Chapter 19
Enjoy the Show
Olivia
The door closes with a solid thunk, leaving me alone with Alex.
I shift on the bed and glance over at the giant.
He’s staring back at me, a kaleidoscope of emotions on his face; too many for me to identify.
It dawns on me that this is the first time I’ve been left completely alone with one of the guys.
Privacy is scarce on the road, especially with both the living and the walking corpses wanting you dead.
Still, it’s a strange feeling, especially with this weird tension between the four of us.
I want to say that it’s come out of nowhere, but I’d be lying.
It’s always been there, simmering beneath the surface.
Only it seems me asking Theo to be my fake boyfriend has brought that tension to the surface.
Are the other two guys pissed I asked him and not them?
Is that why Alex is looking at me strangely?
I dismiss the thought with an internal snort.
There’s no way one of these guys—let alone all three of them—would be interested in me like that.
They’re probably just pissed that I sprung it up on them or that it’s inconvenient.
Besides, it’s not like I’m interested in them like that either.
What kind of slut would that make me if I didn’t want just one, but all three of them?
One that’s lying to herself, my mind whispers unhelpfully. Ugh.
I slide off the bed and stand. “I’m going to grab a shower,” I declare to the room and go to step toward the en suite before pausing. “The shower works here, right?”
Alex blinks and shakes himself. “Yeah, there’s running water, but the hot water isn’t great. Expect a tepid shower.”
I shrug. “Better than nothing.” Especially after having to wash in freezing cold rivers and streams for the past ten days. Shit like this reminds me of just how good I had it at my small cottage in the middle of bum fuck nowhere.
Although I’m still not feeling homesick like I should. In fact, I’d trade my warm shower and comfy bed for the life I currently have. One filled with danger, adventure, and the three men burrowing deep under my skin.
One of which is sitting on the bed, looking fucking delectable with his black T-shirt stretched tight over his broad shoulders, thick chest and bulging biceps.
I wonder how good those muscles would feel against my naked flesh as he pinned me against the wall with my legs wrapped around his waist while he drives his cock…
Fuck. Shower, now!
I tear my gaze away from him, shake away my dirty thoughts, and hurry to the bathroom.
I grab my rucksack on the way before shutting the door between myself and my inevitable heartbreak.
Because that’s what will happen if I fuck Alex, or any of them.
I’ll get attached, they’ll realise I’m broken and not good enough for them and they’ll leave. Just like every man before them.
With the flames of my arousal doused by those cheery thoughts, I shower and change into clean clothes.
I then take advantage of the tub to wash my dirty clothes before hanging them on the clothes horse that every hotel just seems to have.
By the time I step out of the bathroom, I’m exhausted and ready to collapse onto the bed.
Alex is sitting right where I left him, still lost in thought as he stares at the ugly carpet beneath our feet with a frown on his face.
“Hey, bathroom’s free,” I tell him as I pad over to the other bed.
He grunts but doesn’t move.
My brow furrows as I sit on the bed and look at him. “Everything okay?” Something big must be bothering him because he’s usually pretty friendly and talkative.
His baby blue eyes bounce from the floor to me and then back down again. “Yeah, fine.”
I cock an eyebrow. “That’s the least fine fine I’ve ever heard.”
He just grunts again.
“Is there a reason you’re trying to channel your inner Rhys?” I wait for him to react, but he doesn’t. Not even a lip twitch. Damn. Something must really be bugging him.
I should leave it alone. Nothing good will come from me entrenching myself deeper with these men, but I hate seeing Alex like this. The usual spark is gone from his eyes and he looks fucking miserable.
Dammit. I shift on the bed and move closer until I’m able to take one of his hands in mine. “Alex, you can talk to me.”
He frowns down at our joined hands and for a moment, I wonder if he’s going to snatch it back. But he doesn’t and looks up to meet my eyes. “Why did you choose him?”
I blink. “Choose him?” That’s not where I thought this was going to go.
“You chose Theo over Rhys and me.”
Ah, fuck. This isn’t a conversation I want to have, even though I knew it was coming the second I asked Theo.
“Do you like him more than me and Rhys? Is that it?”
I wince at the hurt in his voice. “No, Alex. It’s not like that.” And it’s then that I realise how fucked I am. I’m developing feelings for all three of them. Which is the opposite of what I want because if I can’t handle one man breaking my heart, three will obliterate me.
