32. Zoe
THIRTY-TWO
ZOE
I glanced at my phone again. “I guess Josh forgot he promised to help me with interview prep tonight. He’s forty-five minutes late.”
Shannon was sitting across the kitchen table from me, polishing off a banana.
“That’s not like him. Maybe something happened?
I know he’s all focused on the next big group trail ride coming up.
He and Eli have been working hard making sure the trails are relatively clean and safe for beginner riders, and then timing the rides on the different trails, so they can figure out the best places to stop for photo ops and breaks.
Josh has always been serious and fixated when it comes to the ranch, but this intensity is new, even for him. ”
I didn’t answer. A tiny part of me felt guilty for asking Josh to take time away from his job to help me prep for the interview, but he’d been the one to offer in the first place. And I’d picked a time at the end of the day, when I knew that his workload was lighter. So where was he?
“I bet his phone’s dead,” Shannon offered. “I swear his battery is constantly at like fifteen percent. He always forgets to plug it in. ”
“That’s not the point. He said he was going to be here…
” I trailed off, not wanting to bad mouth him in front of Shannon.
“I’m worried about this interview. You know me, I don’t do well around large groups of people, and it’ll be panel style, which is as good as a firing squad as far as I’m concerned. ”
I closed my eyes and took several long breaths counting as I inhaled and exhaled until I didn’t feel as if my heart would burst through my chest. I needed to do well at the interview and I already felt as if I were failing and I wasn’t even there yet.
“Let me help a little,” Shannon said, swiping the stack of index cards piled in front of me.
“Pretend I’m a scary looking school administrator.
” She sat up straighter, put on a dour expression, and read from the card.
“First question, young lady: Why are you interested in Berkshire Institute of Technology?” Shannon dropped the card and frowned.
“Hold up, that’s a terrible question. I bet I can come up with something better. ”
“But Shannon, that’s like the first question they’re going to ask.
I’m sure of it.” I’d googled typical interview questions, and this one was at the top of the list. I looked at the index cards, now out of my reach, and all the questions I’d written down were based on actual panel interviews for college entrances.
“Well, if you’re sure of it, you can prep and memorize the perfect answer on your own time. I’m here to give you the stuff that’s going to throw you off balance. To see if you can think on your feet. Like…uh…how do you unplug and have fun?”
I scowled. “They’re a high-pressure tech school, they’re not going to ask me that.”
“But what if they do ? Huh?” Shannon demanded. “Answer it, woman! ”
I pushed back from the table with a huff.
“Fine. When I want to unplug, I grab my camera and get lost in the viewfinder. Most of my life is in front of screens, but when I’m taking pictures, I’m like, I don’t know, a part of whatever I’m photographing.
Doesn’t matter if it’s an animal, or a building, everything else disappears and my focus gets super sharp.
” I paused. “Does that sound too weird to say? I never know if what’s in my head makes sense to the rest of the world. ”
“It makes total sense,” Josh said from where he was leaning in the doorway.
I jumped. “Oh! I didn’t know you were there.” How had I not heard him open the screen door?
He strode into the kitchen. “Yeah, I didn’t want to interrupt you. Sounded like you were on a roll. Listen, I’m sorry I’m late. Once we got back from the trail ride, things got real busy down at the barn, and I lost track of time.”
“Told you,” Shannon said.
“But I thought you said you’d put this on your schedule so everyone would know not to disturb you?” I asked.
“Well, live animals don’t always check the calendar.
Goliath was acting fussy when I had him out in the paddock for some exercise.
Then Red started limping and I was worried I’d have to call the doc out again.
Turned out he’d thrown a shoe and everyone else had gone for the day, so I took care of it. ”
“Josh.” Shannon frowned at her brother. “That could’ve waited until tomorrow and you know it.”
He shook his head. “Not with my to-do list. Have you seen what I have to do tomorrow and the day after? It’s never ending around here and I can’t let things go. ”
“Someone else could’ve handled it,” Shannon said with head-shaking sass. “You’re the boss, remember? That means you can delegate.”
“Everyone is busy around here, and I wasn’t going to throw more work on someone else when I was right there and could handle it.”
“Seriously, Josh? It was not an emergency.” Shannon huffed out a harsh laugh and shook her head again.
I could understand Goliath—the Shire was still recovering from that leg cut.
But I didn’t know anything about shoeing horses.
From the sounds of it, Shannon was right.
It didn’t seem to be an emergency situation.
So why had Josh opted to do a job he didn’t urgently need to do when he was supposed to be helping me?
“Shannon, enough,” Josh barked back at her and then sighed. “Look, I’m exhausted and I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now, okay?”
“Wow, okay grumpy,” she said. She stood up and stalked from the room without another word.
“Listen, I’m really sorry I’m late,” Josh said. “Can we start practicing now?”
I picked up my phone to check the time. “Actually, we can’t. I have a conference call in a few minutes.”
Josh looked incredulous. “At this hour? Really?”
I shrugged. “I work odd hours sometimes. Nature of the business.”
“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
I gathered the stack of index cards Shannon had scattered when she left the table while I decided how to answer. “Not mad, exactly.”
“Then what? I really am sorry. ”
I sighed. “I know you are, but if I’m being honest, then you should know that it hurts me when you choose to shoe a horse over helping me. I get that the ranch takes a lot of time and attention, but at a certain point, you need to step back and remember the world around you. And the people.”
“You’re right.” He hung his head. “About all of it. The ranch does take a lot of my time. But it was like that for my father and my grandfather, too. That’s just how it is, when you run a ranch.
This isn’t a business for someone who enjoys taking vacations every year, if at all. I thought you understood that.”
“I do.” I gnawed at my lower lip while I tried to figure out how to say what I wanted to say next. “But you’re the one who offered to help me, and you said you’d make time.” I didn’t want to come across as whiny and needy.
Neither one of us spoke for a few minutes.
“I know you have a lot going on and with the trail rides just getting started.” I blew out a breath.
“Maybe you shouldn’t come with me to the interview since you’re so busy.
” Admittedly, it wasn’t that I needed him there.
I wanted him to come with me. To see what my life was like outside the ranch and possibly understand me better.
“Zo, no. Of course I’m coming! I want to be there for you. I won’t cancel.”
I frowned. “You promise?”
Josh slid next to me on the bench so that we were thigh to thigh. He placed his finger under my chin and gently raised it so that I was looking into his eyes.
“I promise.”
He gave me the softest kiss before wrapping his arms around me in a hug. He then reached for the index cards and shuffled through them looking at the questions. “Okay, let’s get started. Talk to me about a project that was giving you problems and how did you solve them.”
I lifted my glass to take a sip of water and then began talking, describing some of the steps I took to get around a coding error on an app I’d worked on.
I could tell that Josh didn’t have a clue what I was talking about but he kept nodding his head and encouraging me to keep going, asking more questions from the index cards.
So, I did. An hour later, we were both yawning and too tired to continue, so we wrapped everything up.
At the top of the stairs, I was going to say good night and head to my room, but Josh had other ideas. “I’m too exhausted to do anything but sleep, but I’d love it if you’d join me.”
I smiled and nodded and we tiptoed past Shannon’s room to his. Shutting the door behind us, he went to his dresser and pulled out one of his T-shirts, the same one I’d worn before. “Thought you might want to change into something more comfortable.”
We both got ready for bed. After he turned the lights out, he rolled so he spooned me.
Kissing the top of my head, he mumbled a sleepy good night and seemed to fall asleep instantly.
I laid awake, staring out into the darkness and going over everything that transpired this evening.
As sleep finally threatened to overtake me, I had the lasting thought: Would I always come second with Josh?