Chapter 34
Chapter
Thirty-Four
“Come on a walk with me.” Hope stopped by Angelica’s room, leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed as she looked Angelica over.
“I’m exhausted,” Angelica said. She was already dressed down for the night, filming having wrapped late.
The crew was packing up, Eva was asleep, Rex was still working, and Hope just wanted a few minutes with Angelica to talk—truly talk.
Something she didn’t feel like they’d done since they’d arrived.
“Angel… come for a walk with me.” Hope needed to talk to her. She needed to right whatever was wrong between them and set them back on the path they’d been on before.
Angelica sighed heavily, looked over her shoulder and then nodded. “Let me get my tennis shoes on.”
It didn’t take long for them to be outside, the air much cooler during the night than during the day, although the dryness was still working on Hope’s skin and making it flaky. She shoved her hands into her pockets as they made it a block down from the hotel before she dared to say anything.
“This episode was rough,” Hope commented, her voice carrying into the breeze.
Angelica didn’t answer immediately, and she wondered if she’d even heard. Hope bit her lip, the lights from the street reflecting off the cars that passed as they continued to walk, but she didn’t push for conversation either. She wanted to take this easy and not scare Angelica off again.
“Family typically is,” Angelica finally said, her voice soft.
“Yours or the one here?”
Angelica looked directly at Hope and shook her head, except it hadn’t been a yes or no question.
Which meant she was telling Hope something else entirely.
Was this topic off limits? Because Hope didn’t want it to be.
If anything, the last week had told her that she wanted to know more about Angelica and how she became the way she was.
“I liked your brother.”
Angelica laughed lightly. “He’s mostly got it figured out. At least, I like to think so.”
“Got what figured out?”
“Is this really what we’re doing tonight?” Angelica stopped walking, her hands at her sides, but her feet pointed back toward the hotel as if she was going to walk away from Hope.
“What would you have us do?”
“Pack.”
Hope frowned. “To leave?”
“Our flight’s in the morning.”
Disappointment rang through Hope’s chest. Was that really all Angelica was thinking of?
Getting out of here and escaping any type of deeper conversation?
With no one around, Hope reached out and took Angelica’s hand, lacing their fingers together.
She stared down at the physical touch, wanting to keep Angelica as close to her as possible for as long as possible.
She stepped in so they were only inches apart.
“Talk to me, Angel.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“There’s always something to say.” Hope tightened her grasp on Angelica’s hand before pulling her in and cupping the back of her head. She lowered her mouth, brushing a quick and sweet kiss across Angelica’s lips.
“The house I grew up in wasn’t a happy house.”
Hope could feel Angelica tense. But she held firm, encouraging Angelica to talk more.
“When Christian was born, it got worse. Not for him, but for me and my dad. For years I put him on a pedestal because he wasn’t as bad as my mom, but he didn’t stop her either.
” Angelica didn’t lift her gaze to look at Hope.
She barely even moved. “When I didn’t do the things they thought were proper for a daughter of a certain age, that only added to their frustration with me. ”
Reaching up, Hope cupped Angelica’s cheek and brushed her thumb against her skin.
“So I’m not the perfect daughter. When I look at Sydney and Lisa, they did everything right with Kayla. They loved her to a fault. They protected her when she could so easily have landed herself in deeper problems and trouble. She had what I never had.”
Hope again swiped her thumb across Angelica’s cheek, keeping her touch soft and tender.
“That’s what made this week hard, wasn’t it? Being faced with the fact that your childhood wasn’t what it should have been, that your dad, who also happened to be here, just doesn’t love you like he should.”
Angelica’s lips parted, as if she was going to object to what Hope had said, but then she finally nodded. “Yeah.”
Hope sighed lightly, leaning in and kissing her quickly. “You are loved, Angel. And you deserve to be loved.”
Angelica didn’t say anything, but she accepted the kisses this time.
Hope leaned into them a little more, sliding a hand to Angelica’s shoulder and then down her back to hold her in tightly.
