Understood

chapter 48 ⚚

december's already a sweet month,

but i decided to be a bit sweeter:)

love, admi?

"Should I send you a document describing all of the sexual and romantic partners I've had throughout my entire life?"

"Yes! Let me write down my email, for you," Lilith murmured, smiling, though it was difficult to talk with her chin resting on the woman's lap.

She wasn't exactly kneeling like someone praying—or actually begging. Her legs were simply bent, one hand resting on her own lap while the other wandered everywhere on Valentina, whether it was her legs, her lap, or reaching higher towards her stomach.

There was something in the way the woman let herself be touched so effortlessly and completely, that it felt as if no barrier existed between them at all.

"Lilith," Valentina said, tilting her head at the blonde girl, who looked far too endearing and adorable like that. Lilith's big, petulant, even, eyes were angled upwards to meet hers.

"Valentina," Lilith responded, her voice annoyed. "Do you want me to sob?" she asked, pouting. "Cry a whole river of tears, be so upset that the woman I adore doesn't want to do something like that for me?" She continued, breathless. "Feel so neglected and not worthy?"

Unfortunately, her charms didn't work on Valentina, who had already decided what she would—or wouldn't—do for the girl.

"Are you trying to manipulate me?" the woman asked, raising a brow.

Lilith gasped softly, trying not to laugh. She couldn't believe Valentina could even think such a thing of her—of the sweet, sweetest girl she was.

"I could never, Miss Salvatore..." Lilith said. Her chin began to ache, so she shifted again, letting her cheek press into the woman's warm lap, breaking the eye contact Valentina so badly craved. Lilith found the position comfortable—probably the nicest way she had ever sat in her life.

It felt unusual to her—not simply because it was her first experience of romantic touch, but because Valentina was the first woman, aside from Gabrielle, who had ever held her with genuine feminine warmth.

Her mother had never been physically affectionate, and even if she had, it likely wouldn't have been for Lilith. Most of the women in her family were the same.

"As much as I also adore you, I'm not going to do that," Valentina said, trying to close the subject.

"Come on... was it mostly women? Were they pretty? Younger, older? Blonde, brunette? Shorter, taller? Skinnier?" Lilith bombarded her with questions.

Realistically, she knew that she and Valentina clicked on some level—so the woman didn't mind her personality—but mannerisms and looks were another matter entirely.

Was there truly anything about herself that Lilith wasn't insecure about?

Sometimes, actually—even a lot.

Maybe it was just her shifting self image, one that could never stay stable.

At least there had been moments in her life when she felt better than anyone else, and that didn't seem nearly as unbearable as a life spent feeling miserable all the time.

Valentina exhaled—soft, audible and a little tired. "Would it make you happy if I said blonde?" the woman asked.

Lilith actually paused, thinking it through far too carefully. When the conclusion arrived, she whined, "No. It's actually worse."

"I did have fun... if you can call it that, in university.

I think it got a little worse when Rhys decided to have some fun too, and that's how, for example, the strip club thing happened.

But as soon as I turned twenty seven, became a CEO.

.. I changed. A lot." Valentina spoke truthfully, hoping it might ease the girl even a little.

"Did you sleep with Rhys?" Lilith asked carelessly.

"That's absolutely disgusting," Valentina winced immediately.

Not that he wasn't attractive—he was, in both looks and personality—but Valentina wasn't the type to mix her inner circle with her bed. She never kept people close who had ever ended up there, whether through a relationship or a one time encounter.

Now, older and more self assured, she and Rhys could laugh at the memory of him trying to flirt with her the very first time they met—unfortunately, he had been cruelly rejected.

"So no strip clubs?" Lilith murmured after a few quiet seconds.

"No strip clubs," Valentina smiled gently, though she still couldn't catch Lilith's eyes.

"What about Katherine then?" Lilith asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"There's not much to say about her. She cheated on me," Valentina said with a small shrug.

Lilith's head immediately lifted from the woman's lap as she turned sharply to look at her. "What a fucking bitch."

Valentina's eyes narrowed just a little, tilting her head with a faint look of disapproval.

"Sorry," Lilith mumbled. "I didn't know. I'm sorry." She searched for any sign in the woman's eyes or posture that the topic bothered her—anything uncomfortable, anything upsetting. But she found nothing.

Valentina's hands returned to Lilith's head, gently pressing it back down onto her lap—as if soothing her, as if silently signaling that the topic wasn't worth heat or anger.

"It's okay," the woman said, petting Lilith's hair. "Even if she didn't... sooner or later we'd still break up."

"Why though?" Lilith asked, genuinely curious.

