Chapter 10
“Lord Blake is here to see you, my lord.”
Michael took a deep breath before exhaling and leaning back in his chair. Although he’d already lost his jacket, he suddenly felt overheated in his thin dress shirt. He should have changed after the ball.
“Let him in,” he said, and made an effort to relax his body. There was nothing to worry about. Ant was his friend. He wasn’t going to judge Michael for what had happened, no matter how mortifying it was.
Anthony entered his office and shut the door with a hard, final click.
Michael’s gut tightened the instant their eyes locked.
“You want a drink?” Michael said after a moment, nodding toward the minibar. “Help yourself.”
Without saying anything, Anthony poured himself a drink and took the chair across Michael’s desk.
They stared at each other. Anthony was quiet, nursing his drink idly.
Michael wished he had one too—something to keep his hands busy. “So, this is awkward,” he said with a wry smile. “We really should have just pretended it didn’t happen.”
Anthony’s dark eyebrows drew together. “It’s not something we should ignore. My Voice shouldn’t have worked on you. It could be a serious health issue.”
Michael grimaced, but Anthony was right. Without all the facts, he could have believed himself terminally ill as well. Alphas lost their Voices—and the ability to resist other alphas’ Voices—close to their deaths. No wonder Anthony had jumped to that conclusion.
“I’m not sick, Ant,” he said softly.
“Then why? How?”
Michael shrugged. “My guess is being around your unnatural rut on Belith fucked something up in me. I’m sure it’ll pass. Just a little side effect.” And never mind that these days I can’t come without stuffing something in my asshole.
His face warm, Michael forced himself to keep looking Anthony in the eye.
“Are you saying you’ve been struggling with this issue for weeks?”
“I didn’t know there was an issue,” Michael said stiffly. “Other alphas don’t exactly go around using their Voices on me.”
Anthony shifted a little in his seat, but he didn’t look particularly guilty. His gaze remained on Michael, steady and thoughtful. “You’re not telling me something.”
Michael’s pulse quickened. “I don’t know what you mean.”
The look Anthony shot him was decidedly unimpressed. After a moment, he said, “I could smell it. Your arousal after I used my Voice.”
Michael froze, his breath caught in his throat.
“What the fuck are you implying?” he ground out at last, his face hot. “Get out.”
Anthony didn’t move. “I’m not implying anything, Mike,” he said, his tone still steady. Placating. “I know you aren’t like that.”
Michael glared at him. “Like what?”
Grimacing, Anthony took a sip from his drink. “Come on, we both know there are alphas who are attracted to other alphas. It’s rare, but it happens.”
It did. Of course it happened sometimes.
Alpha-alpha relationships never worked long-term because of how toxic they turned thanks to incompatible pheromones, but sexual attraction could happen sometimes.
Granted, it was very rare, exponentially more rare than same-sex relationships on planets that didn’t have alpha and omega designations.
“Even if you were into it, I wouldn’t have a problem with it,” Anthony said after a moment. “I’m not a bigot.”
“I’m not into other alphas,” Michael snapped, bristling at the suggestion.
“I didn’t think you were,” Anthony said, meeting his gaze steadily. “I know you were into Li. But. I also know what I smelled this evening.”
Michael pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes as failure crashed over him. All his efforts to salvage their friendship from awkwardness had been wasted. Anthony wasn’t going to let it go.
With a heavy sigh, Michael rose, crossed to the minibar, and poured himself a drink.
“I lied to you,” he said, his back to Anthony. It was easier to tell him the truth when he wasn’t looking at him. “Your rut didn’t just end on Belith.”
The silence that followed was dense. Weighted. Like a room slowly filling with smoke, it pressed against Michael’s throat and settled in his lungs like ash.
“You mean...” Anthony said, his voice ringing with tension.
Michael gulped his drink, put the glass down, and turned back to him. He forced himself to meet Anthony’s gaze. “I had to do it, Ant,” he said. “There was no other choice.”
Anthony stared at him, his body gone still. Alert. The way a predator went still—not to rest, but to calculate. Every inch of him was still, even his hand holding the glass. “What,” he said, without any inflection in his voice.
