chapter 44 ⚚
Lilith never liked mornings, but experiencing a slow, almost sunny one in Valentina's penthouse seemed like a dream—and maybe, as she woke up, she thought at first it was.
The sun slipped through the dark curtains in Valentina's bedroom, soft and unhurried. It was surprising to see sunlight at all after days of dull skies, but it was there—gentle and warm.
Even though they had fallen asleep at a very late hour, almost morning, both of them woke up early.
Lilith first.
She didn't bother turning around, not even shifting. She just closed her eyes again, lying still and feeling Valentina's warm body pressed against her back, the woman's hand somewhere under the covers, resting lazily lower than her waist—almost at her hip.
It wasn't long before she felt Valentina move slightly and slowly trace her side through the sweater, thoughtless.
The events of the last day had come and gone faster than Lilith expected, and she wasn't sure how to feel about it.
Maybe she felt happy.
All she did then was turn onto her back, her lips curling into a sheepish, sleepy smile as her eyes blinked open.
"Hello, you," Valentina said when she saw her awake.
Lilith let out a soft laugh.
"You sound old," she murmured, closing her eyes again, not intending to move or speak or do anything at all.
Valentina closed her eyes for just a second, smiling, deciding not to comment or torment the sleepy girl.
But when she shifted to support herself on her elbow—just as they had been falling asleep the night before—her elbow caught in Lilith's hair, tugging it slightly.
Lilith's blue eyes opened instantly.
"Girl," she murmured, gathering her hair with a small grimace.
"Girl?" Valentina repeated, one eyebrow raising, almost offended by how casually the girl spoke to her—as if they were friends.
"Is 'miss' better?" Lilith asked, rolling her eyes.
"Much."
Valentina's tone was amused, and so was her expression as she watched Lilith smooth out her hair with quiet concentration.
Lilith couldn't care less about her appearance most days, but with how she'd been eating, what she was taking, and the number of vitamin deficiencies she had, she didn't want to risk losing more hair than usual.
"Annoyed?" Valentina asked softly, her gaze lingering on the girl, measuring every small reaction.
"Very. You ruined the whole morning. I hate you, you're the worst."
Lilith's voice was dry, her pout half serious and half playful—but somewhere deep inside, the words stung her a little.
Maybe because she'd said them too many times in her life and meant them then.
She looked at Valentina again, noticing the woman's change of clothes—her usual robe, likely put on after Lilith had fallen asleep.
"You changed," she murmured, shifting onto her stomach, her legs lifting instinctively behind her.
She looked at Valentina's neck, then lower—at the faint swell of her breasts, her expression proud and lazy, like she was admiring a small piece of evidence she'd left behind.
"Proud of yourself?" Valentina asked, looking down at her.
"Very."
Lilith smirked, her finger—tipped with a pale pink, cat like nail—pointing at the marks that were still visible, scattered across the woman's skin.
"It almost looks like... a heart," she said, her tone playful but oddly focused, as if she were studying her own work.
"I can make it look better," she added, her gaze flicking upwards until it met Valentina's. The sleepy girl wasn't much different from the flirtatious one she had been the night before—only slower, softer, but just as bold.
"Can you?" Valentina chuckled, low and amused.
Lilith nodded before leaning in, her lips brushing against Valentina's chest again. She adjusted the marks carefully, adding one more to shape it into a real heart. The effect wasn't immediate—just a faint pink now, maybe reddish—but it would bloom with time to something harsher and darker.
"Looks right now," she said, shrugging softly.
Something about it made her quietly proud—how easy it felt, how unshaken Valentina was under her touch, and how much it meant to be allowed such closeness.
But the woman took her time starting her morning, and when she finally sat up, Lilith let out a quiet, instinctive whine—wanting her to stay in bed forever.
"It's awfully bright for november," Valentina muttered, narrowing her green eyes at the sunlight. The movement made her look almost feline—the shape of her eyes sharp, her expression mildly discontent.
"Mhm," Lilith murmured, clearly unamused by her wanting to getout of bed. But as her gaze wandered across the room, something clicked in her head.
