Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
S he patted Mr. Crunchball’s head on her way past. Then, she curled her fingers around the mug of tea and tried to ignore how the brochure stuffed into her sweater felt. It was heavy and awkward as she sat down on the couch and tucked her legs under her. Immediately, Jewel and Mr. Crunchball leaped onto the couch and curled up against each other, purring the entire time.
With a sigh, Charlotte patted them and then leaned sideways to set her cup down. Steam rose and disappeared as she took the brochure out of her sweater and held it up to the light. Outside, the afternoon sun was slowly dying, bathing the world in hues of pink and purple. With her roommates out for the evening and nothing else to do, Charlotte was left to the mercy of her thoughts.
And they had been relentless all morning.
It had been two days since her impromptu visit to the doctor. She’d taken the first available appointment, so she wouldn’t change her mind. But it was Libby, kind and attentive Libby, who had kept her from bolting out the door. She’d spent the entire waiting time with butterflies in her stomach and bile in her throat. In the end, it was Dr. Reese’s arrival that had cinched the deal.
But it was Libby’s warm and steady hand that got her to the door.
Being inside that cold and sterile exam room had been disconcerting, like she’d stepped out of her own body and into someone else’s. She’d been aware of cars driving in the distance, cats howling, and the sound of kids calling out to each other as an ice cream truck raced past. Dr. Reese’s voice had droned on in the background, but Charlotte was ashamed to admit she’d barely listened.
Until Dr. Reese informed her of the series of tests she’d have to undergo just to be considered as a candidate. Most of the tests involved needles and blood, and the thought had brought Charlotte’s thoughts to a crashing halt. Since then, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about herself being poked and prodded for something she was sure no one would support.
Except perhaps Addison.
But even Charlotte had no idea how her friend was going to react.
With a slight shake of her head, Charlotte pushed the thought out of her mind and returned her attention to the brochure and the list of items Dr. Reese had highlighted. Seeing them again made Charlotte’s ears ring and sweat form on the back of her neck. When she found herself sitting in the same position, her chest growing tighter and tighter with panic, she forced herself to stand up.
A short while later, Charlotte stood outside her childhood home, a box of mini sandwiches in hand. She rapped on the door again and paused to press her ear to the wood. There were loud voices inside and the sound of shuffling feet. Then she heard the latch, and her mother appeared in the doorway, hair in rollers on top of her head and a gooey green substance spread onto her face. Grinning, her mom threw the door open the rest of the way and beckoned Charlotte in.
She gave her mother a one-armed hug and left her shoes by the door.
Emily draped an arm over her shoulders and led her into the living room. “Sweetheart, this is a nice surprise, or did I forget we were going to meet up tonight?”
Charlotte shook her head and stopped to leave the box of sandwiches on the kitchen counter. “No, we weren’t. I hope it’s okay that I didn’t call first.”
In the living room, Charlotte peeled off her sweater and draped it over the back of the couch. The TV above the mantelpiece was frozen on an explosion scene, and the snacks on the coffee table looked untouched. Charlotte reached for the closest thing, a licorice stick, and chewed on it.
Emily lowered herself onto the couch and tucked her legs under her. “Of course, it’s okay. You know you’re welcome to come by anytime. It’s still your home.”
Charlotte’s tongue felt heavy. “Thank you.”
“Do you want me to get you some of this face mask? It’s so rejuvenating.”
Charlotte shook her head and stopped chewing on the licorice stick. She linked her fingers together and ignored the uneasy thumping in her chest. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry to interrupt your…whatever this is.”
“It’s a self-care night,” Emily replied with another bright smile. “You really should try it. Oh, what am I saying? You must do this sort of thing all the time.”
Charlotte cleared her throat. “Not really.”
Emily patted the space next to her on the couch and scooched away. “Why don’t you come here and tell me what’s on your mind?”
In one quick move, Charlotte stood up and went over to the brown leather couch. She sat down, leaned sideways against her mom, and immediately felt better. After several long moments, when her heart was no longer racing, Charlotte thought she could finally speak.
“I went to the fertility clinic two days ago,” Charlotte began in a low voice. “I know it seems out of the blue. It caught me by surprise, too, but I’ve been thinking about Addison’s problem, and I wanted to help.”
Emily stroked her hair. “Help her find a surrogate, or what do you mean?”
Charlotte sucked in a harsh breath. “No, I mean, I’m thinking of being Addison and Mason’s surrogate. I know it’s crazy, and I know it’s a big commitment, but it’s been on my mind since she told me, and I just…I can’t shake the feeling that this is something I’m supposed to do.”
