Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Grant
My parents are the first to arrive. Ma comes in fussing, holding tight to Sam when they hug, and drawing back with tears in her eyes. Even my dad seems shaken and eager to assure himself she’s okay.
Finn barges in, sets a box and grocery bag on the counter, and immediately sweeps Sam into a hug right when my dad releases her.
“Maybe let’s give her some space, guys.” I may be scowling, but I appreciate them being here. That said, I don’t want her feeling overwhelmed after an already exhausting afternoon.
“It’s okay.” She catches my eye and sends me a soft smile.
My heart squeezes. I swear, this woman could probably cause my heart to explode, especially if paired with the girls.
“I’m sorry this happened. I’d like to meet him and share a few thoughts and feelings with that asshole.” Finn’s tone is chipper, but there’s an undercurrent of determination that sends a red flag.
Before I caution him against going to the station to track down Sam’s ex, she’s already disarming him. “That’s sweet of you. But I vote we all stay well clear of him. He’s created a pretty big problem for himself between completely violating the protective order and entering my home uninvited.”
Finn sighs. “Fair. I’ll let the law enforcement types handle it.”
In the next few minutes, Eirinn and Dec both arrive.
Eirinn doesn’t go in for a hug, but she pats Sam’s arm and speaks in low tones.
I read Sam’s expression, knowing Eirinn won’t say anything harmful.
She’s probably the smartest among us, and her emotional intelligence is extremely high.
When I see Sam’s eyes mist over, I banish the plan to give her space and let my family take turns with her.
The minute I’m next to her, she reaches for me like I do her. My hand slides around her waist and she’s got hers around me, holding on.
She’s so strong, and even now, she’s giving me a gift. She’s letting me hold and comfort her. I won’t be surprised if she knows I need it.
Dec asks about injuries, nodding patiently as she explains the idiot didn’t touch her.
Then he hands her a card. “I’m glad you’re not physically harmed.
This card is for a friend of mine, Dr. Ruiz.
She’s excellent, and if you need anything on the mental health side of things, it’s worth a quick chat with her to see if she can help. ”
It’s more words than he’d typically use, but he’s this way with patients—with anyone who needs help.
He’ll soften wording, explain with his patent clarity and calm, and he won’t shy away from addressing the whole human.
Even though he wasn’t here when I got back to Juniper View, he’s ultimately the person who talked me into therapy.
“Thank you. I’ll call her.”
There’s noise out front that can only come from two particular little people.
The door bursts open and the sound of an elephant herd barrels toward us, right into Sam’s arms. She’s instantly enveloped in their energy, and because she crouched to receive their hugs, they bowl her over onto her back, then pin her down with a nonstop barrage of pats and hugs and chatter.
“Are you okay? Is the mean guy gone?”
“Did you cry? Were you scared? I bet you were so brave, like when we lost Mr. Bingley.” Lily’s so matter-of-fact, so certain of Sam.
“What about Mr. Bingley? Is he okay?” Poppy is now approximately two inches from Sam’s face, holding her cheeks and demanding her full attention with zero sense of personal space in true four-year-old style.
Sam’s hand smooths over Poppy’s wild hair while her other rubs a soothing circle on Lily’s arm. “He was so brave! He protected me so well. I think he’s actually a little guard kitty.”
Poppy giggles at this, and Lily cracks a smile.
“I love him. Can we see him?” Poppy has moved enough that Sam can sit up.
“What if I told you Sam and Mr. Bingley will be staying with us for a little while?” I extend a hand to Sam so she can get up off the floor, and Poppy is already gone before I finish the sentence, racing up to her room, no doubt expecting to see the cat perfectly seated on her bed.
Lily is thoughtful, and Sam and I both wait. The family chats in the kitchen, having given us a moment with the girls.
“How long?”
“Just a few days. Then we’ll be out of your hair.” Sam smiles broadly, apparently trying to reassure Lily.
But Lily instantly frowns. “Why can’t you just stay?”
“Oh—” Sam’s lashes flutter.
“We’ll have her for a while, Lil. Don’t worry, okay?”
She nods, clearly unsatisfied, but willing to accept it for now.
“I think Finn brought some treats, if you want to go check them out.”
She jets off to survey her options, and I pull Sam into my arms.
“They love you so much.” What I really want to say is, Yeah, can you just stay forever? But now is not the time.
“I love them, too.” She glances at the bustling kitchen, alive with all but one of my siblings and my parents who’ve set to work making dinner. “I love them all.”
“And I love you. I’m so glad you’re okay.”
I’m doing my best not to feel responsible for this. I’ve had a thousand what-ifs run through my head since I got to her, but the pull is there. Maybe for someone like me, it always will be. I know myself enough to know I take on things that aren’t mine to shoulder, so I’m resisting.
As though she can read every sentence in my eyes, she presses her lips to mine. “I love you, too. I am okay, and one of the reasons is that you came for me. You answered when I called and you brought help.” She winks and grins. “Pretty handy I decided to fall for an ex-soldier cop, huh?”
I lap up her offering, the absolution she might not even mean to give, and steal a kiss. “I am pretty happy about it.”
We indulge in a deeper connection until May clears her throat.
I shoot her a dirty look because how dare she interrupt us?
Granted, I wasn’t about to strip Sam down right here in the middle of the living room and make love to her, but isn’t that all the more reason we should get to make out a little?
