes darkening. “Then why is my property reeking of some cheap perfume that was clearly picked to lure you into a fuck session tonight?”
His nostrils flare, and his jaw clenches, but he doesn’t take a step toward me. It’s almost as if he wants me to move toward him first. But I can’t—not until we settle whatever conversation Odette and I had.
“Okay, first of all,” I say, making an effort to look into his eyes. “I’m not your property. You don’t get to call me that when you’ve been fucking other women behind my back. Jared is an old friend—and he might’ve tried to get me to go out with him tonight. But I wasn’t interested. Even though maybe I should have gone. Because if what Odette Chevrier said is true, then—”
“Dove. I am not fucking anyone else but you,” he deadpans. “I don’t want anyone else but you.”
“Well…” I trail off, my argument now holding no weight. “Well then why did she say otherwise?”
“We fucked twice. It was years ago. And in the same night. She was just a means to an end.”
“A means to an end?”
“Yes. Her father is a congressman. We needed funds for a certain mission, and we knew he was going to vote against it. Odette said she could sway him, so… we each got what we wanted that night. Period.”
Jesus Christ. All the years of therapy after my father left and I still can’t think through this straight. All I know is that if Rowan ever tells me there’s someone else—I’m done. No matter how much I want him, I can’t let myself fall into the same trap my mother did. Tears swarm at the backs of my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I swallow them back instead.
“Okay,” I look down at my feet. “But clearly, she doesn’t think that was the end of it. She still wants you.”
“And she can continue to want me, for all I care. You are mine as much as I am yours, angel. Things are really fucking clear to me. And if you can’t see that yet, I’m going to make sure you do.”
I guess… I guess I can’t argue with that.
I let loose a soft but shaky breath and watch as he finally closes the distance between us. He lifts my chin up with his index finger and I’m forced to look back into his eyes.
“So you lied to me then,” he smiles. “Nothing’s come up, has it, angel? You just heard what you wanted to hear… and you ran from me like a scared pup. Is that it?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “That was stupid of me. But what would you do if some sexy-looking dude came to you and told you he’s been fucking me behind your back?”
“Easy. I’d cut off his cock. Make him eat it. And tie him up to a pole so he can watch while I make you come on my tongue.”
I stifle a laugh but it falters when I see he’s not joking.
“Dove. You were right to run away for one reason only—I am not a good man. I’ve done things that if you knew about you’d never want to see me again. Which is why I’m always going to give you a choice. You can leave me anytime you want. You’re not bound to me, not as bound as I am to you. All I ask is that before you decide to rip my heart open, you warn me about it first. You tell me what’s on your mind… and we talk about it. And then… then you can leave me behind if that’s what’s best for you. I will never—”
“Stop. Rowan, stop. I want you so much I don’t know what to do with this feeling. I’m not going to leave. You don’t scare me. I just wish…”
“Yes?”
“I just wish I got to know you a little bit more. I want all of you, not just scraps.”
He smiles, his hand coiling around my neck possessively, but without squeezing it.
“Good. I also want to know you. Which is why I’m taking you out tonight.”