"Katherine isn't a woman you'd want to spend your future with. Not that she would've been interested in doing that anyway," the brunette explained.

"Oh god, I hope she dies," Lilith murmured.

Valentina grimaced slightly, deciding not to comment and ending the topic of Katherine right there.

It would be truly humorous for Valentina if she had to compare Lilith to her previous partners, especially the women.

The men had been more like puppies, just like Chiara's boyfriend—somehow, that bossing around streak ran in the family, both in Chiara and in Valentina.

The women, however, seemed to belong to an entirely different world than Lilith—lavish and loud, carrying both their flaws and charms with ease. They lived only for the moment, never thinking of tomorrow or the future, a way of being that Valentina now found shallow and unbearable.

Perhaps that was exactly why she had been unconsciously searching for something else.

"So... what can I do to be more like the women you liked?" Lilith asked.

For a moment, Valentina searched her voice for any playfulness—some joke, even a bad one. But the girl was serious.

"What?" Valentina asked.

She was still learning Lilith. It felt as though no matter how deeply she knew her, there was always more—unexpected thoughts, unexpected reactions, always appearing without warning or prediction.

"You didn't like that, did you..." Lilith winced at herself. She knew it was a bad thing to think, let alone say. She knew, and yet the thoughts and the words still came.

It was hard to maintain any self restraint around Valentina.

"No, I did not," Valentina said. "And you know why."

"Sorry... I tend to make things weird," Lilith murmured. She felt strangely open with the woman—any nonsense sitting on her tongue simply fell out.

"What a charm," Valentina commented.

"Mhm," Lilith hummed.

"Well then, should we discuss your sexual partners over tea today?" Lilith continued, refusing to let the topic die. "A little tea party?"

"What about another time? I've had a long day," Valentina said, trying to sound playful, though she already knew Lilith wouldn't drop the subject easily.

"Really? What did you do?" Lilith asked, curious in that childlike way she didn't even realise she had.

"Me and my father bought a piece of land," Valentina said, a bit proudly. There wasn't a day when she and her father weren't investing in something.

"Why? Are you guys going to build something there?" Lilith asked.

"An apartment complex. I work in real estate too," Valentina said, smiling softly.

Lilith's eyes widened. It wasn't a big detail, but it was still a detail—another piece of the woman she was trying to gently store and take care of.

"So you're the reason my rent is so expensive," she declared, then added, "There had to be something wrong with you."

Valentina chuckled.

"I almost forgot... I think I've wanted to ask you this forever... how did you know where Gabrielle or I lived?" Lilith asked, mentally revisiting every moment of the past three months with Valentina.

"I told you once... if you have money and connections, you can do almost anything.

.. besides, the real estate helps. I should probably check some documents and see if my people were even in the process of developing where you guys live.

The buildings look quite new," Valentina hummed to herself, genuinely curious if it could be a possibility—the chances were high.

"So what? You know some mystery man who knows another mystery man who knows some mystery woman, and you just find out.

.. things?" Lilith asked, laughing at how ridiculous it sounded—a story more fitting for someone in a high position of power over a whole country than just a rich woman who made people wanting to buy apartments lose their minds.

"Yes, kind of... but without all the secret agent, mysterious sounding people and... actions. You know, phones exist, I call and ask," Valentina said, playfully moving some of Lilith's hair out of her face.

"Can you at least donate some money for puppies?" Lilith asked, dead serious.

"For ones that look like you?" Valentina's eyes softened, almost pouting in a petulant, ironic way.

As much as she didn't mind any kind of charity, she felt like it was time to make an entirely new account just for the girl.

Unfortunately, good ones were a bit expensive.

"I'm not a stray," Lilith immediately said, offended. "Though... I know you used to have a preference for those." She mimicked the same expression the woman had made, and as the words settled, her mouth parted softly, her eyebrows lifting in quiet realization of what she'd just said.

Valentina only smirked, just enough to show the girl hadn't gone too far with her joke.

It was actually more attractive than offending whenever some sharper words or bites came out of Lilith.

"My mother does donate," Valentina decided to answer seriously now, then chuckled again before adding, "She's basically my accountant and... let's say she enjoys my money as much as she enjoys my father's."

Lilith smiled softly. Even though she had only met the woman briefly, she deserved it—for raising two good women like Valentina and Chiara.

"And you? What did you do today, Lilith?" Valentina asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I've had... um, a therapy session, I guess?" Lilith mumbled, suddenly feeling a little shy.

"So you decided to come back," Valentina said, smiling, a glint of something like pride in her eyes.

"Yeah, I did... though, well, Vivienne said we can treat it as just meetings, but it's obviously just therapy sessions. The casual meetings are kind of an illusion, but it's working," she shrugged softly, running her fingers across Valentina's knees, drawing patterns absentmindedly.

