Ease Into It Slowly
Daniel
Spending time with Blue is becoming addicting. She’s a drug I can’t get out of my system. Things are getting deeper than either of us planned. Only I can’t act on it because of the promise I made. Not that it’s that far gone. I like her a lot. Being around her is never dull.
The issue is Blue. She is still skittish. Sometimes I can’t figure out if she is trying to hide that she feels it too, or she doesn’t want to let me down. Or is pissed that I’m on the verge of breaking that promise.
In my head, we’re casual. The ink on my divorce is barely dry. Even if Lauren and I have been separated for almost eight months now. Is that still too soon to jump into something new?
I will not talk about this with friends or family. That’s not a guy thing. Asking for advice about my love life isn’t happening. Not when I’ve been so closed off about the divorce.
Something changed between us at the bar a couple of weeks ago. When we went to my friend’s gallery, after the initial tiptoeing around one another, Blue relaxed. Once she did that, I could too. We had a great day. Watching Blue looking at the photographs in the gallery was a beautiful thing.
She even bought two of his pieces for the bar. We might come from different backgrounds and there are plenty of people in my family who would look down on her, but I don’t care about that.
I’m happy, for the first time in months. She matters to me. I care about her. She makes me feel things I haven’t felt in years. The way she looks at me, the ease with which we get on, not to mention the chemistry in and out of bed, it’s all adding up to something more.
She arrives for dinner at my place at seven on the dot. One thing about her I’ve come to appreciate is her need for punctuality. She hates being late, or having to wait for others who are.
My eyes sweep over her standing on the doorstep in a dress. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in one. It’s a toss up in my mind over whether I want to take her out and show her off or lock her up inside my apartment where no one else will see her. Because she looks stunning. I’m speechless.
In typical Blue fashion, she rolls, her eyes and walks around me into the house. I love she is comfortable enough to do that. I’ve only ever lived alone in this house. Seeing her walk straight to the bar to get us both a drink, without having to ask, only solidifies what I’m trying to hide.
I take the offered glass of wine and lean in to kiss her. “You look beautiful.”
“You could have made an effort,” she smirks. I’m wearing smart jeans and a polo shirt. It’s not exactly the sweatpants or shorts I’m usually wearing at home. Her hand comes up to toy with the collar of my shirt.
Taking hold of her wrist, I pull her a little closer. “I slaved in the kitchen for hours, don’t make me skip it.”
“Is that an option,” she takes a sip of her wine.
“Not until dessert.”
She bites her lip. I let her go before I get carried away and throw her down on the couch, inching up that skirt to find out what is beneath it. Blue follows me into the kitchen and takes a seat while I finish the final touches to our meal.
We chat about our day and then move over to the dining table to eat. The conversation flows, we never have a moment of being uncomfortable with one another.
“So tomorrow I have to go to the brewery in Clarendon Hills.”
“That’s where you grew up, right?”
She nods. “It’s about an hour out of the city.”
“I’ve never been but I’ve heard of it. Isn’t the Waterfall Glen Forest near there.”
“Yeah, it’s close to the brewery. It’s beautiful at this time of year. We used to sneak in and go swimming in the falls when we were kids.”
“Who is we?”
“My cousins and brother. Some of our friends from high school.”
“Boyfriends?” I lift a brow. I don’t enjoy thinking about her with other guys but a high school boyfriend can get a pass. My head is now filled with images of a soaking wet, naked Blue under a waterfall.
“Maybe,” she looks at me like she can see exactly what I’m thinking about.
Then her look becomes more apprehensive, and she pinches the small area of skin between her thumb and forefinger. I’m about to ask what is wrong when her question comes out in a rush, barely pausing for breath.
“Do you want to come? I mean, you’re probably working but I’ll be checking out a new blend of the 312 and I know how much you like the beer.”
“Yes. I’d love to.” There is no need to think about it.
Blue sits back in her chair, looking as if she can’t believe she asked, and is even more surprised I agreed. Panic sets in and she looks like she wants to take it back.
“Hey,” I lean over and take her hand to stop her causing any more damage to the already red skin between her fingers. “What’s going on with you?”
Her muscles are locked tight and her eyes dart away from me.
“Blue,” I move closer and touch her cheek. “It’s okay. I promised, remember?”
She blinks hard and lets out a quick breath, inhaling deeply and then blowing it out.
“Yeah, you did,” she nods, as if reaffirming her words.
It hurts, but it’s what she needs to hear. All I want to do is ask who hurt her because right now, I want to break their fucking neck. She pulls her hand from mine and clasps them in her lap, looking down.
“Are you sure you want me to go with you?”
“Yes,” she huffs out a laugh. “I’m just… Things are different.”
“From what?”
“From before, when I told you that.”
“When you told me not to fall in love with you?” I ask.
Her eyes meet mine. She searches them for any kind of amusement or hint that I think she’s crazy for asking the question. She won’t find it. If anything, she will see my determination to help her. I’ve gone at her pace. I’ve kept my growing feelings to myself for this very reason.
“I’ve been hurt,” she says quietly. “I don’t want to get attached. The last man I gave it to broke my heart so badly, I’ve never been able to mend it.”
I let that sink in. I’d suspected as much. Whoever this prick was, it isn’t me. I know what it feels like to lose someone you loved. It’s different, sure but the pain of being cheated on hurts no matter where you are in your relationship.
“Are you worried that what we’re doing is changing?”
Her brow furrows as she thinks about it. “Maybe, just a bit,” she holds up her finger and thumb to show how small the concern is. Her lip twitches to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t hide everything.
“We’ve both been through some shit,” I tell her. “Neither of us want to go into detail, and I’m good with that. But neither one of us, is that other person. All anyone can do in relationships, is decide if they want to take a chance, Blue. You made it clear from the start what you wanted.”
Her shoulders hunch a little and she averts her eyes. Jesus, he really messed her up. Usually she’s so confident, a little sassy, there is none of that here now.
“I’ve made this weird,” she says.
“It was already weird. I’ve never had someone ask me to promise not to fall for them after one night together.”
“Yeah well, you’d never met someone like me before,” she quips. A little of her is coming back.
“It’s a natural process, not something anyone can control. Just think of it that way and ease into it slowly. Whatever happens, happens.”
“Life doesn’t work like that,” she frowns.
“Sometimes it does. Sometimes things happen the way you least expect them to.”
“I don’t believe in soulmates. People can go through life never find that one true love.”
“That’s true,” I answer. She’s said this once before. It’s so ingrained in her mind.
“Or they can have their heart so badly bruised they’re afraid to…” she trails off.
“Hey, I’m not asking for a label. There is no pressure from me to do something you’re not comfortable with okay?”
“I see it, Daniel. It’s happened before.”
“And what did you do?” I ask, inching back slightly. I’m not sure I want to hear her say it, because I already know the answer. She broke off whatever it was.
“You make it harder to walk away.” It’s not an answer, but it is a roundabout explanation. The best I’m going to get, I suspect.
“I didn’t plan for that to happen.”
She laughs and some of the tension in my chest eases, but this is still precarious. I don’t want her to walk out of here being unsure, or scared. Yet, I can’t force her into anything she doesn’t want to do.
Regardless of how I feel. Putting pressure on her will only make her run away faster.
“Do you still want me to go to the brewery with you?”
My breath stops as I wait for her to answer. It’s going to be painful if she says no. We both know it.
Then she says three little words that change everything.
“Yeah. I do.”