Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Sam
Iwish I wasn’t so nervous, but my hands are doing their telltale shake as I park my car in the graveled drive of Mr. and Mrs. Ryan’s palatial, beautiful farmhouse.
There’s no question part of the nerves come from the fear that I’m not actually supposed to be here.
I’m clearly not family, and everyone else in attendance, at least last time, was.
I am way out of my league on so many levels.
So am I really being the crazy garage apartment tenant who shows up like she belongs?
But May begged me, and Declan even asked when he came to grab takeout earlier this week. I saw Connor and Mary out for a walk and they asked, too.
More than being asked, though, is the realization that I want to be here. Trepidatious though I may be, I’m drawn to this family.
That said, I’m stuck in the car on the verge of shifting into reverse and getting out of here when someone raps on my door and I startle with a small shriek. May’s cackle reaches me the second I open the door.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, but wow.” She pins her lips between her teeth, but she’s laughing and there’s no hiding it. “That was kind of amazing.”
If she only knew about the way I nearly passed into the spirit realm when her brother knocked on my window on my first night here.
“Glad I could amuse you.”
She made a face. “I’m pretty sure you’ve laughed at my expense twice already this week.”
“Guilty. Sorry.” We share a grin, neither of us holding any hard feelings.
And isn’t that a breath of fresh air? I have longed for a friend, and the beauty of having more than one right now is incalculable.
Add to that the novelty of laughing with someone and not having it turn contentious—there were too many times I thought Andrew and I were joking only to realize his words were cutting.
Or if I said something a touch too witty, I’d end up punished by silence or his total absence.
Here, we’re ribbing gently, but it’s fun, and I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop.
May’s not my romantic partner, so our dynamic is different, but it reminds me it is possible to just laugh with someone and have it be that simple.
I felt that with Evie, but she and I feel…
kindred. Linked in some way that felt like family from our first meeting.
May’s more like someone I’m getting to know slowly but steadily, and that pace is frankly set by her.
The woman is constantly doing something for the town, or a charity, or a nonprofit she started, or taking a shift with any number of volunteer jobs.
“Are you finally going to join me for the library on wheels next week?” Her bright eyes are filled with hope.
“I want to. Jerry’s giving me as many shifts as I can handle, but I think I can ask her to ease off.” That woman seems so crusty and cold, but she’s a sweetheart. She’s been nothing but supportive in the most demanding, endearing way.
Honestly, not unlike Grant. Maybe it’s a Juniper View thing?
“Yes! I’ll talk to Jerry, don’t worry. She’ll get it. Everyone needs a side gig or two.” She winks. “Even if it doesn’t pay a dime.”
I chuckle. “I feel like ‘side gig or two’ is nowhere near applicable for you. How many jobs outside of Corner Coffee do you have?”
Her warm expression shutters for a moment before returning. “Plenty!”
I’ve done a valiant job of ignoring the fact that Grant’s truck is already here.
Of course it is. He’s a ten-minutes-early-is-on-time person, and I’m exactly on time.
Finn’s car is pulling in now, and I’ll assume the other one already parked is Declan.
May must be parked elsewhere, or maybe she hitched a ride with someone.
Two other cars are parked one behind the other, and I suspect they’re Eirinn and Davis’s vehicles. Everyone’s here.
The weather is gorgeous today, and it’s still bright enough for me to appreciate the farmhouse in ways I didn’t the last time I was here.
It’s got a wide porch that wraps around as far as I can see on one side.
There are big windows in front on the main floor and the upstairs rooms. I can’t wait to see inside and get a feel for the view out the living room—by the time I got a good look, it was dark enough I couldn’t see much more than the shadows of mountains.
It's an old home from what May has told me, but it looks so well cared for. If I squint, I think I can actually see the copse of trees that sits right behind Grant’s house and the hill down which Mr. Bingley and Poppy were found.
May turns to me right before we step inside with her hand on the doorknob. She takes a giant inhale, shuts her eyes for a moment, then opens them as she nods, like everything’s settled. She hasn’t said a word, but it’s clear this is part of her grounding ritual before she enters the fray.
And it genuinely is wild inside. Poppy, Lily, Saoirse, and Rowan are all running around. It’s adorable seeing the two teens loping after the little girls, who are absolutely squealing with delight.
Looking on are Grant and Eirinn, and oof. Seeing that look of amusement and delight on Grant’s face will never not slay me. It’s just too pure and good.
Like him.
