Chapter 12
They sat opposite each other at the table in the barely lit room, Georgiana sleeping a few feet away in the next chamber, both slightly embarrassed but too exhausted to be concerned.
“I shall only stay for a moment. I ought not to be here, and I do not want to trouble you for long. Has Georgiana been asleep for some time? I imagine she was exhausted.”
“No, she has not been asleep for long. She needed some time to comprehend all that had happened, to gather a little calm and tranquillity. You look exhausted too, Mr Darcy. You should rest.”
“So do you. Before anything else, I must tell you that I have never met a woman more obstinate and persistent,” he said in earnest. “Nor have I ever felt so much admiration or gratitude for anyone else, Miss Bennet,” he continued, while her heart was racing.
“Is that a compliment or a criticism, Mr Darcy?” she said with a trace of teasing in her voice, trying as was her habit to cover her emotions with a joke.
“Both, Miss Bennet. When I arrived at the inn…actually, I had met Mr Gardiner earlier, after we had both checked as many inns and guesthouses as we could, and we knew there were only two more places at which to enquire. I was stunned to see Tom there, and when he told me you were upstairs, fighting with Wickham, my anger just flared up. I lost my temper, and I ran to the room. I must confess I feared the worst. Then I heard you arguing with Wickham, your words penetrating my rage, and the fright turned into admiration.”
His praise, spoken in his earnest and honest voice, and his words, less restrained than in other circumstances, unguarded, matching the serious expression on his face, caused her pleasant nervousness and thrills.
“I confess I was so angry and appalled by Wickham’s insolence that I barely remember what I said,” she admitted. “I had arrived there some moments earlier and spent the time talking to Georgiana, and when he appeared…upon my word, I was ready to actually fight with him.”
“I believe you would have,” he smiled. “I dare say courage and a little anger suits you well, Miss Bennet. I am more inclined to appreciate it when it is not directed at me.”
His small smile remained, and the slightly upturned corners of his lips pressed together softened his features. But it was his eyes, his gaze, that made her shiver.
“I am glad you are in better spirits now and willing to tease, Mr Darcy. But you should eat — you are yet to touch anything on the trays, and you said you were starving,” she replied, hoping the thrills would not affect her voice too.
“I shall eat. Perhaps later on, in my room, after a drink. For now, I am satisfied with the company. But please, you may eat if you wish.”
“The company is enough for me too, for now…” she admitted shyly.
A little pause followed, allowing the voices from outside to enter through the window.
“Shall we not return home tomorrow?” Instantly realising what she had said, she felt her face burning. “I mean to Pemberley? My uncle said you still have unfinished business with Mr Wickham?”
“Yes…I must be certain I have found the best way to deal with him, to silence any rumours and avoid unforeseen problems.”
“Georgiana was afraid you might hurt him.”
“It is a wonder I did not. I congratulate myself on my excellent self-control. He is a miserable human being, I am sorry to say.”
“Do not be sorry. He is even worse than that. He designed and planned the entire scheme carefully, taking advantage of Georgiana’s kindness and credulity. There is something Georgiana told me…” She started to speak, then stopped, uncertain whether it was wise to proceed.
“Yes?” he gently encouraged her, curious but disquieted, and she was too tired to find excuses to change the subject.
“Georgiana noticed that you were somewhat preoccupied and even out of spirits when you returned from Hertfordshire, then even worse when you returned from Kent…She truly believed you were upset with her, disappointed with her after last year’s troubles…
and that it would be better for you if she had her own life.
She wrote to Wickham, and he abused her trust, planning how to use her torment for his own benefit. ”
The hurt and sadness clouded his expression again, and his eyebrows furrowed.
“But how? Why would she think that? I was never upset or disappointed with her, I thought I had been clear on that matter! And Wickham, the bloody useless dastard! In the end, I was right — I am indeed to blame, it was all my fault!” he concluded, shaking his head.
She stretched her hands over the small table and grasped his.
“It was not your fault! Let us not speak of it tonight. All is well now.”
He was surprised by her gesture for an instant and searched her eyes, then his hands slowly turned, allowing hers to rest in his palms.
“We should rest and think more clearly tomorrow. Know that there are no other urgent reasons for distress now. Georgiana told me that…she had not…he did not…they were not…” She swallowed, blushing furiously at having to speak about this but determined he would not suffer from imagining things were any worse.
“It seems there will be no consequences of this elopement. She said Wickham behaved in a very gentlemanlike manner, and nothing improper happened…”
Her cheeks were burning at her audacity in addressing such a subject to him in the middle of the night.
He nodded, slightly tightening his hands around hers, and replied, “Thank you for telling me. He also told me as much, but I am glad I have not only his word on this matter. It is a comfort to know she is unharmed and will not have to suffer more consequences. I am lost as to how to do…it pains me to realise how little I understand my sister and how poorly I have shown her my affection.”
“It was only a deep and painful misunderstanding. We both know too well the reason for your low spirits, at least after Kent. I could blame myself too. But Mr Darcy, let us stop this unnecessary torment. We cannot change it now, and it has been enough for today. Let us get some rest, what say you?”
“You are correct, of course. Tomorrow, we have another difficult day ahead, then several more days on the road. I shall settle things with Wickham tomorrow — Mr Gardiner will be my witness.”
“I am sure you will fix everything, and solve any problems,” Elizabeth smiled. “Everyone says as much about you, and now I can attest to it myself.”
She was trying to lighten his mood, but he tightened his grip on her hands again, and his thumbs gently brushed over her knuckles.
“I was able to solve everything because you were by my side, Miss Bennet. I have you to support me, to guard me, to temper me, to show me the direction when I missed it. I have never felt so complete, so confident, so trusting as I am in your presence. I was so fortunate to have you…here, with me, I mean. And so was Georgiana. Your absence will be painful to bear…” he confessed in a voice turned suddenly throatier and hesitant.
The emotions made her speak with difficulty, breathe with difficulty, and all her senses gathered at that spot where his hands were clasping hers and his fingers were caressing hers.
“Mr Darcy, I am not going anywhere, sir. At least not yet. I am glad I could be of help. And I am fortunate to be here, too. With you, for you and Georgiana…”
He lifted their joined hands to his lips, and in silence, slowly, almost reverently, he placed a kiss on each of them.
She sighed but did not withdraw. Then, he turned her hands, and his lips rested on the interior of her wrists for another moment.
Brief, gentle, sweet, as soft as the summer breeze.
And then, his eyes rose and met hers again. “It is very late. I should leave you to rest now. Good night, Miss Bennet.”
“Good night, Mr Darcy,” she whispered as he gently released her hands and left the room, with one last long, serious glance at her.
As the door closed, her fingers already missed his caresses, and the delicate skin where he had placed his lips tingled.
Blushing, amazed at what she was about to do but thrilled at the almost forbidden sensation, she slowly touched her own lips to where his had been, and understood how right he was: to her, his absence was already painful to bear.