Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
CIARAN
Hearing Sawyer beg, hearing the desperation in his voice, almost did Ciaran in.
He wanted it. He wanted to complete the bond. Well, okay, so a small niggling voice in the back of Ciaran’s mind kept shouting, “No, he just wants to fuck. This is purely hormones and pheromones talking.”
Ciaran wanted to take Sawyer right there on the desk as he’d suggested, but he knew—he knew—he’d never forgive himself if the bond was only completed because Sawyer was so horny, he couldn’t think straight.
This was a bell that could not be unrung.
Ciaran needed to be sure. He needed to know without an ounce of doubt that Sawyer understood what he was getting himself into.
If they completed the bond prematurely, without fully understanding the gravity of what it meant, and Sawyer ever questioned the legitimacy of his own feelings—if he ever questioned his own free will—it would kill Ciaran.
Literally.
Ciaran needed to be sure.
Especially with everything else going on right now.
Ciaran put his hand against Sawyer’s chest. He could feel the thump of his heart, the thrum of his pulse. The look of pure want in his eyes....
Mercy.
“Are you sure?” Ciaran asked.
Sawyer’s reply was immediate and filled with conviction. “Yes.”
Ciaran was almost vibrating with the restraint it took to stay in control, but somehow, some-fucking-how, he managed to push Sawyer back a small step. Panic flashed in Sawyer’s eyes as if he thought Ciaran was saying no.
He put his fingers against Sawyer’s chin and ran his thumb along his jaw. “Pack a bag for two days,” Ciaran murmured. “Meet me on the pier in ten minutes.”
And with a Herculean effort, he made himself walk out.
Putting any distance between them felt wrong. It made his human form feel so fucking wrong, as if he could feel himself morph and bend, trying to keep it together.
But he had something he needed to do first.
He headed toward Dylan’s place, but before he got halfway there, he saw Fray coming out of Tobin’s. Of course he saw Ciaran, and he offered him a strained smile. Ciaran hated seeing him unhappy. It didn’t sit well with him.
“Thought you’d be busy by now,” Fray said.
“We are,” Ciaran mumbled. “I mean, we’re going to. He says he wants it.”
“But you don’t?” Fray was clearly confused. “Dude. You’ve never wanted anything more.”
“I want him to be sure. That’s what I want more than anything.”
Fray eyed him for a long drawn-out second. “Well, if the smell of sex coming from him is anything to go by, he’s sure. And the way he needs to touch you, be near you.”
“I need to make sure he knows what he’s getting himself into,” Ciaran amended. “It’s not just sex.”
Fray sighed. “Fair.”
Ciaran glanced over at Tobin’s place. “Is he up for driving us out to the hut?”
Fray winced. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” he said quietly. “It’s not personal. He’s not pissed at Sawyer, just so you know. He’s angry about something.”
“The timing of everything,” Ciaran suggested.
“I thought so, at first, but...” He shrugged. “Now I dunno.”
He looked so freaking sad, and Ciaran hated to see it. Fray had been secretly in love with Tobin for years, but Tobin was never interested. Not in Fray, not in anyone. He was kind of a loner, preferring long trips of solitude in his boat.
“Man, I’m sorry,” Ciaran murmured.
Fray waved him off. “Nah, it’s okay. You’d think I’d be over it by now. Or used to it, at least.” He brightened with a smile. “I’ll drive you guys out. I’ll just go tell Tobin.”
“Thanks, man. I was just gonna go have a quick chat with Dylan. Give me five minutes? Sawyer’s just packing a bag.”
Fray’s smile was more genuine then. “Sure thing.”
Ciaran watched his best friend turn and run back toward Tobin’s place. He wished he could fix that whole mess for him. He wished Fray nothing but happiness and that he could make Tobin see what an absolute prize Fray was.
With a sigh, he headed for Dylan’s place, not surprised to see Hendrix sprawled out on the couch and Aurin still holding the cat. Dylan came out of the kitchen, popcorn bowl in hand, and stopped when he saw Ciaran.
“Hey,” Ciaran said, aiming for a smile that said everything was fine. “Just wanted a quick chat. I’m about to be... gone for a few days.”
Hendrix snorted, and Ciaran wanted to smack him upside the head, but he didn’t.
Aurin smiled all too knowingly, stroking the purring cat. “I’m off to see Kellan,” he said in that happy, lyrical tone of his, and then he flitted out the door.
That left Hendrix and Dylan, and even though Ciaran really just wanted to speak to Dylan, he knew Hendrix wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry.
Ciaran also had nothing to hide.
He tapped Hendrix’s legs, a gesture for him to sit up and give him some room. He waited for Dylan to take a seat as well. “I won’t be long,” Ciaran said. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around to see you.”
“You’ve got a lot going on,” Dylan said, voice soft.