I want to believe that. I think I do. I’ve seen nothing to hint at the fact that who he seems to be is any different from who he actually is.
By now in my relationship with Andrew, I’d already known something was off.
I was just too desperate to interrogate the feeling and back away.
And he was too good at making me feel like I was crazy for thinking everything wasn’t perfect.
I’m not in a relationship with Grant, so it’s not apples to apples, but I can’t deny he’s steady. Reliable. All the things I was certain I’d never find in a man and therefore convinced myself trying again wouldn’t be worth the risk.
Plus, so dang hot it makes me feel brain-scrambled.
Like a heat-seeking missile for the thought, his gaze shifts to meet mine and stuns me all the more. His expression morphs from that fatherly amusement to something softer, and I’m not sure he even knows he’s doing it, but warmer, too.
As mentioned, hotter.
I want to talk to him. I haven’t seen him nearly enough, and he saved Mr. Bingley earlier. I should thank him, shouldn’t I? In person? Isn’t that the friendly thing to do?
“Earth to Sam. You still here with me?”
My focus shifts to May, who’s standing beside me with an absolute smirk on her face.
“Or are you over there with my brother?”
“I am very clearly standing right in front of you.”
She snickers. “Yeah, but you want to be right in front of him.”
“We’re friends.” It’s the lamest defense, but it’s what I’ve got.
“There they are!”
Mary sweeps in from the kitchen with arms open and I grin, ready to watch her embrace her daughter, but she comes for me first.
Suddenly, she’s scooping me up into a warm hug, and I’m accepting it like this is always how we meet.
“I’m so glad you came, dear Sam.” She smiles so widely, so earnestly, she must mean it.
“Thank you for having me. I’m sorry I haven’t been back since the first week.”
She’s waving her hand before I finish speaking.
“None of that. This is an open invitation, not an obligation. Especially if your last name isn’t Ryan. For them, it’s a little bit more of an expectation.” She raises one brow at May, who slinks away saying something about helping her dad in the kitchen.
“Thank you. And thank you for the delicious leftovers a few weeks ago.” I’d returned the container to Grant, though I probably should’ve made the effort to return it here and say it. But I hadn’t bought a new tire at that point, so I was still trying to use the wheel as little as possible.
“Our true pleasure. I’m just so happy you’re settling in. Are you loving Jerry’s?”
I grin. “She’s a character, and yes. I really like it.”
She laughs. “She is. Do you think you’ll be there a while? Or are you working toward something else?”
Finn saunters up and slings an arm around her shoulders. “Mom, you can’t ask that. It’s rude.”
“What? Why can’t I? It’s a genuine question.” Mary’s hand is pressed to her heart.
Before I can get a word in, Finn is explaining his take. “It sounds like being a waitress isn’t good enough. Like she should be there temporarily.”
Mary’s flat look makes Finn release her as she says, “I would never insinuate that.” Her attention shifts back to me.
“Truly, I’m so sorry if it sounded like I was judging your work or anything like that.
I love Jerry’s and I support you working there until you’re just as old and gray as the woman herself.
But I’m also fairly well-connected in town, and I’d love to introduce you to anyone who might be in an industry you’re interested in.
I’m just trying to get to know you, and use my resources to help if it’s applicable. ”
What must it be like to grow up in a family like this? None of these people are perfect, but my knees practically shake with awareness that I am so out of my depth here.
Is it wrong to accept her help, or rude not to? Is it okay to admit I’m not really sure how long I’ll be at Jerry’s?
“You’re putting her on the spot, Mom. That’s not fair. She just barely got here.” Finn clucks at her, then turns to grin at me. “But seriously though, what are your life goals, plans for the future, and wildest dreams?”
I laugh, and Mary swats Finn’s arm with a small huff.
“Menace,” she whispers, then sends me a wink before she walks away.
“So? Do tell.” He cups his chin like he’s enraptured with what I might say next.
My brain scrambles with thoughts about finishing school, working toward a masters, all the things I’ve been piecing together lately, but I’m not sure where to start, or how to do it without having to explain why I never got a college degree to begin with since I know each of the Ryan kids have at least a bachelor’s degree.
“Can you not leave the woman alone, Finn?”
Grant’s voice causes a visceral reaction in me.
I miss whatever Finn says because Grant is here and Finn’s wandering off, and for the first time in way too long, we’re near each other.
I just have to remember all the reasons I’m not throwing myself at him. Because there are reasons. Because I need to know myself first. Because I’ve been dropped too many times.
And because I’m not yet certain he’d catch me.