14. Tessa
14
TESSA
I thought that having sex with Romeo would reset things between us.
That was how na?ve I was about men.
After the night that he woke me up with a kiss and broke me out of that nightmare, he went back to being distant and busy. I couldn’t say for certain that he was going out of his way to put distance between us, but that was what it felt like.
He was attentive and caring, considerate and generous. But he acted like that in such a way that made me think I was once again a burden, a responsibility and burden among all the others that he had weighing on his shoulders.
I don’t want to be an obligation. I watched him from afar, seated on a loveseat built into a bay window. He paced back and forth in the other room, talking to Franco. Or maybe it was Dante. Andy. George? I lost track, and I doubted it mattered.
All I knew for a fact was that Romeo wasn’t talking to me .
For a week, we lasted in this waiting game. I seemed to be the only one wondering when something would happen between us. And I was left waiting because even though I sometimes felt like Romeo was watching me and always keeping tabs on me, he didn’t make eye contact much. He didn’t initiate anything romantic or intimate, either.
Which is probably my fault.
I’d blurted out too much of an uncensored truth, that I could fall head-over-heels for him with how well he tended to me. It was true, but also not. I was aware that having sex with him had been an excuse to avoid my past. I’d sought him out that night of the rainstorm because he was right there, warm and caring, a convenient placeholder. It was a rebound, no doubt about it.
When I considered it in that light, I hated myself a little more for using him. I used Romeo for sex, and that somehow cheapened it all. Of course, he’d wanted it too. He got off as well. But I disliked the notion that it only happened because of something else.
Besides, this is not the time for trying to hook up with a man. It wasn’t. No matter how deeply I grew attached to Romeo and how quickly I imprinted myself on him because he’d saved me like a grand hero that night, it wasn’t smart to rush into anything. Whatever Romeo and I did, it would be too close in time to the horrors I'd experienced. Until I could feel completely recovered and whole after that trauma, whatever we started—if anything—would always be tainted as post-rape .
Stop moping around. I sighed, restless and antsy without anything to do. This sudden freedom from my parents and my employment still felt weird. Like I should be doing something or else I would be lazy.
But I’d already cleaned everything. I reorganized the kitchen and scrubbed the bathroom. I wasn’t sure what else I could tidy up, and reading didn’t hold my interest.
If this is what the life of a kept, spoiled woman is like, I do not want to sign up. I ? —
Knocks sounded at the door, pulling me from my musings. Instead of looking out the window at the start of the leaves changing colors as autumn came closer, I watched Romeo walk across the room to open the door. He must have been expecting visitors because he seemed at ease and calm.
As he pulled the door wider open, Nina entered with another woman.
“Hey!” I jumped up and rushed to greet her, surprised but happy to see her. Since getting the replacement phone and learning that my mom must have manipulated something in our family account, something to prevent me from reaching out to my bestie, I chatted with Nina daily.
“I didn’t know you were coming by,” I told her as I furrowed my brow at the bags she handed over. Dante was super particular about her safety, and that was the reason she hadn’t visited yet, but something must have changed to permit her being here now.
“Dante wanted to talk with Romeo and Franco in person.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, indicating the front door that Romeo strode through as he disconnected his call.
“We’ll be right outside,” he promised before he exited.
I nodded, grateful for the security.
“So this is who’s making Romeo a changed man?” the brunette asked, almost with enough snark to sound mean, yet not. Whoever she was, she sure was curious. But she was off the mark about assuming I was changing anything about him.
“Tess, this is Eva, Romeo’s cousin. Eva, this is my best friend, Tessa West.”
Eva looked me over, from my bare feet to the top of my blonde bob. A twist of her lips was all the judgment she gave me, but I didn’t know whether I passed or failed. I lifted my hand in a small wave. “Hi.”
“Yeah.” Eva huffed, handing over a bag. “I’m guessing you’ll like what Nina brought. Not the things in these bags.”
I peered through them all, seeing that they’d brought more clothes. If not for them, I wouldn’t have had anything. “Wow. Thanks, girls.”
“Well, these too,” Eva added as she pulled a strip of something out of the bag in my left hand. Condoms.
My cheeks heated so fast, and I laughed. “Oh, wow.”
“Eva!” Nina rolled her eyes and shoved them back into the bag. “Don’t pressure her.”
