Chapter 13 #3
Mr and Mrs Gardiner went to make their farewells to their relatives and friends in Lambton, while Elizabeth remained at home with Georgiana and Darcy.
“Miss Bennet, is there anything in particular that you would like to do before your uncle and aunt return?” Darcy enquired.
She watched him, thinking that she might not see him again for a long while, and her heart became even heavier.
“Nothing in particular…” she whispered, then corrected herself. “Yes, there is something. I would like to take a last tour around the grounds. Just a last walk and a last view of the house…”
“I trust it will not be either the last tour or the last walk at Pemberley,” Darcy answered. “But yes, a walk would be perfect, especially in this pleasant weather. And if we do not impose, if you do not wish for solitary contemplation, we would be happy to accompany you, would we not, Georgiana?”
“Of course not! I mean — not the last tour! You have to promise you will come back! But yes, a walk would be lovely,” the girl replied, somehow uneasy.
“Only…to be honest, I have a slight headache and my back also hurts a little…no, do not worry, it is nothing but a little indisposition…not uncommon,” she blushed, beseeching Elizabeth with her eyes to understand.
“It will pass by dinner, I am sure. Elizabeth, would you mind? Fitzwilliam will keep you company…”
Although perfectly acceptable as an excuse, it seemed more a little scheme attempted by Georgiana to give them some moments together, but if it was so, neither was opposed to it.
“Of course I do not mind, but are you sure it is just an indisposition?”
“Yes, absolutely sure. I shall be perfectly well by the time you return.”
“Very well then,” Darcy concluded. “Miss Bennet, you will have to be content with my company only. I hope it will not be too tiresome.”
“You should not be worried in that respect, Mr Darcy. Tiresome is the last word I would use to describe your company,” Elizabeth answered with a trace of playfulness in her voice, while her heart pounded with nervous anticipation.
Although she was by now well accustomed to the grounds and knew all the paths, Elizabeth was thrilled to allow Darcy to lead her.
They parted with Georgiana after reassuring themselves again that the girl would be well, and crossed the courtyard, walking side by side, their hands almost touching in the motion. Almost.
Facing the body of water, they turned left and reached the long flight of steps that climbed from the front of the manor up along the gardens, to the greenhouse, and further on.
With each step, each moment, their hearts — unbeknownst to the other — raced equally wildly but in perfect harmony.
The quiet beauty, the soft breeze, the music it played within the trees, the sun shimmering over the water, the slowly dawning awareness of their complete privacy, the tingling on their skin at their almost touching hands made their closeness become more and more thrilling and overwhelming.
Maybe if they felt less, they would have talked more. As it was, while their emotions grew stronger, their words grew scarce, until the silence needed to be broken and sentiments finally expressed.
“This is so beautiful. I know I keep repeating it, but it simply takes my breath away,” Elizabeth said, glancing around.
From the long flight of steps, leaving the orangery on their left, they turned right onto the grass, through a small grove, towards the bridge and further along the small natural course of water, to a slightly higher point which offered a stunning view over the lake and the house.
“My uncle tells me you will conduct some business affairs together in the future,” Elizabeth continued.
“Yes. Besides my esteem for him, I have come to know Mr Gardiner well enough. He is a wise tradesman, with keen knowledge of the law too. Such a partner is difficult to find, therefore more valuable.”
“He feels fortunate and honoured to work with you, too. That means you will meet in London as well,” she added wistfully.
“Yes…I shall have to go to London anyway, there are still many details to be settled in regard to Wickham. I also need to speak to my cousin, to visit my uncle and aunt, as well as Lady Catherine. And I absolutely must visit Bingley too — he has insisted so much that I cannot refuse him.”
“I am surprised his sisters joined him at Netherfield, after all,” Elizabeth said.
“So am I, but I suspect both Bingley and Hurst have become more determined and less compliant lately, which I call a long-overdue improvement.”
“I could not agree more. Does this mean…shall we have the opportunity to see you in Hertfordshire too?”
“Certainly. I hope to have the chance to become better acquainted with your father. Sadly, I missed the chance while living there last autumn.”
“I am sure my father would like that very much too. My uncle wrote to him about your library and about the fishing parties, so I suspect you are already one of his very few favourite people,” Elizabeth quipped feebly.
She was in too low spirits knowing she would leave the next day.
The joy of seeing her home and her family was heavily clouded by the sadness of leaving Pemberley.
“I cannot believe you leave tomorrow,” he said, like he was able to read her mind.
“Indeed. I cannot believe almost three weeks have passed so quickly.”
“Has it been only three weeks? It feels like you have been here for months, Miss Bennet. Or for a lifetime.”
“True… When we came to Derbyshire, I did not imagine we would spend more than a few hours visiting Pemberley. To be honest, I tried to avoid it entirely, as I felt I would not be welcome here, and deservedly so.”
“Three weeks ago, I could not imagine that you would want to be at Pemberley at all,” he admitted his own misgivings. “Three weeks as long and eventful as a lifetime…”
A few more steps were taken in silence, and then he suddenly stopped, facing her. She stopped too, only inches from him.
“Miss Bennet, I can no longer be silent,” he said precipitately. “First of all, please allow me to tell you again how grateful I am for everything you have done for my sister. I dread to imagine how things would have unfolded without you. And I fear to imagine how it will be after you leave.”
“Mr Darcy, I assure you — again — there is no need for gratitude. You give me too much credit, sir. I am sure you would have settled everything properly even by yourself. You always do.”