"Vivienne?" Valentina asked. "First name basis with a therapist?" she added, intrigued.

"Actually, lots of therapists prefer that. Though I feel awkward calling her just by her name... I settled on Miss Vivienne. Is it polite enough?" Lilith tilted her head.

"I think it's even more than polite," Valentina said, narrowing her eyes softly.

"What did you two talk about?" she asked then.

"Love," Lilith said, raising her eyebrows.

"Really?" Valentina coaxed softly. She wondered if Lilith allowed herself to speak about her—maybe not about the difficult moments or obvious anxieties in romance, but simply about the kind of adoration she felt and showed to Valentina.

"Yeah... I came to the conclusion that it's horrible," the girl giggled. "Can you believe she doesn't even date?" She looked at Valentina, still clearly surprised.

"Is it that shocking? What's so different about her?" Valentina furrowed her brows, curious how special the woman sounded in Lilith's words.

"She's a really good therapist. You'd assume she'd be a good partner, so... her choosing not to date proves something," Lilith said, tilting her head playfully.

Valentina didn't answer, just studied the girl, measuring her with her green, cat like eyes.

"What? I'm a curious girl," Lilith said innocently.

"Too curious," Valentina replied, flicking a finger on Lilith's pale forehead.

Lilith grimaced at her, letting herself stare at the woman.

She looked a little washed out—clearly not like her usual self.

The blonde felt a pang of guilt.

"Val, you look bad."

"Thank you, angel," the woman replied, rolling her eyes. Her feet shifted slightly, the tip of her heel pressing softly against Lilith's thigh, and in that moment Lilith decided that the heels must stay on.

"I meant tired... and in need of... me?" Lilith widened her eyes, trying to excuse herself innocently. She only meant that Valentina looked a little sad, which upset her.

"Still beautiful," she added quietly, placing a soft, singular kiss on the woman's knee and looking straight up into her eyes.

"Bad and beautiful," the brunette murmured. She wasn't offended—she was only pretending to be hurt.

Would making the girl believe she was actually upset make her kiss more? Touch more?

Lilith's fingertip absently traced the polished surface of Valentina's heel, still pressing into her thigh.

Slowly, she allowed herself to stand up, even though she enjoyed the position, her legs were growing limp, tingles creeping through her body.

She brushed nonexistent dust from her sweatpants, noting that she was still wearing her jacket and had left her scarf at home during her quick stop between lectures, coming here in a rush.

She shrugged off the jacket and tossed it onto the woman's desk.

She pouted softly, settling onto Valentina's lap, which the woman welcomed gently. Lilith leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the woman's neck, before remembering another cruel set of words she had used the day after Valentina's birthday.

"You know you don't look bad," she murmured, her fingers brushing a button on Valentina's fitted white shirt, the fabric tight at her waist. She reached for the third button, the first two were undone, revealing a delicate gold necklace with a small diamond.

"Of course I do," Valentina laughed softly, confident as ever.

Lilith's focus shifted entirely to the swell of Valentina's pushed up breasts, the lacy black bra beneath shirt catching her gaze. She looked at the olive toned skin, noting the marks she had left—covered now in concealer.

Valentina glanced down at her own chest.

"I'm sorry," Lilith whispered, feeling absolutely crushed. The woman might not have shown any negative reaction to her words, but what she did physically... that was far more impactful.

"I did tell you I can't walk around looking like I was bitten," Valentina said calmly, tucking a shorter strand of hair behind Lilith's ear.

"Am I supposed to believe you covered them because of this?" Lilith asked. "You're not even wearing anything revealing," she added.

"It just reminded me of you," Valentina said softly. "Not of what you said... just... of you."

"So you covered them?" Lilith asked, feeling even more crushed.

Valentina sighed. "I did."

It didn't feel reasonable.

Lately, a lot of things Valentina felt weren't reasonable when it came to Lilith.

"But since you're with me now..." Valentina began. She raised her hand, tilting her head in one fluid motion towards Lilith. "Open your mouth."

Lilith didn't process the words immediately.

She just stared at the woman for a few seconds, unsure how to respond. Instead of a shocked "what?" she leaned in, opening her mouth a little as instructed.

"Wider," Valentina said, looking almost fascinated by the sight of her. First on her knees before her, and now opening her mouth to welcome her fingers—pleasant days happened to be truly only with Lilith.

Lilith opened her mouth a bit more. Valentina's index finger slipped in quickly, as they kept eye contact.

Lilith wasn't sure what to do.

Did the woman suddenly want her to suck on her finger? Was she going to add another?