“I’m not.” Eva crossed her arms. “But I can insinuate.” Something almost like a smile crossed her face, and I wondered why Romeo’s getting some mattered to her.
“Well, that deed was already done,” I admitted, surprisingly not shy about confessing it. Nina was my best friend, so I had no issues being so upfront around her. Eva seemed a little cool, but I didn’t care.
“Already?” Nina laughed and headed toward the couch. “How? When? Why?”
Eva sat as well. “Why? Is that even a question in this context? Why else would they fuck?”
Nina firmed her lips in a scolding expression as I sat. “Well, after what Tessa just experienced, it would be surprising is all.”
Eva raised her brows, and I sighed. May as well say it.
“Romeo came into the bedroom when I was crying from a nightmare about how I was raped. And I asked him to help me forget about it all.”
Nina winced. “Uh-oh.”
Eva smiled. “Well, damn.”
“Huh?” I volleyed my gaze between them.
Nina cleared her throat. “It’s, um, well, asking him to have sex with you so you could forget something else… It sounds like you were just asking him to perform a chore or something.”
I sighed. “I know. I don’t like how that sounds.”
“Hey, he wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t interested,” Eva said.
“But he’s not . Not anymore.” I shook my head, hating to complain. “Ever since, he’s aloof and busy. I want him so damn bad. Not just to further break down the memory of my trauma, but because I miss him and want to experience that closeness again.”
“He’s not interested?” Eva asked.
I shook my head. “No. I’m getting so frustrated about it all, but it seems like he’s insisting that we only be friends.”
“Have you asked, or told him, what you want?”
“No.” I cringed. “I mean, I thought I sort of implied that I wanted it to happen again. Can’t he just tell?”
Both women smiled and shook their heads.
Dammit. “I don’t even know how to start or what to say.” I shrugged and hated how weak I sounded. “I never had time to date much. I’ve never made a move on a guy.”
“Just tell him the truth,” Eva suggested.
“I want to. But aside from being nervous to speak up like that and risk rejection, I’m starting to struggle with wondering if I’m even good enough for him.”
Nina smirked while Eva shrugged. I deadpanned at her immediate lack of confidence. Jeez, thanks.
“Or if I’m bad in bed,” I added. Since it was my first real time.
Eva rolled her eyes while Nina shook her head. “No. I doubt that’s it. It’s not likely.”
“How would you know? Or how would I know?”
“If you spoke up and just asked,” Eva said.
I gawked at her. “I’m not asking him if I was bad in bed.”
“Direct communication is always best,” she preached.
I was sure that it was, but I couldn’t imagine asking Romeo for confirmation like that.
“I’ve come to realize that Romeo is a serious sort of man who is sometimes hard to read,” Nina said. “Maybe direct communication would be helpful.”
“It would. Romeo’s always been like that, serious and closed-off, so putting him on the spot and opening a direct line of conversation would be smart.
Nina laughed suddenly. “Oh, my God.” She cracked up even more, and I wondered if the pregnancy hormones could make her loopy.
“Oh, my God ,” she repeated around her tears from laughing so hard.
“What?” I asked, glancing at Eva, who stared at Nina like she was a lunatic.
“If you hook up with Romeo and marry, then I’d be your stepmother-in-law!”
We laughed with her.
“You are both messed up,” Eva teased.
“No, there won’t be any marrying,” I said as I finished giggling. He’s friend-zoned me already. I can’t see him popping the question with that trend. “We’re just…”
“I was just teasing,” Nina said, seeming concerned about potentially offending me somehow.
“I know, I know. In all seriousness, I’m just so glad and grateful that I don’t have to deal with my parents anymore. Or Elliot.”
Nina raised her brows. “You haven’t talked to them once?”
I shook my head. “Nope. My old phone is blowing up with calls and texts from them, but I don’t answer. I haven’t since that night that Romeo rescued me. I made the mistake of unlocking that phone once. And I saw enough from my mom to not want to bother at all.”
“What’d she say?” Nina asked.
“She accused me of being a spoiled brat for running off with some man when I should be focusing on marrying Elliot like they want.”
“That’s messed up,” Eva said.
But also, somehow true.
From all accounts, with us living together in this isolated, remote cabin, it was all too easy to feel like I’d run off with him.
But not as a woman he’d want.