“I had to save you,” Michael said, gripping the minibar behind him. “I’m not sorry for what I did. You’re alive. That’s what matters.”
Slowly, Anthony got to his feet. He set his drink down and took a step toward him. “You...” He searched Michael’s face.
Clenching his jaw, Michael gave a short nod.
Anthony shook his head slowly, his scent full of shock, denial, confusion, anger, gratitude, and so many other emotions Michael couldn’t discern.
But finally, they settled on an emotion he could recognize: rage.
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
Michael glared at him. “You don’t get to be angry with me! I saved your life, damn it!”
“I didn’t ask you to save it!” Anthony growled, starting to pace the room.
Michael scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Some gratitude would be nice. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to—to go against all my instincts?”
A muscle jumped in Anthony’s jaw as he stopped in front of Michael. “Yes,” he said in a clipped voice. “I do have some idea. I’m an alpha too. I didn’t ask you to force yourself to take my knot.”
Michael flushed. “You would have died if I didn’t—”
“Then you should have let me die!” Anthony growled, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him, his expression half furious, half distraught. “I feel like I fucking raped you.”
“You didn’t.” Michael glared. “It was my choice.”
Anthony let out a harsh laugh. “Was it really a choice when you felt like you had no other choice?” He raked his fingers through his dark hair, frustration and anger turning his scent so potent it made Michael’s instincts go crazy, his anxiety spiking from the proximity of an angry alpha so close to him.
“It was my choice,” Michael bit off. “If anything, you’re the one who couldn’t consent to it. I did. Do you think I raped you?”
Anthony gave him a tight, withering look. “I wasn’t the one taking another alpha’s knot up my fucking ass. That’s not the same thing.”
His face uncomfortably warm, Michael struggled to hold his gaze. “It was still my choice to do it, and you should respect it. Let’s just move on, all right? What’s done is done. It changes nothing.”
The expression on Anthony’s face was downright incredulous. “You’re susceptible to my Voice now. It definitely changed something.”
Michael cleared his throat a little, gripping the bar behind him more tightly. There was a part of him that still bristled and snarled at the mere suggestion, but he could hardly argue. “I’m working on it,” he said stiffly.
Anthony eyed him for a long moment, his expression difficult to read. “Is it just me? Or do other alphas’ Voices work too?”
Michael frowned. “I don’t know.” He actually wasn’t sure what answer he would prefer.
“Then we should test it,” Anthony said. “Do you have any alphas among your staff?”
“I’m not going to ask my servants to use their Voice on me,” Michael ground out. “How do you think it would look? With the way servants gossip, it’ll be all over social media within an hour.”
“Right,” Anthony said, a wrinkle forming between his brows.
Why did he stand so damn close? Michael’s skin prickled, every instinct screaming to push the other alpha back.
“Have you seen a doctor?” Anthony said.
“I’m fine,” Michael bit out. Get out of my personal space, damn you. “Why?”
Anthony cocked his head to the side, his gaze roaming over Michael’s face.
“It’s possible there is something wrong with you physically.
I mean, I was poisoned by an alien toxin with unknown properties.
It completely screwed with my biology and triggered an unplanned super rut.
” A muscle ticked in his cheek. “If I knotted you, my fluids got in you. The toxin could’ve been in my semen.
There’s no telling how it might have affected you. ”
“I’m fine,” Michael said, with less certainty this time. “It’s been weeks.” But it was tempting to blame his recent obsession with ass play on the alien toxin. Very tempting.
“There are plenty of slow-acting diseases,” Anthony said with a frown. “I have trouble believing that you’d become susceptible to another alpha’s Voice just after being knotted once. It shouldn’t work like that.”
“Not once,” Michael said tersely.
Anthony blinked. “What?”
“Not once,” Michael ground out, looking away. More like four times. His hole clenched around nothing, self-disgust twisting in his gut even as his pulse throbbed in his cock.
“Ah,” Anthony said faintly. A beat passed. “Then you should definitely see a doctor.”
Michael let out a harsh laugh. “I’m not telling a doctor that I’ve been knotted by another alpha.”
“They would sign an NDA.”
Michael grimaced, shaking his head. “It doesn’t change anything.” It would still be mortifying. No alpha would want to admit something like that.