Especially if they expect me to choose.
“What’s it like then, Ollie? Because from where I’m sitting, you trusted Theo over me.”
“It’s just pretend. A fake relationship that will end the moment we leave this place. It means nothing.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Why him?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. He was just there, and I figured he’d be the least likely to ask questions and just go with it.”
Alex eyes me, almost like he’s trying to sniff out the nonexistent lie in my words. “It’s not because you want him?”
“No. I only like him as a friend.” Lie. “In fact, I value all three of you as my friends.” Another lie.
“I see.” There’s a pause. “And if I want more than friendship?”
This conversation is quickly skirting into dangerous territory.
“Then I can’t help you.” The words taste like ash in my mouth, but it’s for the best. It won’t end well for any of us if we go down that road, so I’m stopping it before any of us get hurt.
Alex, however, doesn’t take the hint and leans forward, his blue eyes intent on mine. “Why not? Do you not want me? Is that it? Because I don’t believe you. I’ve seen how you look at me, Ollie. You want me just as much as I want you.”
My eyes widen. “You don’t want me. You don’t even know me.”
He leans closer, his gaze intent on mine. “I know enough. I know that you’re strong—stronger than you think—and so damn kind and loyal. You don’t take anyone’s bullshit and you’re brave as hell. You single-handedly saved Rhys and Theo using that beautiful brain of yours.”
I shake my head as he speaks. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do, Ollie. I really bloody do. You’re one of the best people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.”
But he can’t mean that. He doesn’t really know me or he wouldn’t want me. And once he finds out how broken I am, he’ll leave, just like everyone else. And then I’ll be alone, with a shattered and bleeding heart. I won’t go through that again and I refuse to be hurt again.
I try to slip my hand from his, but his grip tightens. “Ollie, whatever you’re thinking, stop.”
I shake my head again and stare at our hands as unshed tears sting the corner of my eyes. “You don’t understand,” I say in a soft, almost broken whisper. “I’m not—” Good enough. “Who you think I am. That person you describe doesn’t exist.”
Alex places a finger beneath my chin and forces my head up. My skin tingles at his touch. “I see you, Ollie. You are definitely that person and more. I’ve only just scratched the surface of who you are as a person, and I like what I see.”
God, why did he have to be such a smooth talker? And so goddamn handsome. Fuck! I can feel my resolve crumbling like a wet paper bag, so I cling to one last thing. “This won’t work, Alex. Us being together, it just won’t, and you’ll regret it when it ends.”
His hold tightens on my chin. “If it ends,” he says in a stern voice. “And I disagree. The only thing I’ll regret is not taking a chance.”
Before I can react, he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine. It’s a quick, chaste kiss, but damn, does it light my body up like a Christmas tree. Goosebumps explode across my skin and my breath catches in my throat as I stare at him in shock.
He leans back just enough to look into my eyes, amusement and satisfaction clear on his face. “There’s more where that came from. I’m going to convince you that this’ll work, Ollie, and there’s nothing you can do. Unless you tell me you don’t want me, I’m not going to stop until you’re mine.”
Fuck. That shouldn’t be as hot as it is. I should lie and tell him I don’t want him. That I don’t feel anything but friendship toward him, but my stupid mouth won’t work and my brain is a jumbled mess.
His expression turns smug. “That’s what I thought.” He releases my chin and my hand and stands. “I’m going for a shower. Yell if you need anything.” With that, he grabs his bag and disappears into the bathroom, leaving me to gape after him.
He scrambled my brain and demolished the walls I spent the past year erecting with only the barest of kisses.
Shit. I’m so fucking screwed.
My eyes snap open as the screeching of metal and high-pitched screams of my nightmare echo in my ears.
My damp hair sticks against my face and neck, as my heart slams against my chest and my breaths come out in pants.
In the dark hotel room, the images of my nightmare linger in the corner of my mind.
Metal bent and twisted. Bright red blood splattered against grass and cream leather seats.
My mum’s head hanging at a sickening angel in the front seat.
My dad’s body barely visible beneath the glass, crumpled metal and plastic.
A hand so rotted that the flesh sloughs from bloodied bones as it reaches toward me.
I swallow hard and shudder as I force those images from my mind and focus on slowing my heart rate and breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Over and over until I’m no longer a trembling, panting mess.