CHAPTER 18
Summer
The hospital waiting room is total chaos. Fluorescent lights hum overhead, too bright and too cold, flickering every few minutes as if they are fighting to stay alive. The air tastes of antiseptic, burnt coffee, and the sharp edge of panic.
I find Cas immediately and rush to him.
“Any news?” My voice sounds thin, strangled.
He shakes his head. “They took them both in to run tests. We just wait.”
The hopelessness in his voice makes my stomach drop.
The place is crowded, every seat full, people standing, pacing, clutching jackets or paper cups or each other.
The entire Hawthorne family is here. Lily with red eyes, Josh pacing like a caged animal, Grace pale and shaking, Dex rubbing circles on her back, Jude and Cas standing with their arms crossed but not fooling anyone. Jace has already video called several times. He is taking the first flight home.
Penny has Mia at her place and is calling Cas every half hour, but even without her, the room feels like it is vibrating with Hawthorne worry.
Ethan’s entire fire crew is there too, still half in uniform, some of them streaked with soot, eyes hollow, clothes carrying the scent of smoke and pine resin and adrenaline. These men and women look like they have walked straight out of hell and into heartbreak.
Time stops meaning anything.
Minutes swell into hours, hours stretch into something cruel.
Every time the automatic doors whoosh open, my heart stumbles. I sit, stand, pace, sit again. People shift around me, but everything feels muffled, like I am underwater, watching the world move while I am held still in fear.
Finally, a doctor steps into the room.
“Ethan Hawthorne’s family?”
Every Hawthorne stands at once, like the word Ethan is a rope pulling them upright.
Josh and Lily hurry forward.
The doctor clears his throat. “Ethan has a dislocated arm, some bruised ribs, and a burn on his side he will need to monitor. No signs of significant smoke inhalation, but we want to keep him overnight for observation.”
I feel my knees weaken with relief. Not okay, but alive.
“Can we see him?” Lily asks, her voice trembling.
“Of course,” the doctor says gently. “Once he is settled. Only two at a time.” He glances at the crowd of family members and soot-covered firefighters like he already knows it is about to become an organizational nightmare.
Five minutes later, a nurse comes. Josh and Lily disappear down the hallway.
“What about Asher?” Grace blurts, stepping forward, her voice shaky.
“I am sorry, ma’am,” the nurse says softly, “but that information can only be given to family.”
Grace’s face crumples. “But they live in Chicago now, he is alone. I need to see him.” Her voice cracks, raw.
Dex pulls her gently away, wrapping his arms around her. “We will figure something out,” he murmurs into her hair. “I will call his parents. They can get information.”
I watch Grace sag against him, her hands fisting his shirt, and my heart twists.
Thirty agonizing minutes later, Cas and Jude step out of Ethan’s room.
Dex turns to me.
“Summer, come.”
My breath lodges somewhere between my lungs and my ribs.
“What?”
“To see Ethan.” He holds out his hand.
“I do not know…” My voice falters. What if Ethan does not want to see me? What if I make everything worse?
“Please,” Dex says gently. “For Ethan.”
For Ethan.
I swallow hard and take Dex’s hand.
The walk down that hallway feels endless. Every step is louder in my ears than the last. Dex opens the door.
And there he is.
Not in bed.
Not resting like he should.
He is sitting in a chair by the window, back slightly hunched, sling cradling his left arm. A hospital gown hangs loosely over sweatpants someone must have brought him.
He is staring out over the parking lot like he left part of himself out there.
My heart stops. Literally stops.
He is alive. Alive.
A sound escapes me, a broken sob, and Ethan turns.
“You had to go and be a hero, huh?” Dex says with a forced smile, walking over and giving him a half hug that avoids his injured side.
Ethan smiles back, but it is fragile. Thin. A mask that does not reach his eyes.
“Asher?” he asks immediately.
“No news yet,” Dex says. “His parents will be here in a few hours. He is alive, though. I got that much out of a nurse.” His grin turns wicked, like he threatened to charm or blackmail the information out of her.
Ethan shakes his head faintly, then looks at me.
Just looks.
Those beautiful green eyes. I could have lost them. I could have lost him.
And it pins me in place. I cannot move. I am stuck between the doorway and my own heartbeat.
“Summer.” His voice is soft. Gravelly.
“You scared me,” I whisper.
He studies me. Really studies me. Like he is trying to read something in my face.
“Why?” he asks quietly.
“I…” I shake my head. Dex is still here. I cannot crumble. “I do not know.”
But I do. God, I do. I want to run to him. Touch him. Make sure he is real.
But I do not.
“Get well soon,” I manage, my voice cracking.