"I just realized—you're a scorpio," she said suddenly.
Valentina scoffed lightly.
"Don't tell me you believe in such things as zodiac signs," she replied, standing up and walking towards the curtains.
She pulled them open, letting the pale autumn sun spill into the room.
"I should probably change them to something lighter... maybe beige," she murmured, studying the fabric before turning back towards the bed.
Lilith was still there, sprawled out comfortably, one hand resting against her cheek as she watched her, entirely at home in a space that wasn't hers.
Valentina sat at the edge of the bed, her gaze lingering on her with quiet curiosity, something caught between fondness and disbelief.
"Yes, beige would be nice, but—" Lilith rushed out, ignoring the curtains entirely. "You wouldn't like me if I did?" she asked, her tone overly dramatic.
"But for your information, I don't... though I could check your monthly tarot too while I check mine," she added thoughtfully, trying her best to look serious about it. "And update you if it's going to be the worst month of your life."
She grinned at the woman, shifting closer, her pale, soft fingers playing with the lacy edge of Valentina's robe that ended mid thigh.
Valentina's eyes dropped softly to her lap before she rolled them.
"Save me from that."
Lilith didn't take the remark well—her nose scrunched, clearly offended.
"I think it's romantic, but sure," she muttered, her fingers slipping away from Valentina's robe.
Valentina giggled softly at the girl's theatrics.
"What's your sign then, Lilith?" she asked.
And Lilith, as always, felt her entire body react when the woman said her name. The way Valentina pronounced it—slow, clear, and different from anyone else—made something in her tighten. It was so sexy to her.
"Virgo," she said with a small shrug.
"And what does it mean?" Valentina asked, genuinely curious about whatever silly things the blonde girl might have read about her zodiac sign.
"I thought it's obvious. It means I'm perfect," Lilith said, shrugging again—smug this time, confidence curling at the edges of her voice.
"Really," Valentina murmured, raising a brow, her smile slow and almost secret. "I guess we should go on a date to some... witch then."
Lilith laughed light and spontaneous, the sound filling the room.
"You mean a tarot lady?" she asked, still smiling, while Valentina gave her a look that almost bordered on offended for being corrected.
"Whatever they're called," Valentina replied, her tone calm but faintly defensive.
Lilith's lips softened into an indulgent smile, her voice coaxing, teasing in a way that made the air between them warmer.
"We should," she said, pausing thoughtfully. "I could lie and say I'm an architect. And the owner of a company."
"First of all—co owner. Thank god my father didn't hear that, he'd be offended," Valentina corrected softly, her words precise but affectionate. "Second of all, if we were to do that, you're paying."
"Of course. I'll tip her extra to curse you," Lilith said, her voice taking on the tone of someone telling a ghost story at a sleepover for ten year old girls—clearly aiming to annoy Valentina rather than amuse her.
"Get up," Valentina said then, nodding towards her, standing over the bed.
"No," Lilith replied, firm but with the hint of a grin.
"Come on, I don't feed lazy things," Valentina teased, leaning over the bed, one knee pressing into the mattress as her hand wrapped around Lilith's wrist and tugged her up until she was sitting.
"What am I—your pet?" Lilith asked, pretending to sound offended, though her pulse betrayed her.
Valentina sighed quietly her gaze lingering longer than it should have.
"I don't know," she said finally. "You tell me."
?
Valentina's kitchen was one of the places Lilith had grown fond of—just like her bedroom. There was something about it that made her feel like she belonged, like she was in the right place when she sat at the high stool by the counter.
The cake from the previous night still sat there, on the dark surface.
"Cake for breakfast?" Valentina asked, tilting her head slightly.
The woman looked impossibly cute in that moment, and even if Lilith didn't feel like eating anything, she could've finished the rest of the cake just to make her happy that she'd eaten any breakfast at all—even if it was made entirely of sugar.
"Yes, please," Lilith nodded.
"So polite," Valentina murmured. Her tone softened, thoughtful, as she thought back to how little Lilith had actually eaten yesterday. "You didn't have much yesterday."
