TEN
I push my lower lip between my teeth, tasting the red wine I’ve just sipped. It goes down with a subtle burn, mixing with the nerves swarming in my belly. Rowan is across the small rounded table, watching me, waiting for me to answer the question he has just asked.
We’re dating, he said. And I would love nothing more than to just give in to him tonight, but my mind keeps going back to the warning Mrs. Gutenberg issued to me. What did she mean by that? And why is Rowan so clearly avoiding the subject?
“I like giving people a voice,” I finally say, placing my glass back on the table. “People who don’t have one, I mean. That’s why I wanted to become a lawyer.”
It’s not the full truth, but I don’t know how much of my sob story Rowan wants to hear. I’m sure he’d much rather enjoy himself at this party. So I decide against telling him about my cheating father and the way he blackmailed me and my brother for years before finally leaving our mom.
Silence passes between us, and Rowan cocks his head slightly to the right, observing me.
“I find it really interesting how easily I can read you, angel. I wish you’d trust me with your past, but in truth, I haven’t given you much to trust yet. You’re right to be cautious, though I promise you have nothing to worry about.”
My lips part lightly, liking the way he pays attention to me. It’s not that I don’t trust him. For some reason, I have blind faith in this man. I’d do anything he asked knowing he’d never hurt me. Stupid? Maybe. But I can’t help it. Whatever heartbreak Rowan might cause me in the future, I know it would be all worth it.
“I just didn’t want to bore you with the details,” I say as I wave a hand in front of me.
“Bore me?” He scoffs. “I want to know everything about you, Dove. Your favorite flowers. Your earliest memory. Whether you prefer watching the sun rise or set. Your favorite color too while we’re at it. You’ve lived in my head for too long. And now I finally get to have you. So let me have you.”
My gaping turns into smirking, and placidness starts coursing through me, replacing my nerves. “My favorite color?” I muse. “Sounds easy enough. And here I was thinking you’d want to know my favorite kink or something crazy like that.”
He smiles, his eyes never leaving mine, the silence drifting between us making me understand he really does want an answer to those questions.
I fix my bracelet and clear my throat, averting his persistent gaze as I try to find my words.
“I like peonies the most—white and pink. My earliest memory is playing hide-and-seek with Cole between the white sheets my mother had left outside to dry. Sunrises scare me, because only bad things happen when you’re up at the early hours of dawn, so I prefer sunsets. And my favorite color?” I grin, then look back at the green in his eyes. “Right now, green. Your turn.”
He leans back in his chair, his lips twitching with a smile.
“What would you like to know?”
“Everything you can tell me,” I say. “Why did you join the military, for one? And how are you so”—I shake my head lightly—“calm, considering what’s going on in the country? You’re a real mystery to me.”
He doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, I gasp when Rowan pulls me and my chair closer to him with a screech as it slides across the polished floors. Then I feel the warmth of his palm trailing up the slit in my dress.
“Rowan!” I whisper-shout, looking around for anyone who might see us.
“I ought to be a gentleman and get through this dinner without touching you. But that perfume of yours is driving me insane. You smell delicious.”
I’m lost for words as he takes the breath out of my lungs again. I stare at his lush lips, and all I want to do is press mine to his.
“Is it truly okay if people see us together? For politics, I mean.”
His other hand cups my small face and brings me closer to his, until we’re mere inches apart. I can feel his warm breath tickling my skin.
“Are you still feeling the plug in your pretty hole, angel?”
“Yes,” I say, now centering my attention on it even more.
“Good. Stay still while I check to see how wet you are. I want everyone to know you’re mine, but I don’t want them to see what I do to you. So don’t move. Understand?”
I nod, feeling his fingers trail higher on my leg until they reach my naked pussy lips. This is why he didn’t want me wearing underwear tonight. My breath catches in my throat as I’m trying to fight the flush taking over my cheeks.
The tip of Rowan’s middle finger dips deeper in between my folds, a whimper escaping me in response. He’s still holding my gaze as his hand explores my pussy, and it’s intimate in ways I’ve never experienced before. I’m not just wet, I’m drenched. And butterflies come to life in my belly knowing it’ll please him.
“Commander Rowan King.” A male voice startles me from somewhere in front of us. Thank God we’re hiding what we’re doing behind the table.
I turn my face toward him and notice he’s got a camera in his hands.