She was taking a risk doing this in the street where anyone could pass them and see, but she felt they both needed it.
She parted her lips and slid her tongue lightly against Angelica’s before pulling back.
“What do you say we go down to the kitchen, steal a few beers, and take them back to your room?” Hope curled her fingers around Angelica’s hair and tugged lightly.
Angelica smiled at her. “That sounds lovely.”
“Good.” Hope reluctantly let go of Angelica’s hand and started back toward the hotel. “You get to meet Rachel next week.”
“Rachel?”
“My oldest sister.” Hope dragged her foot against the sidewalk. “Josef convinced her to come for filming.”
“He didn’t ask you either?”
“He apparently talked to Rex.” Though Hope still wasn’t very pleased about that. While they were married, it was her family that they were bringing in.
“Filming was better without him here, and I hate saying that. It shouldn’t be like that.” Angelica crossed her arms as they walked.
“No, it shouldn’t.” Hope resisted the urge to reach out and touch her again.
This wasn’t Angelica closing off. It was her keeping her hands to herself, which was a lesson that Hope was still having to learn.
She loved touching Angelica, mostly because she loved just how much Angelica seemed to love it.
As if she was touch-deprived and Hope was the only way to fulfill that need.
“I had a producer on my show who seriously messed with the vibe. She left after the first season, and it was like everything got easier after that.”
Angelica hummed, but she didn’t say anything.
“What would it take to move Josef out?”
“He’s the showrunner,” Angelica added. “He came up with the concept, and I doubt he’s going to let it go that easily.”
“True.” Hope stayed close to Angelica as they made their way into the kitchen.
The beer options in there were slim, but at least they’d be able to take the bottles upstairs and they wouldn’t have to go to the bar to order.
Hope snagged four bottles, two for each of them, and then started back toward the lobby. “Still, it’s nice to dream about it.”
Angelica laughed a little, which was music to Hope’s ears. Even the small amount of vulnerability and conversation they’d had was enough to lighten the mood. They rode up the elevator in silence, but Hope couldn’t stop staring at Angelica, looking her over from head to toe.
Something about the way they were together now made it easy to believe that this could work.
But then she was smacked with the reality of the rest of this week.
Of the harsh way Angelica had handled Kayla, the coldness she’d brought to that conversation and the rest of her dealings with the staff and owners.
Angelica hadn’t been kind or caring, not in the way Hope knew she could be.
She rubbed her lips together as the elevator dinged on their floor. She followed Angelica out, carrying the long-necked bottles of beer between her fingers. Angelica opened the door to the room and immediately turned around to smile at Hope.
“When do you have to go back to your room?”
Cold rushed over Hope. That’s what this was going to be, wasn’t it? Never fully them, and never fully open. Not unless she changed and did something different. Not unless one of them made a decision that would bring them closer together and give them more time.
“For tonight, I do need to go back before Eva wakes up.”
Angelica kept her lips curled up in a smile, but Hope caught the way her eyes dimmed as the reality set in.
Once they were inside, she twisted off the caps of the beer bottles and handed one over.
She sipped hers and sat against the edge of the desk as she carefully observed all the small changes in Angelica since they’d gotten back.
“But maybe we should plan something, just the two of us.”
“What do you mean?” Angelica lifted the beer to her lips and drank.
“Quality time.” Hope shrugged and then moved to sit next to Angelica on the edge of the bed. “I mean, that’s what people do in relationships, right? Spend quality time together that doesn’t involve work?”
“Yes?” Angelica said it like it was a question.
Hope furrowed her brow. Was this Angelica not really wanting to spend that time with her? Or was she just confused by the ask itself? Hope drank more of her beer, letting the cold brew hit her tongue and ease the tension in her muscles.
This had been a long filming season despite the fact that everything seemed to be going so much better than the last one. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, so she dug for it.
Rex: When will you be back tonight? Eva wants you to read her a story.
Why was Eva even still awake? Then again, it had been days since Hope had found the time to read the fairy tale story they’d chosen.
