22. Tessa
22
TESSA
A few days after I dared to tell Romeo to show me what he wanted, I headed over to the mansion where Dante and Nina lived. I was glad to be able to go somewhere, because after the nonstop days of having sex with Romeo and sleeping in his bed, I felt like I needed a reality check.
He showed me how hard he liked it. I let him test how much I could take with bondage. While it was likely a tame introduction to the kinky things he preferred, I was loving every second. He was patient but firm—always in control—and I was convinced that I had to pinch myself and know that it was real. That this was actually my life.
Seeing Nina was a treat, and when I saw that Eva was available as well, I looked forward to some honest-to-God girl talk while the men had their meeting.
“What do they need to talk about?” Eva asked as we watched them head to the patio. It seemed they preferred the table to the right. While it was a bit cooler, it wasn’t too chilly to lounge out there.
We three set up in the great room, lying back on chairs and the couch.
“I think more about the bikers and Giovannis,” Nina said with a shrug. “Always so much going on.”
“Do you feel guilty?” I asked her. Since she was the catalyst to the bikers targeting the Constella Family, I had to wonder. When Dante pretended to be her boyfriend and thwarted Nina from going to Reaper, he started a hell of a fight.
“No. I did, but Dante likes to remind me that it wasn’t my fault in the first place. It was Ricky’s.”
Eva waved at Nina. “And it’s not like Stefan wasn’t already causing trouble with my uncle.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s never really been that trustworthy. Not since he stood with the Domino Family before the MC tore them down.”
I shook my head, wondering how Stefan Giovanni lived with himself. Befriending and allying one group, then after they were killed and ruined, teaming up with the enemy they fought? It sounded like an epic case of two-timing, and I didn’t blame Dante and Romeo for not wanting to deal with the Giovannis.
“Enough about that.” Eva set her wineglass down. “What’s going on with you and my cousin?”
I blinked at her blunt question.
“Yeah.” Nina grinned. “I’ve never seen him so…”
“Loose?” Eva guessed.
“Yeah.” Nina looked pensive as she nodded. “More at peace, I guess.”
“Because he’s getting laid?” Eva guessed, glancing at me suggestively.
“Well…” My cheeks heated up, and I smiled as I looked at my water glass. “Yeah. He is getting laid.”
“See!” Nina laughed. “I told you. Did you fess up and tell him what you wanted?”
“It was more like both of us talking and explaining a few things.” I shrugged, shy yet not. This was the first time I’d ever contributed to a conversation like this. It was new. Fun. And freeing. I never could’ve done something like this in my former life, the nonstop working existence I suffered through before I met Romeo.
“Wow. I can totally see the difference in him,” Eva said. “He’s always been so serious, but just watching him here tonight, he’s more relaxed somehow.”
I rubbed my neck, wondering if I could really have that much impact on him. “I wonder how long it will last.”
“What? Like how long the newness of it will last?” Nina asked.
“That too. But I mean how long he’ll want me like this.” Now my nerves crept in.
“What is this , though?” Eva asked. “Did he say? Or did you?”
I shook my head. “We haven’t labeled it.” I wouldn’t know how. “We’re basically living together and sleeping together. But…” I shrugged.
“That’s a good start.” Nina was still all smiles.
“But I don’t know if I’m good enough to last.”
Eva rolled her eyes.
“Hey, of course you are,” Nina said, laughing me off.
“From the little I saw when you two arrived, he worships the ground you walk on, Tessa.” Eva sounded so sure. I envied her confidence.
“A man doesn’t look at a woman like that unless he’s in deep,” Nina said. “No pun intended.”
We all giggled, smiling and having fun with the bawdy talk.
“It’s just so new. And he’s my first anything. First time having sex—when I wanted it.” I grimaced at the reminder that I’d lost my virginity when I was raped. “If Romeo is my boyfriend, if that’s the right label for him, he’s my first.”
“How na?ve,” Eva deadpanned.
Nina threw a decorative pillow at her. “Be nice.”
“I’m honest,” Eva argued.
“I am, though. Na?ve. I can tell my inexperience is so not what he’s used to.” And I hated that feeling. I knew he’d had sex before. He was almost ten years older than me. Of course, he’d been around the block. “I don’t mean the sheer amount of experience, comparing my history to his. It’s more the…” I rolled my hand.
