Chapter 4
FOUR
NICOLO RASTELLI
Is this a dream? It has to be. None of this can possibly be real. Reality is cold and cruel, a merciless bitch with no thought or care for the suffering of mortals. Life is a living, breathing nightmare we all simply have to endure.
Only, sometimes, it’s not.
I draw a shaky breath. “I missed you too.”
Sebastian stands and pulls me to my feet before turning me around. “You hungry?”
I shake my head as I look up, and up, and up. We always knew he’d be bigger than me, and here he is—built like a bruiser. So fucking handsome too.
Is he scared that if he looks away I might disappear, the way I’m terrified if I take my eyes off him for even a second, he’ll vanish?
“Sebastian.” My voice cracks as I fist the front of his shirt and tug on the thin fabric.
“I know.” He bends and presses a kiss to my forehead. I shut my eyes and lean into him. No one but our mother gives me this kind of affection, and to have it now, after losing her so completely, is everything I need. It makes me want to climb inside of Sebastian and live there. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll find us a snack. We can catch up.”
I open my mouth, not sure what I want to say. There’s so much understanding and kindness in his eyes. He’s always been like that—kind to a fault, almost.
Father hated his kindness, saw it as weakness and did everything in his power to kill it, but he never managed.
Every cruel act Sebastian was forced to partake in or endure only seemed to soften him more in some ways, and harden him in others.
In the end, it wasn’t Father who killed any part of Sebastian, but Sebastian himself. He picked up a gun, loaded it with all the secrets he knew, took aim at the Family, and fired without hesitation or remorse.
The bullet may have torn our life together apart but it ripped through the Family too, as intended, and left a gaping wound when our father was sent to prison. The Family is still bleeding because of it, but here Sebastian stands.
Happy. Healthy. He’s more alive than ever after having killed every part of himself that made him a Rastelli, with the exception of his genetic predisposition to be built like a linebacker.
“You’re real, right?” The crack in my voice would be embarrassing if I was standing in front of anyone else. “This is real? I’m not having a mental breakdown?”
His eyes are soft as he cups my neck. His thumb brushes the underside of my jaw as he presses our foreheads together. “This is real, Nicolo. I’m right here.”
I suck in a ragged breath and try to calm my racing heart. He’s probably wondering how I managed to survive in the Family the last ten years, being so emotional, but I wasn’t this open and honest with my feelings. I couldn’t afford to be.
He isn’t like them. Sebastian is safe. I can be myself when I’m with him, and he’ll never use it against me.
“Snacks would be good.”
“Sit.” He pushes me towards the sofa and turns to the kitchenette.
The house has an open floorplan. I watch Sebastian gather the snacks he’s promised as I kick off my shoes, sit down, and draw my knees to my chest.
There are two doors, and I’m pretty sure one leads to his bedroom.
He’ll let me stay the night, right?
I won’t even have to ask.
What if he doesn’t though? What if he sends me back to the dorms tonight, and tomorrow, he’s gone? Vanished from my life without a trace. How will I find him? Will there be any point in looking if he leaves like that?
I bury my face in my knees and try to think only good thoughts. Sebastian is alive. He’s here with me. And so far, he hasn’t said anything about leaving me behind.
The sofa dips and I tip to the side. We press together from shoulder to thigh. “Here. These used to be your favorite.”
I look over. Sebastian pokes me in the arm with something sharp and I looked down at . . . “Freeze-dried gummy worms?” My eyes burn and I have to swallow around the lump in my throat as I take the bag. The package isn’t familiar but the contents are. “You . . . You don’t even like gummy worms.” Or he hadn’t all those years ago. “Or anything freeze-dried. Why do you have them?”
He shrugs and looks away, opening a bag of chips. “A local place started doing them a couple years ago, and I don’t know. I grab a bag every few months. They remind me of home.”
Of home, he says. Only, no one at home ate this particular candy except me. Sebastian used to buy them for me from a candy store uptown, when he had an errand to run for the Family.
At the time, they were expensive as fuck, but I could count on one or two bags appearing on my pillow at least once or twice a month.
I toss the bag onto the coffee table, shove and pull at his arms until he drops the chips. They spill across the floor but I don’t give a shit. I climb into his lap; his arms circle my midsection and he tugs me close as I bury my face in his neck.
“Promise you won’t leave me behind again.”
“Nicolo.”
I grasp his face, pulling his head back until he’s forced to meet my watery eyes. “Promise me. You have to promise you won’t leave me behind. I . . . I won’t survive it this time, Sebastian. I don’t have anyone else anymore. Just you. Please.”
He understands that, doesn’t he?
That I’m all alone now. Sent off by our mother to make my own way in the world. If he leaves, I’ll be alone again. Maybe I would’ve been okay on my own before, but that was before I stumbled across him .
Now I know he’s alive.
I don’t have to be by myself, not when I can be with him.
His expression softens before he cups the back of my head. “I promise. Pinky promise.”
I nod and fall against him as our pinkies link together.
Sebastian has made and broken a lot of promises, of that I’m sure. But he’s never broken a promise he made to me.
He won’t leave me behind. Not this time.