2. Finn
Chapter 2
“Do I look ok?”
Finn tried not to fidget with the way his flannel fell over the henley he had on underneath, and checked his phone again to make sure he wasn’t going to be late.
Silas looked up from a plate piled high with leftover chicken and broccoli pasta. “You’re asking me for fashion advice?”
Finn gave him a look. “I’m asking if I look ok.”
Silas shoved a bite of food into his mouth, chewing loudly. “Ok for what? Are you going into town or something?”
Finn huffed. “No, like, for a date. Do I look ok for a date?”
His friend gave an excited whoop and pumped his fist in the air, a stray noodle flying across the kitchen in the process. “A date! Finny! Tell me everything. Is he hot? Did you meet him on that app you signed up for?”
Finn sighed and dropped down into the chair across from him. “Yes, we met on the app. The one you all but made me sign up for, if I recall correctly.”
Silas waved a dismissive hand. “It was time you got out and met someone. You’ve been moping around for too long.”
“I have not been moping.”
Yes, you have.
Silas raised an eyebrow, and tucked back into his pasta. “Yes, you have.”
Finn huffed again. Fine, so maybe he had been moping. About six months ago, he’d lost his beloved dog Luna, and frankly he was still reeling from the silence and emptiness her absence left in his life.
He’d adopted her after getting out of the service eight years ago. The vet estimated that she was around four years old at the time, and guessed that she was some type of border collie mix. She had been found by the side of the highway.He’d named her Luna because she was a bright spot as he climbed out of a dark place after leaving the military and struggling to find where he fit back into the world, and he was grateful for the laughter, love, and joy she showed him everyday.
But if he were honest with himself, he had been going through the motions for a while even before Luna passed, and one night after dinner a few weeks ago, Silas sat him down and told him enough was enough. He needed to get out and meet people.
“You’re a ghost of yourself, Finn. I don’t want you to waste your life away like this.”
“Oh, and you live your life so fully, do you?” He’d thrown the words back at his friend, and watched Silas close off as they landed.
Fuck, he hated that. He’d immediately apologized, and asked if he had any grand ideas for “putting himself out there.” Softening, Silas had suggested a dating app, and even helped Finn set up his profile. He’d gone along with it mostly to mend the wound from his barbed words, even if they were true.
It was difficult for them both to meet people. Not only because the small town they lived in, Silver Rapids, had an even smaller dating pool, but because, well, when you could turn into a giant wolf at will, or some jacked-up hybrid version of a wolf and a human, it meant any kind of relationship was short-term and superficial unless you were prepared to share that secret.
In Finn’s case, they’d never even got to that point, and usually ended in the same back alley they’d left the bar to go have a quick fuck in.
Sure, there were other shifters and paranormals in Silver Rapids that he could date, but even with them there was always a gentle tug on his heart, the softest pull telling him not this one, not yet, whenever he’d chatted up some cute guy.
The mating pull. Or lack thereof.
Some shifters lived their entire lives ignoring it, content to build long-lasting relationships with someone they didn’t feel the pull to mate with. But for Finn, it just seemed pointless to be with someone he knew, deep in his bones, wasn’t the right person for him.
He wanted the mating bond—needed it. But he was also so terrified of it. What if he felt it, and the other guy didn’t? What if he felt the bond with a human, and they laughed in his face, or worse, screamed and ran from him in fright when he told them about what he was? What if they rejected him entirely, not wanting the commitment a mating bond meant?
Or, what if he never felt it with anyone, at all?
Finn’s phone chirped, and he hastily pulled up the new message.
I’m heading into Monroe soon to drop off something for work and then I’ll be on my way to Silver Rapids. Does 7pm still work?
I’m excited to see you tonight. :)
Finn replied right away, pride be damned.
Great! Yes, 7pm at Andi’s Restaurant. I’ll send you the address. I’m looking forward to it too, Jaime!
See you soon, Finn. ;)
His stomach swooped, and a grin stretched his face so much it hurt. Finn was pulled right out of his anxious worrying at the thought of finally seeing him.
Jaime.
You’re all tied up in knots over someone you haven’t even met in person yet, you overbearing creep. He’d probably run for the hills if he knew that you woke up this morning hard, wishing it was his warm, sleep-mussed scent and soft, slick ass that you stuffed your cock into instead of your dry hand, in a bed that smelled like your own sweat and cum.
So, maybe Finn thought about Jaime more than was normal for someone he hadn’t actually had a first date with, yet. But he just couldn’t help it when his wolf went straight for I bet you smell like mine the first time he saw the warmth of the man’s smile.
Jaime had stood out immediately among the sea of mindless swiping. His cute, knowing smirk and teasing eyes that peeked through cinnamon lashes made something inside Finn sit up, alert, and he needed to know who he was.
He had bright, shiny red hair that Finn wanted to gently rake his claws through; the rich color curled around his ears and set off his mossy green eyes and freckled complexion. He looked lithe and toned, and his movements seemed graceful even through a screen; the muscles of his arms flexing in the picture of him holding a paintbrush, standing over an empty canvas.