“What?” Nina asked, eager and on the edge of her seat.
“The kind of experience,” I said, wincing and feeling less-than somehow. I wanted to please Romeo however I could, but I wasn’t sure how to educate myself and be more prepared to impress him other than what he told me. I doubted a man wanted to coach their partner through every thing.
Other than that terrifying moment when his fingers near my ass made me tense up and struggle with triggered memories of being raped, I enjoyed all that he pushed me to feel. Surrendering to him was liberating somehow, but I got the sense that he wanted more.
“Oh.” Nina furrowed her brow. “I think I know what you mean. Romeo’s so… intense and serious.” She nodded and glanced at Eva, as though seeking confirmation from someone who’d known him longer. “He’d be a hard lover, I’m guessing. More serious than playful.”
Eva hummed in agreement. “I know exactly what you mean,” she confided in me, again with that firm confidence that she had no matter what she talked about. She wasn’t light and fluffy. The stunning brunette was almost as serious as Romeo seemed to be.
“He’s a dark kind of lover,” she summarized. “He used to go to clubs with Franco.”
I winced. “Sex clubs?” I’d never measure up to the kinks there.
“Yeah. BDSM, too, but he wasn’t that hardcore, I don’t think.” She held up her hands in surrender and tilted her head to the side. “My cousin’s—and uncle’s—sexual appetite is none of my business. Please, never mistake my willingness to chat about this in a general sense for an invite to unload details.”
Nina smiled, fighting back laughter.
“But I understand what you mean,” Eva commiserated. “I imagine that Romeo would just show you what he wanted and all.”
“Oh, he does. And he is. But I feel like needing the instruction makes me less-than.”
Nina blew a raspberry. “Nah. If he’s a control freak like I think he is, he’d take pleasure from ‘teaching’ you.”
“He does.”
“You’ve read books,” Nina said with a wink. “Including one-hand romances.”
“There you go.” Eva nodded and finished her wine. “Watch some porn and learn a little more.”
I leaned over in my seat, resting my elbows on my knees. I was intrigued and excited. The thrill of doing something so naughty like watching porn… I grinned. “Like what, though?”
“Hmm. Anal?” Eva guessed. “That’s pretty basic and a common kink.”
I refrained from wincing. I wasn’t sure I could adjust to that.
“Bondage. Maybe some flogging and stuff. Romeo’s never gotten that involved with the club scene, but I wouldn’t be surprised if his tastes still veered toward the dark side.”
“Thanks, Eva.” I smiled at Nina, too. “This helps. I was trying not to feel insecure, being so new to this and so soon after being…” I exhaled a long, hard breath. Voicing it out loud was simply something that would take more time.
“Glad to help,” Eva said. “However, no more details are necessary. Got it?”
“Got it.” I smiled, shifting into more general talk about how Nina’s pregnancy was going and how Eva was sick of some of the Mafia men who “wasted her time”. As intelligent and wise as she was, she sure seemed impervious to considering a love life of her own.
It wasn’t my place to ask her about why she wasn’t seeing anyone. I was hardly an expert myself, only a couple of weeks in with the man I assumed it was safe to call my first boyfriend.
I couldn’t help but feel like I was sheltered. My parents had never encouraged me to be a feminist or to date boys. They’d had it in their heads from so early on that I should be with Elliot.
Now, though, as I embraced being Romeo’s woman, I fell deeper under the spell of curiosity, wondering what it would be like to look into the kinkier stuff that would please Romeo.
Because already, this soon, I knew that when I gave my submission to him and he led me with control, he made me soar so high with bliss that I doubted I’d ever want it to stop.
I wasn’t sure what I ever did in my life to deserve him or how he treated me, but I didn’t want to consider it ever ending.
No more stress about having to work nonstop, only to give my money to my parents. No more wondering how I could have a semblance of independence. No more dreading a call or text from Elliot that I’d need to reply to while not giving him any encouragement or hope.
All I had to do was enjoy Romeo treating me like a queen.
And pray that he got the same soul-deep satisfaction being with me that I did with him.