19. Cameron
19
CAMERON
What a day. I just took a long, hot shower and checked in on the girls one last time. They’re fast asleep. Thank God, because I’m ready to unwind with a glass of bourbon after this afternoon.
I’m actually surprised Mackenzie and Addy fell asleep so early with how much cake they consumed, but I guess all the energy spent jumping in the bounce house counteracted their sugar high. I’m more than fine with that, considering how drained I am, both physically and mentally.
Especially since no matter how much I try not to think about Lizzie, I can’t. My chat with Reid…I’m not sure it helped. Except that it made clear that I need to set things straight between us. Yes, we’re consenting adults. Yes, we clearly want this. And yes, Reid may be right about other stuff.
As I’m checking the lock on the back door, I spot Lizzie lying outside on her blanket. She’s on her back, alone, looking up into the night sky. Like she does every night. Like I want to be doing with her but have stopped myself from indulging in since the botched date night.
I let out a heavy sigh, contemplating what to do. All I want is to go upstairs and go to sleep and forget all of this is happening.
That’s a lie.
What I really want is to join her on that blanket and finish what we started the other day. What I need to do, though, is talk to Lizzie and set this whole situation straight. Her couple of days are up—we need to talk.
I take a deep breath and try to calm down my racing heart. I start to unlock the door but pause for a moment to fortify my mind and remind myself of all the reasons why I have to do this.
Lizzie has her whole life ahead of her to be with someone who will sweep her off her feet with romantic gestures and intimate date nights. Not stolen moments at the end of a long day or a secret rendezvous after the girls go to sleep.
She’s the total fucking package and deserves someone who can give her everything. Regardless of the connection we have and how much I know I have it bad for her, my time believing love can fix everything is gone. She shouldn’t be with a broken man.
Because however good it might be, whenever our friends-with-benefits thing ends, it will end in heartbreak. For both of us. So it’s better if we don’t give in to it at all.
I keep telling myself this as I open my back door and start walking toward her.
The sound of my footsteps probably alerts her of my presence, but she doesn’t move.
“Hey, Lizzie.”
“Hey, Cam.”
Cam .
I hate that coming from her. I like it when she calls me by my full name. I stop at the edge of the blanket. “Mind if I join you?”
All she offers is a small smile and moves to the side to give me space. I lie down, and it’s silent again for at least a minute.
“You must be really pissed off at me,” I offer.
“Hm?”
“You never call me Cam. Like, ever.”
“Does that bother you?”
I take a moment. “Yes. I like it that you’re the only person who never shortens my name, no matter what. It feels…different.”
She nods at that, and everything goes quiet around us again until I think she’s had enough of the silence.
“Did the girls have fun with their cousins today? It’s all they were talking about at the pottery class on Wednesday.” She turns to me as she speaks, and I momentarily get lost in her green eyes that hide nothing from me. I can see every emotion play out in them. She’s an open book for me. One that I don’t want to put down or finish.
That last thought is sobering and brings my mind back to the reason I came over, so I break eye contact. “The best time. There’s nothing like a five-year-old girl’s birthday party. So much My Little Pony . I think I might have nightmares over it.”
She laughs, and it’s like a balm for my soul. It soothes me in the best way, and I never want to stop hearing it.
How the fuck did this happen? How am I so gone for this girl this fast?
“I’m glad they had fun.”
We lie next to each other. Conversation used to flow, but now it’s quiet—except for the sounds of the crickets and our breathing. I smell her lavender shampoo and vanilla lotion that’s always so uniquely her.
I glance over and take her in. Her hair is down and flowy, just like the other night. That warm brown color I see whenever I close my eyes, the strands looking like spun silk against her skin. I’m realizing she rarely wears it down, and I love that she does around me. The thought of any guy seeing it loose around her shoulders like this makes my jaw clench. I know what they would be thinking too. They would be thinking about fisting it in their hands and dragging her lips to theirs. Exactly what I’m thinking about doing right now.
The thought of anyone thinking about my Lizzie like that makes me want to fucking pummel them.
Jesus Christ. My Lizzie . What am I doing right now? I can’t do this.
“Cameron…look, I realize that you were probably caught up in the moment the other night and got carried away with what you said and did. We’re both adults, and I can forget it ever happened. I’m a big girl, and I can handle it. But you actually need to tell me that instead of avoiding me and leaving me on read after flirting with me.” She turns to me, but I can’t face her yet. “I totally get it, I really do. We can just be friends. No benefits. Rejection doesn’t bother me, but you acting like I don’t exist does.”
Rejection doesn’t bother me, but you acting like I don’t exist does.
I’m completely gutted that I’ve made someone as amazing as Lizzie Montgomery doubt herself.
Suddenly, it no longer matters why I came over here. The only goal I have now is to reassure Lizzie of her worth and the feelings I have for her. To show her how much I still want her, despite all the reasons I shouldn’t.