Emily stopped stroking her hair and moved to stroking her back. “And what makes you think that?”
“Nothing has felt right since Dad died,” Charlotte admitted, her voice catching toward the end. “It feels like I’ve just been on autopilot, trying to get from one day to the next, and don’t get me wrong, I know I’m lucky…I know I’ve got a good life, and I do love teaching, but I…”
How was she supposed to put it in a way that her mother would understand?
How was Charlotte meant to tell her she didn’t want to feel stuck?
She was terrified of waking up one morning and realizing she’d stumbled into her life rather than chosen it. Teaching had been the lifeline she needed, but years later, she didn’t want to just survive anymore.
She wanted to live.
And for the first time in years, there was something out there, other than her job, that excited her and made her feel like there was more for her to do.
Emily shifted and leaned back to look at her, face half-obscured in the darkness. “You’re ready to try different things.”
Charlotte’s stomach clenched as she sat up. “I’m not even sure I’m a viable candidate. I’m still getting the blood tests done and everything, but I…I really want to be.”
Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought.
She hadn’t realized how much she wanted it to work until right that second.
Her mom reached between them and took both of Charlotte’s hands in hers. “Sweetheart, I think motherhood is a beautiful thing. It also isn’t for everyone, so if you want to help your friend achieve that dream, I think that’s an amazing thing to do.”
Charlotte searched her mom’s face, unease creeping through her. “But?”
“As long as you’re sure this is something that’ll make you happy, that’s all that matters.” Emily held her gaze and didn’t look away. “I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. I wish you’d told me that you felt…stuck.”
“I didn’t know,” Charlotte admitted. “I wasn’t unhappy, Mom. We all need to make decisions to survive, to get from one day to the next, and I think, sometimes, it’s hard to realize that at some point, you have to stop making decisions based on survival.”
Emily’s mouth lifted into a smile. “You’ve always had a soft spot for helping people, for wanting to go above and beyond for them.”
“I haven’t even told Addison yet. I don’t know how she’s going to react.”
Or if she was going to lose her mind.
But something in her bones and her heart told Charlotte it was the right thing to do.
“She’s going to love you even more for offering,” Emily replied in a soft voice. “But will you go through with it if Addison doesn’t want you as her surrogate?”
Charlotte paused and nodded her head slowly. “Yes, I think I will. Addison might be the reason I started all of this, but she’s not the only woman out there who deserves to be a mom.”
There were hundreds of them, and while Charlotte couldn’t imagine doing it for anyone else, she wanted to believe she’d make the right decision.
Emily drew Charlotte into her arms and patted her back. “You’re so much like your dad. He had a big heart too—often too big.”
Charlotte sniffed and hugged her tighter. “I miss him so much sometimes.”
“Me too.” She drew back to look at her, and Emily had tears running down her face, some of the face mask sliding off. “You know he would’ve been incredibly proud of you, right? Just like I am.”
Charlotte’s heart sputtered and then slowed, her lips pulling into a smile. “You don’t think he’d be mad because of how hard I am on Savannah?”
Thinking of his disappointment made her break out into a cold sweat, and it left a bad taste in her mouth.
Even though he was no longer physically present, Charlotte still wanted to live up to her father’s expectations.
Her mother stood and disappeared into the guest bathroom down the hallway. When she emerged, she was patting her face dry with a hand towel. “Your dad knew that you guys were different and you were going to try and help Savannah in the best way you knew. I know your heart is in the right place, sweetheart.”
Charlotte grabbed a handful of popcorn and paused. “I just want her to do better, you know. She can do so much better.”
Emily patted her back again when she sat down. “Your sister is going to be just fine; don’t you worry. You both have your dad’s fighting spirit, and with my stubbornness, there’s no stopping either of you.”
Charlotte’s heart felt lighter as she chuckled. “Exactly.”
Emily’s phone rang, interrupting the moment. She jumped to her feet and frowned at the number. “It’s one of my employees. I’ll be right back.”
Charlotte nodded and waited until her mom disappeared inside to take out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts and stopped at Addison’s name. After a brief hesitation, she dialed her friend, inhaling and exhaling the whole time.
“Hey, where have you been? I was going to send out the National Guard.”
“Sorry, I’ve been dealing with some family and work stuff,” Charlotte replied, running her hand over her face. “But I’d love to tell you all about it during your lunch break tomorrow. Let’s meet up at Coffee Obsession around two?”
“Sounds great. I’ll meet you there.”