“Mind if I take your picture? You look lovely together, and America would love to see who stole our commander’s heart.”
“Rowan…” I plead, shame washing over me knowing his hand is still all over my pussy while this man is talking to us.
“Just one moment, Alistar,” Rowan says to the guy, then turns to speak to me without him hearing. “I’d actually like you to remember this moment. I want you to see yourself in the papers tomorrow and know your pussy was at my mercy under this table while you posed for a picture like the pretty girl you are. I want you to remember you’re mine, and no one else’s. But if you’d rather keep us a secret for a while, I understand. This would plaster your face all over the country, and if you’re not comfortable with that, I’ll tell him to fuck off. So tell me what you want, angel.”
His fingers pinch my clit under the table, and I bite my lip to stifle a moan.
I part my legs a few inches, and he slides inside me with one finger, pumping it lightly so that his muscles don’t clench too much and give us away. I’m so turned on right now I can’t believe what he wants us to do.
But fuck it, I want to remember this just as much as he does. Besides, I don’t want to be just a little secret he’s hiding from the world. I want to be his everything, and I want the world to know that he’s mine.
“I want you,” I say honestly, and he smiles, curling his finger upward to touch my G-spot. I wrap my fingers around his thigh, squeezing it to stop myself from coming undone right here and now.
“Then smile at the camera, angel. Show the world that you’re mine.”
And so I do. Alistar grins, too, probably excited he’s going to be the first photographer to sell an image of us, and starts taking a few rapid shots.
“Beautiful,” he says, then turns to leave with a short nod. “Enjoy your evening.”
Rowan retracts his fingers from my pussy at the same time, and I clench my thighs together to keep adding some friction.
“You’re drenched, angel. I love seeing how much that plug gets you worked up.”
“Please…?”
He smiles, placing a kiss on my lips instead of giving my pussy the release it so desperately wants. “When we get home, that’s all I’m going to do. Play with your pink pussy until you beg me to stop. Here, they’ll see your pretty face when you come, and I’d rather keep that image all to myself. Now, where were we?”
I clear my throat, trying my hardest not to look flustered about being teased so much.
“You didn’t answer my question. About joining the military.”
He nods, suddenly taking on a serious look. “My father served the country. So did my grandfather. I was pushed toward it from an early age, and didn’t feel like I had a say in it.”
I’ve done enough therapy to understand this is probably why he feels the need to control everything around him now that he can. I’d like to know more, but I won’t push too much on this. Not yet.
“Did you want to do something else?”
“I never even considered another path. My mother wanted me to run for office instead—thought I’d be better off that way. But I never wanted that much power. I was worried of what I might do with it.”
Kill them all , I recall him saying this morning when talking to Sergeant Rhames. I didn’t even think much about it, considering Rowan’s job. I wonder if I should.
“Then I met Cole,” he says, and a sad smile spreads on his lips. “I also met Maddox Thorne, the president, and they became like family to me. It’s why I stayed in the military. Why I climbed my way up to the top. The three of us were going to run the country. Maddox as the president, me as the Army Commander, and Cole…” he sighs, “he was supposed to run the FBI. This country is so corrupt… so vile that we took it upon ourselves to do something about it. We thought we could, so we set things in motion between us. But then they found us out… and Cole was the first to go down because we weren’t careful enough.”
“W-What do you mean? Cole died on the battlefield…” I frown, taken aback by the new information. Cole was going to run the FBI? All my parents and I knew was that he was a lieutenant fighting for his country.
“It’s complicated,” he says. “And I’d hate to make you relieve the memory of his death right now…”
“No. Please, Rowan, you have to tell me. He is—was—my brother. I need to know.”
He nods once, his face suddenly becoming solemn.
“We were going up in ranks. Fast. The three of us took more risks than anyone else, and the papers kept writing about us. This is why they started noticing us—the master puppeteers pulling the real strings in the government. They saw through our plans of stealing the reins, and went after Cole first because… his death was the easiest one to cover up at the time. He was not supposed to die that night. It was a setup.”
I blink away tears, but I’m more shocked than sad right now. Enraged. My brother was murdered in cold blood, and the whole country lied about it. Lied to me and his family.
“Where,” I gulp, “where are these people you speak of? Why weren’t they punished for this crime?”
“They were,” he deadpans, before looking into my eyes. “I killed them all before Cole’s body was even sent back home.”
