Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
“ P lease stop looking at me like that.” She lifted a hand to shield her face and sank lower into her seat. “Come on, you know I’ve got work to do.”
Jewel blinked and tilted her head to the side.
Charlotte stopped typing and sighed. “All right, fine. Five minutes of love, but after that, I really do have to work. Unless you want to prepare my lesson plans for me.”
Jewel meowed.
Charlotte threw her hands up. “All right, all right. There’s no need to take that tone with me. Come on.”
When she held her hand out, Jewel sniffed it and then rubbed her head against Charlotte’s outstretched palm. Charlotte scratched Jewel behind her ears, and she made a low purring sound. She smiled when Jewel shifted and jumped into her lap. After kneading with her paws, Jewel curled into a ball and sat there, purring contentedly.
“Who needs lesson planning anyway?” Charlotte ran her hands along Jewel’s fur and used her free hand to rub her face. “Not me. No, siree. I’d much rather be here patting you, little cutie.”
Jewel meowed again, louder this time.
Charlotte continued to stroke her fur. “Tell me about it. Lesson plans rarely work out in real life, you know. Because the kids always have their own ideas. But it’s policy, so here we are.”
And here she was, talking to a cat on a Friday night.
A part of her knew she should be somewhere, grabbing a few drinks with Addison. She even imagined the two of them in a crowded movie theater, sharing a large tub of popcorn.
With a sigh, she realized the image of Addison had been replaced with one of Patrick, using one hand to stuff popcorn into his face and using the other to hold her hand.
Why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?
They’d been friends for years, and that moment in the hallway was nothing. Not only was she reading too much into it, but she also knew Patrick had no interest in her as anything other than a friend and a colleague. In all of the years since she’d known him, he’d never once shown the slightest bit of romantic interest in her.
And he couldn’t possibly be changing his mind now when she was on the precipice of a big decision. A life-changing decision.
What was he thinking?
What was she thinking?
Jewel made a low protesting noise when Charlotte stopped petting her. She stretched her arms over her head as she absentmindedly rummaged through the fridge, when the doorbell rang.
Sighing, she slammed the fridge shut and went to the door. After a quick glance through the peephole revealed a frazzled-looking Savannah, Charlotte undid the latch. Immediately, Savannah came into the apartment and glanced around, skipping over the pile of laundry on the couch and the plastic plants lined up on the windowsill.
She finally swung her gaze back to Charlotte and cleared her throat. “I need your help.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
Savannah blinked and used the sleeve of her sweater to push her hair away. “I didn’t think you were actually going to be here. It’s a Friday night.”
Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “What’s your point?”
Savannah fished her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through it. “Right, yeah. I forgot that you don’t really go out.”
“Other than my social life—”
“Or lack thereof,” Savannah interrupted without preamble.
“—was there another reason you stopped by?”
Savannah glanced back up. “I have an assignment I need you to proofread. I just emailed it to you.”
“You want me to go over it now?”
Savannah shoved her phone back into her pocket and straightened her back. “Do you have something better to do?”
Charlotte pursed her lips. “No, I guess not.”
Since she was ahead with her work, an hour to review an assignment for her sister couldn’t hurt. Even if she could think of better things to do on a Friday night, especially with things still a little tense between them. Charlotte had done her best to scale back the criticism and tough love, but she wasn’t sure Savannah saw it the same way.
Knowing her sister, Savannah was probably still sulking.
She knew how to sulk for days.
“Why don’t you go into my room? I’m going to heat up something to eat and make some tea. Do you want something?”
Savannah’s gaze lingered on the pile of laundry. “Someone really should take care of that.”
“That’s Heather’s pile. She promised to move it. Just don’t look directly at it, and you’ll be fine.” She motioned to the room and offered her sister a pointed look. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Savannah rolled her eyes and stomped into the room.
Charlotte scooped up a handful of leftover Chinese noodles and chicken. She was wrestling with the lid for the salad when Savannah came back into the kitchen, having lost some of the color in her cheeks. With a frown, Charlotte left the container and started the microwave.
“What’s up with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Savannah snatched her hands from behind her back and waved something around. “What’s this?”
Charlotte glanced from her sister to the paper she was still brandishing. “I’m guessing by your reaction that it isn’t your assignment.”
Savannah’s eyes tightened. “I found this in your desk drawer.”
Charlotte stopped breathing when she recognized one of the brochures. “You went through my stuff?”
“I was looking for some printer paper and a highlighter,” Savannah replied with a stiff set of her shoulders. “Anyway, you don’t get to be mad here. I do.”
Charlotte’s mouth fell open. “You go through my stuff, and you’re the one who gets to be mad?”
Savannah slapped the brochure on the counter and shook her head. “You can’t become a surrogate. You haven’t even been in a serious relationship.”
Charlotte’s hands curled into fists at her side. “That has nothing to do with it.”
“You’ve never even talked about wanting to be a mom,” Savannah continued as if she hadn’t heard her. Her voice was climbing higher and higher. “And this isn’t some play you can direct and be done with. It’s a human being.”
Did Savannah really think she didn’t know that?
That she hadn’t spent the past few weeks going over it in her head?
She’d done her research and read every brochure there was to read. She’d even scoured blogs on the internet, all in an effort to better understand what she was getting herself into.
Savannah had no right to just show up and act like she knew better.
How could she?
Charlotte hadn’t made this decision lightly, and the longer she stood there, facing her sister, the person who was supposed to know her better than anyone, the worse she felt. Half of her was tempted to kick Savannah out just because she didn’t want the headache of having to explain herself over and over, but the other half knew it wasn’t going to do any good.