She leaned against the counter, eyes lowering as she swiped the tip of her finger through the leftover whipped cream on top of the cake. Without thinking, she brought it to her lips and licked it off.
Lilith wasn't sure if Valentina did it on purpose—probably not—but she let herself believe otherwise. It was easier to pretend it meant something more, easier to feed the little delusion that the act was flirtation or seduction.
When Valentina's finger dipped again into the cream, Lilith leaned over before she could react, her hand catching the woman's wrist.
She was the one to lean in this time, her lips closing around Valentina's finger—slowly, almost innocently—licking away the cream, but letting her mouth stay there just a heartbeat longer than necessary.
Her tongue brushed lower, where there was no sweetness left, and she sucked softly for half a second before pulling away.
"It's good," she said, smiling up at her with an expression far too innocent for what she'd just done.
"You're not subtle," Valentina replied, her voice amused—but her eyes betrayed the faintest flicker of heat she refused to acknowledge.
Lilith pouted lightly, pretending offense, but Valentina's thoughts circled longer than they should have.
For a very brief, rapid moment, she had to stop herself from giving in—sliding her finger deeper into that soft mouth, or maybe adding another.
Instead, she turned away, reaching for a knife.
She sliced the rest of the cake into two even pieces, plating them neatly on dark gray plates, before pulling out two small forks.
As she put the plate right in front of Lilith, the blonde haired girl's mind went to the last evening—and as Lilith had been in such a great mood, it faltered a bit.
Once again she felt strange with herself for doing such a thing as licking something off Valentina's finger.
That's why she first picked up the topic gently.
"That thing Amber said last night..." she started, not looking at the dark haired woman.
"The strip club," she clarified, now tilting her head up to look at Valentina, whose attention was on her—just like always when they talked.
Valentina hummed softly. "Hm?" she asked.
"Did you like going to clubs like that when you were younger?" Lilith asked, tilting her head, her tone neutral.
"I suppose I did—though I was a very different person then," Valentina answered truthfully, without any shame.
And that made Lilith furious inside, just like it had the night before.
In some strange way, she thought that Valentina should feel shame.
She should be sorry for that, just because of her.
But because it wasn't absurd—or even that unusual—for younger people to experience such things, it wouldn't be rational for Lilith to share her thoughts.
"Were you with someone while going to clubs like that?" she asked, picking up her fork, slicing off a small bite of the cake but not raising it to her lips—rather just playing with it.
"In a relationship, I mean," she added.
"No, of course not," Valentina answered, her brows furrowing slightly. "Why do you ask?" she questioned, not sure if the girl was worried she might be doing the same thing now.
"Can't I ask?" Lilith raised her eyebrow, getting slightly defensive.
She was aware she could freely spill her thoughts to Valentina—but then what?
No amount of reassurance would make it go away.
Why would she complicate it even more?
"You absolutely can," Valentina replied, not sure where this was going.
"I don't know, I just find it weird. I asked you once about the dates you've had—you didn't want to answer," Lilith said, her tone carrying a slight accusation.
"Sweetheart, why would I do this? Would it change anything?" Valentina seemed genuinely confused.
Knowing about past partners was, of course, a part of relationships—but there was nothing significant to mention. Especially not when the blonde girl's jealousy came in such strange ways Valentina couldn't yet understand.
"I just think I should know about your previous partners. Sexual or not," Lilith said, clearly feeling any type of rationality leaving her at this point.
"I assume there were a lot of them," Lilith continued, expecting the answer.
"Yes, there were—" Valentina started, wanting the conversation to stay calm, but Lilith stopped her quickly, not letting her continue.
"You could've just told me you were a whore," she said, standing up, the words escaping before she could stop them.
There was nothing left of the peaceful, almost romantic morning.
"Excuse me?" Valentina's voice sharpened, disbelief written all over her face.
She wouldn't have thought such words—or even thoughts, especially about the woman—could ever belong to the blonde haired girl.
The brunette woman understood jealousy like no one else, yet this was so sudden and intense she could hardly believe it.
"What, am I wrong?" Lilith laughed cynically, full of malice.
"Lilith," Valentina said, standing up as well. "You're acting very immature right now." Her tone was firm and absolutely serious.