I’m sitting on my bed, still wearing the cerulean dress after Rowan brought me back from the party. He’s in the bathroom, filling my tub with water. And I don’t know what’s worse: knowing the man I’m in love with murders people in cold blood for a living… which goes against everything I believe in, or being so accepting of the fact.
It’s sick and it’s twisted, but if those men really killed my brother… I can’t help but secretly thank Rowan for what he did. Then again… I call myself a lawyer. Someone who believes in the justice system, who wants to give everyone a voice to defend themselves. Maybe not everyone deserves it. But who am I to decide who does and who doesn’t? Who are any of us?
A rough hand caresses the side of my face, and I look up at Rowan with tears in my eyes.
“Say something, angel. You’ve been quiet ever since I told you.”
I lean into his touch, but shake my head against it too.
“I don’t know what to say. I need to process this.”
I hate this. I hate that instead of coming home and being fucked until the hours of dawn, I’m hiding from Rowan in my own head. He doesn’t deserve it, yet it’s the only response I can muster right now.
He goes behind me and my skin warms up where he touches it to unzip my dress. I let him do it, and even help him get me out of it until I’m naked in my bed.
“Come on,” he says, extending a hand forward to take mine. “Let’s get you warm and comfortable.”
“Are you going back home tonight?”
Please say no. Please say no.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to.”
A sigh of relief escapes me, and I take his hand, the feeling of him instantly bringing me back to the present moment. I let him guide me to the bathroom and I step into the warm water, my thighs clenching every time the plug in my ass reminds me it’s there.
Rowan sits on the side of the tub, still fully dressed as he unbuttons only the top of his shirt.
“I’m sorry,” I say, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the tears. “It’s just… he was so young. And then you… you killed those people. I’m supposed to bring justice with my job, and yet…” I catch his now-soft gaze. “And yet, I’m glad you did it. What does this say about me, Rowan?”
“That you’re human,” he smiles. “Things aren’t so black-and-white, angel. Those people would’ve never stepped foot in a courtroom. They owned the courtrooms. Killing them was the only way to avenge Cole.”
“Does Senator Gutenberg know about all of this?”
“Yes. He and his wife helped us with some stuff.”
“Is that why she told me to be careful? Because you… kill people?”
He snorts, then pushes a lock of my hair behind my ear. “No, I wish that was it. I killed the ones who were directly responsible, but their organization has deep roots—they call themselves the Echelons of the Free World. We’ve yet to get to the bottom of it. Which is why I wanted to ask you something.”
“What is it?” I suck in a breath, the warm water swashing against my breasts from the movement.
“Being together… is not going to be easy. The war is still not fully over. And the EFW are always plotting to take us down. It’s not just the president and I that are targets. They’ll use anything and anyone they can to get what they want. But now they’ll see you’re under my protection, which is part of why I wanted us to take that picture tonight. I don’t want to scare you, I just…” He drags a hand down his face.
“I hope this isn’t you trying to break up with me,” I joke, but it only makes him frown deeper.
“This is me trying to get you to move in with me.”
“Oh.”
“You don’t have to decide right now. But the sooner you do, the better. I’d sleep much better at night knowing you’re in my arms, where I can protect you.”
The thought of being with him all the time makes my heart flutter. I want to, of course I want to. But the truth is, we’ve only been seeing each other for a few days. And I can’t help but wonder if we’re rushing into this.
“I’d love to, Rowan…”
“But?”
“But maybe we should wait a little bit longer. You know, to make sure this is what we really want.”
I say it like that, but I hate the words coming out of my mouth. What I really wanted to say was I don’t want you to get bored of me so quickly .
“I am absolutely certain this is what I want,” he says, caressing my breast with his knuckles as if lost in thought. It gets hard, wanting more of his touch. “It’s okay, angel. I’ll wait until you’re ready. But you’ll have to let me place some of my men around your apartment to watch over you when we’re not together. This isn’t negotiable.”
I can’t say I love the idea, but I’d lie if I said Mrs. Gutenberg’s warning hasn’t gotten to me. Better safe than sorry, I guess.
“Sure. That would be okay. Thank you, sir,” I smirk, knowing the effect that word has on him.
“Good girl. Feeling better?” New promises linger in that low voice, sending tingles down into my core.
I nod fast, knowing exactly what he plans on doing to me for the rest of the night.