7. A Fucking Disney Princess #2
“Come on, sweetheart, we just saved your life. We’re not out here to hurt you, I promise,” Alex says, trying again, but she’s not listening to him. All she’s seeing is a huge brute who’s just beaten the shit out of another guy.
She just shakes her head and takes a step back. “Just go back the way you came and keep your distance.”
I sigh. This isn’t getting us anywhere and we’re running out of time to find a safe place for the night. I step forward. “Listen—” Before I can get my words out, something black and white flies at my face, squawking.
The fuck? Am I getting attacked by a bloody magpie?
I swat at it with a hand and growl as its talons slice into my cheek. It has be the same magpie that attacked the guy Theo shot. The thing must be rabid or something. I reach for the knife on my hip.
“Ketchup! No! Please don’t hurt her!” the woman shouts, causing my hand to freeze on the handle of my knife.
Ketchup? Her? Is she talking about the fucking bird? The same one that’s trying to claw my eyes out?
The woman curses, and there’s the crinkle of a wrapper. In a blink, the magpie is off me and flies toward the woman. Who now has… Is that a packet of fucking tomato ketchup in her hand? The bird lands on the woman’s arm and pecks at the ketchup packet in her hand.
I stare at them. So not only does she have a well-trained attack dog and a horse that should have bolted the moment bullets started flying but didn’t, but she also has a fucking pet bird?
Who the hell is this woman?
“Well, at least that answers the question of why the bird’s called Ketchup,” Theo mutters beside me, as dumbstruck as I am.
“Are you a fucking Disney princess or something?” I blurt as the woman strokes and coos at the bird.
The woman scoffs. “Fuck no. I don’t sing.” She looks less like she’s about to have a panic attack.
“Hate to break it to you, but I’m pretty sure having three animal sidekicks negates the need for you to sing to be one,” Theo shoots back with a smirk. “So, which one are you? I’m putting my money on Merida from Brave because of the bow.”
“Nah. She’s obviously Fiona from Shrek,” Alex says, happily wading into the princess debate.
The woman gives the former rugby player a sharp look. “Did you just call me an ogre?”
His eyes widen almost comically, and he shakes his head fervently. “No, no. You’re not an ogre. Not at all. I meant Fiona when she’s human, like in the first film,” he says, stumbling over his words. But he needn’t have worried because there’s a devious glint of amusement in the woman’s eyes.
Theo’s the one who spots it first and ends up throwing his head back and laughing. The woman’s lips twitch a moment before they curve into a smirk and Alex breathes a sigh of relief.
“Shit, this princess has claws,” Theo chuckles with a shake of his head.
“Still not a princess,” she deadpans. “And if you keep calling me one, I’ll sic my dog and my bird on you.” By this point, the dog has stopped snarling, and the bird has finished its treat and moved to perch on the saddle of the horse.
I cock an eyebrow. “The same dog and bird you were so terrified of getting hurt that you immediately called them to your side?”
Her jaw clenches and she glares at me. “Fine. Maybe I’ll just shoot you instead.” She grabs her bow and slides an arrow from the quiver at her hip.
“I wouldn’t do that, princess. A bullet is faster than an arrow.”
She growls in frustration and it’s the cutest fucking sound. “Asshole,” she mutters as she slips the arrow back into her quiver and clips the bow to her hip. She’s finally realised we’re not here to hurt her. All it took was for us to have a debate about what kind of princess she was.
What has my life become?
I shake my head. Time to refocus and remember the plan. “Alright, we have about thirty minutes of sunlight left. That gives us just enough time to find and clear a suitable house for the night.”
The guys nod.
“There should be a suitable house at the end of this street since this road follows the green belt,” Theo says as holsters his weapon.
“We’ll go check it out, then.” I keep my rifle in my hands, just in case we get jumped again.
The woman ignores us as she crouches down to scratch her dog behind the ears and reaches out for her dropped knife.
I watch the action, surprised to see that she somehow got her hands on a military-issue K-Bar.
Where the hell did she get that? She stands and slips the knife into a sheath on her hip before grabbing a backpack off the ground.
As soon as she picks it off the ground, she curses as what looks like food spills onto the ground.
“Fucking bastards,” she says as she inspects the slashes in her bag with a frown.
“Come on, princess. We need to move before it gets dark on us.” There’s no way I’m leaving her out here, by herself. Yeah, she may be a liability, but I’d never be able to sleep again if I allowed anything bad to happen to her when I can do something about it.
She shoots me a scowl. “No thanks. I’m good on my own.” She turns to her horse, attaches the bag to its saddle and runs her hands over it.
“It wasn’t a question.”
“Don’t care. Still not going with you.” She doesn’t even look at me.
I grind my teeth as Theo chuckles beside me. Twat. I glare at him, but that doesn’t stop the amusement dancing in his eyes. I growl under my breath and narrow my eyes at the infuriating woman. “You’re coming with us, no ifs, no buts.”
She whirls around, her face mottled with anger as she opens her mouth.
“Do I need to have Alex throw you over his shoulder?” I ask her with a quirked eyebrow before she can speak.
Fire dances in her emerald eyes. “Any of you touch me and I’ll stab you in the dick.” Her hand drops to the knife on her hip.
“None of us are going to touch you, sweetheart, I promise,” Alex says soothingly.
She doesn’t look convinced.
“How about we tell you our names, huh? I’m Alex. The comedian is Theo and the grumpy asshole is Rhys.” He points to us as he tells her our names.
I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m not grumpy, and Theo is not funny enough to be a comedian.”
“You just proved his point,” Theo says with a snort.
I roll my eyes and sigh. “Come on, monkeys, let’s get this circus moving. Same formation as before. Alex, you watch princess over there.”
“I have a name,” she huffs as she grabs the horse’s reins and moves closer to us.
“Sure you do. But you haven’t told us it and until you do, you’re princess.” I don’t know why, but pushing her buttons is the most fun I’ve had in a while, especially when she scrunches her cute nose up in anger like that.
“Ollie. My name’s Ollie,” she says after a moment of glaring at me.
“Hmm, I still prefer princess.” I turn and begin moving down the street. There’s an indignant huff behind me and I have to fight a smile.
Focus, idiot, I scold myself as we move down the street. It’s hard to listen for footsteps with the thud of hooves from Ollie’s horse, so I keep my head on a swivel.
Thankfully, the road is clear and sure enough, there’s a house that sits just off to the side, away from the other houses.
It’s older compared to the rest in the housing estate, but it borders the forested green belt, giving us suitable cover if we need to escape.
There even looks to be a back garden for the horse, since I doubt the princess is going to part with one of her animal sidekicks.
“Alright, this is perfect. Theo, you’re with me. Alex, princess, you stay out here while we clear the place.”
Theo falls in step beside me as Ollie grumbles something behind me, but I don’t pay any attention. My entire focus is on the task at hand; clear and secure the house.