The way his fingers gripped the brush with a gentle strength drew Finn’s thoughts down all sorts of paths he wasn’t prepared to look at too closely right now.
In short, Jaime had enchanted Finn from the start.
He mused that maybe Jaime was some distant descendant of the woodland fae, the ones that had died out long ago but still lived on in cautionary folktales told during bedtime stories and around the hearth fire.
Finn shook off the thought and adjusted himself, already semi-hard as he pictured Jaime wrapping those painter’s fingers around his cock instead of a brush, and tried not to think about it too much—even when that pulsing thrum of need shot through him again.
Silas pulled him from his wandering thoughts, voice soft, and Finn looked up to meet his gaze. “Oh Finny, you really like him, don’t you?”
He gave a frustrated shake of his head and blew out a breath. “I barely know him, Si. We haven’t even met in person yet. Tonight will be our first date.”
Silas’s look was knowing. “But you’ve talked, yes?”
Finn nodded. He knew Jaime was an artist, and that he laughed at Finn’s jokes and listened when he told him about his toxic mother and how he’d followed his friend into the military to get away from her. He’d told Jaime about Luna, and how sometimes he still expected to hear her padding up to him when he came home.
Would Jaime paint Luna for him, someday?
The hope that came along with that thought frightened him, so fragile and precious, but then Finn remembered the way Jaime looked when he laughed, and the shy way he had suggested that they go on a date, and it bloomed.
Silas smirked. “If you want me to stay out on my run later than usual, leave a sock on the front door.”
Finn’s face heated. “It’s not like that. I really like—” he huffed, “I mean, I want to see where it could go, and don’t want to rush things.”
The look Silas gave him was so understanding he had to turn away.
I really like him and don’t want to ruin it by going too fast.
But of course his brother knew that.
Silas stood, and began clearing up after his dinner. “You’re a catch, Finny. You’re funny, and smart, and handsome. The parts of you that he doesn’t know about yet don’t detract from that.”
The wolfy parts, he meant.
Finn ignored the nervous twist in his gut, and changed the subject. “So, you’re going out for a run this evening?”
Silas regularly ran the perimeter around Silver Rapids in his wolf shift, claiming it eased his mind to know the comings and goings of the paranormal residents in their small town. He wondered if his constant vigilance was because he was a full wolf shifter, where Finn was only half, or from something else. Something that set Silas apart even from the other full-blooded shifters he knew, something that made him other.
Sometimes Finn joined him on his patrols, and while he enjoyed the freedom and strength and release of the wild run with his closest friend and brother, the instinct to claim and protect the land surrounding Silver Rapids was muted for him.
Also, the Salt Creek pack, volatile on the best days and violent on the worst, had set up a new outpost twenty or so miles west of Silver Rapids, and Finn thought that their close proximity had Silas on edge. Especially given that it was the same pack that Silas’s family had fled when he was just a pup—for reasons Silas had never fully explained—claiming he wasn’t sure himself.
“Yeah, I am. That fox shifter came back to town last night, I wonder how long he’ll stay,” Silas said.
Finn could smell that he was thinking about the last time that fox shifter was in town. And in Silas’s bed. He smirked. “Are you going to try and see him again?”
Silas smiled ruefully and shook his head, but Finn clocked the shift in his eyes. The same look he always had whenever he was distancing himself from something—just a fling that would never last. “That’s not happening again, I’m sorry to say.”
Finn didn’t think he was very sorry about it, but he wouldn’t push. Not tonight.
He checked his phone again and saw that it was actually time to leave, so he grabbed his jacket and clapped Silas on the shoulder. “Be safe tonight. Call if you need me.”
Silas smiled. “You have fun. I mean it. Be you, Finn. Don’t hide yourself away. And hey, it’s just a first date. If it doesn’t work out, you can let him go and try again with someone else. But if it does, then you’ll look back and feel silly for ever doubting it. Either way, you’ll never know if you don’t try.”
Finn nodded, and ducked out the door.
He didn’t want to try with someone else, though. He wanted to try with Jaime. Because it wasn’t just that he was beautiful, or funny, or kind that had Finn all twisted up inside. Something about him seemed so familiar. He couldn’t put his finger on it exactly, only that the sight of him and sound of his voice made Finn’s wolf stir and prowl; made the tug around his heart more insistent.
Especially right now, on his way to meet Jaime for the first time—his wolf was practically shouting at him to hurry up.
Go to him. Go.
Find him.
Go, now!
Finn subdued those restless instincts as best he could; he didn’t want to come off as overbearing and freak Jaime out. He wanted to give this the best shot that he could.
Because the trouble was, the inner voice that woke up when he thought of Jaime, and howled with the need to find him right now, told him that it wouldn’t be that easy to let go.
He may not be able to let go at all.
Silver Rapids was busier than usual tonight.
Andi’s restaurant was only a short walk from his house, less if he shifted and ran, but he didn’t want to carry his clothes in his mouth and get them all drooly, and he wanted to have his truck nearby in case Jaime wanted to go somewhere after dinner.