Savannah wasn’t the only person who was going to disapprove, and the sooner Charlotte learned how to deal with the naysayers, the better it was going to be for everyone involved.
She had to stand her ground.
Charlotte pressed her mouth into a thin, white line. “I’m aware of that.”
What had gotten into Savannah, and where did she get off judging her?
“You can’t give up nine months of your life for someone else. I know you’ve been in a funk, but this…this isn’t like you.”
Charlotte stepped out from behind the counter and snatched the brochure away. “This is none of your business. Not that it’s any of your concern, but if I decide to do this, it will be my decision, and it would be for a good cause.”
“Am I the only sane person left in the family?” Savannah followed Charlotte into her room, gesturing the entire time. “Come on, you can’t be serious about this, Char. You don’t know the first thing about motherhood.”
“Neither do you,” Charlotte snapped with a withering look in her direction. “Ever thought about that? I work with kids, so at least I’ve got experience.”
Without waiting for a response, Charlotte shoved her feet into a pair of sneakers and grabbed her purse off the desk. She shoved her way past Savannah, who stood in the doorway to her room, mouth gaping like a fish. Just as Charlotte reached the front door, Savannah snapped to attention and raced toward her.
“Where are you going?”
“Out, unless you’re going to follow me on the street and lecture me there too.” Charlotte drew herself up to her full height and gave her sister a cold look. “Make sure you close the door properly on your way out.”
Color rose up Savannah’s cheeks and neck. “It’s your apartment. I—”
Charlotte cut off the rest of the sentence by slamming the door shut. She spent the entire walk to school clenching and unclenching her hands and muttering to herself. Her phone rang a few times, but she ignored it and tried to calm the racing of her heart. It was still pounding heavily when she reached the school and sat down on a bench opposite the building.
As soon as she did, she sucked in a harsh breath, held it in, and counted backward from ten. On the last number, she exhaled, and some of the knots in her stomach loosened. Charlotte did this a few more times until her hands were no longer in fists and the tightness in her chest had abated.
This wasn’t how she wanted her family to find out, but Savannah was the one who had gone snooping.
And Charlotte had nothing to apologize for.
She hadn’t made her decision yet either way, but she didn’t owe anyone an explanation for how she chose to live her life, and if that meant veering dramatically from the path she was on, so be it.
Everyone else got to try new things and experiment.
Why couldn’t she?
“I thought I recognized you.” Libby materialized in front of Charlotte in her usual knee-length skirt with a tucked-in blouse. She glanced over her shoulder at the school and then back at Charlotte, a furrow appearing between her brows. “Did you get locked out or something?”
Charlotte shook her head. “No, the school is closed on Friday nights. I just needed somewhere to think.”
Libby’s face lit up in understanding, and she shifted, revealing a half-shaped moon hanging low in the sky. Wordlessly, she sat down next to Charlotte on the bench and placed her purse in her lap. She stared straight ahead and didn’t say anything for a while.
Silence stretched between them.
“I like to go to the library when I want to be alone,” Libby said in a soft voice. “I know it’s kind of a cliché, but I find it calming to be surrounded by all of those books. And I love how they smell.”
Charlotte’s heart warmed at the thought of how much they had in common.
“I love the library,” Charlotte replied. “That’s a good place too. I’m not even sure how I ended up here, to be honest. I was just walking around.”
Libby twisted to face her and gave her a gentle smile. “My late husband used to say that you should pay attention to where you go when you’re not really thinking about it. It means that place feels like home.”
Charlotte’s stomach dropped. “I’m sorry about your late husband. You must…you must miss him.”
A shadow settled over Libby’s face. “I do. I don’t even know what he would’ve made of the whole foster thing.”
Charlotte cleared her throat. “What do you mean?”
“We were married for a long time, and I always thought we’d have a family, you know, but the timing was never right, and then, when I did have a baby, and I lost it, I was too afraid to try again. Then Noah died and…I was suddenly all alone, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
Charlotte squeezed her hand, and her chest tightened. “I’m sorry.”
She had no idea how lonely Libby’s life must’ve been in the aftermath of her husband’s loss. Charlotte herself had felt like her life had ended the day her father died, but she’d had her mother and sister to get her through it.
Poor Libby had to face it all alone.
Charlotte admired Libby all the more for it. Especially because she’d come out of it swinging for the fences.
“Working at the fertility clinic is actually what inspired me to start fostering kids,” Libby added in a softer voice. She withdrew her hand, a soft smile playing on her lips. “All those happy families coming together…the miracle of life.”
Charlotte’s heart missed a beat as she considered her next words carefully.
Was she finally ready to bring it up?
Charlotte took a deep breath and glanced away. “What about the surrogates? Have you dealt with a lot of them? Did they seem happy?”
Libby nodded, and her smile grew wider. “Absolutely. They’re some of the bravest and happiest women I know.”
Charlotte glanced back at Libby, a tiny burst of hope and joy taking root inside of her and making her feel warm and tingly in every corner of her body.
Savannah’s words were still ringing in her head as she sat there, taking it all in.
She knew there was a lot more she had to learn about being a surrogate, but she didn’t want her inexperience to get in the way. On the contrary, she could suddenly picture herself as one of the women Libby mentioned, full of life and hope and purpose.
By the time Libby got up to leave, Charlotte was more sure than ever that it was what she wanted to do.