"Am I?" Lilith asked, her voice laced with a bitterness that didn't really suit her. "How sad that I don't care." She laughed again, colder this time, deciding she was done—with the conversation, with everything that had to do with Valentina.
"Enjoy your fucking cake," she said, grabbing Valentina's plate and throwing it off the counter. The sharp sound of it shattering on the floor filled the silence, leaving Valentina stunned—not even confused, just shocked.
Lilith went upstairs fast, gathering her things, not minding the shorts she had on or her bare legs as she hurried down again. She put on her shoes, leather jacket half zipped, while Valentina finally recovered from the words and actions, stepping towards the door.
But Lilith was already leaving—her voice cutting sharply as she pointed at the marks on Valentina's cleavage.
"You should cover these up," she said. "They look disgusting."
The door shut before Valentina could say anything.
?
Sometimes Lilith didn't feel regret at all.
Just like she didn't in that moment.
There was something euphoric about the way she felt. Reflecting on it, she truly was her mother's daughter—and only in moments like that she almost felt proud of it. The sharp woman making Lilith almost admire her.
Valentina deserved that.
Lilith was in the right, and Valentina was in the wrong. That was the story she told herself, and it fit too correctly.
She didn't care about Valentina calling her.
Why would she answer?
Why would she even talk to her?
Maybe for a second she wanted to pick up—just to tell her how disgusting she was—but even that felt like too much.
Valentina didn't deserve her words.
So instead, Lilith decided to take care of her own things.
She texted Miss Lockhart, asking for a phone call. The woman called her shortly after the message.
"Lilith, hello," the woman said warmly, like always.
"Hi, I'm so sorry for texting you on a saturday," Lilith said softly, almost shyly. There was something about Miss Lockhart—sincere, deep—that made Lilith feel even softer than usual.
"It's quite alright," Lockhart responded. "So... did you make up your mind?" she asked.
"I think I did. I mean, the sessions sound so formal right now," Lilith admitted, speaking her thoughts out loud. "It's like—I really don't mind talking to you again, I even like it—but showing up again sounds terrible."
Lilith spoke honestly, then felt bad for it. "Sorry," she said quietly, tilting her head, her thumb picking at her cuticles as she sat on her bed.
"You don't need to be sorry. I understand," Lockhart said—but not quickly at all.
It was one of the things Lilith liked most about her.
Whenever she apologized, the woman wasn't fast to reassure her.
Her tone didn't waver with sweetness. She stated things like facts—things Lilith didn't have to feel embarrassed about—and that, somehow, reassured her more than any comfort ever could.
"I might have the solution," the woman said softly.
"What is it?" Lilith asked.
"If you'd like, we could meet somewhere else—not the clinic. You wouldn't need to treat it like a session; we could just talk normally," Lockhart said.
Lilith felt like it was almost important to the woman that she came back for help.
Maybe it really was.
"Only if you'd want to," Lockhart added when Lilith didn't answer right away.
"I think I would like that," Lilith said, unsure. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.
"But where would this happen?"
"We'll think of something," Lockhart said, and it made Lilith wonder.
"Wouldn't that be unprofessional?" she asked.
"Sometimes changing the environment helps people process things differently. I know you're a different person now—you're in a different place in your life. I don't think there's anything wrong with that," Lockhart replied.
And she was right.
Lilith didn't feel like going back to old places, or feeling like she was still the same version of herself she'd been then.
"Then... yeah. We should do it." She smiled gently, knowing that the woman could already picture how she looked right now, just from the sound of her voice.
"Of course," Lockhart said—and then, with the same calmness that always disarmed Lilith, she added, "Have you thought about diagnosis? It's okay if you haven't."
"Yeah, I haven't," Lilith sighed. "I don't think it would change or help with anything. And I know you don't agree."
"I don't," Lockhart chuckled softly. "But it's your decision, Lilith."
She paused.
"Otherwise, I'm very proud of you."
And from this exact person—from Miss Lockhart, of all people—those words felt like the kindest thing Lilith could've heard.
Especially when it came to the way she was still trying.
Once again.