No matter what the woman's intentions were, Lilith did exactly what she wanted herself. She sucked on it, feeling a subtle pressure as Valentina's finger slid deeper.

Lilith felt like she might come right then, sitting on the woman's lap with her finger inside her mouth.

As Valentina tried to pull it free, Lilith sucked on it desperately, letting out a sound that was more a whimper than a protest, urging her to keep the finger inside longer.

Valentina exhaled, her own lips parting slightly as a soft "oh" escaped, almost laughing, quietly humiliating the girl as Lilith finally let go.

She brought the wet finger, coated in Lilith's saliva, to her chest, smearing the concealer off.

Lilith felt pathetic for not anticipating this.

Valentina wrapped her arm around Lilith's waist, leaning in. "Will you hand me my bag?" she asked.

It was infuriating how she acted like a saint right now. Lilith could have thrown the bag at her, but instead she extended her head to the right side of the desk and handed it to her, politely.

The bag was black and sleek. Lilith wasn't much for bags, finding them unnecessary; the only things she carried were her phone, vape, headphones, and the occasional lip liner that somehow always got lost. Valentina, by contrast, was clearly different—the collection of designer bags in her penthouse spoke for itself.

The dark haired woman took out a packet of tissues and began wiping some of the concealer.

The makeup product had coverage and wouldn't be fully removed this way.

The skin underneath was reddish, faintly showing the marks.

Unfortunately, they weren't the deep, dark red Lilith might have wanted them to be.

"A bit better, yeah?" Valentina asked.

Lilith wasn't sure if the woman was pretending not to notice or was genuinely unaware of how flustered and embarrassed she was, but it definitely didn't help.

"Yeah," Lilith said, looking down at her lap. No witty or desperate remark came to mind. She looked at her ring finger and the broken nail.

"It hurts," she murmured.

"Should I put a band aid? Just to cover it?" she asked absently.

It was almost admirable to Valentina—how smoothly yet awkwardly Lilith switched topics and new anecdotes whenever she felt shy.

"With hearts?" Valentina asked, studying the girl's finger as though it were actually broken.

"Yeah," Lilith smiled softly. "Me and Rhys bought the same ones. He had them on,

did you see?" she asked, daring to look up.

"I did," Valentina nodded warmly. "I ripped them off, though," she said, pretending to pout, as though upset about her own action. "It really didn't suit him..." she added, almost sadly.

Lilith found the brunette adorable.

She felt a little bad for the man, but decided to focus on the woman in front of her. She leaned in, softly kissing the tip of Valentina's nose.

The blonde haired angel truly seemed like a master manipulator to Valentina.

Not in a cruel or malicious way—the girl could break plates, vases, nerves, and any patience imaginable. Nevertheless, with the gentlest motion, a simple kiss on the nose, she could break Valentina's heart entirely.

There was simply no saving from her.

"I hoped it hurt... I was so upset there was such little blood," Valentina continued, her expression stained with fake sadness and pity.

Lilith's eyes widened softly at how the woman seemed to enjoy what she did.

"Val," she murmured.

"You can't just—" she began, intending to scold her, but the sudden ringing of her phone cut her off.

"Wait," she said softly, stretching her hand towards the desk and the pocket of her jacket. Valentina's hand slid under her black hoodie, brushing against her bare skin.

"You really should start dressing warmer," the woman murmured, watching Lilith struggle to reach the phone before the call ended.

In her effort, Lilith nearly fell from Valentina's lap, finally managing to grab the phone. Both of them giggled, though Lilith's laugh ended abruptly when she realized the caller was her mother.

She stiffened, tilting the phone so Valentina couldn't see the screen.

It wasn't subtle, and she knew it looked bad.

Very bad.

Valentina noticed instantly, curiosity prickling and suspicion taking hold.

Did Lilith not want her to see who was calling? Or did she simply not want to speak to that person with her there?

She wouldn't find out immediately, and she wasn't about to let it go.

Valentina Salvatore was so petty.

With a gentle motion towards the phone, Valentina said, "Pick up." There was no sharpness in her tone—only warmth and an insistence that left Lilith with little room to refuse.

She hesitated for a brief moment, unwilling to explain anything about her mother, then nodded and moved. Some things had to stay hers alone. She knew it couldn't last forever, but she would protect them as long as she could, no matter how sincere she wanted to be.

She slid off Valentina's lap, rush of urgency propelling her away as if she needed distance immediately.

Moving towards the door, she stretched awkwardly, finally pressing the screen to answer the incoming call.

"Hello?" she said, her voice soft but with the tension of wanting—or rather needing—to have control over the situation.