Apologetic.
“I do,” Ciaran replied, “but that’s no excuse. You guys will always be a priority, and I’ll need to work on finding a better balance.”
Dylan’s smile told Ciaran he appreciated the acknowledgement. They respected a leader who could admit when he was wrong, that he needed to be better.
“I just wanted to check that you’re okay,” Ciaran went on.
Dylan nodded. “I am. Now. I freaked out in Hobart. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble or made you worry.”
“Can you tell me what happened?” Ciaran asked. “You ran into some Bass Strait boys?”
He nodded quickly before frowning at his lap. “They recognised me, of course. Started saying shit. I think they were just messing with me?”
“What did they say?”
He chewed on his bottom lip, hands fidgeting in his lap. “They said she’s coming back. They said she’ll be stronger and unstoppable.”
“She?”
But Ciaran knew to whom they were referring.
He nodded again. “They said they were clearing out and that I should do the same. They wouldn’t come and help. They were all but gone already. Flying out of Hobart. Not even leaving by sea.”
Well, that was concerning.
“They told me to go check for myself if I didn’t believe them.
Said the ocean’s gone quiet, and it has, Ciaran.
I’d had a few drinks, and I kinda spiralled.
I’m sorry about that. But I spent days out there, getting home.
” His wide eyes were so earnest, so innocent. “And they were right. It is quiet.”
“I know,” Ciaran said. “We’ve noticed it too.”
He paled a little. “Does that mean...?”
“We don’t know, but we’re monitoring it. I’ve spoken to the Māori consortium. They’re our closest allies, and—”
“And what did they say?” Hendrix asked.
“They were concerned,” Ciaran said, answering as diplomatically as he could. “They’re looking into it as well. I’ve tried to contact the Bass Strait boys, but...” He shrugged. “No answer.”
“They’re gone. Up north. Or so they said,” Dylan offered. “Warmer waters, where she... where she won’t go.”
Ciaran didn’t have to say how ridiculous that was. Because if she was coming back, no ocean was safe. And how the Bass Strait boys thought they’d cope with warmer waters was stupid too.
But that wasn’t for Ciaran to voice out loud, especially not to Dylan.
Ciaran gave him another smile. “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you’re back and that you’re safe. You feeling okay? Rested enough? You went a fair distance on your own.”
“I’m okay,” he said softly, his smile thankful.
“Well, take it easy,” Ciaran said. “Make Hendrix here get off his arse and look after you.”
“Hey,” Hendrix said, duly offended. “I’m right here.”
Ciaran laughed, and, putting his hands on his knees, he stood up. “Okay, I gotta go. If you need anything, and I mean anything, go see Fray. He’ll come get me. Stay here with the consortium. No one goes near the trench while I’m gone, okay?”
They both nodded.
Then Hendrix’s smile became a grin, and he waggled his eyebrows. “Have fun at the hut.”
Ciaran felt his cheeks heat, and he tried not to smile. His hearts thrummed at the reminder of where he and Sawyer were going. What they were about to do.
“For what it’s worth,” Dylan said. “I like him. He seems like a nice guy.”
“He’s hot,” Hendrix added.
Ciaran snarled at him, kinda playfully, kinda not.
He put up both hands in surrender. “Just stating the obvious, and I am not sorry.” Then he waved his hand in a shooing fashion. “Go, cousin. The longer you stand there, the less time you have with him. And I know what I’d rather be doing.”
Ciaran considered snarling at him again, but the little shit was right. He levelled a glare at him along with a smirk that said as much, and Hendrix opened his mouth to speak, but Ciaran beat him to it. “Don’t even think about saying it.”
He grinned. “Say what? I was just gonna tell you good luck.”
Ciaran narrowed his eyes at him and just made it out the door before Hendrix added, “And maybe swing past Kellan’s and grab some burn cream, because damn. Sawyer’s a braver man than me.”
Ciaran paused mid-step, and for a second, he considered going back in to deliver that smack to the back of Hendrix’s head, but he saw a lone figure walking toward the pier with a duffle bag.
Sawyer.
Hendrix and his smartarse mouth forgotten, Ciaran ran over to meet him. “Hey,” he said, taking Sawyer’s duffle bag for him. “No second thoughts?”
Sawyer’s ice-blue eyes met his, determined and true. “None. You?”
“No.” He shook his head. “None.”
Fray appeared on Tobin’s boat. “You two ready?”
Sawyer stepped onto the boat with zero hesitation. “Hell yes.”
Ciaran followed him on, unable to stop smiling. They were really doing this.
Fray took the wheel, and they pulled away from the pier, his blond hair tousled in the cold wind, his blue eyes focused ahead of the bow of the boat.
He wasn’t wearing his trademark smile, and Ciaran hated that. “Was Tobin okay?”
Fray made a face in reply.