Chapter 43
Sadie
I looked at him through the large mirror propped against the wall. One we had utilized the past two nights as he took me in whatever way he pleased, and I to him. I had been sleeping in his room more and more. It was a convenient comfort I was getting used to.
“Meeting Erica at the park,” I said as I fixed the back of my earring. “We’re having a little picnic.”
“Mmm,” he said with a nod as he pulled himself to sit up. He winced slightly.
“Are you okay?” I asked, rushing to his side.
He waved me off. “I’m fine. Just a little sore.”
“Well, don’t get up. Stay,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed and putting my hand on his chest. He settled back into the pillows.
His lip was healing, but the scab from his busted lip was a dried gash. His face bruised. He had taken yesterday off work to avoid any questions about his appearance after his fight with Anderson in the park. I told the office I was working from home so I could tend to his wounds.
“You’ll be careful?” he asked, his brows raised in worry.
“Of course,” I said. “I don’t think Anderson will be messing with me anytime soon. He’s probably still licking his wounds.”
“I wouldn’t mind if you stayed and licked mine,” he said with a sly smile.
I laughed. “You need to rest.”
“That’s not what you said last night.”
I bit my lip and shook my head. He was relentless. It was a wonder I could keep up with him. I thanked the pregnancy hormones. And how sexy he was.
I watched as his eyes fell to my mouth and darkened. I knew exactly what he was thinking and it sent a thrill through me.
“Don’t even think about it,” I said sharply. “I’ll be late.”
He groaned dramatically.
“Just stay in bed. I’ll be back before you know it to ‘tend’ to your wounds.” I put my fingers up in air quotations.
“Fiiiine.” He sighed.
I stood from the bed and leaned down to give him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Have fun,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze.
As I started to walk away, a thought struck me and I turned at the door.
“You’ll meet her soon, right? And Gabriella too?” I asked hopefully.
“Sure,” he said. It was the most unconvincing word I’d heard, but I tried to ignore my heart sinking to my stomach. He still hadn’t met my two best friends. I hadn’t met any of his friends. Or the one he’d mentioned briefly. Kevin. I wondered when we would blend our lives together, if ever.
I gave him a weak smile and slipped out of the room.
On my walk to the park, I was on high alert.
Despite what I told Jeremiah about Anderson, I still didn’t feel entirely safe.
He had found me once before. Twice, even.
I clutched my picnic basket tightly as I wound down the path to the grassy picnic area.
But there was no sign of Anderson, whose black eyes I still couldn’t get out of my head.
I also didn’t really see anyone suspicious around.
Anyone I did see was with their family or on a run.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted Erica sitting on a large, gingham, pale yellow picnic blanket. She waved when she saw me.
“Hi!” I said, kneeling down and setting my picnic basket down before giving her a hug.
“Hi, sweetie! And hi, baby!” she said warmly as she put her hand on my belly.
I laughed softly. “Where’s Josie?” I asked as I began unpacking my picnic basket.
“She’s with Marco having a daddy-daughter day at the zoo.” Erica poured lemonade into two clear plastic cups. “It’s their favorite place. Those cute penguins have had a hold on that girl.”
I smiled, hoping it would hide my thoughts as they wandered to what kind of father Jeremiah would be like to our child.
Would he take him or her to the zoo or to the museum or out to lunch, or would this secret he’d asked me to keep ruin the childhood I’d thought up in my head? What kind of childhood would that be?
“We should call Gabriella,” I said, pulling my phone from my purse.
“Definitely. We are due for a girl chat,” said Erica, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.
I propped the phone up against the picnic basket and dialed Gabriella. A few rings later and her face appeared on the screen, fresh-faced and smiling from her living room. Her dark hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she was wearing her favorite vintage college tee.
“Hey, girls!” she said excitedly. “What are you doing?”
“We’re having a picnic,” I said, taking a sip of lemonade.
She groaned. “Ugh. Jealous. I would give anything to be there.”
“Just pretend,” said Erica, popping a grape in her mouth as she sat back and embraced the sun that kissed her tan skin.
“Sadie, how is baby?” asked Gabriella.
I placed a hand over my belly, pulling at the flowy sundress I wore, revealing my growing bump. “Good!” I said.
“Ahh, you’re bigger than the last time I saw you. In the cutest way possible, of course.”
“Thanks.” I smiled, settling back on the picnic blanket and grabbing a handful of crackers.
“And how is Jeremiah?” asked Gabriella.
Erica watched me carefully as she quietly chewed on a piece of cheese.
“He’s good,” I said, my voice going up an octave. I knew my friends saw right through me.
Gabriella raised an unconvinced eyebrow.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Things have been good. So good. At least in the last two days.”