I’ll think about the consequences tomorrow. Right now, I just want to be selfish and get lost in her. In us.
I shift to my side to finally face her just as she moves her gaze back to the sky, forcing me to take her chin and turn her toward me.
“I don’t want to forget the other night, Lizzie. I’ve been an idiot the past couple of days, trying to talk myself out of…everything again. I’ve been trying to fight this, thinking I was doing the right thing. For me. For you.
She looks downright pissed off now.
“You don’t need to make decisions for me. I’m more than capable of doing that myself. So stop hiding behind what you think is good for me.” I try to speak, but she lifts her hand. “I don’t need someone who keeps convincing himself to take a chance on me, Cameron. Just figure out what you want. I’d rather you be honest than spare my feelings.”
She moves to get up, but I stop her with a hand around her waist.
“You. I want you, Lizzie.”
“Then stop complicating things and take me.”
I pull her flush against me just before I move my hand up to slide into her hair, wrapping the silky strands around my fingers and pulling her lips to mine for a kiss. I can tell she’s shocked because her body goes stiff and she sucks in a breath, but she recovers quickly.
There’s no stopping this anymore. This magnetic pull we have toward each other isn’t going to magically disappear if I ignore it, and I don’t want to. I want to give in and not think about my past failures, whether I’m making the right decision or if I’m going to epically mess things up.
Right now, I’m only feeling.
I deepen the kiss and slide my tongue along the seam of her plush lips and push in. That’s all it takes for her to let go, sucking my tongue into her mouth. We duel for control. It’s frenzied and raw and all-consuming. She moans into my mouth and wraps her hands around my neck and into my hair. I take the opportunity to cover her body with mine, leaning on my arm and knees, caging her beneath me. When I move my hand down her leg, she opens them up for me as much as she can to fit me.
I continue devouring her mouth and swallowing all her moans and whimpers. I’m so fucking desperate for her, I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. I move my hand to her breast and squeeze, causing her to grind into me even harder. I pinch her nipple through her shirt and she tears her mouth away from mine to gasp for air. I take the opportunity to move to her neck and kiss down the column to her cleavage.
I feel her hips arching, seeking pressure where I know she needs it most, and I start to grind my cock against her. Dry humping has never felt this good, and I swear I almost come in my pants like a fucking teenager.
“Cameron, I need you so bad.” Her voice sounds breathy, and I love knowing I did that to her.
“How bad, Lizzie? As bad as I need you?” I’m staring at her puffy lips, all swollen from our kissing, waiting for her to respond.
“I-I don’t know how to say it, Cameron. There aren’t words to express how bad I need this. Need you.” It all comes out in one breath, frustration lacing every word.
She looks so unsure of herself. Like, even if she knew the words, she wouldn’t be able to say them. I switch our positions so she’s in my lap, straddling me now, face to face. “If you can’t tell me how bad you need me, then show me.”
Her eyes widen with shock and fear, and for a moment I think I may have pushed her too far. Her reaction in the kitchen and now this give away her lack of experience, and I should have been more careful.
“Lizzie…Use me. I’m right here.”
For a second, I’m convinced she’s going to pull away and say good night. Instead, she surprises the hell out of me when she moves up, and I can feel her pebbled nipples against my chest. I know she can feel how ready I am underneath her because she makes this little keening sound in the back of her throat that makes me even harder.
“Jeez, Cameron. You’re so hard,” Lizzie whispers like it’s a secret.
“You make me this hard, Lizzie.” I take the break in our kiss to suck on her earlobe and move down her neck. “This is all because of you.” That spurs her on because she starts moving on me now, grinding her pussy over my cock, only jeans and joggers separating us. She keeps making those little whimper sounds, and I can’t take it anymore.
“Can I touch you?” I look up into her eyes, and she has that shocked look going on again.
“You want to touch me?” she asks quietly.
“More than you can imagine. The only thing I’ve been thinking about.”
“Yes. Please.” She breathes it out quickly, like if she waits too long to answer, I’ll change my mind.
There’s not a fucking chance of that happening.
“I need these off.” I make quick work of unbuttoning her jeans and pulling the zipper down, and she lifts so I can push them down and she can toe them off. All that remains is the pale pink fabric covering her pussy that is darker in the front, showing how wet and ready she is for me.
I move my eyes back to her and trace my hand down her stomach and into her underwear. She is bare and so drenched for me that I have to take a deep breath to center myself. I move my middle finger down the seam of her pussy, hearing her gasp as I graze over her clit. When I slip my finger inside her, she drops her head down onto my shoulder. She’s so fucking tight that I begin to question…
I remove my finger and nudge my head against hers. “Lizzie, baby, look at me.” She brings her eyes to mine, lust and uncertainty radiating from them. “Are you a virgin?”