Sighing, Anthony laid a hand on his arm.
Michael flinched.
The air became thick with tension.
“Are you scared of me?” Anthony said after a moment, removing his hand slowly.
“Of course I’m not scared of you.”
“Then why can’t you look me in the eye?”
Michael forced himself to meet his gaze. His face felt far too warm. “Would you be able to look me in the eye if our roles were reversed? If you had to take my knot?”
Anthony’s expression grew pinched, his scent flaring sharp and aggressive at nothing more than a hypothetical. He drew a long breath, visibly fighting for control. After a moment, he forced his scent back to neutral. The sheer willpower it took was staggering to witness.
“Look, I want to help you,” he said, blue eyes steady on him. “It’s my fault that you’re in this situation, and I want to fix it. Tell me how to fix it, and I will.”
Michael’s stomach knotted up with a feeling that wasn’t quite discomfort. He found himself blinking dumbly at the other alpha, unsure if Anthony’s wanting to take charge of the situation pissed him off or not.
“It’s not something you can just fix, Ant,” he said with a grimace. “I can’t help the way I feel around you lately.”
“So you are scared of me.”
“No—not really—I don’t fucking know, all right?” Michael raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “You trigger my instincts when you get this close, and not in a good way. Mostly I just really want to shove you away and beat you up, but...”
“But?” Anthony prompted.
Michael ran a hand over his face, barely able to look the other alpha in the eye. “But there’s a part of me that wants to bare my neck and whine like a bitch when you’re this close.”
The silence was so complete a dropped pin would have been heard.
Michael had never felt so mortified.
“Does it arouse you?” Anthony asked, his voice perfectly neutral, unreadable. Goddamn spy.
Michael let out a laugh. “You said you could smell it. Don’t make me say it. I told you it fucked me up.”
There was silence again before Anthony broke it.
“Do I arouse you?” Blue eyes peered at him with a strange expression—something between curiosity and discomfort. “Do other alphas arouse you or is it just me?”
Michael swallowed. “I feel more aggressive around other alphas, too, but you seem to be the only one causing the other reaction.”
Anthony nodded slowly. “Makes sense. Your body remembers submitting to me.” His brows knit into a deep frown. Then, Anthony stepped even closer, so close their shoes nearly touched.
“What are you doing?” Michael said, his heart pounding against his ribcage.
“I think we should just retrain your body and instincts,” Anthony said calmly. “Avoidance isn’t the solution here. You must get used to having me close without associating it with submission.”
Michael wet his dry lips with his tongue. “I don’t—I don’t think it’s a good idea, Ant.” Not when it was taking every bit of his self-control not to shove Ant away—or bare his neck for him.
“Do you have a better idea?” Anthony said. “I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”
A fierce affection blazed through Michael’s chest. Anthony wasn’t very good at admitting attachment. This actually meant a lot. “I don’t want that either,” he said with a sigh.
“Then we’ll try it my way for a week. If nothing improves, we’ll try something else.”
Michael chuckled. “This? What does it even mean? Are you going to be all over my personal space and hope it fixes me?”
Anthony’s gaze was firm. “It’s worth a try.”
Michael groaned inwardly.
Well, that was just great.
But he swallowed his objections and relented.
They talked for a while about the race this weekend. Michael let the other alpha steer the conversation while he pretended that nothing was wrong—that Anthony crowding his personal space was perfectly normal, and he didn’t have feelings about that.
It was one of the most excruciating hours of his life.
The door had barely shut behind Anthony before Michael dragged his pants down, his hand closing desperately around his cock. Fuck, he was so hard he nearly came the moment he touched it. But he didn’t. It wasn’t what he really wanted.
His hole was so empty.
Shoving two fingers into his mouth, he wet them with saliva before pressing them against his empty, greedy hole.
He moaned, pushing them inside. Fuck. The air was still full of Anthony’s thick alpha scent, making his instincts go crazy with contradictory urges.
Michael moaned again, thrusting his fingers harder into his hole, imagining Anthony’s disgusted face if he knew what Michael was doing—fucking his hole like a slut the moment he left.
He came with a strangled cry, self-loathing roiling in his gut.