Opening Up
VIKTOR
THE WHOLE HOCKEY TEAM HAS TO COME BACK EARLY FROM CHRISTMAS VACATION SINCE WE HAVE games on the first weekend of January.
Campus is deserted, so I don’t have to worry about running into Evie.
Her tear-stained face is etched into my memory though.
I’ve gone back and forth in my mind, and I don’t deserve to go out with Evie.
She’s too good, too giving for someone like me who smashes through life and hurts people.
I’m hoping that—like the first time I told her it would be better not to see each other again—she goes out of her way to avoid me too. I really can’t handle seeing her.
Coty and I walk to the arena for practice.
Did you have a good Christmas? I ask.
Too delicious. He rubs his stomach. It’s always good to see my family. It feels odd, though, knowing that it’s our last holiday break, eh?
Yeah, for sure. Monarch feels like a second home now. And once I leave, I might never see some of my teammates again. But all the more reason to push hard for a championship.
To my surprise, Coty doesn’t come back with a joke about my intensity. After last season, I want to win so bad.
All that extra training pays off now. Hockey has always been my passion, but this year it’s been an escape as well.
Winning can be random. Our team can play better and still lose, just because of an errant pass or a goalie having a career game.
But we’re much better prepared than last year.
The extra coaching in skating, the dietary tweaks, and the recovery sessions will pay off the further our season goes.
After our Friday home game, there’s a casual team get-together at the hockey house next door. There are surprising number of students here despite classes not starting until Monday. Honestly, I’m just making an appearance, and I plan to leave early.
Vik? I turn and see Mia Hamilton, another Revenge Squad member. Something twists inside me. I always thought that Mia was a nice person and we had an amicable breakup, but I’m clearly not a great judge of character.
Hey. I don’t follow up with the normal pleasantries since I’m still wary.
Sooo. She draws out the word nervously. Jordan said that you found out what we were doing.
I nod and cross my arms.
She motions between us. Are we okay?
There’s no ‘we,’ Mia. And if there was, no. How would you feel in my position?
Her brown eyes glisten, and I recall how sensitive she is.
I’m so sorry, Vik. I should never have… Her voice trails off and I start to walk away, but then she asks, What about Evie?
I turn back, my voice even icier. What about her?
Mia shrinks under my cold gaze, but presses on. You’re still going out with her, right?
I reach into the pocket of my jeans and finger the tiny bit of velvet and beading that I keep forgetting to throw out. No.
Was that because she didn’t tell you, you know, about what was going on?
I can’t see how this is your business. I don’t understand why Mia keeps prolonging this conversation when it’s clear that neither one of us is enjoying it, so I turn to leave again. Mia grabs my arm.
Wait. I just wanted to say that it was my fault. I’m going out with Dylan now and I was worried you’d get mad at me, so I begged her not to tell you. It wasn’t Evie’s choice, and I know how much she—
Stop. I interrupt her. There’s no point in raising my hopes about Evie when she would never take me back. I was unbelievably cruel to her. If there’s one thing I’ve gotten good at here, it’s breaking up with women.
But Mia presses on. I don’t know why you’re taking this out on her. She didn’t do anything wrong.
Right? Like our complete relationship wasn’t a sham. You guys told her all about me, so nothing was real.
Mia shakes her head. That’s not true. All we did was fix her up a little and give her a few opening lines, which I think she forgot because she got flustered. And tell her that you liked a challenge.
That makes no sense. Evie was the opposite of a challenge from the way she came on to me initially to our first time making out in my car.
If that was the advice she got, she ignored it.
Without a thought for my self-respect, I ask the thing that’s been bothering me the most. So you never told her anything intimate?
Mia’s eyes widen. Are you crazy? Yes, what we did was wrong, but it’s not like we would pimp someone out. Evie was supposed to go on a few dates and then dump you. Not have sex with you.
Fuck. Once again, I’ve fallen for one of Angelica’s lies. She is truly manipulative.
MONDAY EVENING, WHEN MY PHONE RINGS WITH AN UNKNOWN CALLER, I REMEMBER THAT SID gave me a heads-up that someone from the Sharks organization might be calling.
I’m not sure why I’m continuing to go through with this charade that I might keep playing hockey, other than it’s a distraction for my father.
Hello.