Then, before I can stop myself, I turn and walk out.
I walk straight out of the hospital.
Into my car.
Up the gravel road to the ranch.
Into my room.
I collapse on the bed and finally let myself shatter.
I could have lost him.
◆◆◆
The next morning settles over the ranch in a haze of pale winter light, the kind that makes everything seem quieter, softer, even when the world underneath feels like it’s vibrating with fear.
Ethan is being released today.
Asher is still in a coma.
And the Hawthorne house feels like it’s holding its breath.
Lily is in the kitchen, chopping vegetables too aggressively for lunch. Each thud of the knife is a beat of worry. Josh is pacing the length of the living room, six steps forward, six steps back, like if he stops, something terrible will happen.
Dex, Jude, and Jace sit around the table pretending to joke, but every laugh is hollow, sharp around the edges. Penny and Grace quietly set the table, their movements stiff and distracted.
I’m kneeling beside Mia, smoothing the flyaways in her dark hair.
“Mommy… is Efan coming home now?” she asks softly.
“He is,” I say gently. “But he has bruises on his arm and his ribs, so you have to be very careful when you hug him, okay?”
Mia nods, but her small face pinches with worry. “But he’ll be okay?”
I swallow, my heart squeezing. I crouch down so we’re eye to eye.
“He got hurt,” I tell her honestly. “But he’s going to be okay.”
“Promise?” Her lip trembles.
And just like that, I see it clear as day, the bond she’s built with Ethan, without even trying. The way he’s made space for her, for us… without asking for anything back.
“I promise, pumpkin.” I kiss her cheek. “Why don’t you make him a welcome home picture? Something beautiful.”
Her whole face lights up. “I will!”
She runs to her little drawing table, one Lily set up months ago, and starts coloring furiously.
I barely have time to exhale when Cas’s truck turns into the driveway, crunching over gravel. Everyone stands at once. The tension breaks like something snapping, and we all spill out onto the porch.
Mia grabs my hand with one hand and clutches her drawing in the other.
Cas moves toward the passenger door to help Ethan out, but Ethan beats him to it. He swings the door open and steps out, and for a moment everything inside me goes weightless.
He’s here.
He’s alive.
His arm is in a sling. His uniform shirt replaced by loose sweats and a hoodie. His face is scraped, bruised, streaked faintly with remnants of soot that wouldn’t wash away.
The urge to run to him hits so hard it’s almost physical. My body leans forward before my mind pulls sharply back. I grip Mia’s hand a little tighter.
Not yet.
Not when I don’t know where he stands.
Not when I don’t know if he even wants me close.
Lily reaches him first, pulling him into a careful hug, tears streaking down her face.
“My baby,” she sobs. “Don’t you ever do that again! I lost ten years of my life yesterday. But thank God you’re okay.”
Ethan nods, but his expression is carefully controlled, unreadable.
“Ethan!” Mia breaks away from me and runs straight toward him, then skids to a stop, clutching her drawing. “Can I hug you? Mommy said I might hurt you…”
Ethan crouches, gathers her gently against his good side, and kisses the top of her head.
“Of course you can, princess. Don’t you worry.”
He pulls back to look at her picture, and his throat moves as he swallows.
“This is for me?”
“It is!” she beams. “See? That’s the fire. And that’s you fighting it. Like a superhero.”
His jaw tightens with emotion as he pulls her into another soft hug.
“I love it,” he murmurs.
His eyes lift for a brief second and find mine, just long enough to steal the breath from my lungs, before everyone crowds around him. I hang back, waiting, my pulse thudding in my throat.
Finally, I step forward.
My feet feel heavy, like each step is another chance to lose my nerve.
I reach him. He turns toward me.
Without a word, I wrap my arms around him carefully, gently. His scent is mixed with smoke and antiseptic, but beneath it is him, Ethan, warm and alive.
The moment my cheek brushes his shoulder, something in my chest cracks open. I close my eyes, but only for a heartbeat. I force myself to pull back even though every cell in my body screams to stay.
◆◆◆
We gather around the table for lunch, but the air feels heavy. Ethan sits between Josh and Jace, pushing food around his plate. His usual bright, easy smile is gone, replaced with a tight, tired imitation.
He laughs when his brothers joke, but his eyes stay dull. His posture tense. His mind elsewhere.
He must be thinking of Asher.
I keep stealing glances at him. And every time my chest aches a little more.
When Lily brings out the pie, Ethan stands abruptly.
“Uh… I think I’ll pass. I need some air.”
Josh moves to follow, but I lift a hand.
“Can I go?” I whisper.
Josh searches my face, then nods and settles back into his chair.