“Since he kicked that creep’s ass…” said Erica with a shake of her head.
I had called them both the morning after it had happened and told them the whole awful story. They couldn’t believe it.
“Yeah, but I feel like he’s trying to make my world smaller…” I said hesitantly.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he wants me to quit my job.”
“What?” asked Gabriella in surprise.
“Why?” followed up Erica.
“I don’t know.” I ran my hand through my hair frustratedly. “He thinks it will avoid the scandal of it all. Or at least lessen the blow if I no longer work for him.”
“Okay…but you’ve worked there for years…” Gabriella’s brows furrowed. “What are you supposed to do now?”
“He said he’d take care of me.” I shrugged.
“While you… what? Just live up in his tower all day?”
“I guess. I don’t know. It’s like he wants me all to himself up there. Part of me likes it, though. When it’s just us two in the privacy of his apartment walls, it feels so right. So easy. But I also know I need more than just that.”
“Yeah. And the baby!” said Erica with a confused expression on her face. “Are you all just supposed to stay up there forever? It’s like a fucked-up fairytale.”
I let out a sigh of frustration. “I know. I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, how do you feel about him?” offered Gabriella.
“Like a lovesick idiot.” I laughed softly. “I can’t believe I’m falling for a guy like him.”
Falling was the wrong word. I was pretty sure I had tripped hard and had been in a freefall for a while. Jeremiah just did something to me.
“A handsome billionaire?” laughed Erica.
“It’s not just that,” I said with a small shake of my head. “I’ve never had this intense of a relationship with anyone. It’s up and down. It’s been filled with my life’s highest highs, but also its lowest lows. And I didn’t think it could get much lower after the last relationship.”
I laughed at myself. “I don’t even know if this is a relationship. I care about Jeremiah. Deeply. Uncontrollably. He has this quiet intensity about him, but he’s also warm and playful. He takes care of me. I mean, he freaking took that creep out. I know he would do anything to protect me.”
“But how many times have you called me crying?” asked Gabriella warily.
“I know. We’re a mess.” I ran my hands down my cheeks frustratedly. “It’s like I’m meant for messy relationships. You guys saw what happened with Nick.”
“Asshole,” Erica muttered under her breath.
“Exactly,” I agreed. “We were messy. Toxic. But this thing with Jeremiah is different.”
“How?” asked Gabriella.
“With Nick, he was a liar. A cheat. But I was so afraid of starting over with someone new, that I ignored what was right in front of me. I dug my heels in and tried to make it work.”
I sighed.
“Maybe I’m doing the same thing with Jeremiah.”
“Jeremiah isn’t Nick,” Erica reminded me.
“And you’re not the same Sadie you used to be,” said Gabriella.
“But Jeremiah does have flaws. A lot of them,” reminded Erica.
I nodded. “But with him, I’m not scared to start over. I’m scared of losing him,” I admitted thoughtfully as I looked down at my cup of lemonade. I blinked back tears.
That was the difference between him and Nick. I loved the idea of Nick and the relationship I wanted us to have. But I was falling in love with Jeremiah.
“Then maybe don’t give up on him just yet,” said Erica with a gentle nudge.
“Things aren’t so black and white anymore,” said Gabriella. “There’s a baby in the picture now. Your baby. His baby, too. He deserves to know his child.”
If he even wanted to.
“I would never keep him away,” I said softly. “I just don’t know if he will ever take the role of being a father wholeheartedly. And because of that, I don’t know if we can continue our relationship. Or whatever we are.”
I got quiet for a moment and looked out across the park. I watched as a set of parents watched their baby girl crawl through the grass, chasing a butterfly. They held hands as their loving gaze followed her every move. My heart ached at how much I wanted that to be Jeremiah and me.
“I think I want more than he can give,” I said, still watching the family. “And I think he wants more than I am willing to give. The pressure to be what he wants is too much. Maybe I’m just not his person…”
The thought broke my heart.
“You have to tell him that,” said Erica softly, putting her hand on my shoulder.
“Just talk things out, okay?” said Gabriella.
I nodded and took another sip of lemonade. I let out a long breath and plastered a smile on my face.
“Enough about me,” I said with a shake of my head. “What’s going on with you, Gabby?”
A slow smile spread across her lips as she looked at me and Erica.
“What?” asked Erica suspiciously.
“I may have some news…” she teased.
My heart did a flip, wondering what it could be. Gabriella stayed quiet, the smile still on her lips. She was enjoying taunting us.
“What?” I asked loudly, wanting to shake it out of her through the phone.
“I’m moving to the Big Apple, baby!” she yelled.
Erica and I squealed loudly and clung to each other as we celebrated the news. We would all be together soon. It was the silver lining to my life on this cloudless day.