She rolled her shoulders, debating how to answer.
The pull to be present with Angelica and with Rex and Eva all at the same time was so strong and difficult.
She loved her family, and she’d never give them up for anything.
Angelica was…
Hope paused at that. Months ago, she’d told Angelica that she loved her.
Hell, tonight she’d insinuated that as well.
And if she thought about it, she hadn’t lied at all.
She did love Angelica. But sometimes love wasn’t enough, especially when it was only one-sided. Angelica hadn’t made any declarations.
In fact, as the weeks had trekked on, she’d pushed the emotional part farther away, hadn’t she?
Hope would have to think about that one. She quickly typed a reply.
Hope: Late. Talking with Angelica about filming next week.
A white lie wouldn’t hurt, would it? Then again, she was back to not being honest with Rex about everything.
They had talked about filming, so it wasn’t a total lie, either.
Hope winced. She’d justified her actions way too quickly on that one.
Angelica set the bottle on the nightstand and flopped down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“My mom said she couldn’t come because of medical reasons, but I know better.”
“What?” Hope twisted quickly, catching Angelica’s gaze.
“She didn’t come because she didn’t want to see me. She thinks the idea of a reality television show is ridiculous. Too many people watching and picking apart our lives.” Angelica sighed. “I understand that sentiment more often than not.”
“Would you want to quit the show?” Hope took another long drink, keeping her eyes locked on Angelica.
“Josef won’t let me out of the contract, so I don’t have any negotiating power until it’s time to renew it.
” Angelica tossed a hand over her head, closing her eyes.
“I’m glad she didn’t come. Then everyone really would have seen what a disaster my family is.
” Angelica sighed heavily. “I can’t imagine it’ll be the same with Rachel. ”
“No, likely not,” Hope agreed with her. “But it’ll still be chaotic. She’s bringing the kids, apparently.”
“Oh, that makes sense, actually.” Angelica moved her arm enough to lock her eyes on Hope. “Because it’s a family-oriented resort.”
Hope hummed and nodded, her phone buzzing again.
Rex: I could really use some help with Eva. She’s struggling with not seeing you.
The guilt she was too familiar with when it came to her family snapped up and bit her right in the ass.
She’d barely spent any time with Eva this season when filming.
In part because Eva was far more independent than she’d been last season, but also because Hope had wanted to spend more one-on-one time with Angelica, which meant her time had to be taken from somewhere.
And Eva had been the one to suffer that loss.
“What if we went on a trip after filming, you and me?” Hope put the bottle down and leaned over Angelica. “We could disappear into the mountains or to the beach.”
Angelica raised her eyebrows in Hope’s direction. “Are you sure you can get away from Rex and Eva for a weekend?”
Hope wasn’t sure, but she didn’t really want Angelica to pick holes in her plan either. What she wanted was for Angelica to say yes and then whisk her away from the guilt and the torn loyalties and more. She bent down and kissed Angelica hard.
“Think about it, will you?”
“Yeah. Sure.” Angelica nodded, staying still on her back.
“I need to get back to Eva.” It wasn’t lost on Hope that she didn’t say Rex. Though she’d meant him. He was the one struggling with their daughter, and she was the one who needed to step in and tag team with parenting. “She’s having a rough night.”
“Of course. Go.” Angelica pushed herself upward, resting on her elbows. “I won’t keep you.”
“Thanks.” Hope moved in and stole another kiss, this time deepening it.
Angelica curled her fingers around the back of Hope’s neck, massaging her lightly.
That touch was so familiar now, the way Angelica kissed and held her.
Hope longed for it some nights. But she also longed for Rex’s touches and tastes and familiar scents.
Breaking the kiss, Hope pulled away with a smile on her lips.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she whispered.
“Of course,” Angelica said, sitting up. “Thanks for the beer and the walk.”
Hope nodded at her as she got off the bed and started for the door. It wasn’t until she was out in the hallway that she finally texted Rex back.
Hope: I’m on my way.