He passed groups of intermingled shifters and other paranormals walking toward the town center where a handful of bars held live music nights and various clientele-themed specials. If Finn didn’t know any better, he might assume the Blue Moon’s Vamp Night was a cheeky way to rope in people who really liked overpriced bloody marys and not, well, blood.
Just thirty minutes north of Monroe, Silver Rapids was nestled into the base of the same mountain range, but it was less touristy mountain chic and more grit. The residents mostly kept to themselves, and only ventured out to the larger town when absolutely necessary.
Given that most were magical beings, or some other kind of paranormal creature, they weren’t keen on the usual tourist-oriented stores and attractions, but there were a few local shops, including a bookstore that Finn loved to wander through on occasion.
He pulled into a parking spot a little ways off from the restaurant entrance and cut the engine, still fifteen minutes early. Jaime hadn’t texted that he was on his way from Monroe yet, but Finn knew he was doing something for work first and probably hadn’t had time.
Besides, he wouldn’t want him texting and driving on these roads anyway.
Finn shot Jaime a quick message to let him know he had arrived and would grab them a table. Hands shaking, he pocketed his phone and scrubbed at his face.
Holy shit, this is really happening.
Jaime would be here soon, and they would be face-to-face and Finn would scent him and then he would know, and oh my God, what if Jaime smelled right? What if he smelled like mate?
All of a sudden, Finn couldn’t handle the thought of being confronted with his mate, who had no idea what he was or that people like him even existed. His knee-jerk reaction was to turn tail and run. As much as he wanted to know Jaime, as much as his wolf prowled and howled for Finn to find him, the thought of letting him in, letting him see everything, was terrifying.
Wolf shifters weren’t something he could casually explain. Most people wouldn’t believe him at all, as paranormals had done a good job of hiding the truth of their existence even in the age of modern technology. He couldn’t very well expect Jaime to just accept information that would alter his worldview so significantly.
But if he never confided in him…
Finn couldn’t be only half of himself. He’d spent his entire childhood living like that for his mother, hiding the true nature of his wolf from her as best he could, and he wouldn’t do that again.
Besides, there was something about Jaime that made Finn want to be whole for him—with him. Something that made him long to be seen by him, entirely. And that was a dangerous thing to want, because he couldn’t bear the weight of seeing Jaime’s disgust or disappointment. Somehow, he’d survived seeing it in his mother’s eyes all those years—he wouldn’t survive seeing it in Jaime’s.
But the thought that Jaime wouldn’t be his, that he would smell like every other good-looking man Finn had encountered in a bar hit him, crushing and unbearable, and his inner wolf snarled and recoiled from it.
So, Finn slowed his breathing and grounded himself. Whatever the answer, he wasn’t going to find it by working himself into a panic in his truck. Jaime would be here soon, and everything would be better.
Maybe. Hopefully.
With one final deep breath, Finn stepped out and stalked into the restaurant.
The owner and chef, Andi, was behind the counter and waved him back to the booth he usually shared with Silas. They came here at least three times a week for the amazing food, so he figured it would be a nice spot for a first date.
He ordered a couple of waters and chatted with Andi for a bit, but told her to wait a few minutes before bringing any food. She gave him a curious look, so he explained that he was waiting on someone.
She grinned. “A date?”
He shuffled his feet, cheeks hot. Checking his phone, he saw that Jaime was only a few minutes late. He’d probably been caught up with his work thing. He’d text if he wasn’t going to make it. “I’m meeting a friend.”
She gave him a knowing look. “I’ll swing back by when he gets here.” He nodded and she sauntered off, back into the kitchen.
Finn checked his phone again, ten minutes late now. Maybe he should ask if Jaime was ok? What if he had a flat tire, or hit a deer on the way here and was stuck on the side of the highway somewhere?
He fired off a quick text.
Hey, no rush, just want to make sure you’re ok.
Nothing.
He waited another fifteen minutes before he stepped out to make sure Jaime wasn’t waiting for him in the parking lot.
Forty-five minutes.
Still no word. Finn sent another text, confirming that Jaime had the address. People started to glance over at him with pity. Andi refilled his water once, and then again.
Maybe he wasn’t late, maybe he just wasn’t coming. Maybe he didn’t care enough about meeting Finn, after all.
He carded his fingers through his hair and worried over every text sent between them in a way he hadn’t before. Was it something he’d said? Had he been overbearing? Too much?
Finn scrolled back through their conversations, trying to see where he’d gone wrong. Oh God, what if he hadn’t flirted enough with Jaime and he thought Finn didn’t actually like him?
He sent another message.
Is everything ok? Have you decided not to come? Are you stuck somewhere?
An hour passed.
Someone leaned over to him, voice filled with pity. “We’ve all been there, man. Being stood up sucks.”
An hour and a half.
Two hours.
He avoided eye contact with Andi as he ducked out of the restaurant. Alone in his truck, Finn stared out through the windshield, fogged over from the heat coming off of him. He heard people laughing together as they walked by, muffled from the distance and closed windows, unaware that he was unraveling a little bit, inside.
Finn closed out of the string of unanswered messages and put a lid on the fragile, hopeful parts of him, his wolf now aching and howling. He stuffed the hurt down, down, down.
Jaime never came, and Finn went home.