“I always do, but I have been wrong too often lately, in matters which have drastically affected the lives of people I care for. To know that not once, but twice I have failed in my duties to Georgiana and left her in the power of that scoundrel. It was you who helped me plan her rescue, who persuaded her to come back home, dealt with that despicable piece of — I can only imagine how distasteful it was for you! — and afterwards consoled her and have been a friend to her… More than a friend — the sister she always wanted. All this after I so rudely offended your sisters, and I almost ruined the happiness of your most beloved one. You repaid my arrogance and disdain with so much kindness and generosity…”
He looked so anxious to speak, so burdened with guilt and remorse, that he missed Elizabeth’s embarrassment and deep blushing. She tried to interrupt, but he continued.
“I have to thank you on behalf of myself, my sister, and every member of my family whose name could have been tainted by the scandal. If they knew, if they were aware, they would thank you too. As it is, I can only convey the feelings of my sister and I…to you and your uncle and aunt, of course, to whom I shall also be forever grateful. When I think how disdainfully I spoke of them less than a year ago… You forgave my unforgivable rudeness and have done so much while I deserved so little.”
She finally felt composed enough to interrupt him.
“Mr Darcy, your family has nothing to thank us for. My uncle and aunt simply acted as their character induced them to. They are good, honourable people, and if you misjudged them before you met them, since they arrived at Pemberley, it has been you who showed them kindness and generosity first. You have long remedied your past wrongs, sir, in regard to them and to my sisters.”
“I hope that is true…”
“It is. It was you who forgave my unforgivable behaviour by welcoming me and my relatives to Pemberley. As for myself, I only thought of Georgiana…and of you. Seeing you that morning in the library, so completely devastated, made me wish to take your grief away. Nobody’s sadness has ever touched my heart so deeply. ”
“Nobody’s company and support has given me so much comfort and strength,” he said.
“I know I am being selfish, but I cannot help but wonder how I shall bear your absence. I have become so accustomed to greeting you every morning, having you close every day, having the privilege of seeing your smiles, hearing your laughter, seeing you with Georgiana, or simply knowing that you are within the same house as I, that I already dread the moment when I shall miss it.”
“I shall miss Pemberley too. And you and Georgiana, of course,” she admitted, trying not to allow the emotion in her soul to alter her voice.
“Georgiana already asked me when we would meet again. If only Hertfordshire was closer to Derbyshire, I could visit more often,” she concluded as a little joke. “Sadly, we cannot move either county.”
“We cannot, indeed,” Darcy replied with earnestness and gravity. But…”
He paused for a moment, then took a deep breath as though he was inhaling the courage to continue. When he did, his voice was slightly trembling with emotions he could not control.
“Miss Bennet, for many days now I have been torn between speaking my mind and protecting your comfort. I do not wish to force you to listen to my words while you are my guest, or to accept my confession out of pity or obligation. As such, I shall rely — again — on your strength and honesty. I know you are too generous to trifle with me. I know your feelings have changed since last April, but to what extent, I cannot be sure. My feelings and wishes are unchanged — no, that is not true — they are deeper and stronger. But what you desire is more important to me. If you only wish to remain friends, one word from you will silence me forever on this subject.”
He was relieved to finally unburden his soul, but frightened that his confession might bring back the pain he had just healed from.
She listened to him, hopeful, and he could not be sure whether her crimson face was due to embarrassment or pleasure.
“Regardless, you will always be welcomed at Pemberley, and you will always have my and my sister’s gratitude and esteem,” he ended, struggling to see the answer in her eyes before it was voiced.
“Mr Darcy, I…my feelings have changed so much since last April that for a while even I was not certain of their extent and nature. But now I have no more doubts, and my wishes are clear…”
It was her turn to pause and his to wait fearfully.
“I do not want to be welcomed when I visit Pemberley. I do not want your friendship, your gratitude, or even your esteem, Mr Darcy. I want your ardent admiration and love, and I want you to be certain of mine. I want to learn more about those feelings that could not be repressed. I want to not have to leave Pemberley, or you — so I could never miss you.”
She had no time — and no desire — to reflect on the propriety of her words. She spoke them as they came from her heart and her mind, and rejoiced in the expression of heartfelt delight spread over his handsome face.
He took her hands in his, as he had done before, and placed them on his chest.
“You have them all, Miss Bennet…my beloved Elizabeth. You have my most ardent love and admiration, except my feelings are now completely unrepressed. If it depended on me, I would never allow you to leave Pemberley and my arms. But my happiness is still not free from worries, so I must ask, only to hear the answer from your lips: Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
“I would...I will. Surely you cannot doubt it, Mr Darcy. Not any longer, Fitzwilliam.”
“Not any longer, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth,” he admitted, closing his arms around her.
Although the trees offered them some privacy, they could still be seen from Pemberley’s windows, which did cause the master some restraint in expressing himself as his ardent love tempted him.
However, despite being a gentleman of honour and strong self-control, Mr Darcy claimed — and was happily granted — the first timid, tender, gentle kiss, followed by a few others, less timid, more daring but as tender, until he felt capable of separating from his betrothed.
Sometime later, arm in arm, still intoxicated by the sweet taste of shared love and overwhelmed by their understanding, they walked back towards Pemberley, making plans about how to proceed in revealing their engagement to their families and friends, especially to Mr Bennet, whose blessing they hoped for and sought.