“Don’t give me that look. You’ll have your alone time when the girls are in bed.”
Sam chuckles and bites her lip, then winks at me. I absolutely receive her promise.
May and Sam embrace, and they both hold each other for a long moment before releasing. Sam’s steady, but it’s May who’s emotional. She’s typically not one to tear up.
“Sorry.” She sniffs, then groans. “Ugh, I’m sorry. You’re okay. I see you’re okay. I was so worried. But the girls kept me entertained.”
May lingers for another twenty minutes, talking us through how the girls handled everything—“amazingly well”—then launching into a discussion about the mobile library and other things she and Sam enjoy.
It’s another hour and a half before everyone has gone, we’ve eaten, and the girls are in bed. We lie nested together in my bed, a rightness permeating every cell in my body.
All I can think is maybe it’s the wrong time, but maybe it’s right.
“You know, you can stay as long as you want.” Please stay forever.
An instant crush of anxiety hits me like a clock to the skull. Is this it? Is this where I’ve pushed too far?
Her fingertips slide along my wrist where it wraps around her. “Thank you. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to feel so welcome here. So at home.”
My eyes shut with her words. Home. I want her to call this place home in a ravenous kind of way. Before I speak that into the air between us, she links us, her fingers weaving with mine.
“I’ll need to go back at some point…”
The intonation makes me question whether there’s more. I breathe through the desire to press, to discover more, to learn everything I need to know. I ease off of my tendency to interrogate and instead breathe with her, relishing the soft feel of her skin against my chest.
Then I go for it, because I don’t want her living with a second of doubt where it comes to me. “Well, you are welcome back here whenever you want to. Whenever you’re ready.”
She turns, repositioning so we’re facing each other and I can see her lovely dark eyes blinking back at me in the moonlight filtering in through the far window of my room.
I won’t press her, but what I can do is give her all of it. She’s been so brave at every turn, isn’t it time I joined her?
What if this obsession with not pushing her is actually exactly why things fizzled with Michelle?
I waited too long, didn’t pursue her. And yes, that was different.
That was nothing like this. But isn’t that at least part of the lesson?
Shouldn’t I be showing her my hand and telling her what I want so she can decide knowing everything?
It’s a risk, and my heart is thrumming so fast. My throat is dry. But it’s time.
“The truth is that I carry a lot of guilt for how I handled the news that Julia and Brad were gone and I’d have the girls.
I panicked, and for a few hours, I scrambled for a way out of it.
I thought I couldn’t do it, that I knew nothing about being a parent, let alone to two little girls in an instant. ”
Her hand presses into my cheek, offering comfort and support. I continue, heart thundering as I lay myself bare.
“Michelle, my ex, wasn’t up for it. At the time, I took that hard, too, because I felt like I was completely alone in this life-changing thing, even though I had Mac and other people from work, and my parents took turns flying out every few weeks.
I was never alone.” There’s a burn in my chest, a deep ache I’ve associated with these memories.
“She left, and I got it. I’d dragged my feet with her for too long and now, in a moment of crisis, that’s when I wanted more?
It was messed up and it wouldn’t have been right.
I was necessarily focused on the girls. At the same time, I felt so much guilt.
I’d failed her. Then, I failed them in that moment when I wavered.
I remember holding Poppy, who’d finally fallen asleep, and thinking, ‘God, I can’t do this. ’”
“But you did. You didn’t fail them. You’re amazing and they love you so much.”
My eyes fall shut. She hugs me close, wrapping me up in her as though holding me tighter will impress her words upon me.
“Sometimes, I believe that. Then I start thinking about how I failed my family by not being here, or myself for ending my career, or my siblings for not supporting them more actively before I needed them when I got back here. I’m even failing this town, because what did I do for it?
” It’s all dumping out faster than I can stop it, though I don’t want to.
I want her to know this part of me, too, so that she has all the information she needs to choose.
“I’ve always been someone who tries to do the right thing. But the older I get, the more I realize that ‘the right thing’ isn’t always clear. All I can do is my best with what comes.”
She frames my face with her hands. “You have done that. I don’t need every detail to know you have. And having doubts or messing up doesn’t mean you’ve failed the people you love. It means you’re human, Grant.”
I huff. “So I’m told. And I believe it sometimes. It’s just hard to accept when I’m faced with looking ahead, you know? Because I know what I want, but I’m not sure it’s what’s right.” My pulse is thrumming now.
“What’s right about what? What do you want?”
“About us.”
Her lovely face softens. “Why don’t you start by telling me? I might have a sense of what’s right, too. We can compare notes.”
Damn, but I love her. Completely.
She’s asking now, giving me full permission, and this time, I will not fail.
“I want you here forever. Want you with me, with us, forever. So you say the word. If you think that might be right, too. At some point.”
She doesn’t give me time to feel nerves or anxiety. She doesn’t leave space for me to regret putting myself out there or worry it’s too much or even to feel that cold whip of fear I’m conditioned to feel when I’ve risked myself.
She just cups my cheeks, kisses me like the world’s ending, and then grins. “I absolutely will. It’s just a shame my name’s not more Irish.”
I huff a soft laugh and joke, “Well, that’s why I want to give you Ryan, if you want it.”
She beams, once again refusing to let me doubt. “I just might.”