Is this Viktor Zelenko? It’s a male voice with a flat affect.
It is.
This is Hector Smith. He hesitates, then adds, Evelyn’s father.
Shit. Even though he can’t see me, I straighten up. Am I in trouble now? Maybe he’s going to have me taken out for all the crap I’ve pulled on Evie. Then I remember that I’m not even supposed to know what his job is.
Uh, yes?
I’ll be brief. Evelyn asked me to look into the disappearance of Marko Zelenko. His voice is completely devoid of emotion, like he’s reciting numbers rather than the vital information we’ve been searching for months. Let me preface this by saying that no information is 100% reliable.
I hold my breath.
But there are indications that he will be released in a prisoner exchange this week.
And all the hope that I’ve kept tamped down surges up.
Where? I ask.
Most exchanges are done in the Chernihiv region, near Belarus, he replies. Again, not a certainty. That’s all the information I have. I prefer that you not reveal your source.
I won’t. Thank you so much, I really—
He cuts me off. You’re welcome.
And then he disconnects. I stare at my phone for a moment. Then I pull out the tiny sunflower that I’m still carrying and bring it to my lips.
I sit down on my bed, my body rocking back and forth. At first I can’t even identify the emotions I’m feeling. Disbelief. Then true joy. Things I’ve barely dared to hope are coming to fruition.
I call my father. At first, he doesn’t believe a word I say.
After all, I’m only a college student with no connections; how could I have gotten the information that he’s been searching so long to find?
But I respect Hector Smith’s conditions and don’t reveal my source.
Finally, I insist that we should just go and see if it’s true.
After all, he’s made so many futile trips, what’s one more?
We can check in on my grandmother as well.
He agrees to make our travel arrangements, which are tricky since we can’t fly there directly.
Now, what to do about my team? I’m planning on going to Ukraine for at minimum one week, so I’ll miss at least two games. How can the captain do that?
As I run through plausible excuses, something smacks me in the head, like my baba getting mad at me.
I have this opportunity because I told Evie the truth.
I’ve kept my secrets to myself, out of guilt and mistrust. I’ve tried to be the perfect, flawless captain.
And the one time I took a chance and revealed my vulnerabilities, something miraculous happened.
In the morning, I go straight to my coach’s office. Coach, can we talk?
Sure, Vik. Come in. His face is impassive, but I see the tension in his shoulders. A player request to talk is seldom good news.
I need to take a week off, I begin. There’s something I should have shared with you earlier, but at first, I hoped…
My voice trails off. I started out with na?ve hopes that everything would work out.
Later I started to lose all hope. There was never a right time to tell the truth.
My brother was helping with the war effort in Ukraine. And then in August, he disappeared.
Jesus, Coach Norman swears under his breath.
Of course, that was hell. But now, there’s a possibility that he’s alive and will be released from prison. My father and I are going in case this really happens.
Coach frowns at me. You’ve been carrying all this on your shoulders all season? You should have come to me sooner. If there’s anything I can do, tell me. Do you want less team responsibility?
I shake my head. I felt helpless since there was so little I could do for Marko, so hockey has been my escape.
And you’ve had your best season ever. That’s a goddamn credit to your character, son. He keeps shaking his head. Well, of course you should take as much time as you need. How would you like to handle this with the team?
I’d like to tell them the news. If we don’t get him back, I’m going to be pretty devastated. But I’ll want to get back to hockey as soon as possible.
There’s a short silence, then I add, It seems unimportant in the scale of world events, but I really want to win a championship this year.
Because this is my truth too, I love hockey and I want all the sacrifices I’ve made for the game to pay off.
Otherwise, maybe I would have gone to Ukraine as well.
Could I have protected Marko? Or would we both have been captured?
For so long, I’ve not allowed myself to play what-if games but my imagination is finally recharging with possibilities.
Okay, why don’t you talk to the team after practice today? Coach Norman suggests.
Thank you, Coach. I rise, and he moves closer to deliver a hug that’s almost painful. Then he grasps my hand and shakes it.
I hope all goes well for you. Do whatever you have to do. This is much more important than hockey.
I go to talk to my academic counsellor about taking a week off, explaining only that it’s a family emergency. I get a message from my father that my flight leaves early tomorrow morning, so I decide to drive to Minneapolis tonight and stay at an airport hotel.